Dreams Die Hard

Hi all. This is a attempt of mine at writeing a fan fic. It was orriginally gonna be a one post short story, but I need some insintive to keep writeing...so I'm possting now. The posts will probly be really short, but I'll try to make them regular.

One warning...this may get confusing, cause I may repost parts with stuff added...if that doesn't make sense...I guess you'll have to try reading this to see what I mean. If it gets too confusing, but you're interested in the story, wait for me to post it in a different thread after it's done. that may be a while in the future, but unless I can't finish this, I will do a repost.

Now...some copywrite stuff... I don't own SW, the JEdi, Obi, Vader, Luke...or anything else that's recognizable. In all likelyness, I'll only own this actually fic. I'm not makeing any money off this..so, Lucas, if you're reading this....don't sue me, ok?

So...that said...let the fic begin.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~********~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dreams die hard.

Mine has crumbled into dust, and still I hold it. Perhaps when the granules are too small to see I will find the strength to let them go.

Anakin was my dream. ....his future was so bright, and now, it has darkened into eternal dismal gloom. But I refuse to give up hope.

My Padawan was taken, stolen from me by a monster. I feel a flash of anger at that monster, but I suppress it. For to give in to it would make me no better than the Sith. As my anger fades it is replaced by a sadness, a deap penetrating sadness. I haven?t been the same since Anakin died. No, he is not dead. I refuse to believe that. He is simply hidden far away in the shell of a man that is Darth Vader.
He was such a sweet, kind little boy, there must be something of that left inside him. Surely Palpitine cannot have destroyed Anakin completly. His firey spirit, his will, and the spark of life that made him who he was couldn?t be beaten down. Not even a cruel and heartless monster like Palpitine could do that. It might be suppressed, hidden away, locked up and chained, but it could not be beaten and destroied. And there must be someone, somewhere, that could bring it back.

Sudenly an image flashes across my mind?s eye, an image of a man, all in black, with a green lightsaber in his hand. He is fighting Darth Vader, and seems to be driving him back. The vision fades, and I am left with disterbing questions. Who is the man in black? Is he a Sith? His attire is certaintly not what I would expect of a Jedi, but why would one Sith be fighting another? I sigh and push the vision away. Soimethieng tells me that, like most visions of the future granted by the Force, it will choose to explain itself in it?s own time. And so I return to my thoughts.

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Edit) Removed some stuff....stupid notes-to-self that I forget to remove when I copy-paste....

 

So this is from Obi's POV? Nice vision with Luke, BTW, yeah, he doesn't look much like a Jedi. (No, I'm not insulting him )

So, more?

 

Woohoo! It has started!

Glad to see this interesting perspective from Obi-wan. Can't wait to see how you continue this.

 

UP!!

 

<falls over laughing> hehehehe....I come to the thread to up it...and you've already done it for me, Rok.

Thanks. And hey...one good up deserves another..right? Soooooo....

UUUUUPPPPPP!!!!!!!!

 

I'm here, willing and able to provide help. My first step will be to advertise a link of this thread from one of mine.

FORWARD push, Loren.

 

Keep going! I for one would like to see more flashbacks on the purge etc from Kenobi's POV. It'll be interesting creative process, I hope!

uppity up.

 

Well, interesting and good start. More, please?

 

Interesting start! I don't usually read stories set after Anakin's fall, but I think I'll make an exception, I'm intrigued. Keep going!

 

Wow! I have readers! Thanks for the support everyone. Now I have another post for you. Hope you all like!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~***************~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Or rather, I try to return to my thoughts. They all seem to be used up, there?s nothing left to think that?s not angry and bitter. I sigh heavily and wish fervently that I could turn back time. Perhaps, if I had done something just a bit different, trained him just a little better, or in a different way, or been a better Master/Father to him..... Perhaps that was my fatal shortcoming. I was never the Father that Anakin needed. I was a moderately good Master, no better or worse than the average, but I?d never been the *Father* that Anakin so desperately needed. Qui-gon could have been a Father, I know, he was my Father.

And once again I blame myself. If I?d only run a bit faster, twirled my saber a bit less, perhaps I would have made it through the laser field before it closed and separated me from my Master. If I?d been there for him, as he had been there for me so many times in the past, Qui-gon would not have died. And if he hadn?t died, *he* would have trained Anakin, and Anakin would not have fallen.

But he did die, and I trained Anakin, and Anakin fell. Now I must go forward, and face the future, and perhaps try to make amends for my past mistakes. Sending Luke to be raised by my brother is one such attempt at making amends. I didn?t dare raise him myself, that would have been too risky. But with him nearby at Owen?s home at least I can keep an eye on him as he grows up. He is strong in the Force, this much I can sense. But I fear to try to teach him how to use it, Vader would surely sense that. And Leia, his sister, now princess of Alderann, her I can?t watch. I must trust that Bail Organa and his wife are taking good care of her. I?m sure they are, but would they know what to do if Vader somehow found Leia? I think I worry too much, my Master would surely advise me to keep my mind here and now where it belongs.

