Elementary, my dear Obi-Wan-- a SW/Sherlockian London crossover

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Frostfyre, Sep 24, 2000.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Frostfyre Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 25, 1999
    star 3


    I'm posting this with the intent of getting it beta read. I'm writing this as I go. Please, critique me! Now for the spiel on the story itself, ergo, the disclaimers:

    I am a big Sherlock Holmes fan, but I am not a timeline Nazi. I have taken a number of liberties with the canon in this story, and also, despite my love of history, a number of glaring historical inaccuracies. (The presence of two Jedi in Victorian London being one of them. <grins>) I have also always preferred the versions of Holmes where he has a sense of humor, and I apologize ahead of time if I project my own weird sense of humor onto him. I'm sure he'll forgive me. Also, my grasp of London geography is tenuous, to put it mildly. I'm an American, and I have yet to have the privelege of visiting England (though I'd rather visit Scotland. Sorry, guys.) So if any of you reading this have either been to London, or are Londoners, I welcome suggestions and help.

    And now, the first section:

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    The sound of a door slamming and feet pounding up the stairway alerted me that my friend and erstwhile housemate, Sherlock Holmes, was returning home after a night of doing who knows what on the foggy streets of London. I had returned to our rooms at 221B Baker street from paying a call to my fiancée, Mary, the night before, to discover no sign whatsoever of Holmes. Though I am by no means the genius at deduction that he is, I came to the conclusion that he had found something entertaining to pursue, and promptly went to bed. I had long ago learned that sitting up and worrying would only cost me sleep and irritate Holmes. He hated sentiment, even of the brotherly sort.

    Now it was well after nine in the morning, and I was in Holmes?s cluttered study, enjoying an after-breakfast cup of tea Mrs. Hudson, our housekeeper, had brought up to me, and perusing the morning news. Having been alerted by the commotion on the stairs that Holmes had returned, I did not bother looking up from the paper as the door burst open.

    ?He?s back, Watson!? my friend said enthusiastically. He was slightly winded, and as I looked up from my reading, I could see that he had forgotten his hat. His black hair was sticking up in spots, and this, combined with his sharp, prominent features and mostly black clothing, made him rather resemble a crow that had gotten caught on the wrong end of a windstorm.

    ?Who is?? I asked, though I could only think of two ?he?s? off the top of my head that could get Holmes so worked up. One was his archenemy, Professor James Moriarty, and the other was Moriarty?s henchman, former spy Colonel Sebastian Moran. And though Moran was, in his own way, nearly as dangerous as Moriarty, Holmes?s obvious state of agitation made me place my money on Moriarty. He?d defeated Moran once, but only managed to foil Moriarty?s schemes thus far, and Holmes didn?t get this excited over someone he?d already beaten.

    Holmes flung his long frame into the wicker chair he favored and lounged as only Holmes can. He ceased resembling a wind-tossed crow and became a rumpled cat instead, grey eyes narrowed on some ineffable secret. ?Oh, come now, Watson. Surely you can guess.?

    I sighed. There were days when it seemed to me that my whole purpose in Holmes?s life was as a whetstone on which to sharpen his wits. But at least this time I could be reasonably sure that my guess would be the correct one. ?Moriarty??

    ?He has been spotted in Woking!? Holmes leaned over the side of his chair, rummaging through the accumulated clutter. After a moment, he emerged triumphantly with his pipe. Stuffing it with the vile shag he favored, he continued. ?He?s keeping a very low profile. No doubt he has some new, nefarious scheme to hatch!? He sounded disgustingly excited about it. This, from a man who scoffs at the Whitechapel murders as ?unimaginative? and ?boring?. It is little wonder that Scotland Yard is none too fond of him.

    ?And you, of course, are going to foil it.? I shook out my paper, trying to look disi
  2. Jane Jinn Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 5
    All right, Frostfyre's back! And the thought of two Jedi in Victorian London is already bringing a big grin to my face. Good start!
  3. LadyVorgunby Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Sep 2, 2000
    star 3
    oohh...Holmes meets the Jedi...This is gonna get interesting. Greatly looking foward to more!!
  4. anya Skywalker Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 14, 2000
    star 4
    Interesting.Please write more!
  5. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    A wonderful combination and a good start Frostfyre. I watch this one closely.

    Post often, post soon.
  6. Frostfyre Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 25, 1999
    star 3
    Thanks! Hey, Lady Vorgunby! Great to meet another fan of the oh-so-irrepressible Lord Miles! Have you read A Civil Affair yet?


