Elementary, My Dear Obi-Wan (the revised version)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Frostfyre, Dec 19, 2002.

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  1. Lilith Demodae Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 1, 1999
    star 4
    :D I think the thing I like best, after reading the story, is looking for the differences between this and the old one. After all, I've only read the first version like six times while Frosty was gone. :)
  2. CmdrMitthrawnuruodo Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Jul 1, 2000
    star 6
    Yeah...Ive only read it like twice I swear the ending of that post was different.

    Didn't Mycroft exclaim: "Not another one!" or something like that?
  3. Jane Jinn Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 5
    The porter, recognizing Holmes and I immediately, ushered our small group into the room ...

    ACK! My pet peeve! If you take away the phrase "Holmes and", what are you left with? "I". Let's have a look.

    "The porter, recognizing I immediately ..." WRONG! It's accusative, not nominative! It should be "me" and not "I". Let's try again.

    "The porter, recognizing me immediately ..."

    Now add the "Holmes and" again.

    "The porter, recognizing Holmes and me immediately ..."

    *takes deep breath* Okay, rant over. *another deep breath* Everybody got it? Good! Now I can sleep easy to-night.

    The porter let Ben into the Diogenes Club wearing a workman's cap? I'm surprised he didn't give him a wondering look, at the very least!

    Yes, where does Mycroft get the money to support such a luxurious lifestyle? Hmm, hmm. Fascinating display of Holmes' observational powers. I'm sure Ben appreciated it very much. :)

    Well, this last sentence is a different one than I remember. What on earth has happened to make Mycroft think that a Jedi is the last thing he needs now?
  4. greencat336 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 27, 2001
    star 5
    :D I love this part coming up!
  5. Sarah_K Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 10, 2001
    star 4
    ?Dear heaven,? he muttered. ?This is the last thing I need!?

    Yeah, I'm pretty sure it ended differently too; but this one was just as funny!

    Great interplay between Watson and Holmes, and a nice overview of the Diogenes Club to boot. Good work!

    I hope you get better soon! :)

    Sarah >^,,^<
  6. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
  7. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    The ending may be slightly different than last time, but it still conveys the same sentiment. That and the next chapter were always my favorites!

    did this double post?
  8. Shezan Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 14, 2001
    star 3
    Poor Frosty! Foot surgery on both feet!!! How awful! Hope all your friends & family were around you & brought you chocolates and things. Hope it doesn't hurt any longer. Brrr!!!

    It's a pleasure to get back to this terrific story. As usual, I chime in with tiny quibbles. (Self-appointed task, I know. Bad Shezan, no biscuit!)

    "A little over a million"

    From Bartleby's Reference, I get this:
    Population of London, 1889 (estimated) 4,351,738
    which can still be said to be "so few" in regard to Coruscant!

    The porter, recognizing Holmes and I

    Again, it should be "The porter, recognizing Holmes and me", because it's an accusative. (One way to solve this is to use the third person: you wouldn't write "recognizing he" but "recognizing him". Being French, you see, I had to learn these things instead of doing them by instinct! [face_laugh])

    Much smaller quibble still: in a club, as opposed to one's own home, one would hardly "paus[e] to pour myself a snifter of brandy". A waiter would come and offer it. (And one wouldn't help oneself unbidden in someone else's home, which in many ways is what a club is.) But then you describe the Diogenes Club as if it were Mycroft's own apartments, which of course it isn't. The general plushness of the place would reflect the taste of the Diogenes members, of whom, naturally, Mycroft is.

    "All right, all right." I laughed. "One of these days I shall learn to stop asking you how you accomplish that."

    "Oh, don't do that. How ever will I entertain myself then?"

    Soft laughter from Ben drew our attention. "That is most intriguing, Mr. Holmes. Your methods are fascinating."

    "Flattery will get you nowhere, my boy," Holmes said with a small grin. "I feed off information."

    "I take your hint, Mr. Holmes, but there is little that I am at liberty to tell you."


    I absolutely love this exchange! All three are wonderfully in character, and it flows so nicely!

