Beyond Elusive Bliss UPDATED 7/1/13(SJRS Challenge Response. L/M AU): Expanded version Chapter 14

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Jedi_Lover, Apr 21, 2013.

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  1. Hazel Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 9, 2010
    star 4
    Mara is too stubborn for her own good. Keep'em coming Force!
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  2. Nyota's Heart Combos & Paragraphs Host

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    star 6
    Great reflection from Luke tinged with regret. Squee! That last dream, [face_dancing] hopefully it tipped Mara over the edge LOL "Gotta have him!" [face_laugh] Now she has dreamt of, at least, all 3 sides of the yumness: physical, mental, and emotional closeness. [face_love] !!
  3. Demendora Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 9, 2010
    star 2
    I can perfectly see, that Mara is suffering from those dreams. Now she knows, that she does want him, and judging from Luke's memories, Mara had the chance, but she have lost it, and now he is in love with another woman.
  4. Jedi_Lover Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 1, 2004
    star 5
    That is what I was hoping to portray. I wasn't sure if I was pulling it off. Mara was sort of interested in the Farmboy and the dreams are pushing her toward him. But she can't pursue a man with a girlfriend. She finds that despicable. As L/M shippers we may be saying, "You go girl!" But she is an honorable person. She knows she is going to have to wait until the two break up (without her help) or never be with him if the two marry. She is willing to suffer. She won't be the other woman. I see Mara as a woman who goes after what she wants, but while maintaining a certain honor code.

    That is why this is so disturbing to her. The Force is pushing her toward Luke but she will not lower herself to breaking up their relationship. So she is very torn and upset over the entire situation. Luke is in pain also. He wants the son in his dreams, but he doesn't want the drama of knowing Callista isn't the Mother. I am not saying Luke would prefer Callista over all others...just that it would be infinitely more convenient for him if the mother in these visions was actually the woman he was currently in love with. Although he knows Callista is not happy on Yavin IV he still wants the dream of having a wife and family. He absolutely doesn't want to face the prospect of dumping Callista just so he could go off and chase some other woman based on a vision.

    If Luke and Mara were scumbags that only thought about themselves and their happiness then there would be no conflict. But they are both honorable people.
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  5. Demendora Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 9, 2010
    star 2
    I know how does it feel. And what is worst, she pushed him away herself. =((

    I like this Callista, She really cares about Luke and his happiness, and she begins to understand, that taking Cray's body was a mistake. It was another chance at life and happiness, but THIS is not life, she is drowning and taking Luke down with her.
    Good honorable people usually suffer for their own goodness. They always care for wellbeing of another people, putting away their own happiness away. But this is why we love them so much, don't we?
    Last edited by Demendora, Jun 13, 2013
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  6. Nyota's Heart Combos & Paragraphs Host

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    Excellent exchange 'Dora and JL. =D= You're doing excellently at portraying L/M's dilemma BTW. @};- I agree that if L/M do get together, it can't be cluttered by issues of pushing or driving Callista away or trampling on her feelings. But if Luke does come to the realization that he belongs with someone else, he at the same time shouldn't stay in the wrong relationship even for honorable reasons. That wouldn't make anyone happy. Somehow, all 3 need to come to a decision for the right reasons. Whew! Real complicated. =D=
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  7. Kat-Arva Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 7, 2013
    Well. Very well. Better than very well!
    Did I write how much I liked this story? Then I'll write now.

    They (Luke and Mara) are two lonely souls. Yup, Luke has Callista but he is not happy (and, for once, it's not her fault. Or her just partly).
    Now farmboy thinks way too much. He needs to do something. Right now. The same for Mara. When they try to consider the situation and find salvation, well, we all know what happens. Luke - he is Skywalker and can't be healed. Mara - she is under his influence (even if she doesn't admit that). So... That two need good kick guidance from someone... So may the Force kicks shows them right way to each other.

    P.S. ...we still want more!
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  8. Kat-Arva Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 7, 2013
    JL, Dora you're definitely good in long discussions. Especially when talk is about Luke or Mara (or both).
    What I want to say- write that reading smart people's sensible thoughts is good - reading your conversation is twice better. At the only beginning of the story (about moment when Luke says about Callista's possible leaving) thought that Mara wouldn't stand between L and C crossed my mind. Then I forgot it. Now it's again inside my had and I can see all of this from different angle. Very different.
    So thanks for that reminding and thought-refreshing conversation of yours ;)
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  9. Demendora Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 9, 2010
    star 2
    We just love Luke and Mara so much! [face_love][face_love][face_love]
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  10. EmeraldJediFire Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 23, 2012
    star 4
    That was perfect. I almost missed this. While I do want L/M I want it to be natural...I actually don't want callista to be gotten rid of just for the sake of it. If it happens it has to he their decision alone.

