Before Ecstasy (evil Qui-Gon, vignette) - repost

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by dianethx, Jan 31, 2006.

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  1. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Title: Ecstasy
    Author: dianethx
    Summary: Qui-Gon Jinn has grown addicted to the Living Force in oh so many ways.
    Timeframe: Pre-TPM
    Are you kidding? AU, of course.
    Note: This was posted in the Qui-Gon challenge thread a while back when we were doing evil Qui stories. I thought I'd share....
    Paradise.

    The white-hot passion burst through his veins, a lava flow of ecstasy engulfing him in flame. The agony of it was indescribable. Little pops of pain-pleasure bubbling in his blood, the bliss of rapturous indulgence seeping into the very cells of his body, mating, dancing, swirling with the blaze of color and light and life. He could feel himself growing ever more powerful, the core of his reality swelling with each wave of bliss as he swallowed the entire universe of delight in a single, unending feast of the Living Force.

    It went on for a lifetime, that burn of ecstasy, and he could have gladly died under its spell. But it was not to be.

    Slowly, slowly, the white faded into yellows and reds and black. And Qui-Gon Jinn fell from the heights of paradise into the grinding reality of the now. Blinking with eyes still half-crazed with longing, he found himself kneeling in the debris of a back alley. He looked down to find his hand gripping a woman, a prostitute by the cut of her clothes, young and fragile and so very drained. She lay there moaning, whimpering in the dying light.

    She had asked him if he wanted to know pleasure, to find comfort in the joining of two bodies. For money, she reminded him but she had promised him such things... Of course, she thought him an honorable man, a Jedi, a guardian of the weak and helpless beings of the Galaxy. She had no idea of the cravings of the inner soul, of how the Living Force sang to him of hunger and sweetness in the Light. For her, cravings were only of the flesh and transitory. She was learning just how fleeting flesh could be.

    She whimpered again. Looking at the girl, he ignored the dirty rags that covered her bony form; he did not see the fan of auburn hair spread out on the filthy alley floor nor the sheen of terror coating her face with desperation. He only saw the luminous pulse of Living Force energy still beating in her heart, the captured essence of her life begging to be freed.

    For him. The feast of light was all for him.

    Her horror-shot eyes opened, anguish smearing the color to ocean depths as she stared up at him. "Please, no...." she begged, "You're a Jedi. You...."

    "Hush, young one, hush." His hand brushed gently across her bruised cheek, softly following the thread of flowing energy down towards her neck. "Live in the moment, my little morsel." And then his fingertips rested there and began to devour once more the Living Force lying within her. He was pulling the very life from her body, and oh it felt good. "I need your acceptance, your joy in the service of the Jedi." He smiled down, feral and cruel and satiated. "I need your light."

    "No." Terror in a single word. She clawed at him, trying to wiggle free of his iron strength before it was too late. Pushing, shoving, at his arm, at his cloak, at his face, desperate to escape, she groaned with effort. But it was already too late. She could not fight him. There was not strength enough in the universe to fight the monster leaning over her, killing her with his need, destroying her with one touch of his hand, the hunger pulling, feeding on her luminescent energy.

    Even as the soul-searing pleasure began to fire in his veins once more, one part of him puzzled at her reluctance. Did she not understand that it was for her that he did this, for the universe? Could she not realize that he must carry on in the Light and bring peace and justice to all? And if there were to be a few sacrifices along the way, should she not gladly give her life for it?

    She did not seem to understand, only struggle against him. But it was futile. One final push and she fell back, panting, each breath a little shallower, a little quieter. Her heart stuttered once before she surrendered t/>
  2. Kestrel_Kenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 26, 2005
    star 4
    Wow diane evil Qui-Gon indeed! I hadn't read this vig before. Such a powerful and disturbing piece.

    "Qui-Gon?" Such anguish in his soft voice, such despair. "What have you done?"

    I felt so much for Obi-Wan and this line was perfect to convey his pain.

    Wonderfully written... =D=

  3. Kynstar Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 2, 2004
    star 5
    Oh sweeeet! You posted it separately! [face_dancing]

    This was so a twist! [face_love] Loved it! Specially the:

    There, at the entrance to the alleyway, stood his thirteen year old apprentice, Obi-Wan Kenobi, his eyes wide with horror, his mouth half-open in denial. The look of absolute devastation passed across his young Padawan's face as he gazed down at the pathetic corpse of Qui-Gon Jinn's fragile victim. He stared at her for a very long time, unblinking, seeing nothing and everything in her slack body. Then at long last, he looked again at his Master.

