Beyond "Easier To Run" L/M Balladeer challenge entry

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Mira_Jade, Aug 8, 2006.

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  1. Mira_Jade The NSWFF Manager With The Cape

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Jun 29, 2004
    star 4
    Thanks for clicking!:)

    Easier To Run
    Genre: Angst, only happy if you go and read the Hand of Thrawn books right afterwards
    Rating: PG
    Time line: Post SotP and VotF
    characters: Mara, Luke

    Written for the Balladeer challenge at http://boards.theforce.net/fan_fiction_resource/b10304/21438531/p33

    Disclaimer: Star Wars doesn't belong to me, and the song belongs to Linkin Park.

    *~*~*~*~*~*~*
    Easier to Run
    by Mira_Jade

    It's easier to run
    Replacing this pain with something numb
    It's so much easier to go
    Than face all this pain here all alone


    They say that time erases all.

    It sooths heartache, and makes love grow cold. Not even the most horrific memories can control your mind.

    They must have never meant anyone like me before. For how can anyone forget the flames? The deaths? It is impossible to shake away the memory of the light dying in my victims eyes. You'll never forget the pain, or the feeling of their life fading away in the force as it flickers in grief at one of it's own passing.

    Yes, I killed Jedi.

    649 people. 301 women, and 348 men. I perfectly remember every face of my victims. Their blood stains my hands crimson with regret and pain.

    I mourn every loss, for I only truly comprehended every one of my actions after the actual fact. His hold dies, and his laughter fades away. Leaving me with eyes full of tears, and a corpse at my feet.

    My tears were not enough to wash the blood away.

    Time will never let me forget.

    Something has been taken
    From deep inside of me
    A secret I've kept locked away
    No one can ever see
    Wounds so deep they never show
    They never go away
    Like moving pictures in my head
    For years and years they've played


    They remain oblivious.

    Karade asks no questions about my past. All he saw was a strange red headed girl alone in the outer rim. My biting wit kept him interested long enough to offer me a position, and my skills with blaster and ship ensured me a place to stay at night.

    They never knew.

    Eventually I rose through the ranks of smugglers, and I never let my barriers drop long enough to let anyone know about my past, and no one ever had the courage to pry further.

    The broken girl from Nar Shadda eventually became Karade's right hand assistant, and still no body knew. The years past and I kept a ear open for any mention of the son of Skywalker.

    At night the wrinkled visage of the emperor plagues my dreams. He'll never let me go. Even in death.

    I hate the day, and dread the night.

    If I could change I would
    Take back the pain I would
    Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
    If I could
    Stand up and take the blame I would
    If I could take all the shame to the grave I
    Would


    Time passed, and the missions grew longer.

    They call me fearless. Yet where others see a absence of fea, I only see the overwhelming abundance.

    Terror of the memories, terror of the once talon like hold on my mind. I was free to be my own person now, my future was full of possibilities, of could bes. Ironically I had never been more lost. Lost and terrified like the scared little girl that I was never able to be.

    Perhaps that's where my prowess in battle came from. I could care less of my fate. Death would be a release, a sweet indulgence. In the grave there eyes wouldn't follow me. His hold could never reach me.

    If I had died the one called Skywalker would never know that he was the last target of the Emperor's Hand.

    Those I fought could sense that. I was not to be intimidated. They could do there worst, and I would not blink.

    Sometimes I remember
    The darkness of my past
    Bringing back these memories
    I wish I didn't have
    Sometimes I think of letting go
    And never looking back
    And never moving forward so
    There would never be a past


    The force threw me one more curve ball.

    It threw Luke Skywalker right into my hands.

    Yet I was unable to crush him in my grasp.

    Worse, I began to grow fond of him. Even as I told his sister that I would kill him, and my dreams grew in ferocit
  2. ginchy Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 25, 2005
    star 4
    Very nice! Very Mara. It's not easy to have such demons on your soul. I love the last line, and somehow, I imagine, it wasn't really a race Mara minded to lose.

  3. Jade_Pilot Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 10, 2005
    star 5
    I love it! I like how you wrote in first person, so vivid that way.

    Favorite part:

    "In life I was unable to move on. Even as my demons ripped at my heart, and begged to be let free. Memories stained with blood clashed in the walls of my mind. They burned. In the shadows of the setting sun my eyes blazed, I would not sleep that night. Sleep no longer had any peace for me.
    "

    Like poetry! Bravo! =D=
  4. RedGold Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 29, 2004
    star 4
    That so perfectly sums that era Mara up!