    Mycroft hadn't moved, his eyes narrowed on the young man. ?Dear heaven,? he muttered. ?This is the last thing I need!?

    Oh, pure Mycroft! Wonderful!!! :D
  9. menilma Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 25, 2001
    star 4
    "So few?"
    [face_laugh] I always loved that line!
    This story is as good as ever, can't wait for more!
  10. Frostfyre Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 25, 1999
    star 3
    Yes, the ending is different.

    As for the grammar mistake...well...it's common even among those of us who try to claim we have good grammar. One of those annoying quibbles about the English language...::sighs::

    But you should be happy to know that the population mistake AND the grammar mistake are fixed. Nice of them to allow you to fix your posts whenever.

    As for the Diogenes club, well, Doyle (or one of the Holmes authors) always described it as unique among clubs. For one, it was for men who wished to be left TOTALLY alone to study, sleep, whatever. That, IMO, would strike out any obsequious and annoying servants. Also, in the Victorian era, clubs were also places where men could keep rooms to sleep and otherwise live in. Rather like a bachelor flat. So, yes, Mycroft DOES live there. It's his base of operations for his shadowy information empire.

    Now for what you're all REALLY here for.

    _______________________________________

    ?What the devil do you mean?? Holmes demanded.

    Mycroft ignored him, opening the door again and speaking quietly to the man outside. ?Get me MacEiver. Now.? Then he closed it again and turned to study Ben. ?Forgive my rudeness,? he said, suddenly all warmth and jovial charm. He crossed the room to clasp the young man?s hand. ?Please, be seated. I see you have been recently injured.?

    Ben, though he had been as startled as Holmes and I at Mycroft?s outburst, had recovered himself quickly and took his seat as the big man requested. I fancied, however, that a flicker of hope crossed his features. No doubt he hoped that Mycroft had already found his missing master.

    ?What is this about, Mycroft?? Holmes asked again.

    His brother waved a pudgy hand. ?Patience, patience, Sherlock. I hope all will be revealed.?

    Holmes, truly irritated now, growled in the back of his throat. ?Mycroft?? he began.
    ?How did your meeting with your informant go last night?? Mycroft interrupted smoothly, seating himself in an overstuffed chair.

    My friend fairly choked. ?I didn?t tell you about that!? His brows snapped down into a black line over his eyes. ?You wouldn?t dare set watchers on Baker Street. If you have, this will be the last time I ever work for you again.?

    ?Calm down, Sherlock.? His smile was faintly malicious. ?Doctor Watson has been rubbing off on you.? Mycroft turned his grin, friendlier now, towards me to soften the words. ?No offense, Watson.?

    I was used to it. ?None taken.?

    ?What do you mean??? Holmes broke off, and the scowl was replaced by an exasperated smile. ?Of course. The note is still in my pocket, and there is mud on my shoes from the riverdocks.?

    ?And you didn?t bathe last night. Where did you go?the Roll??

    ?Naturally.?

    ?Ah. I thought I recognized that particular reek.?

    ?Thank you ever so much, brother,? Holmes said dryly. ?As for the meeting?it didn?t go well.? He briefly outlined the events, starting with our rescue of Ben, and Mycroft?s broad face grew grim.

    ?I don?t like this, Sherlock. And you think there may be a link between Moriarty and this thief?? At Holmes?s nod, he sighed heavily. ?We will have to wait then, until MacEiver gets here.?

    Holmes turned to prop his shoulder blades against one of the mantel?s posts, twirling his half-empty brandy snifter in his long-fingered hands. ?I thought I knew most of your men, Mycroft, but I don?t think I?ve met this fellow.?

    ?You don?t know half my men, Sherlock. You only wish you did. And he isn?t my man, strictly speaking.?

    Holmes sneered amiably at him. I was mildly startled. It was rare to see the two men behave like normal brothers. ?Who is he?? my friend repeated.

    ?You?ll meet him soon enough. I?d?rather allow him to explain.?