    ..to paraphrase a line from the thorn birds...no dream is worth breaking anothrr persons heart

    Sent from my Kindle Fire using Tapatalk 2
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  11. Jedi_Lover Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 1, 2004
    star 5
    Thanks @Briannakin, @EmeraldJediFire, @Demendora, @Kat-Arva, @Jade_eyes, and @Hazel for reading and taking the time to review. This was a difficult story for me to write because if Luke and Mara do what we want them to do...then they are scumbags. He is with another woman and even though I don't like Callista I also don't want to write my Farmboy as a cheat. I think in the fanfic One Night on Coruscant was one fic where people were upset that Luke had sex with Mara. I know I was upset because he was with Callista. In that story Luke and Mara had a history of one-night-stands but she didn't want to settle down. He happened to see her at a formal ball and he couldn't control himself. But my Farmboy in my canon can control himself even if the Force is trying to batter down his defenses.

    Thanks again for reading. And @EmeraldJediFire I didn't think you were old enough to remember the TV show Thorn Birds...or did you read the book. That was one mini-series I liked. I kept screaming at the TV. "Run off with her!" :p @Kat-Arva...those two do need guidance. I'll see what I can do about that. ;)


    ~~~~~~~~~~~

    Chapter 5

    It had been almost two weeks since Mara’s visit and since that time Luke hadn’t slept through the night without dreaming about his son. The night before he saw himself holding a baby and singing the child a lullaby that his Aunt Beru had once sung to him. The baby gurgled and laughed and even though Luke knew it was a dream he woke up joyful and suffused in a warm feeling of love. He was so relieved that Callista couldn’t sense what he was feeling in the Force, but he was sure the woman could tell something was bothering him.

    He wished above all things that he could see the mother. He wanted to see Callista…or at least that is what he told himself. He knew he was just trying to avoid having to make a horribly difficult decision. If the mother of the child was Callista he just needed to keep doing what he was doing and hopefully the will of the Force would ensure that his son came into his life.

    But if the mother wasn’t her…what then? Would he throw away everything he had with Callista for the chance of having the son he saw in his dreams…a son he didn’t even know was real or would be real. After all, the future is always in motion. He knew that every single day people made decisions that changed the fabric of their future. In a few weeks things could shift and his destiny could change.

    Instead of that thought giving him some reassurance it only frightened him. He realized he wanted a son. He wanted him badly. If he delayed in making some decision soon, could he lose that possible future?

    This was killing him.

    The boy haunted his dreams and meditations. Sometimes Ben was a baby and other times he was a man. Once in his dream a middle-aged Ben Skywalker presented Luke with his first Grandson. He was a little boy with reddish brown hair and piercing blue eyes. Luke remembered holding the swaddled youngster in his arms and swaying back and forth in a soothing rhythm until the child fell asleep. That dream started out so perfect, but ended so badly. The man gave Luke a sad smile and said, “I wish Mom lived to see her grandson.”

    That comment pulled Luke out of his dream with a gasp. He sat up in bed and looked down at Callista sleeping soundly next to him. When he reached up to his face he realized he was crying. They were tears of joy and sadness. There were joyful tears for his son and grandson, yet he wept for a wife he had yet to marry and he wept for a mother who had sadly died before seeing her grandchild.

    Frustrated, he had brushed the tears away and laid back down and willed himself back to sleep.
    .
    .
    .
    “Mara…Mara!” Talon Karrde yelled out with a raised voice. The Captain of the Wild Karrde had walked into the galley only to find his second-in-command sitting at a table staring blankly at the bulkhead of the ship. He waved his hand in front of her eyes in an attempt to get her attention, but she didn't even flinch. After calling her name out again she finally looked up and refocused her eyes.

    “Yeah,” she said vacuously.

    A troubled frown crossed Talon's bearded face as he sat down at the table across from her. “Mara, let’s just cut through the skidcrud and talk.” Karrde looked deeply in her eyes examining her pupils. “Are you on spice?”

    The concept was so ridiculous she laughed out loud. “No!” She rolled her eyes and almost wished that were the problem. Then she could go to rehab and detox. Unfortunately she didn’t know of any detox centers that could purge her from her farmboy addiction. ‘Damn Skywalker’ she thought scathingly.

    “Mara, there’s something wrong. You look like you haven’t slept in weeks. You aren’t eating and all you do is drink stim tea and wander around the ship at all hours of the night like a Korriban zombie.”

    Mara let out a dejected sigh. “It’s nothing.”

    “No, it’s not nothing.” He leaned forward, his face full of worry and concern. “Mara, it’s something. Tell me so I can help.”

    Closing her eyes, she drew a slow, calming breath. “You can’t help me.”

    “You’re right. I can’t help you if you won’t tell me what’s wrong.”

    She dropped her eyes down to her cup of tea. “I can’t tell you.”

    Talon gritted his teeth and lifted both his hands in mock surrender. “Fine,” he said as he stood. “Then you leave me no choice.”

    Mara looked up, her eyes narrowing. “No choice about what?”

    He looked down at her with unflinching directness. “I am an information broker. I have my ways of finding things out. I’ll make a few inquiries. Perhaps I’ll call Skywalker. You seemed out of sorts since you came back from Yavin IV two weeks ago. Maybe you caught some virus while on planet.” He turned to leave but Mara’s voice halted him.

    “No, please. Don’t do that.” She sighed and motioned for him to return.

    Talon sat down and looked at her expectantly.