But I can?t. My mind begins to drift again, and suddenly I think I see the small, gentle boy I once knew. But the image fades, and is replaced with that of the dark, masked, and cloaked monster that my Padawan has become. I sigh heavily, and sadly. An ache is reawakened in my heart, a deep, penetrating ache. My Padawan fell, and killed thousands of Jedi. He called it "The Purge". As if the Jedi were a cancer to be excised.. I still can?t believe that he did that. He killed the Jedi. Destroyed them, all of them. All but Master Yoda and myself. Thousands of Jedi, systematicly hunted down, and mercilisly killed. How could he do such an evil thing? The Anakin I knew wouldn?t have hurt a fly unless in self defense. He became a monster, and I will forever blame myself for it.


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And now....a bonus. there's a song by Chris Cagle called "I Breathe in, I Breath Out" that I like. I modified it to fit Obi-wan a bit better, and it worked so well to show how he's feeling that I want to post it here. I was going to try to fit it into the fic, but the perspective is all wrong. So I'm just going to post it to give you an "inside look" so to speak, of what Obi's feeling/thinking. Hope you all like.

BTW, all credit for the song in general goes to Chris Cagle. I borrowed his song, changed it a bit, and used it. It's mostly still his, and I'm not makeing any money off it. (wheeew.....copyright stuff over with )

~~~~~~~~~~~The Song~~~~~~~~~



Lately I?ve been running,
Into my old memories,
And somewhere in the clutter,
Something always reminds me of you.
And I remember what you told me,
And I can?t believe it?s through.
I wonder what I?m doing,
And in case you?re wondering too....

I breathe in, I breathe out,
Put one foot in front of the other,
Take one day at a time,
Until I find,
The someone to pull you out.
Until then....
I breathe in, and breathe out.

I?ve got every reason,
To give up on finding you,
Cause y

 

I like the introspection quite a bit. The song isn't bad either. Good work.

 

Ooh, like that song (both versions)
Somehow, I don't think Obi would appriciate my opinion that it was a good/necessary thing Ani fell... Oh well, he'll never know.
Now, no long waits for the next post, right?

 

Wow, liked the song. It certainly fits with the post.

So most of this story is going to be first person introspection I take it? Can't see what you've got in the future.

UP!

 

*Ar digs Bunny_Food out of retirement*

*spreads plot bunny food out in the thread* There. Now post soon, k? After I spent 6 tries remembering the password to this...

 

Well...I was *going* to write a post and post it today, but when I can't get the comp away from dad and Paul long enough to type anything....<glares at nothing in particular>

SO if I don't post today....it's not my fault...

 

It's all goo. Dad and bro can't hog the comp for forever you know.

We'll be waiting.

 

Okay..here we go. This may not flow real great, but this *is* a post-as-I-write-so-I'll-keep-writeing thing. Anyway..on with the fic!

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And it is my fault, I was the one that caused him to fall into the Lave pit that so horribly scared him. And if he hadn?t fallen...perhaps I could have brought him back. But once the Emperor rescued him, and used a combination of biomechanics and Dark Side power to restore him, Darth Vader was truly born. He felt indebted to Palpitine for keeping him alive, and so he fell even further. But I must not give up hope. Somewhere there is a person that can bring Anakin back, I feel it. And I must find this person. It is my responsibility, as the perpetrator of this entire mess. , to give my all to correct it.

I wish I had some idea, anything at all, of who, or where, or even when I might find this person. The Force though does not work on my time frame, but rather on it?s own. It will show me where and who when it?s ready, and I can only wait, as patiently as possible.

But then again, patience was never my strong point, Master Qui-gon knew that better than anyone. He was constantly reminding me that patience is a virtue. Somehow I think he must be a saint if that?s true. His patience was never wavering, constant and unassailable. Where as I was headstrong, impatient, impulsive, all the things a good Jedi is not. Perhaps those were the things that lead to my failure.

I have learned some patience over the years, sitting alone on a desert planet forces you to. But I still wish the Force would hurry things up just a little. I can?t bear the thought of Anakin, trapped, for all practical purposes, in the creature that dares to give itself a name. For Darth Vader is not a person. Not human, not anything but an evil, twisted monster. And he has my precious Padawan trapped inside himself. I bite back my rising anger, knowing that, if unchecked, it will lead me down the path of destruction. I will not tread the same road that Anakin did, I will not walk in his footsteps, I will not give in to the Dark Side. I will be strong. Strong so that I can eventually find the person that will bring my Padawan back. I feel my resolve strengthen, and smile.

 

Nice, interesting how Obi blames himself for Anakion falling in the lava. Kinda how he blames himself ofr Anakin's figurative fall.

Very good, keep up the great work!

 