    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Holmes left a little while later, dressed as a singularly messy old beggar. I had noticed, over the years, that he tended to favor the elderly in his disguises. I?d asked him about it once over dinner, and he?d explained: ?My features lend themselves far better to age than youth, Watson. Also, people tend to dismiss the elderly, and that can be a great advantage. And,? he added a little irritably, ?I make a singularly ugly young woman.?

    ?That hasn?t stopped you before,? I had murmured, recalling a particularly appalling evening gown and hairpiece stashed among his disguises.

    ?But people remember a very ugly young lady, Watson. I?d rather not use that too much. Better to be an ugly *old* lady, or an old man. In all honesty, I prefer being an old man. Until they invent more comfortable clothing for women, I?d rather not disguise myself as one too often.?

    Dinner conversations with Holmes are so interesting.

    After I had seen my friend off, I finished my paper, and went downstairs to see if I could wheedle some lunch from Mrs. Hudson. She was a short, plump woman in her sixties, kind-faced and cheerful, with warm blue eyes and a full head of silvery hair. She mothered Holmes and I indiscriminately, though it drove my friend to distraction. He hated people being protective of him. As for myself, I found her endearing. She reminded me of my own mother, God rest her soul.

    ?Good afternoon, Doctor,? she greeted me as I entered the kitchen. Her hands were covered in flour from the bread dough she was kneading. ?Mr. Holmes is off again, I see.?

    Holmes would have left through the back door in the kitchen. It would have been extremely odd for a grungy old vagrant to be seen leaving through the front. ?Yes. It seems that Professor Moriarty has been spotted in London.?

    She frowned a little. ?The Professor? Well, now, that can?t be good. I suppose this means Mr. Holmes will be keeping late hours again.? Mrs. Hudson shook her head. ?And here I was just getting used t? having a full night?s sleep.?

    ?Don?t worry yourself, Mrs. Hudson. Holmes is perfectly capable of handling himself.? I didn?t sound convincing even to myself.

    ?Ha,? she said scornfully. ?And he?ll no doubt be dragging you along with him soon.?

    I hadn?t thought of that. I would have to speak to Mary, so she wouldn?t be upset with me if she didn?t see me as often over the next few weeks as she did now. She knew what Holmes was like; I was certain she?d understand. All the same, I found myself fervently hoping that if Moriarty really was in London that Holmes could find and stop him quickly. I was fonder these days of domesticity than I was of crawling through London?s seamy underbelly.
    ****************************

    Holmes returned later that afternoon, and I could see immediately from the rigid set of his features that he was troubled about something. Knowing that he would be impossible until he?d gotten it out of his system, I immediately asked what was wrong. He snarled at me for a few minutes, no doubt hoping to start a fight, but when he realized that he wasn?t going to get a rise from me he relented.

    ?I spoke to Mycroft this afternoon. His people have been keeping an eye on Moriarty for some time.?

    I raised my eyebrows. ?I didn?t know your brother?s, ah, office was watching the Professor.?

    ?Neither did I,? Holmes growled. ?It appears that Sebastian Moran was once in the employ of the Foreign Office. During Afghanistan,? he added with a meaningful look at me. As if on cue, my shoulder twinged. ?And now that he?s working for Moriarty, it seems that the Professor is suddenly taking an interest in things political.? He steepled his fingers, resting his chin lightly on their tips. ?I shudder to think what would happen if Moriarty ever got his hands on state secrets. Or someone with real power.? Holme
  7. LadyVorgunby Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Sep 2, 2000
    star 3
    This is wonderful...keep it up!!

    I have read a Civil Campaign. I read it in hard back and then bought it the day I found it on paperback. I own the whole series!! It's my roommates fault..she got me hooked :)

    my two obsessions:
    the Vorkosigan series
    JA fanfic
  8. Frostfyre Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 25, 1999
    star 3

    The Vorkosigan Saga has shot right up there with David Eddings as being one of my all time favorite series. Miles is just awesome. I wonder if Ekaterin will ever get to meet Taura? (Or Elli?) Wouldn't THAT be interesting...

    Okay. On to the next post. Seriously, people, I need this edited! :D

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Woking, compared to, say, Whitechapel, isn't all that bad. Lower middle class, as it were. It could be dangerous at night, though, and I kept my hand in my coat pocket as Holmes and I walked down the street. My old Army revolver was a comforting weight.

    It was not yet full dark, and there were still a number of people out and about in the chill autumn twilight. Hansom cabs and carriages clattered over the damp cobblestones as people returned home from work or those with more money passed through on their way to parties and other entertainments. As an open carriage full of brightly dressed young women and their escorts passed I found my thoughts wandering toward my upcoming nuptials. Mary still wanted my opinion on linens for the wedding breakfast. I'd initially told her that it didn't really matter to me one way or another what the linens looked like, but she'd become so put out with me for some reason that I had agreed to help. I wondered if I could use Holmes and Moriarty as an excuse for getting out of it, then dismissed it hastily. I would have to have a death wish if I were stupid enough to put *that* to my fiancee.