    "Qui-Gon?" Such anguish in his soft voice, such despair. "What have you done?"

    "What I must, young one." As he moved swiftly to the boy's side, Obi-Wan flinched back, trembling at the sight of death in Qui-Gon's ravenous eyes. Jinn stilled then, looking down at his Padawan's grief, savoring the panic, almost tasting the fear.

    The child was a blaze in the Living Force; he was a sweet confection of Light and terror and destiny. And Qui-Gon was still hungry.

    "Only what I must."


    And he's still hungry. [face_worried] Scary! [face_mischief]
  4. Mind_Tricked Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 1, 2005
    star 1
    :eek:

    that was so.. evil! I'm speechless...

    incredible job!
  5. DarthMousche Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 16, 2005
    star 3
    Whoa, that was disturbing. Evil Qui-Gon, indeed! Poor girl had no idea what she was in for. I love the idea that Qui-Gon drinks and craves the living Force the way a vampire savors blood.

    The child was a blaze in the Living Force; he was a sweet confection of Light and terror and destiny. And Qui-Gon was still hungry.

    :eek: Run, Obi-Wan!

    Bet he wished he'd been left on Bandomeer...
  6. JediKnight-Obi-Wan Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 13, 2000
    star 5
    :eek: That's positively wicked dianethx! It's hard to even think of Qui-Gon that way and then poor Obi-Wan next!? Aack! =D=
  7. Sunniva Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jan 31, 2006
    :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: Holy Cow. Holy Cow. I-I-I-I love it. I actually love it. It was so cool. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is going to haunt me for the rest of my llllllliiiiiiiiiiiiffffffffffeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!! IT ROCKED!!! IT ROCKED!!!! THAT WAS THE COOLEST THING I HAVE EVER READ. WHY HAVEN'T YOU POSTED IT ON THEFORCE.NET!!!! THAT NEEDS TO BE READ!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M SENDING IT TO MY BEST FRIEND!!!!!!! HOOOO HAAAAA HOOOOO HAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!![face_hypnotized][face_hypnotized][face_hypnotized][face_hypnotized]


    Post edited to prevent the need for scrolling.

    Leona :)
  8. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    I know I shouldn't emjoy Evil Qui so much, but you just do it so well. Loved it the first time, love it the tenth as well!!
  9. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    [face_devil] Absolute perfection! You write evil Qui so well, it's a little scary actually! Do you have a Sithly Qui-Gon locked up in your basement or something?? [face_mischief] If so, lucky you! And lucky us for having this to read. =D=
  10. KELIA Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 26, 2005
    star 6
    :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

    WOW

    Poor Obi-Wan had to stumble upon his Master...

    Great job on this

    =D= =D= =D= =D=
  11. LuvEwan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2002
    star 4
    "Live in the moment, my little morsel."

    And with that, I declare you to secretly (well, not so secretly, I guess!) be the most wicked woman on these boards. This is definitely a scene, a vivid image just dripping with darkness, that stays with the reader forever. I remember my reaction the first time I read it in the challenge thread, and it hasn't changed since. It's just so jarring, and yet so cooly evil, and what a balance that makes.

    I won't make mention of the ending, as I have decided that young Obi escapes his Master's clutches, and returned happily to the Temple. [face_whistling]

    I think this vignette is one great instance of your beautiful descriptive skills. The words sculpt the scene with your usual grace. Wonderful [face_love].
  12. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    Whoa, I haven't seen that before. That's evil.

    The white-hot passion burst through his veins, a lava flow of ecstasy engulfing him in flame. The agony of it was indescribable. Little pops of pain-pleasure bubbling in his blood, the bliss of rapturous indulgence seeping into the very cells of his body, mating, dancing, swirling with the blaze of color and light and life. He could feel himself growing ever more powerful, the core of his reality swelling with each wave of bliss as he swallowed the entire universe of delight in a single, unending feast of the Living Force.

    Rich, chocolately, plush, double-wide evil. Monstrously good descriptions. Fiendishly sinister dialogue. =D=

  13. Layren Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 28, 2003
    star 5

    "Qui-Gon?" Such anguish in his soft voice, such despair. "What have you done?"