    Good job!
  5. JadeSolo Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Sep 20, 2002
    star 6
    Even after the rebellion, after seeing comrades die, and a new government be born, he was still just a farm boy at heart.

    I had no right to ruin that.


    She cares. [face_love] Great song choice - I love Linkin Park. I think you captured Mara's character really well with her fear of old ghosts. Now I'm off to read the Hand of Thrawn books. :p
  6. Nyota's Heart Combos & Paragraphs Host

    Game Host
    Member Since:
    Aug 31, 2004
    star 6
    =D= =D= =D=
    I also love the writing in first person: more intimate and intense.
    I also see their relationship like that in the early stages as you wrote of it: her being at his side but not really with him as she sees him go through woman after woman and one crisis after another.

    What she doesn't realize ... yet ... is that she's his salvation too. :) [face_dancing] [face_dancing]
    Can you tell I'm glad? [face_laugh]
  7. divapilot Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 30, 2005
    star 4
    Wonderful! A terrific song choice.

    My tears were not enough to wash the blood away.

    Very true. She saw her job as a "service to the crown" so to speak, and when she no longer had that buffer, she had to deal with the guilt. She took a long time to come to terms with her actions.

    Nice job!=D=
  8. Gabri_Jade VIP

    VIP
    Member Since:
    Nov 9, 2002
    star 5
    Very nice! :)

    I was free to be my own person now, my future was full of possibilities, of could bes. Ironically I had never been more lost.

    This line really stood out to me - it's such an accurate description. :) And the last line is just perfect. :D
  9. Jedi Trace SouthEast RSA

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Dec 15, 1999
    star 6
    Great job, Mira! That's a perfect Mara song and you wove pieces of her life into it very well. :D I suddenly have the urge to update my iPod. ;)




  10. Jedi-2B Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 2, 2000
    star 4
    Nice imagery, and good capture of Mara's feelings during those long lonely ten years.
  11. Alishu06 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 29, 2005
    star 4
  12. Mira_Jade The NSWFF Manager With The Cape

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Jun 29, 2004
    star 4
    :) Yay! I have readers. I love you all!

    [:D] :* [:D] :* [:D]

    No, I don't think that she minded at all.;) As a matter of fact, I rather think that she prefered too.:)

    Stop, stop. You're embarassing me.[face_blush] [face_blush] I'm glad that you enjoyed it, I worked for a while on it to convey as much emotion as I could.

    Thank-you. :) That era is my favorite to write. There's so much angst.;)

    Of course she cares, how could she not? *Takes a picture of a sweet looking Luke, and melts.*[face_love]

    I'm so glad that you enjoy it.:D I'ver read so manny of your fics, and have enjoyed every one of them. I'm really honored.[face_blush] Your coments perfectly sum Mara up. Amen to all of them.

    It takes a long time to outrun old ghosts, but she won't be running solo for long. ;)

    I actually wrote that line at last minute, it just flowed right out. What can I say, my muse was out of control.:)

    Thank-you:)

    Thank-ou too:)

    Thanks, now I just have to make sure that all of these lovely reviews don't go to my head.

    I love you all!

    ~MJ@};-
  13. Arwen_Djo Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 3, 2006
    star 3
    Wow. Very deep insight into Mara's deamons. I really liked the last few lines.:)
  14. Mira_Jade The NSWFF Manager With The Cape

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Jun 29, 2004
    star 4
    I'm glad you liked it. Now let's see if I can milk this for a few more replies.;)

    ~MJ@};-
  15. Mira_Jade The NSWFF Manager With The Cape

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Jun 29, 2004
    star 4
  16. Mira_Jade The NSWFF Manager With The Cape

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Jun 29, 2004
    star 4
    Lets try uping this one more time;)

    ~MJ@};-
  17. MirandaFair Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 13, 2005
    star 4
    Someday my ghosts may be put to rest, but for now they are alive and running.

    Very haunting work, Mira. Mara still has so much of her past to deal with. I'm happy she has a Jedi Master by her side to help out.

    Nicely done. :) @};-
  18. Mira_Jade The NSWFF Manager With The Cape

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Jun 29, 2004
    star 4
    Thanks MirandaFair

    ~MJ
  19. Mira_Jade The NSWFF Manager With The Cape

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Jun 29, 2004
    star 4
    Lets see if I can milk this a little more . . .;)

    ~MJ@};-
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