Elementary, My Dear Obi-Wan (the revised version)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Frostfyre, Dec 19, 2002.

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  1. Lilith Demodae Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 1, 1999
    star 4
    *big smiles* I looks like most of the glaring mistakes have been taken care of and we're down to the piddling. As most of those are technical details that I sadly know nothing about, I'll just sit back and enjoy the story. :)
  2. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    I too loved that last line. To me it doesn't make her mysterious, just mothering :)
  3. Nat Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 11, 2002
    star 4
    That's our Obi! All strength and intelligence. ;)

    Up up!
  4. Sarah_K Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 10, 2001
    star 4
    Still loved your description of Obi-Wan; it's funny how Holmes was forced to admit he could deduce nothing about him. ;)

    And LOL over Mrs. Hudson!! [face_laugh]

    Sarah >^,,^<
  5. greencat336 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 27, 2001
    star 5
    :D Wow. Smashing all those blue bottles over that long, long wait was certainly worth it.
  6. greencat336 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 27, 2001
    star 5
  7. messicat_kenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 24, 2002
    star 4
    Well, well, young Obi-Wan has come to. How exciting!
  8. menilma Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 25, 2001
    star 4
    Oh it's back again! Frosty, this story is lovely :D And I'm intrigued by some of your changes... ;) Also, don't worry about these spelling checkers. (very thorough aren't you all?) I'm not one of them, since my English isn't at all as good as yours. Anyway, give us more, give us more! I'm even more interested now that dear Obi-Wan has awakened ;)
  9. Frostfyre Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 25, 1999
    star 3

    Thanks for all the love. Actually, I believe they do use the term 'doctor' in GFFA, and as 'mister' is merely a corrupted form of 'master'...::shrugs::

    ______________________________

    Morning found me but little refreshed, and wishing I had not drunk that extra brandy-and-splash the night before. I lay in my bed for a moment, thinking about nothing in particular, when the events of the previous day came back in a rush. I dressed hastily and hurried downstairs to see if our guest was up and about.


    I found Obi-Wan Kenobi in the dining room, dressed in his own clothing, which had apparently been rescued from my associate's clutches. Holmes's assessment of Mrs. Hudson's reaction was proving correct. She was busily plying him with enormous amounts of food, and although he was eyeing the kippers with deep suspicion, he was doing admirable justice to the rest of it. "Good morning, Doctor," he greeted me politely. He still held himself a little stiffly, and I judged that, despite his unusual recovery, his shoulder still pained him.


    "Good morning, Mr. Kenobi," I replied.


    He pushed the salver of kippers towards me with the air of someone offering an uncertain gift. "Please, Doctor, call me Obi-Wan. Or," he corrected, "you could follow Mrs. Hudson's example and call me Ben."


    I glanced sharply at the landlady. She was usually the very soul of propriety, and despite keeping house for Holmes and I for several years, still referred to us as 'Mr. Holmes' and 'Doctor', respectively. This was somewhat out of character for her.


    Holmes breezed into the room then, looking disgustingly well rested. He could function better on four hours of sleep than most men could on ten. "Good morning, Mrs. Hudson," he said airily. "Breakfast looks especially delectable this morning."


    She raised an eyebrow at this. Holmes almost never bothered to notice what was put in front of him, if it was edible, and I half-suspected he wouldn't notice if it weren't.


    Ignoring her patent disbelief, he continued. "I trust you are feeling better this morning, Obi-Wan?"


    "Call me Ben, Mr. Holmes. And thank you, I am."


    My friend stabbed a forkful of eggs, his face studiously innocent. "Doctor Watson was certain you would be weeks in recovery."


    I concealed my start of surprise in a gulp of tea. I hadn't said anything concerning that to Holmes. How had he-? But no, I could guess. Holmes could read thoughts simply from an expression or gesture, and he knew me better than most.


    "I've always been a fast healer," Ben replied laconically.


    "Really."


    It was impossible to read the young man's reaction to that loaded response. Like Holmes, he let few unwanted emotions show on his features. "Perhaps you should tell me more about your work, Mr. Holmes," he said. "For instance, who is this man you are hunting?"


    Touché, I thought approvingly as I caught the brief flicker of surprise cross Holmes's face. I did wonder how Ben had known, though. Had Mrs. Hudson told him? That was unlike her, if it was true. She never discussed her employer's business with strangers, and as likable as this young man seemed, he was still a stranger.


    Holmes recovered quickly, leaning back in his chair and tapping a pattern on the table surface with long fingers. "You are well informed suddenly."


    "I have my sources," Ben replied with a small smile.


    My friend shot a faintly accusing glance at Mrs. Hudson. "Then you are a far more persuasive man than most."


    Mrs. Hudson looked offended. "'Ere, now, Mister Holmes!"


    "Never mind. As to your question, ah, Ben, I am willing to answer it. But," he raised a long finger, "only if you answer one of mine."


    "That, Mr. Holmes, will depend on the question."


    Holmes snorted softly. "Very well. His name is James Moriarty. Outwardly, he is a professor of mathematics at Oxford, but I know him to be something far more sinister. He is a criminal mastermind. In the last ten years he has subverted and consolidated forty percent of the criminal
  10. Shezan Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 14, 2001
    star 3
    As someone just said, this is definitely worth all the Tabrulian beer bottles!

