El Thread de los Chistes! :D

Discussion in 'Puerto Rico Star Wars FanForce' started by Spike_Spiegel, Mar 5, 2003.

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  1. Ktulu_Terumo Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 27, 2002
    star 4
    One day a teacher went into her class room and saw the word, ?penis? written in small letters on the chalkboard. She erased it and went on with the day's lesson. The next day, she came in and saw the same word on the chalkbaord, but a little bit bigger. She erased it and went on with her lesson.
    Each of the next several days, the teacher would come in to find ?penis? on the board, a little larger each time. She went in one morning, expecting to dinf it again, but instead the chalkboard read: ?The more you rub it, the bigger it gets.?
  2. Ktulu_Terumo Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 27, 2002
    star 4
    One day three women went camping - a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. The blonde suddenly had to go to the bathroom. She went into the woods with her toilet paper and did her business. While she was gone, the brunette and the redhead decided to play a joke on her. They skinned a rabbit and snuck up on the blonde, put the guts behind her and ran back to the campsite. Three minutes later they heard a scream.
    Then they waited another half an hour and the blonde came back, sweating. She said, "I had to poop so hard I pooped my guts out. But thanks to God and these two fingers, I stuffed them back in."
  3. Ktulu_Terumo Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 27, 2002
    star 4
    Good: Your children are sexually active.
    Bad: With each other
    Worse: And your wife. Good: Hot outdoor sex.
    Bad: Getting arrested.
    Worse: By your husband
    Good: The teacher likes your son.
    Bad: Sexually.
    Worse: The techer is a he.
    Good: You go home for a quickie.
    Bad: you get caught by your wife
    Worse: You're with her sister.











    Three friends die and go to heaven. The first guy gets handcuffed to one of the ugliest girls there. ''Why?'' he asks.
    St. Paul replies, ''When you were nine you killed a bird with a stone.'' The same happens to the second guy. He asks why.
    St. Paul replies, ''When you were nine you killed a bird with a stone.'' The third guy laughs at his friends and says, ''Thank God I didn't do anything like that.'' He gets handcuffed to the prettiest girl in heaven. The other two guys ask, ''Why?''
    ''Because when she was nine she killed a bird with a stone.''
  4. Ktulu_Terumo Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 27, 2002
    star 4
    There were three babies in a woman's womb, and they were discussing what they would like to be when they were out in the world and grown up. The first one said "I wanna be a plumber."  The others laughed at this, and asked why he wanted be be a plumber. He replied, "So I can fix the pipes in here, it's kinda leaky."
    The second one said "I wanna be an electrician." The others thought this was kind of silly too and asked why. The second baby answered, "so I can get some lights in here, its dark!"
    The third one said, "I wanna be a boxer."  The  others thought this was hilarious, and laughed for a full five minutes, before asking, "Why in God's name do you want to be a boxer?"
    He replied, "So," he said proudly, "I can beat the hell out of that bald guy who keeps coming in here and spitting on us.
  5. Ktulu_Terumo Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 27, 2002
    star 4
    There was this guy who always went out drinking with his friends. He would always come home very late. One night, while he was at the bar he told them his secret for being able to sneak in late. "When I walk in the house, before the wife can say anything, I lay her down, take off her panties, and give her the best oral sex she's ever had, until she has such an orgasm that she falls into a deep sleep. Then, I wash up and go to bed. By morning, she is so pleased, she doesn't care what time I came home."
    One of his friends thinks this is a great idea. So he stays out late, comes home, sneaks into the bedroom, gives his wife the best oral sex she's ever had, and goes to wash up. His wife walks into the bathroom, obviously upset that he's home so late.
    "Hey, why aren't you sleeping?" he asks.
    "I was was, but I came in to tell you that we've got to sleep on the couch tonight, 'cause my mother is sleeping in our bedroom."
  6. kyle_katarn_pr Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 28, 2002
    star 3
    De los mejores chistes que he visto esta aqui en el foro:

    "Hello fellows jedis,the force is strong and weakness in this times on melancoly and wispers of the shadows arround us....."

    Brillant!
  7. Ktulu_Terumo Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 27, 2002
    star 4
    LOL! Kyle TE PASASTE!





    A guy walked into a bar one day and said to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas." The barman says, "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day."
    "Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."
    The next day, the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"
    On the third day, the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said, "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"
    The man downed the first drink and shook his head, "Yeah, my wife!"
  8. Ktulu_Terumo Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 27, 2002
    star 4
    S.H.I.T.


    In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from students, it will be our policy to keep all students well taught through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TEACHING (S.H.I.T.). We are trying to give our students more S.H.I.T. than any other schools. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the course, please see your lecturer. You will immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list and our lecturers are especially skilled at seeing you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.