    A small noise from Holmes drew me from my thoughts. The street was nearly empty now. He'd slowed his pace, and caught my sleeve as I drew ahead of him. "Over there, in that doorway." A small jerk of his head indicated which doorway. Trying not to appear too obvious, I looked.

    At first all I could make out was a vague person-shape in the deepening shadows. Initially, I thought it was a woman, for the figure was heavily draped in something flowing. Then it moved, and I realized that it was far too tall and broad-shouldered to be any such thing. A man, then, but very strangely dressed. The flowing drapery appeared to be some sort of robe, dark and unidentifiable in the poor light. I caught a glimmer of pale fabric underneath as he moved. "What is it?" I asked Holmes softly.

    He shook his head. "I'm not certain. But he's being stalked." A flick of his eyes, and I noticed another shape, standing very still in the heavily shaded mouth of a nearby alley. As far as I could tell, this one was more conventionally dressed.

    "What are we going to do?" I hissed.

    "Nothing, for the moment." He drew me to the side, into the shadows of another doorway. "Just watch. I want to see this play out."

    "But Holmes, if that man doesn't know he's being--being stalked, as you put it, shouldn't we--"

    "He knows he's being watched," my friend said softly. For once, I forbore asking him how he knew that and turned my attention to the robed man. After a moment, I thought I understood. There was a furtive tension in his movements that suggested all was not well.

    It was like watching a drama, so captivating was the tableau, but it was not a comfortable one. The knowledge that it was real, and not knowing what was going to happen was maddening. After a long moment, the robed man moved at a half-run towards the other side of the street, his hand darting beneath his robe.

    Another movement caught my eye. The second man had withdrawn a strange object that looked vaguely like a pistol, though it was unlike any gun I'd ever seen. He raised his arm, and I felt Holmes stiffen beside me. I, too, tensed, ready to distract the armed stranger.

    The other man seemed to sense the threat; he turned as he neared the street corner, and started to draw his hand out of his robe. Without warning, a carriage rounded the corner. I could hear the driver's curses clearly as he hauled back on the reins, trying to avoid running down the man standing in the street. The horse reared with a ringing cry. The robed man turned to see this new danger, and a flash of green li
  9. anya Skywalker Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 14, 2000
    star 4
    Oh get back from school soon!
  10. Jane Jinn Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 5
    All right! Two great posts back to back!

    I saw one tiny mistake. Mrs. Hudson "mothered Holmes and I indiscriminately." It should be "Holmes and me". Other than that, nothing jumped out at me.

    I like your style! It's like Conan Doyle with your own special twist. "until they invent more comfortable clothes for women..." "she reminded me of my own mother..." "I was fonder of domesticity..." Great! That sort of thing really makes the reading enjoyable!

    Now am I correct in assuming they ran over Qui-Gon? You did have a "flash of green from the alley"--was that the "more conventionally dressed" stranger with a green light saber under his waistcoat? Maybe I should go over that section again.

    For a minute, I thought the woman might be Hester Latterley, but then I thought "Whoops, wrong detective series! Sir Conan Doyle, not Anne Perry!" Who is she, though, and where is Obi-Wan?

    Eagerly awaiting more!
  11. LadyVorgunby Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Sep 2, 2000
    star 3
    oh come on! You can't leave it there. Why go to classes anyway. THe prof is only gonna give you more homework! (well, thats my philosophy anyways) :)

    looking foward to more as always...
  12. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    I love Sherlock Homles and got totally caught up in the beginning of that post that I forgot it was a SW crossover till you described the figue in the doorway.

    That is some awesome writing Frostfrye, I am so jealous!!!
  13. Lilith Demodae Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 1, 1999
    star 4
    Frosty!!! I'm gonna beat you bloody!

    First you change the story without telling me (I was her beta reader before, folks), Then you start posting it WITHOUT TELLING ME!!!!!!


    ::grumble, grumble, gripe:: Well, maybe I'll let you off the hook if you send me my 10th Kingdom DVD and post again soon.
  14. Frostfyre Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 25, 1999
    star 3
    I'm sorry, Lil. But it was your beta reading that inspired all those changes! And I was gonna tell you, but I was having trouble with hotmail. ;D And I am mailing your DVD, I promise!! I'm buying the envelope tomorrow after work.