If Obi only knew how close that person was... Obi does make a few mistakes in his old age. (not that 57 or so is old, really, but anyway...)

I know I should comment on whether or not I liked the post, but I'll let you guess.

 

Hi, Jedi_Loren-

I found this after seeing the link on Rok's fic. It's really good!

More, please?

 

Thanks, Ty-gon Jinn I'm glad you like it. Yupp, I wil post...but I seem to have a ever so small case of Darth Writer's Block....assisted by a not so small case of being attacked by Emperor Real Life... I'm going to post as sson as I get a chance to sit down and write some more.

 

Metaphoric references of falling, in the last post, work in the description of guilt: Anakin falling into the lava, Anakin falling to the Dark Side, and Obi-Wan falling into the realm of blaming himself.

Good. Very good writing.

And never be afraid to 'post on the fly'. YOu will be surprise how creative you will be when you must think of the next word to say in just a few seconds.

FORWARD!

 

Here you go, the last post to this short story. I hope you all like it. I'll be revising this whole thing, and reposting it sometime in the near future. Keep an eye out, and please do reread, something may change quit a bit.


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Suddenly I feel a presence in the room with me. A presence that shouldn?t be here. I glance up, and see the last thing I expected to see. My old Master, Qui-gon Jinn. "Master!" I exclaim, leaping to my feet. Suddenly all my failures come rushing back to me, sparking a burst of profound shame. The very man I failed the worst is standing before me. He may only be a visual representation of his Force presence, not the actual man, but he is here. How can I look this man in the eye, how can I face him, knowing that I failed him do badly? I can?t, and I bow my head in shame and whisper "I?m so sorry, Master. I failed you. You trusted me and I failed you" I fight to keep back the tears. All this time, and I?ve not cried once, but facing the man I failed so badly is enough to undo my control, and a tear trickles down my face.

Qui-gon is silent for a moment, then he speaks, his voice a strange mixture of sadness and the gentle love that I remember from so long ago. "No, Obi-wan, you never failed me."

I wince inwardly, wondering if he?s just being kind, or if he somehow doesn?t know. "But...Anakin...he...turned it?s all.." Qui-gon interrupts me before I can even finish.

"No. No, it?s not your fault." I try to make a protest, to voice the many things that have been running through my head all these years, but Qui-gon won?t let me. "Padawan, listen to me." I fall silent. "It is not your fault that Anakin fell. Each person is responsible for their own actions. You can?t blame yourself for Anakin?s mistakes. I don?t blame you, and you must not either, or you will never find the lasting strength that you need to discover a way to bring him back. Yes, I trusted his training to you, but I don?t think anyone could have prevented his fall. The only prevention would have been to not train him, and even that might not have been enough." I am silent, not convinced, sure that if I ventured to look my old Master in the eye I would see disappointment there. I am unable to believe that he could truly not blame me for Anakins?s fall. "Padawan." He says the title in a manner that suggests that he is using it to get my attention in a powerful way. "Look at me." I wonder silently if he can still read my mind somehow, if he knew what I was thinking. Slowly, hesitantly, I raise my head and look at him. What I see suprises me to no end. There is no blame. No disappointment, no accusation. Only love, and caring, and understanding. All the things I saw so many times in my Master?s eyes when I was a Padawan.

"Master...you...you don?t blame me... But I can?t see how it can not be my fault." I want so badly to believe Qui-gon, to believe that it truly isn?t my fault, but my guilt ridden conscience will not be easily swayed.

"Obi-wan, if you failed because Anakin turned, that must mean that I failed to train you properly. Do you think that?"

"My eyes must have reflected the shock I felt in my heart at that question. "No! Never! I?d never think that!"

"Then you didn?t fail. It?s not your fault. But you can take part in getting Anakin back. For you are right, he isn?t dead, just trapped. Imprisoned. And there is one person that can set him free."

"Who?" I ask, my mind clearing, and the guilt beginning to lift as realization of the truth seeps in.

"Luke Skywalker."

I feel my eyes go wide. "Luke? Anakin?s son? The Luke that?s living with my brother?"

Qui-gon nods. "Yes. One and the same." Qui-gon begins to fade slightly. "I must go now, my time here is short." I try to protest, but Qui-gon continues speaking, and fading. "Do not go to Luke. He will come to you when the time is right. Events must play out according to the will of the Force. Do not try to hasten them, or you will bring ruin

 

Wow. Very good ending. I can't really see why you need revisions, but to each their own. But I like how everything worked. Good job.

FORWARD!

 

Wow! Awesome way to end the story!

I loved how Obi's old mentor Qui-gon helped him to overcome the destructive cycle of his shame. Very poignant.

Very well done! Can't wait for when you come up with a new story.