    Students who don't know S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EDUCATIONAL EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.).
    Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EDUCATIONAL ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.). Since our lecturers took S.H.I.T. before they graduated, they don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, as they are all full of S.H.I.T. already. If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be intersted in a job teaching others. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.).


    For students who are attending to pursue a carrier in management and consultancy, we will refer you to the department of MANAGERIAL OPERATIONAL RESEARCH EDUCATION (M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T.). This course emphasizes on how to manage M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T.
    If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TEACHING SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.)


    Thank you, BOSS IN GENERAL SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (B.I.G. S.H.I.T.)
  9. Jedi_Boricua Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 17, 2002
    star 4
    UN MEJICANO COJO CON UNA MULETA ENTRA A UN RESTAURANTE

    HUMILDE Y LE PIDE A LA MESERA QUE LE SIRVA UNA TAZA DE CAFÉ. AL

    PASAR LA VISTA POR EL LUGAR, LE PREGUNTA A LA CHICA, 'ES AQUEL

    JESÚS?' DALE UNA TAZA DE CAFÉ TAMBIÉN.

    LUEGO ENTRA UN AMERICANO CON UNA JOROBA Y PIDE UN VASO DE

    TÉ...AL MIRAR EL LUGAR....'ES AQUEL JESÚS?' SEÑORITA, LLÉVELE

    UN VASO DE TÉ A ÉL TAMBIÉN.

    ENTRA UN PUERTORRIQUEÑO, PIDE UNA COCA-COLA HELADA Y AL

    PASAR LA VISTA POR EL REST. TAMBIÉN PREGUNTA... 'ES AQUELL JESÚS?'

    'PUES LLÉVELE UNA COCA-COLA HELADA TAMBIÉN!'

    EFECTIVAMENTE....ERA JESÚS....ESTE SE DISPONE A SALIR DEL REST. ,

    SE DIRIJE AL MEJICANO LE TOCA EL HOMBRO, LE DA LAS GRACIAS...

    Y EL COJO SALIÓ BRINCANDO Y CAMINANDO NORMALMENTE, FUE

    SANADO!!!!!!!!

    LUEGO SE DIRIJE AL AMERICANO, LE TOCA EL HOMBRO, LE DA LAS

    GRACIAS...E INMEDIATAMENTE, LA JOROBA DESAPARECIÓ!!!!!!

    ACTO SEGUIDO, SE DIRIJE AL PUERTORRIQUEÑO Y ÉSTE LE GRITA...

    'DE NADA' 'QUE DISFRUTES LA COCA-COLA' PERO, A MI NI ME TOQUES...

    YO ESTOY POR EL FONDO!!!
  10. Ktulu_Terumo Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 27, 2002
    star 4
    A boy goes to the drug store with his dad and sees the condom display. Boy: "Dad, why do they do packs of one condom?"
    Dad: "Those are for the high-schoolers for Friday nights."
    Boy: "So, why do they make packs of three?"
    Dad: "For the college guys for Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights."
    Boy: "Then why do they make packs of 12?"
    Dad: "Those are for married couples -- you know, January, February, March...."
  11. Ktulu_Terumo Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 27, 2002
    star 4


    One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
    ''Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks."

    Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:

    "Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."

  12. Spike_Spiegel Former FF Administrator Former Saga Mod

    Member Since:
    Aug 12, 2002
    star 6
    Now that Uday & Qusay have been eliminated, the lesser-known children of Saddam Hussein are coming to the attention of American authorities.

    Among the other brothers:

    Sooflay ..........the restaurateur
    Guday... the half-Australian brother
    Huray....... the sports fanatic
    Sashay.............. the gay brother
    Kuntay & Kintay....the twins from the African mother
    Sayhay....the baseball player
    Ojay...... the stalker/murderer
    Gulay......the singer/entertainer
    Ebay........ the antiques collector
    Biliray...... the country music singer
    Ecksray....... the radiologist
    Puray..... the blender factory owner
    Regay......the half-Jamaican brother
    Tupay......... the one with bad hair

    Among their sisters:
    Lattay........ the coffee shop owner
    Bufay.......... the 500 pound sister
    Phayray......... the zoo worker in the gorilla house
    Sapheway..the grocery store owner
    Ollay........ the half-mexican sister
    Gudlay........... the prostitute

    And Finally:
    There is Oyvay ...... the one the family never talks about....

    luke@projectvoyeur.c
  13. Carlitos Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 17, 2003
    star 1
    How many militant feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?


    Two: one to screw in the bulb, and one to edit: nope
  14. Carlitos Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 17, 2003
    star 1
    That's right, I edited your post.
  15. Skalderan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 10, 2002
    star 4
    jaaaaa jajajajaj he said suck.... plop!
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