FF:NSW Dsource's "what if" thread, sponsered by Ki-Bara-Mundi and posted by JediEnna (don't ask).

Discussion in 'Oceania Discussion Boards' started by JediEnna, Mar 15, 2001.

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  1. Ki-Bara-Mundi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 27, 2000
    star 6
    LUKE: I'm an archeologist, like my father before me!

    SEAN CONNERY: I think we got our scripts mixed up...
  2. The_Poison_Monkey Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 6, 2001
    star 4
    From Reuben:

    Two things just suddenly struck me! One was a car, the other was a bus. No, ideas struck me. How rude of them.

    Old English Dude: You may fire when ready

    Other guy: Sorry, sir, we can't. We're running on Windows ME. It crashed again. I think Jenkins was downloading porn and got a virus.

    Old English Dude: I said to use Linux! Why doesn't anyone listen to me? Sorry, Princess, if you don't mind waiting til we reboot and then run a virus-checker, we'll be back on our decimation schedule as soon as possible.

    Princess: Not at all, I'm sure. Will anyone get me a cushion?

    Vader: You can sit on my lap.

    Princess: Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight... hurry up, guys, fire already!


    Darth Vader: No, Luke, I am your father.

    Luke: You're my father?

    Darth Vader: I am your father

    Luke: YOU'RE my father?

    Darth Vader: Yes, I'm your father.

    Luke: Before or after you were a robot?

    Darth Vader: Uhhhhhhhh...

    Luke: 'Cos I've got this robotic hand right here...

    Darth Vader: Uhhhhhhh...

    Luke: No way! They've got a prosthetic for THAT? And it WORKS?

    Darth Vader: That's personal.

    Luke: AND it can still mimic those little DNA tadpoles! WHOAH!

    Darth Vader: Look, I'm going to kill you, all right, so can you stop thinking about prosthetic... you knows...

    Luke: Look, it's nothing to be embarassed about. But what woman is attracted do a dude in black? And seriously, dad, no offence meant, your helmet ain't pretty, but the sight UNDER your helmet makes a lot of people wish you'd put it back on.

    Darth Vader: Money. It's all about money. See, look at Bill Gates? He's MARRIED.

    Luke: And the money is on...?

    Darth Vader: The Dark Side.

    Luke: Count me in, pops!

    And following that...

    Han: We've blown up the second Death Star!

    Leia: And the emperor is dead!

    Han: And we destroyed a Super Star Destroyer!

    Leia: Yes, AND a few TIE fighters! That must mean the end of the Empire.

    Storm Trooper: Uh, Hello? Anyone there? We still have an entire Imperial Fleet, control over half the galaxy, and a lot of money. You've broken three toys and one player. I mean, really. Plus you lost half your ships.

    Han: He's right! We haven't won anything at all! We're all going to die!

    Leia: You're right! We were stupid!

    The second best line of all time:

    Princess: Darth Vader, only you would be so- is that a lightsaber in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
    (Vader walks out, sound of cold running water)

    And finally: The translation of what that little teddy bear says when he pops up between Han and Leia once Han finds out that Luke is Leia's brother.

    Teddy Bear: That's it... a little to the left... a little bit up... little more tongue... beautiful.

    I know it was more than two. But inspiration strikes many times. Enjoy, my friends!
  3. Norrad_Roff Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 26, 2001
    star 4
    Vader: Obi-Wan never told you your middle name was Shirley.

    Luke: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    <leaps to his death>
  4. Ki-Bara-Mundi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 27, 2000
    star 6
    HAN: Who...who are you?

    REUBEN: Someone who posts on a regular basis but has no username.

    HAN: Reuben!
  5. Sith-Gecko Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 26, 2001
    star 4
    Threepio: Because he's holding a thermal detonator!

    Jabba: OHOHOHO ... this reminds me of a song!

