FF:NSW Dsource's "what if" thread, sponsered by Ki-Bara-Mundi and posted by JediEnna (don't ask).

I can beat that- I started this thread in 1992 on rec.arts.sf.starwars! It was called "how it should have been" and has since evolved to become top ten lists.


-The tusken raider missing the jump onto the bantha.

-Red leader: "It's away!"
Wedge: "Did it go in?"
Red leader: "Hell yeah! Now let's go home- I've got a lemon jacket with my name on it!"

 

What if... Anakin was a girl.

 

Darth Mum
bwahahaha

Luke: I can't, it's too big
(X-Wing sinks)
Yoda: Hrmm, right you are, eat stew we will.

 

Lando: "Hh-hh-Han!"

3P0: "It sounds like Han!"

Chewie: "GRRRRRR"

(wet snapping sound- Lando goes limp)

 

Obi Wan: This is your father's lightsaber, a weapon from a more civilised time.
*luke turns it on*
Luke: Hey what happens when you do this?
*sliding noise followed by a wet thump*

 

Luke: Jabba, free us, or die.
Jabba: *Jabba die? that not good! Jabba no want to die! Free them! Give them military aid!*

Luke: Ok, I'm gonna put these on you.
Chewie: *You gettin kinky with me boy?* ::SNAP::

Han: Ok, we're coming out of hyperspace. ::enters asteroid field:: What the...? ::asteroid hits the Falcon::

 

"Going somewhere Solo?"

*blasts Han in the chest*

 

"Hey guys- those are the droids we're looking for!"

 

Owen: You can go to the academy *this* year.
Luke: But it's a whole nother yea.. wait, really? Oh you rock Uncle Owen.

 

Imperial Officer: "Wow, isn't that wierd? His operating number sounds just like a blaster shot!"

 

Leia: Would it help if I got out and pushed?

Han: You heard her Chewie, go open the hatch,Ill steer us towards a slope...

 

THREEPIO: "He made a fair move. Screaming about it won't help."

CHEWIE: "Grwwalll!"

*rips Threepio's head off*

 

Han: "Great shot, kid! That was one in a million!"

The ships fly under Yavin.. to find that the moon isn't there any more

 

C-3PO:"I suggest a new strategy Artoo: let the Wookiee win"
R2:"*Hell no! I can beat this bitch with my hands tied behind my back!*"

Qui-gon: "Gas!"
Obi-Wan: "What? Whoa, feeling. . .dizzy. . . ." ::THUMP:

 

Are you an angel?

get lost you wierd little kid!

 

Padme: You're a slave?

Anakin: Course I am, you freakin' dimbwit!

----------------
Anakin: Are you an Angel?

Padme: No, actually I'm the Queen of Naboo, only I'm posing as a one of my own handmaidens. Nifty, eh?

 

Maul: At last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi. At last we will have revenge!

Sidious: Reveal ourselves? I never said that! I sadi kill the queen! U are all black n scary, do it without them seeing you. (smacks Maul in the back of the head) Reveal ourselves.....u dumbass...

 

Anakin: *Careful, Sebulba, he's a big time outlander. I'd hate to see you squashed before we get the chance to race again*
Sebulba: *Bullcrap, you idiot. Watto told me everything! He's just a clutz who came in on a dead ship!* ::Rips Jar Jar's head off::

 

Ackbar: It's a trap!
Lando: No, its a Death Star.
(mutters under breath) *stupid bulbous fishhead wannabe admiral...*

 

Vader: Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father.

Luke: He told me enough. He told me you killed him.

Vader: No. Jar Jar is your father.



Yoda: Always two there are. A Master and and Apprentice.

Mace: But which one was killed? The Master or the Apprentice?

Palpatine: Oh, for Sith's sake, do you honestly think I would be stupid enough to get myself killed?



Anakin: Master Qui-Gon, wait!

Qui-Gon: Anakin! Jump!



Luke: What a piece of junk!

Han: You're right. I'm going to find something better, I'll see you all later.

_____________________________________________

 

LOL @ Shara's "Anakin! Jump!"

LUKE: That armour's too strong for blasters! Let's just head back to base and try our luck hiding from them!

 

Lando: ALl ships, pull up! That Death Star is operaional!

Ackbar: Oh it is not! Dont listen to him boys, lets ram the damn thing!

 

Okay, I'll turn to the dark side. I give in to evil, like my father before me.

 

Lando: Hello, what have we here? I'm Lando Calrissian, administrator of this facility...And who might you be?

Leia: I might be impressed if you'd stop flirting dammit.

 

Leia: "This ground sure feels strange. Doesn't feel like rock."

Han: "There's an awful lotta moisture in here."

Han: <BLAM!> "It's all right! Yep, just what I thought. A puppet and an old man in a rowboat".