    There was a soft knock at the door. Mycroft, with surprising speed for a man his size, sprang to his feet and opened it, admitting a short, nervous looking fellow in his mid-thirties with a shock of dark red hair and slightly watery green eyes. He was dressed impeccably, in the height of fashion, from his beaver hat to his
  11. Sarah_K Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 10, 2001
    star 4
    I was used to it. ?None taken.?

    Poor Watson! :p As much as I love the actual detectives in stories like this (Holmes, Poirot, etc.), I like their sidekicks almost as much, if not more. Maybe it's because I have more in common with them. ;)

    This whole scene here is one of my favorites! All the bombshells falling at once... *sighs happily* Besides, I like MacEiver.

    It's cool the way you had Obi-Wan finally loosen up once he was around someone from his own galaxy. The sort of automatic deference that Obi usually has suddenly comes back into play when confronted with another master. :)

    Great job, as usual, Frosty! *sits back to munch more popcorn*

    Sarah >^,,^<
  12. menilma Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 25, 2001
    star 4
    Ah the story continues :) Lovely Frosty. But what a way to brake it to Watson and Sherlock, imagine the look on their faces :D More is always welcome :)
  13. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    A stellar post Frosty!!

    Just loved the transformation of MacEiver, Holmes surprise of it and like Sarah said, Obi-Wan's deference to the man and how he allowed his emotions to be seen a bit. That is quite a bomb to drop on Holmes and Watson!! Heh, heh!!




  14. Shezan Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 14, 2001
    star 3
    ?And then you could tell me how it is you managed to so completely appear in every way a Scotsman from the northern part of Edinburgh, educated at Oxford, and who has spent a number of years on the Continent.?

    Shades of Professor Higgins!!! I love this!

    (And it's very nearly the same period: wonderful cross-reference!)
  15. Jane Jinn Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 5
    Yes, the unlimited editing is a definite boon here in fan fiction. I remember what fic-life was like back when editing was limited to fifteen minutes, and that memory is not a happy one.

    Mycroft can recognize pubs by their smell? He must have had a lot of practice in that particular exercise. ;)

    Interesting that MacEiver not only lost his Scottish accent when introduced to Obi-Wan, but also his Scottish looks. Years of practice in accents, ... or in using the Force to disguise himself?

    Poor Obi-Wan, almost certain that his master is not dead. But knowing that there are a number of other Jedi here should be rather reassuring to him.

    Earth must be fairly important to the Jedi Order for them to send more than one knight here to keep an eye on its development, especially as it is so far away from the Republic. Otherwise I should think there were enough planets inside Republic space that would need Jedi help more.

  16. Lilith Demodae Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 1, 1999
    star 4
    Jane, perhaps it's because Earth has so many different societies, instead of a single unified one, like most of the planets we see depicted in the GFFA.

    This is indeed, one of my favorite scenes. My cameo scene is also a fave. ;)
  17. Jedi_Nifet Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 8, 2002
    star 4
    I love the part when that man (sorry, I forgot his name) tunes out to be a Jedi. I like how he managed to shock Holmes :D

    Wonderful posts! Please more!
  18. Frostfyre Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 25, 1999
    star 3
    For the first and perhaps the last time, I saw Sherlock Holmes incapable of saying anything at all. At last he managed a quiet ?Oh,? and glanced at his brother.

    ?I know it?s difficult to believe,? Mycroft replied, ?but it?s true. All of it.?

    ?But,? I sputtered a bit, to my embarrassment. ?That?s preposterous! Absolute nonsense. You really expect us to believe this??

    Holmes, still leaning against the mantelpiece, said nothing, studying MacEiver and Obi-Wan each in turn. Then he straightened. ? ?There are more things on heaven and earth, Horatio??? he quoted, very softly.

    I raised my eyebrows at this. As a general rule, Holmes ignores virtually everything that does not have bearing on his profession. Among these subjects is literature, Holmes?s knowledge of which is abysmal. He caught my expression, and smiled thinly. ?Come now, Watson, even I am familiar with Shakespeare.? He turned his gaze again to the two men. ?Though I find what you have told me rather difficult to believe, I also admit that Mycroft is smarter than I, and would never be taken in by a lie?particularly not one that sounds so farfetched. Therefore, if he accepts it as truth, then so must I. You do understand, though, that I have reservations that will require hard evidence.?