    Jane--the man in the alley isn't Qui-Gon. That guy was holding a blaster. That's all I'm gonna say.
    <evil grin>

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Once we'd arranged my new patient as comfortably as possible, I sat beside him while Holmes handed the woman up. He was strangely silent as the hansom lurched into motion , and though it was almost completely black inside the cab I caught him shooting several enigmatic glances toward the woman. "You haven't told us your name," I said, hoping to break the growing unease filling the hansom's tiny interior.

    "Mahala O'Kelly," she said shortly.

    "Mahala," Holmes repeated. "A Hebrew name. It means 'sea-bright.' An unusual name for an Irishwoman."

    "No more unusual than 'Sherlock,'" she shot back. I felt rather than saw Holmes wince, then glower at her. He has never been fond of his first name. As far as I know, his brother is the only person allowed to use it.

    I didn't make any more attempts at conversation for the rest of the ride. When we reached Baker Street, Miss O'Kelly insisted upon paying the cabbie. Rather to my surprise, Holmes let her. Though he had little patience with most members of the fairer sex, he usually was as chivalrous as the next man. After the hansom had clattered off, she mounted the steps ahead of us to ring the bell, while Holmes and I carried the stranger. He was far heavier than he looked.

    Mrs. Hudson opened the door, her eys widening in surprise as she took in the strange little party on the doorstep. "Oh, good heavens!" Her tone was less an expression of shock than it was exasperation. She has had any number of strange people in varying stages of health intruding upon her territory for years. I think she left the capacity to be shocked a long time ago. "Bring 'im in! No, Mr. Holmes, don't you dare put 'im in the parlor! I just cleaned it. No,no, take 'im to the guest room." She put her hands on her hips and glared fiercely at him as he balked at carrying the deadweight up the steep, narrow stairs. "Don't you give me that look, Mr. Holmes. I'll not have 'im bleeding on my parlor furniture!"

    Holmes looked as though he wanted to point out that it was actually *his* parlor furniture, as well as his flat, but after a look at the set of her jaw decided that discretion was the better part of valour. We meekly hauld our heavy load up the stairs, Mrs. Hudson and Miss O'Kelly following. We laid the man carefully on the bed, and I asked Mrs. Hudson to bring my bag up to me. She towed Holmes out with her, ordering him to the kitchen to start boiling water, a past time I invented years ago to keep him out of my way when I was treating an unconscious patient. In this case, I really did need the water, as I intended to make a poultice for my patient's shoulder. His protests were firmly ignored. Miss O'Kelly, meanwhile, was stripping off her hat, gloves, and pelisse in a business-like manner, and I got my first good look at her.

    I had been correct in my estimate of her age; she was at least five years younger than Holmes and I, putting her in her late twenties. She had burnished golden hair drawn up into a simple coif, with ringlets brushing her shoulders. Her skin, interestingly, was browned, suggesting she had spent time in the sun without benefit of a parasol or hat. Her eyes were the same color as her hair, an eyecolor I'd never seen before. She was tall, for a woman, with strong, capable looking hands. No ring adorned her left hand. I wondered why; she was a beautiful woman, and obviously intelligent. "Where were you trained, Miss O'Kelly?" I asked.

    "At Florence Nightingale's Academy." Her tone faintly suggested that I was an idiot to even ask such a thing.

    Ah. That made her age and her profession more compatible. "I see. I hope you are not squeamish." At her withering
  15. Lilith Demodae Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 1, 1999
    star 4
    I'm totally interested in how this is going to play out now.

    I have a few questions/suggestions, though. What is Florence Nightingale's Academy? Is it a school, or is that a sarcastic way of saying she worked during one of the wars, or what?

    In the 11th paragraph you have 'was' twice in a row.

    13th paragraph about half way through, 'sae' I think is supposed to be 'save'.

    Umm, I know that Mrs. Hudson 'returns with his things' but what is she doing during the rest of it until she speaks at the end of this section? I'd forgotten that she was there. You might want to work her in a bit more so that we realise she's still there, so that her sudden speaking doesn't jolt the reader.


    LD- Beta Reader at Large and Thrasher of Inner Critics.
  16. Jane Jinn Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 5
    Ah, so this is where Obi-Wan is! When I saw the description "tall and broad-shouldered" in the previous post, I naturally assumed it was Qui-Gon. Obi-Wan always seemed more on the "slight" side to me. Now where's Qui-Gon?

    I like Mahala O'Kelly! (If I were her, I would stare interestedly at the muscular upper body as well!) And the way that Holmes gives her a curt nod before leaving the room, like a fencer acknowledging a point, is brilliant. I can see that they'll be clashing more often in the story. I'm looking forward to it immensely.