    "What I must, young one." As he moved swiftly to the boy's side, Obi-Wan flinched back, trembling at the sight of death in Qui-Gon's ravenous eyes. Jinn stilled then, looking down at his Padawan's grief, savoring the panic, almost tasting the fear.

    The child was a blaze in the Living Force; he was a sweet confection of Light and terror and destiny. And Qui-Gon was still hungry.

    "Only what I must."



    Enjoyed this just as much the second time around Diane! Brilliant work! How do you write him, even evil, so well?

  14. Bastet Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 30, 1999
    star 4
    Agghh!!! :eek: :eek:

    Qui-Gon is so EVIL!!! :eek: [face_devil] [face_skull] Aaaaaahhhhhh!!!

    Oh, Obi-Wan noooo!! Ruuunnnnn!!! :eek:

    That was really good dianethx, so shockingly twisted! [face_devil] And your descipritions are so vivid, they leave me in awe of your great writing talent. Wow!!! :eek:

    *falls out of chair*
  15. Nat Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 11, 2002
    star 4
    Oooh how evil you've made him! Awesome!! However, I felt strangely bad for him at the beginning. He's like a drug addict who gets so high to finally fall back to a sordid reality and I did pity him for that. After all, who knows how it all started... But I quickly changed my mind when you started the amazing but horrifying description of that woman's death by his hands. What a monster!

    The worst part was Obi-Wan's arrival. I can just picture him, young, hopeful and full of admiration for his master, only to discover that he is being trained by a sadistic vampiric dark Jedi!.... Oh the horror... Run, Obi, run!

    Well done Diane! And thanks for this vignette!
  16. JediVegeta Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 20, 2000
    star 4
    ...wow. That was....twisted lol! I really liked this story. It really surpised me! I am not really good with writing and describing my feelings in reviews, so forgive me, but I wanted to tell you that I really enjoyed this and you wrote Obi-Wan's reaction well. I was SO muttering, "Run, Obi, RUN!!!!" at the end. Stop gawking and get out of there or something!! :_|

    Too much Living Force can really mess you up...Excellent Job! :)
  17. Ara-gon Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2005
    star 2
    All that gorgeous prose describing an evil Qui-Gon! :_|

    Oh, Diane, how do you manage to write him so well? Whether he's full of integrity or being sadistically greedy, it's so spot-on believable.

    You do know this is begging to be expanded, don't you?
  18. Jauhzmynn Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 16, 2002
    star 4
    Oh crap! Better run kid, this guy's nuts. A force vampire huh? <big shudder>
  19. Lurkalidth Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2003
    star 2
    dianethx, your powerful descriptions continue to astound me!

    That being said, you manage to do what you've just claimed as impossible. You describe meticulously, precisely--dare I say?--voluptuously.

    For some reason, reading these lines made me go, "Wow!" Just the cadence of it makes this all the more effective

    But this begs the question: what is Qui-Gon? Someone said a Jedi-vampire; that sounds about right. But how does he fit into the Order? Is he a Jedi gone astray, or a Dark Jedi, or a Sith? Or something entirely different? If he were really walking the line (genuine insanity as opposed to duplicity), wouldn't Ye Olde Know-It-All Who Talks Funny He Does have prevented Obi-Wan from being apprenticed to him?

    Oh well, it's a matter for the artiste. I just wanted to thank you for crafting this and tell you I really, really enjoyed it. :) Rock on!
  20. JadeSolo Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Sep 20, 2002
    star 6
    Holy crap. That was incredibly disturbing, and I mean that in the best way possible. :D

    Qui-Gon's like some kind of Force-vampire - forget the Jedi/Sith aspect. I don't think he really applies "good" or "evil" to himself in this vig, because all he's considered about is the Living Force, and that's something a Jedi or Sith could covet.

    How creepy, when he basically raped that girl's life. [face_worried] And the end result was more or less - dare I say it? :p - orgasmic for him.

    This of course begs the question: what kind of high would he get by feeding off someone as strong in the Living Force as he is? [face_mischief]
  21. Jedikma Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 4
    I remember reading this before and it is extremely disturbing! :eek: [face_worried]

    You're so evil, Diane, but in such a good way. ;)

    Well, done!!!
  22. obi_ew Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 14, 2002
    star 5
    The child was a blaze in the Living Force; he was a sweet confection of Light and terror and destiny. And Qui-Gon was still hungry.