    Now for some piddling quibbles, and only in the spirit of adding a last flicker of the polishing brush on this masterpiece:

    "Well, Watson," he said with a trace of black humour, "You are either a miracle worker who has been keeping secrets from me, or this young man is an unusually fast healer."

    Should read "Either you're a miracle worker who has been keeping secrets from me, or this young man is an unusually fast healer." Otherwise the syntactic balance is lost.

    "Though still cloudy from his long unconsciousness, I found his direct, penetrating glance a little unsettling."

    Like this, it seems that Watson (the subject of the main clause) is "cloudy from...long unconsciousness". Should read something like "Though still cloudy from his long unconsciousness, his direct, penetrating glance was a little unsettling."

    She was usually the very soul of propriety, and despite keeping house for Holmes and I for several years, still referred to us as 'Mr. Holmes' and 'Doctor', respectively.

    Should be "despite keeping house for Holmes and me for several years".

    You realize I only do this because the text is worth it, right? :D ;)
  11. Sarah_K Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 10, 2001
    star 4
    Again, a marvelous post! It's no wonder Holmes wondered just what Obi-Wan's master was like when our braided boy himself has already cornered the market on inscrutability. The bits about Mrs. Hudson, and breakfast made me laugh just as much as the first time through!

    I can't wait for the post with Mycroft. :)

    And speaking of all those bottles: what should we do with them? Keep them to drop at a later date if you get called away on vacation, or have a last smash party and drop the remaining ones all at once? Hm... ?[face_plain]

    Either way, I?ll be back Saturday or Sunday!

    Sarah >^,,^<
  12. Jane Jinn Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 5
    Now I wonder why Mrs. Hudson came up with the name Ben. Still, anything else just wouldn't have the right ring to it, would it? "Call me Albert, Mr. Holmes"? No.

    He could function better on four hours of sleep than most men could on ten Ugh! Not fair! It's New Year's Day here, and I am feeling completely hung over from lack of sleep. The fireworks seemed to go on forever!

    I like the way Obi-Wan can hold his own during Holmes' questioning, and the way he can get in a few questions of his own. I also like Holmes' speech cadences. They seem to be right on the mark, and I can well imagine Jeremy Brett saying those exact words. Well done!
  13. Nat Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 11, 2002
    star 4
    Wow I love it! :) It's really very skillfully written. Your style is great, and the story amazing!
  14. menilma Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 25, 2001
    star 4
    Oh my, this is exciting! I have read this story before, but it was quite a while ago. And I haven't re-read it so I don't remember anything, it's great to wonder, o ce again, what will happen :) Like for instance, where is Qui-Gon? Ooh, Frosty, more! :D
    Also Happy New Year to all!
  15. Jedi_Nifet Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 8, 2002
    star 4
    Wonderful post! :) I'm short of time so:

    More!

    And happy New Year to all!
  16. Lilith Demodae Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 1, 1999
    star 4
    Happy new year to all. :D




    And, Frosty, I'll have the story back to you as soon as I can get it transcribed from my notebook to the comp.
  17. Jemmiah Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 5, 2000
    star 5
    Frosty, you're back! :D And by the look of things have been back for a few weeks! *Digs out the ticker tape and flags*

    Great to see both you and this story back where you belong! :)
  18. Shaindl Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2002
    star 4
    If it's at all possible this version is even better than the first. It's so much fun to be reading it again and to know at least a little of what is to come. I can't wait to see where this goes - you've got me hooked yet again!

    Shaindl
  19. Lilith Demodae Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 1, 1999
    star 4
  20. greencat336 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 27, 2001
    star 5
    GRRRR. You know, I should have developed patience about this story to an art form by now, and its not like I haven't already read a version of this part already . . . but I want another post!!! One a day would be lovely ;)
  21. greencat336 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 27, 2001
    star 5
    GRRRR. You know, I should have developed patience about this story to an art form by now, and its not like I haven't already read a version of this part already . . . but I want another post!!! One a day would be lovely ;)
  22. Lilith Demodae Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 1, 1999
    star 4
    [newsvid announcer voice] And now, this breaking news story: Frosty's had some RL complications and will be back as soon as possible. Sources believe that it will not be longer than a week at the latest.



    This public service message has been brought to you by the Smuggler's News Network. SNN brings you the latest news, faster and better than either the Alliance or Imperial networks. Watch SNN, for all your information needs.[/newsvid announcer voice]
  23. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    Acckkk.... RL... sometimes not what it's cracked up to be!

    Loved the previous post where Obi-Wan wakes up and how Holmes managed to suprise Watson with his lack of prying. "I shudder to think what reading his master would be like."--:D :D

    The most recent starting with Obi-Wan eating was great!! I got a kick out of the way he suspiciously eyed the kippers yet passed them Holmes way!! Looking forward to Holmes getting the chance to meet Qui-Gon!!
  24. Sarah_K Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 10, 2001
    star 4
    Hm... I wonder if we should pull in any of the old bottles from the last thread... ;)

    Sarah >^,,^<
  25. Sarah_K Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 10, 2001
    star 4
    Hm... I wonder if we should pull in any of the old bottles from the last thread... ;)

    Sarah >^,,^<
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