FF:NSW Dsource's "what if" thread, sponsered by Ki-Bara-Mundi and posted by JediEnna (don't ask).

ANAKIN: These are my friends, mum.

SHMI: (raising a broomstick high over her head) Out! Get out or I'll clobber the lot of you!!!

 

Anakin: "Oops, wrong one. Maybe it's this swit-"

{KABOOOOOOOM!}

 

Old woman: My bones are aching Ani. Youy'd better get indoors

Anikin: Thats because you are OLD!!! Your bones ache with AGE!! (Then to the others) I hate old people, but she makes great food, so...

 

Her name's Jira, get it right scream...

Whosa is dis?

I am Queen Amidala

No she's not, I am...

No! I am Queen Amidala...

I AM QUEEN AMIDALA!

No! It's me, ask anybody, I am Queen Amidala...

 

Ah good ol' Jira. She had a really good line in the movie that got cut out. It would have been a good idea to leave it in though.

BOSS NASS: (raising the Globe of Peace above his head then smashing it on the ground) WAR!!!

All the Gungans suddenly arm themselves with blasters and slaughter the Naboo.

 

Re: Screams.
*I'm* Amidala and so's my wife...

 

Han: don't worry, it'll be all right oncewe make the jump to lightspeed.
CRASH!
Luke: what was that?
Han: all right plan B

 

Vader: If he could be turned, he would become a powerful ally.
Emperor: No! bugger that! too much trouble. kill him, and get it all over with.

 

JAR JAR: Ooh! Lookin dis droid...

*proceeds to take Artoo apart*

 

Anakin: "Hey! Hit the nose!"

Jar Jar: {THWACK!}

Anakin: "AABR: You SBUBID FBIGGIN GUBGUN! YOU BROGE ID!!!"

 

From Reuben:

Vader: Luke, I am your father.

Luke: Boy, I'm glad I got the looks from my mother!

Vader: Luke, I am your father... and BALDNESS IS HEREDITARY!!

Luke: Nooooooooooooooo!!!

Vader: Luke, I am your father.

Luke: Then you owe me thirty years of pocket money. That's enough to bankrupt the empire, if I charge interest. You'll have to pawn that lightsaber you're attacking me with. And your death star. And your life support system, you cheap BUM. Plus, now mum's dead, you can pay ME all the child support you never sent her.
My lawyers will be in touch.

Vader: Lawyers. And they say I'M the most evil being in the galaxy.

_____________________________________________

Anakin: Turn off the autopilot, R2, it's going to get us both killed. R2?..... R2?

prints across the screen: With that kind of acting, I'm ready to suicide! Besides, Droids can survive in space, we don't breath oxygen. DIE YOU WOODEN LITTLE NERD!

ANAKIN: Now THIS is pod racing. R2? R2?

R2 has ejected and is going back home.

Anakin: This is C-3PO. I build his circuitry using parts from broken ships, a radio, and most of mum's vibrator!

3PO: It'zzzzzzzzzzzzzz a pleazzzzzzzzzzzzzzure to meet you.

Padme: And I'm sure it'll be a REAL pleasure to meet you, Mr. 3PO. Why don't you come with me...

 

I cant believe he just said that...

 

at this point we may all like to remember that this is a PG-rated forum.....let's keep SOME semblance of civility shall we?

 

woah boy
Im still laughing.
moving right along though.

Vader: This will be a day long remembered..
Imperial officer: Why's that?
Vader: Because I got my new helmet. Can you see the shine on it?
Imperial Officer: Ohh, your right. Are they new boots too?

 

2nd take:

Vader: "This will be a day long remembered"

Tarkin: "Why?"

Vader: "Because... because ah.. the.. um.."

 

Third take
Vader: This will be a day long remembered

Officer: really?

Vader: What are u blind? U didnt see that hottie in the white! Im getting me some princess tonight!

 

Take four:

VADER: This will be a day long remem...pffft!

*Vader bursts out laughing*

LUCAS: Cut! Cut! What's the problem Dave?

VADER: Alec Guiness keeps making kissy faces at me!

 

Take 5

Vader: This will be a day long remembered...now someone get me my puffer

 

From Reuben:

Hey, how come there's a comment about getting someone some princess tonight and there was a stink over my little 3PO comment? At least mine was only implied.
Well, I'm glad someone laughed.
Incidentally, more sordid jokes are made in PG films than the one I made.
But I will rescind that comment. And I will not get a user ID, for I will not be spending any more time around the forum.

Darth Vader: This will be a day long remembered.

Officer: Why?

Vader: Why what?

 

Take 7
Vader: This will be a day long remembered.

Imperial Officer: Why's that?

Vader: I dunno, it just sounds good with a deep voice. Here, you try it..

Imperial Officer: This will be a...

Vader: Naaa, you gotta do it from your stomach.

Stay Reuben, you will be a worthy addition to our cause.

 

take no: whatever
Vader: This will be a day long remembered
Tarkin: Why?
Vader: Cos i get paid more for lines they can use during the promo's,

 

Vader: This will be a day long remembered

Tarkin: Why?

Vader: Wha.....wha....*bottom lip quivers*...you didn't remember my birthday?

 

(courtesy of Scream)

Take 112:

Vader: this will be a day long remembered.

*guard runs up*

Guard: Lord Vader, terrible news! Princess Leia has escaped! Somehow six of our highly trained storm troopers were unable to shoot her in the narrow ship's corridor. I can't explain it sir!

(pause)

Vader: This will be a day quickly forgotten.....

(pause)

Vader: or else!

 

Take 134:
Vader:This will be a day long remembered.

Imperial Officer:why?

Vader:Why? (bursting into song)
Cause its a beautiful mooorning
Cause its a beautiful dayyyy
I've got this wonderful feeeling
Everythings going my wayyyy

Ive got a brand new Death Star to play with
I'm in charge of the Emperors men.
I'm gonna destroy Alderaan
And finally hunt down old Ben.

Imperial Ofiicer: Oh no! He's using *Force Song* again!!!

 

Vader: This will be a day long remembered

Officer: It will?

Vaderckokes him) yes! Now i dont have to answer your STUPID questions1 Ill call this; "the day the questions died"