Beyond - Legends "Easier To Run" L/M Balladeer challenge entry

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Easier To Run
Genre: Angst, only happy if you go and read the Hand of Thrawn books right afterwards
Rating: PG
Time line: Post SotP and VotF
characters: Mara, Luke

Written for the Balladeer challenge at http://boards.theforce.net/fan_fiction_resource/b10304/21438531/p33

Disclaimer: Star Wars doesn't belong to me, and the song belongs to Linkin Park.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Easier to Run
by Mira_Jade

It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone

They say that time erases all.

It sooths heartache, and makes love grow cold. Not even the most horrific memories can control your mind.

They must have never meant anyone like me before. For how can anyone forget the flames? The deaths? It is impossible to shake away the memory of the light dying in my victims eyes. You'll never forget the pain, or the feeling of their life fading away in the force as it flickers in grief at one of it's own passing.

Yes, I killed Jedi.

649 people. 301 women, and 348 men. I perfectly remember every face of my victims. Their blood stains my hands crimson with regret and pain.

I mourn every loss, for I only truly comprehended every one of my actions after the actual fact. His hold dies, and his laughter fades away. Leaving me with eyes full of tears, and a corpse at my feet.

My tears were not enough to wash the blood away.

Time will never let me forget.

Something has been taken
From deep inside of me
A secret I've kept locked away
No one can ever see
Wounds so deep they never show
They never go away
Like moving pictures in my head
For years and years they've played

They remain oblivious.

Karade asks no questions about my past. All he saw was a strange red headed girl alone in the outer rim. My biting wit kept him interested long enough to offer me a position, and my skills with blaster and ship ensured me a place to stay at night.

They never knew.

Eventually I rose through the ranks of smugglers, and I never let my barriers drop long enough to let anyone know about my past, and no one ever had the courage to pry further.

The broken girl from Nar Shadda eventually became Karade's right hand assistant, and still no body knew. The years past and I kept a ear open for any mention of the son of Skywalker.

At night the wrinkled visage of the emperor plagues my dreams. He'll never let me go. Even in death.

I hate the day, and dread the night.

If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could
Stand up and take the blame I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave I
Would

Time passed, and the missions grew longer.

They call me fearless. Yet where others see a absence of fea, I only see the overwhelming abundance.

Terror of the memories, terror of the once talon like hold on my mind. I was free to be my own person now, my future was full of possibilities, of could bes. Ironically I had never been more lost. Lost and terrified like the scared little girl that I was never able to be.

Perhaps that's where my prowess in battle came from. I could care less of my fate. Death would be a release, a sweet indulgence. In the grave there eyes wouldn't follow me. His hold could never reach me.

If I had died the one called Skywalker would never know that he was the last target of the Emperor's Hand.

Those I fought could sense that. I was not to be intimidated. They could do there worst, and I would not blink.

Sometimes I remember
The darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories
I wish I didn't have
Sometimes I think of letting go
And never looking back
And never moving forward so
There would never be a past

The force threw me one more curve ball.

It threw Luke Skywalker right into my hands.

Yet I was unable to crush him in my grasp.

Worse, I began to grow fond of him. Even as I told his sister that I would kill him, and my dreams grew in ferocit

 

Yay! I have readers. I love you all!

No, I don't think that she minded at all. As a matter of fact, I rather think that she prefered too.

Stop, stop. You're embarassing me. I'm glad that you enjoyed it, I worked for a while on it to convey as much emotion as I could.

Thank-you. That era is my favorite to write. There's so much angst.

Of course she cares, how could she not? *Takes a picture of a sweet looking Luke, and melts.*

I'm so glad that you enjoy it. I'ver read so manny of your fics, and have enjoyed every one of them. I'm really honored. Your coments perfectly sum Mara up. Amen to all of them.

It takes a long time to outrun old ghosts, but she won't be running solo for long.

I actually wrote that line at last minute, it just flowed right out. What can I say, my muse was out of control.

Thank-you

Thank-ou too

Thanks, now I just have to make sure that all of these lovely reviews don't go to my head.

I love you all!

~MJ

 

I'm glad you liked it. Now let's see if I can milk this for a few more replies.

~MJ

 

Uping this

~MJ

 

Lets try uping this one more time

~MJ

 

Thanks MirandaFair

~MJ

 

Lets see if I can milk this a little more . . .

~MJ