    MacEiver nodded once. ?I would expect nothing less from you, Mr. Holmes.?

    ?And I have a great many questions.?

    ?We will answer what we can.?

    ?Good.? Holmes rubbed his thin hands together, suddenly looking for all the world like a cat that has just been given free access to the cream jug. ?But to business first. We must locate Ben?s missing master.?

    MacEiver tugged at his cravat. ?Yes. There is something rather disturbing about all this. However,? he added regretfully, ?I am not in charge. Though I personally would offer any assistance you and Obi-Wan might require, I must first speak with my superior to determine the impact if we were to get involved in this hunt. Which brings us to the reasons for your presence, Padawan.?

    Ben sat up in his chair. ?Three weeks ago, someone broke into the main research and development labs at CorTech and stole the plans for one of their prototype starfighters, as well as the plans for a new command ship. Master Qui-Gon and I chased him here, and were ambushed and separated not long after we touched ground.?

    ?I have reason to believe that Moriarty has allied himself with this thief,? Holmes said suddenly. ?The contact I saw last night spoke of new figures in the underworld, and weapons like no one had ever seen. Then he died, rather suddenly and mysteriously before he could go into further detail.?

    I looked at Holmes in surprise. I had understood next to nothing of what Ben had just said. Where Holmes had come out with connection between Ben?s plight and Moriarty was beyond me. ?Holmes...?

    He shot me a quelling glare. I subsided, but determined to corner him later and, if necessary, beat him into providing me with an explanation.

    MacEiver?s face was troubled. ?I will do what I can to verify that, Mr. Holmes, Obi-Wan. Our group leader will certainly want to hear of this. I have permission to call on you at Baker Street??

    ?Naturally,? Holmes said wryly.

    ?Good.? The slender man replaced his hat, and all at once became again the small, nervous Scotsman we had first seen. He half-bowed to us. ?Th-thank ye for the information, s-sirs. A g-good day to ye.?

    After he had gone, Holmes finally sank into a chair. ?That, Mycroft, was the most singularly unusual conversation I?ve ever had.? There was a faintly stunned expression in his grey eyes, the only indication that he was not swallowing this outlandish occurrence as easily as he pretended.

    Mycroft snorted. ?You should have been present when I first found out. And I will tell you, Sherlock, that he was rather mild today compared to when he told me. I had no character witness as you did to accept his story. He had to provide a...demonstration...to convince me, and it?s a wonder my hair didn?t turn white.?

    ?I?m curious, brother mi
  19. Lilith Demodae Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 1, 1999
    star 4

    I sense a story behind that, and I'm quite anxious to hear it.
  20. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
  21. Shezan Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 14, 2001
    star 3
    ?Come now, Watson, even I am familiar with Shakespeare.?

    So Sherlock Holmes! I can just imagine Jeremy Brett saying it. You really have got the tone down pat! :D
  22. Frostfyre Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 25, 1999
    star 3


    Thanks for the compliment! I hope I have the tone down. Back when I started this story, I beefed up on all my Sherlock Holmes stuff. And I've had a SH love affair going for years. If you haven't read them, I highly recommend the Irene Adler series, by Carole Nelson Douglas, and the Mary Russel Holmes series by Laurie R. King. (Those in particular are good. I loved them, once I got past the huge age difference between Mary and Holmes. I usually highly disapprove of such things, but...)

    _______________________________________

    An uneasy silence reigned in the carriage as it clattered its way back toward Baker Street. Though Ben?s face remained as impassive as always, I caught him shooting small glances towards Holmes and me. I fancied that he wasn?t entirely certain what to make of this afternoon?s previous stunning events. I thought I could understand; he?d gone to a great deal of trouble to keep who and what he was quiet, only to have it all thrown wide open in the space of a few moments.