    :eek: Loved that line in particular. Very creepy and well done. I like this Jinn! :D
  23. kenobiwanobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 26, 2005
    star 3
    I read this a while back but forgot to post....Wonderous Job!=D=
  24. Princess_Arulmozhi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 16, 2004
    star 4
    Need I tell you how much I enjoyed this? You write such marvelous descriptions of Qui-Gon, m'lady. The way you weave a picture with your words, Qui-Gon's taunting, his puzzlement that others cannot really see how *good* he is - and that last, terrorizing comment - ooh, chilling. I loved it the first time around - I love it even more, now. Excellent imagery. =D=
  25. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Kestrel_Kenobi LOL. I do love writing evil. For some reason, it seems to come a lot more easily. Thanks about the disturbing ? I try, I really do. Plus I thought the contrast between the evil and the innocent goodness of young Obi-Wan would work and I guess it did.
    Thanks.

    Kynstar You are always lovely to reply. It was twisted indeed. I really loved writing it ? that's disturbing that I did, I think.
    Yes, he's still hungry? and Obi-Wan is there, tempting him with that living Light. Yum.
    LOL. Thanks.

    Mind_Tricked Thanks. I love it when I leave people speechless. I certainly enjoyed writing it! Love your icon!

    DarthMousche Occasionally, I like to write very disturbing pieces and then I have to write something light and fluffy to balance it. When the challenge was issued for an evil Qui-Gon, I kept thinking that he's so into the Living Force and its luminescence ? why not have him drinking in the Light. In a way, he's a vampire but he's also an addict to the destruction of living creatures and doesn't even see that it's a bad thing.
    Run, Obi-Wan, run indeed. When I wrote this, I expected Obi-Wan to die. After all, Qui-Gon couldn't let him live with the knowledge. But as I was reading everyone's comments, perhaps, instead he would join Qui-Gon in his vampiritic exploits ? after enough persuasion, of course.
    Thanks for reading.

    JediKnight-Obi-Wan I aim to please. I did enjoy writing such a wicked thing but evil Qui-Gon was demanded and he just seemed to appear. Kind of scary that I could picture him that way so easily.
    Thanks for reading.

    Sunniva Thanks for reading. I'm confused, though. This is on theforce.net. Unless you mean the Archives on the main page. If that is the case, it's difficult to get into the Archives. I currently have 2 stories waiting to be reviewed and accepted/rejected and it's been a while.
    However, thanks for your comments.

    Leona LOL. I don't know why evil Qui-Gon seemed to work so well. Makes you think, doesn't it? LOL. Thanks for commenting.

    MamaVader It is scary that I could write Qui-Gon so evilly and it seemed like it was appropriate. A Sithyly Qui-Gon in my basement? I wish?:D Although I would prefer a more gentle, Lightside Qui-Gon. Yummy.
    Thanks.

    KELIA Poor Obi-Wan indeed. I doubt if he survived to his 14th birthday. He should run away as quickly as possible. Thanks.

    LE A wicked woman?. ME??? Nah. It was rather scary that Qui-Gon could be written as evil so easily. For some reason, I don't have a problem with evil characters, just nice ones. I wonder why that is?
    LOL. Sorry, but Obi-Wan would not survive this. Unless?. he joins his Master in the quest for the Living Force. It's always possible but then there would be two of them. It would make for a nice sequel, to see what they do when they feast on the Council?
    I'm so glad you liked it. I really enjoyed writing the imagery. It was meant to be more of an addict's story, rather than a vampire's but the two mix pretty well, I think.

    ardavenport Thanks. I really enjoyed writing it, especially the descriptions. I love descriptions and any time I can do it, I will. I wanted it to be additive, orgasmic, and yet sucking the Living Force out of his victims. A heady combination.
    Thanks for reading.

    Layren How do I write him evil and well? I don't know but you know I really like writing evil characters ? they are just so delicious and devious and they get away with murder! Besides, can't you see Qui-Gon doing this? LOL
    Thanks for reading again.

    Bastet Qui-Gon is so evil. Gotta love it. The scary part is that he seemed to fit in so well with the evilness even though he was still our Qui-Gon. Twisted indeed. I love writing evil people. Thanks for reading.
    Bastet ? I just noticed. You must like Elizabeth Peters, too. Great novels. Love her Amelia.
    But she needs to write faster?LOL.

    Nat Exactly right. I wrote this with him being a Living Force addict and getting high on his vic
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