    *Jabba puts on little cap, and attempts to tap dance whilst singing*

    Jabba: Now, if you're blue
    And you don't know
    Where to go to
    Why don't you go where fashion sits?
    Puttin' on the Ritz!
  6. The_Scream_Man Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 1, 2000
    star 5
    Jabba tapdancing

    intereting image
  7. Ki-Bara-Mundi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 27, 2000
    star 6
    Not as interesting a Jabba lapdancing. That reminds me, where's PM gone?!?
  8. Sith-Gecko Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 26, 2001
    star 4
    He's been having comp troubles ...
  9. Dsource Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 12, 2000
    star 4
    C-3PO: A gift? What gift?
    Bib Fortuna: Tell the Hutt what he's won!
  10. Ki-Bara-Mundi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 27, 2000
    star 6
    Someone fix his puter quick so I can stop filling in the space he's left behind!
  11. mauls-menace Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 23, 2000
    star 4
    What if Sebulba had turned Jar Jar into Goo? Wishful thinking. :D (Ohh what bliss it would have been!!!)
  12. Ki-Bara-Mundi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 27, 2000
    star 6
    Man I wish I had a Jar Jar costume just to piss all the Jar Jar bashers off! :p
  13. mauls-menace Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 23, 2000
    star 4
    That could be very dangerous, we might all decide to kill Jar Jar then and there.

    Kill Jar Jar, Kill Jar Jar, Kill.....
  14. Ki-Bara-Mundi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 27, 2000
    star 6
    I know the consequences. That's why I'd get a fluffy plush kinda costume. Beat all you like, I'll simply ask "Whysa yousa doingsa thatsa?". :p
  15. Sith-Gecko Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 26, 2001
    star 4
    But what if we have heavy artillery? [face_devil]
  16. mauls-menace Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 23, 2000
    star 4
    We'd have heavy artillery and then some. [face_devil]
  17. Norrad_Roff Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 26, 2001
    star 4
    Ben: That reminds me, your father wanted you to have this when you were old enough, but your uncle wouldn't allow it.

    Luke: What is it?

    Ben: Your father's lightsabre. This is the weapon of the Jedi Knight. An elegant.....
    NO WAIT YOU'RE HOLDING IT THE WRONG...........

    <stands over Lukes limp body>
    <turns to R2 and 3PO>

    Ben: You guys could have said something!
  18. Ki-Bara-Mundi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 27, 2000
    star 6
    Oh yeah, back on topic...

    OBI-WAN: Now stay here. And keep out of trouble.

    JAR JAR: Okiday!

    *waits for Obi-Wan to leave, then pulls out his private stash*

    JAR JAR: Finally! Some time alone!
  19. mauls-menace Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 23, 2000
    star 4
    Geez Ki that would explain an awful lot. (About Jar Jar I mean.) :D
  20. Already-Turned Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 13, 2001
    star 3
    *end of ROTJ*

    Vader: "Your feelings dwell on.. a sister..... and you thought THAT about her.....oh dear son you and I really better have a talk"

    Luke *charges with lightsaber* "Arrrghhhh, you'll never tell anyone!!"
  21. Ki-Bara-Mundi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 27, 2000
    star 6
    SIDIOUS: This is my apprentice, Darth Boba Maul Imperial Guard. He is armed with a quadruple-bladed lightsabre and flies the Slave 1138. He was trained by a fanboy before me. He will find your lost ship...then regail you with tales of his adventures in a comic book store.
  22. The_Scream_Man Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 1, 2000
    star 5
    Ben: Your father wanted you to have this when you were old enough, but your uncle wouldnt allow it.

    Luke: WHat is it?

    Ben: Its your fathers old training bra...
  23. Kalor_Voe Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 10, 2000
    star 4
    Luke! I'm shutting the power down!

    (movie screen goes black).
  24. Senator_Elegos_A-Kla Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 18, 2001
    star 5
    Kenobi: It's an Imperial Fighter.
    Luke: It's sure leaving in a hurry. If they identify us..
    Han: Chewie don't jam transmissions.
    Luke: What???
    Han: If there's a fighter running from us, there's a larger Imperial ship nearby. Chewie, I'm going to make the jump to hyperspace.
    Chewie: Argarg!
    Kenobi: Good idea, Captain Solo, it looks like Alderaan's been destroyed anyway. Set your course for Yavin IV.
  25. Ki-Bara-Mundi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 27, 2000
    star 6
    LEIA: An Imperial probe droid. Hasn't the Empire seen the dissadvantages of rectal probing?!?
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