JCC Easter is a time to remember the crucifixion of a true martyr, and his resurrection

What the actual **** does this have to do with the glory of Conan, and how Conan is scientifically shown to be 1000% better than Jesus?

How many snake cults and ancient sorcerers like Thulsa Doom did Jesus slay? None! So we shall worship the one who did, instead.



Did Jesus wear the jeweled crown of Aquilonia upon his troubled brow? No. Then we worship one who does!



If the question is, did my enemy kill my MAATHA. Kill my FAAATHA. Kill my FAMILEEEE? Then the response is NOT to turn the other cheek, but to carve through your enemies like a bullet through butter.



If you do not see the wisdom and mercy of Conan, and heed our message, THEN TO HELL WITH YOU.

 

Ender Sai -- I kind of wonder what your stance is in regards to Crom vs. Jobu?

 

All I know is that Crom is strong! If I die, I have to go before him, and he will ask me, 'What is the riddle of steel?' If I don't know it, he will cast me out of Valhalla and laugh at me.

That, kids, is a real god.

 

But can you tell Crom if he does not help you then **** him, you do it yourself?

Or would there be smiting?

 

Conan makes sweet love to witches before he suffers them not to live.

EDITED for dp4m

 

I am almost certain that scene is not okay for posting here... lol

PS - I'm not sure which induced puberty first -- this scene or Sandahl Bergman

 

NO.

Crom respects and admires warriors. If a man calls on his god all the time for strength, for help, then he is WEAK. Crom will not save you if you are weak, for your are not worthy of feasting in his hall in Valhalla.

Crom admires strength. This is why Crom is the best god.

 

If this scene doesn't give you a resurrection, you most definitely do not understand the secret of steel.

 

It's Zombie Apocalypse IN MY PANTS!

 

If that scene offends anyone here, then they are disrespectful to the riddle of steel, to Conan and CROM HIMSELF and should get out of the thread right this instant!

 

But what is best in life then?

 

I said already!

Crush your Easter Eggs.
See the chocolate before you.
And hear the lamentation of the children...​

 

Probably because those who believe in unicorns aren't causing harm to others on a daily basis like Christians are.

 

CROM TAKE YOU LITTLE MAN.

 

Listen you heathen ****s, if you aren't celebrating Conan, then kindly GTFOTBAMGHBACWYAAI.

 

Bergman is HOT in that film. She could totally breathe her last breath into me.

Conan > Christ
Crom > God
Valeria > the holy spirit

This is a religion I could go for.

 

Once we have smote this fools, slightly_unhinged, at the end of our lives we will answer Crom the riddle of steel and drink with him in Valhalla.

It'll be pretty amazing.

 

Smiting, steel and a beer with Crom. Life and death are good. Throw in Bergman and I'll call it perfect.

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_nouprOuzj...p_Th408yo/s1600/04+-+Valeria+pushes+Conan.JPG

Sent from my GT-I9505 using Tapatalk

 

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Crom laughs at your God of Abraham. Laughs from his mountain.

 

Crom laughs at all your gods, people!

 

Actually, the ancient Egyptians had no idea what the brain was for, so they just threw it away.

Assuming, of course, that the person being mummified had a brain to begin with.

 

Thanks, I was waiting for that. You made my day.

 

Thanks for fixing my name, Rogue.

I'm perfectly fine with people turning Easter into a celebration of Arnold Schwarzenegger, since it never had to do with Christ in the first place. Besides, this thread is entertaining, so please keep it up

 

I know, right? This is a time for mocking the ten plagues of Egypt, not Jesus. If I had been handing out plagues, I would have chosen butt worms.