    Florence Nightingale's Academy really was a school for nurses, wasn't it? Where they learned to care intelligently for their patients and not just empty slops.

    I especially liked the part where Watson admits that he thought of the idea of boiling water as a good way to get Holmes out of his hair while he deals with his patients. And the way he wondered if the young man wasn't a member of one of those religious orders that are always popping up, such as Mormons. Excellent touches to the story! Keep them coming!

    I think Lilith got all the typos. I am being distracted right now, otherwise I'd have another look.
  17. The Butler's Butler Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 19, 2000
    star 2
    Yes, a Sherlock Holmes thread! Great posts!

    "Wonderful!"
    -Threepio
  18. LadyVorgunby Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Sep 2, 2000
    star 3
    SO where is Qui-Gon anways?... And I am now seriously wondering how they ended up in Holmesian England in the first place!!??!?

    Keep it coming!
  19. Alli-Wan Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 21, 1999
    star 3
    Wow, here's a crossover I had never thought of but it sounds wonderful. You certainly have captured Watson's whit and Holmes' attitude. Excellent.

    Random comment: could this unnamed Jedi be a grown up Anakin? Anakin's physique is still unknown. And even so, Obi-Wan is not terribly small in the movie, he's just a lot shorter than Qui-Gon. Considering this story takes place in the Victorian Era, (when people were on average, a bit smaller), Obi-Wan may have been considered quite large. After all, Holmes is considered very tall at only six feet or so.

    Random comment over.

    Keep up the excellent work. --AWK
  20. anya Skywalker Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 14, 2000
    star 4
  21. Frostfyre Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 25, 1999
    star 3


    Lil--I'll see what I can do about that 'was'. I'll have to think about it, though. that's a hard word to find synonyms for. <grins>

    After she returned from the Crimea, Florence Nightingale founded an academy (I want to say it was in Italy, but I don't remember. I once did a term paper on her, but that was in 10th grade and rather a while ago) to train nurses to actually *nurse*, instead of emptying slop buckets and getting drunk on the job. Y'see, before Florence went into the profession, nursing was considered a profession only for lower class women. They knew nothing about medicine, and often didn't do anything but drink gin. Hospitals were nasty, nasty places. Florence felt that nurses should be educated, especially in the field of medicine, and be able to assist the doctors in both surgery and care of the patients. The doctors resisted this strenuously. They didn't like a mere woman telling them how to do their jobs. She wasn't, really, she merely took over running the field hospital in Crimea, drained the sewage floating on the floors out, and did her best to make the place sanitary. The mortality rate among the wounded was shockingly high, and after she arrived it began to drop. Most of the doctors hated her. She also reformed America's nursing during the Civil War. They were a little happier to see her, and more willing to listen. Anyhow, Mahala isn't being sarcastic, she's merely saying she received her training at Florence's school, something a number of middle-class, educated young women did. There. Now you've had a history lesson for the day. ;D

    The Mormon insert was a joke. I couldn't resist, considering the time period, and the fact that I *am* LDS. D'you know, the LDS religion was actually mentioned in a Holmes story. I forget which one (I actually came across mention of it in one of Carol Nelson Douglas's Irene Adler books), and it irritated me because, well, obviously Doyle had the same opinion most of the world did of the Mormons at that time. He didn't do his research. :p

    Betcha thought there would be another section of the story here. Sorry, but I haven't finished typing it just yet. MSWord isn't on the computers in the Graphic Design department, so I can't access my files on disk. So...hopefully I'll get it posted tomorrow or the day after.

    Thanks!

    Frosty
  22. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    Ah, so it's Obi, not Qui-Gon. That means we've got a distraught Jedi Master searching for his injured Padawan.

    I can't wait for Holmes' deductions about his guest.

  23. Lilith Demodae Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 1, 1999
    star 4
    ::Claps happily, like a demented child::

    ::sing song tone:: I know something -you- don't know!!!!

    Okay, that's because I'm- er, was Frosty's beta reader. :) I -love- having inside information. :)
  24. anya Skywalker Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 14, 2000
    star 4
    Well a post would be higly apecciated!
    Please?
  25. Darth Cerberus Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 12, 1999
    star 3
    Valley of Fear is the story that featured a Mormon settlement.

    Wonderful story! I've been reading Holmes since I was 9 and you're doing a great job. My only quibble would be that in the opening sequence out on the street I lost track of which man was being stalked and which one was shot. I didn't figure it out until Homes' rooms when his robes were described.

    Oh, and one more thing, can you please reassure me that you aren't going to make Mahala Holmes' love interest (for lack of a better word)? If it were anyone but Holmes I would swear that is where it is heading. For Holmes that would be sacraligious!

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.