    I tried to think of something to say to break the tension, but the only things that came to mind were questions. ?How do you find life on another planet?? just didn?t seem to fit the bill. I was having difficulty wrapping my mind around the concept. Before, I?d only given the scientific journals that occasionally littered Holmes?s study the most cursory of glances; I wasn?t particularly interested in those disciplines that had little to do with medicine. I knew that astronomers had identified other planets beyond our own, and that it was possible that the millions of stars we saw at night had planets of their own, but it had never occurred to me to wonder if there might be life on them. The revelation that not only did it exist, but that it was far more advanced and far, far bigger than we could dream of suddenly made me feel very, very small and insignificant. I could only imagine how it might be affecting Holmes, whose self-image was so much greater than mine.

    Holmes suddenly stirred, leaning forward from his upright position to lean his elbows on his knees, hands loosely clasped. ?Those plans you mentioned earlier,? he ventured.

    Ben, correctly guessing that Holmes was addressing him, turned his gaze from the window. ?Yes??

    ?What were they? I believe you referred to one as a ?starfighter,? and another as a ?control ship.??

    The young man nodded. ?It?will be difficult to explain, Mr. Holmes. I don?t have a thorough grasp on your culture?s current?technology.? He sighed, absently twirling his cap around on one finger. ?I understand that the major means of transport here is by water-going vessels and animal transport??

    ?And trains,? I offered.

    ?Ah, yes. I saw those?tracks??when we were landing our shuttle. So your people have not yet discovered flight.?

    ?Beyond that achieved in hot-air balloons, no.? Holmes smiled a little. ?Though I understand that many?particularly the Americans?are experimenting.?

    Ben nodded. ?Then much of what I could offer as an explanation will make little sense. In the Republic?where I am from?most of the planets that belong to it have not only learned aerial flight, but also space flight. Our ships can cross millions of miles in the space of a few days, using a means of travel known as hyperspace??

    Holmes held up a hand, cutting short the young man?s growing enthusiasm. ?I should stop you now before you lose us both,? he said gently. ?This?is a little overwhelming for me?something that Watson, no doubt, will be eager to record in his annals as a singularly rare occurrence.? Before I could protest, he continued. ?I will compensate for that by suspending my disbelief, such as it is. I accept that you know how to travel not only from country to country, but also from planet to planet. Am I also correct in assuming that, with this ability, space is also where you wage your wars??

    ?Yes.?

    ?And so this? ?starfighter? is such a weapon??

    ?It is a small, one-man craft designed for dogfighting?sorry, for close combat.?

    ?Dogfighting seems an accurate and descr
  23. Shezan Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 14, 2001
    star 3
    Holmes, damn him, was gleaning far too much enjoyment out of my domestic problems.

    ROTFL!!!!!!

    If you haven't read them, I highly recommend the Irene Adler series, by Carole Nelson Douglas, and the Mary Russel Holmes series by Laurie R. King. (Those in particular are good. I loved them, once I got past the huge age difference between Mary and Holmes. I usually highly disapprove of such things, but...)

    Ahahaha! Are these actual pro books, or fanfic I'll Google my way to easily? :D
  24. Jadis_Ionian Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 27, 2001
    star 4
    I'm caught up again. :) Wonderful, as usual! :D

    Ben merely shot her a nervous look and retreated toward the kitchen, from which heavenly smells were emanating. Holmes, finally showing some discretion, followed him.

    [face_laugh] Probably a good idea. :D

    I read the Mary Russell Holmes series and really enjoyed them, especially O Jerusalem. I haven't heard of the Irene Adler series, but I'll definitely check those out.

    *Jadis*
  25. Frostfyre Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 25, 1999
    star 3

    They're real books, Shozan. You can probably find them at most libraries.

    I liked "O Jerusalem" a lot, though I must say that "A Monstrous Regiment of Women" is still my all time favorite for seeing Holmes (and Mary) both shocking each other out of their minds. After that, they both get a little domestic, and while the books are still great, there aren't so many sparks flying. Probably why King wrote "Jerusalem" as it was pre-Regiment, and so pre-all that other stuff. LOTS of fun stuff going on. I especially liked it when Russel--dressed as a young man--was cornered by some over amorous drunks who weren't at all dismayed to find out she wasn't a boy, and all Holmes did was perch up on his ledge and laugh himself silly.

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