    She took a sip of her tea and visibly braced herself. “I’m having Force visions. Visions that are disturbing my sleep.”

    Talon sat up straighter in his seat. “You should talk to Luke. Maybe he can help.”

    She closed her eyes and shook her head. “He’s the reason I am having vision. The visions are about him.”

    Karrde waited for her to continue. When she didn’t he prompted her. “Does he get hurt or killed in these visions?”

    Mara let out a caustic laugh. “No…not exactly.”

    Karrde shrugged. “What then?”

    Mara’s head dropped down so she was staring at the floor. “I had a vision we were a family.”

    Talon cocked his head to the side in confusion. “You and Skywalker were…married.”

    She nodded. “And with a son.”

    Talon smiled widely as he ran his fingers through his beard thoughtfully. “I could see you two together.”

    She sat back in her seat and blew out a frustrated breath. “He’s with Callista, the love of his life.”

    Karrde scoffed. “Believe me she’s not the love of his life. A man can tell when another man is just going through the motions. Luke is hanging on to Callista because he doesn’t want to give up his dream of having a wife and family. He’s not holding Callista close to his heart…he’s embracing an idea.”

    Mara raised an eyebrow. “Since when did you get so philosophical?”

    Karrde grinned. “I'm not. I'm just good at reading people. Also, I talked to Han Solo last night. Tionne, the Academy Historian, called the Solos to see if they knew why Luke was acting so…distracted since your visit. They didn’t know, so Han called me. According to him, Luke’s a mess…just like you are. I thought he was worried about you, but now that I know about the visions, my guess is he's having them also.”

    “It doesn't matter if he's having visions. Even if I wanted to do something about this, I can’t.” Mara said sadly. “I’m no homewrecker,”

    Karrde reached out and put a hand over Mara’s. “You aren’t a homewrecker. In a way, it’s Callista that’s the interloper. Just because she got to Luke first doesn’t mean she’s the one. I think the Force is trying to tell you that.” He patted Mara’s hand with his and then stood. “Give Luke a call…or go see him. Even if these dreams are not visions of the future, you should discuss them with the Jedi Master.”

    Karrde walked away leaving Mara sitting at the table feeling more confused and torn than she had ever felt before.

    'Kriff'n Force,' she silently cursed before making another pot of stim tea.
    Last edited by Jedi_Lover, Jun 14, 2013
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  12. Briannakin Grand Moff Darth Fanfic Manager

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    Feb 25, 2010
    star 4
    Great update. Mara shouldn't be worried about being a home wrecker if there is no home to wreck.
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  13. EmeraldJediFire Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 23, 2012
    star 4
    I second what Bri said
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  14. Demendora Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 9, 2010
    star 2
    I think, Callista well leave, and then the path will be clear.I bet she is not happy herself, and seeing Luke hiding something from her only push her farther to decision leaving him.
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  15. Hazel Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 9, 2010
    star 4
    This whole situalltion is heartbreaking. Everyone is at an impasse. Why do i get the feeling that Callista will be the one to do something about it?
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  16. Nyota's Heart Combos & Paragraphs Host

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    Yay!!!! for Talon. He's clear-thinking and supportive and speaks the truth. Luke is more in love with an idea than anything else and there's no home to wreck. ;) :) And LOL he could see Mara and Luke together, instead of saying: "Are you kidding? You two could never fit." [face_dancing] If you flip it, when Karrde said Callista wasn't the love of Luke's life, he was really saying Mara is. Yums!!
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  17. Jedi_Lover Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 1, 2004
    star 5
    I'm sure those two could make it fit. :p I mean work out a way to get along. You know what I mean.
    Last edited by Jedi_Lover, Jun 15, 2013
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  18. Kat-Arva Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 7, 2013
    Line about Mara's possible addiction to spice is priceless. (Remembered fic "Insatiable" - one addiction didn't help another)
    There's good psychologist in old smuggler - it's relieve to know that some people with clean mind had survived in such crazy place as a galaxy far, far away. o_O
    And that survived is someone (except the Force) who can help them. (Karrde's thought process isn't dangerous for the galaxy - that fact is already a good start)

    P.S. And again - MORE!
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  19. Jedi_Lover Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 1, 2004
    star 5
    Thanks @Briannakin, @Jade_eyes, @Kat-Arva, @Hazel, @Demendora, and @EmeraldJediFire for reading and taking the time to review. @Kat-Arva -- I remember Insatiable. That was such a sad story. I agree that there really isn't a home to break, but still he is dating Callista and Mara is not a scumbag man-stealer. Only somebody who is selfish and with a sense of entitlement goes after somebody else's guy. I just don't see her that way.

    ~JL~

    _______________________________________

    Chapter 6

    Luke was startled out of a deep sleep by another vivid dream. He sat up in bed and took a couple deep breaths trying to calm his erratic heartbeat. He looked over to the other side of his bed and saw Callista lying beside him sleeping silently. He was glad he didn’t wake her. He didn’t want to answer any questions about what he just dreamt about.

    He ran a hand down his face as he remembered his vision. He was in a vast chamber. It was a beautiful and luxurious sleeping chamber that one only saw in royal palaces or mansions of billionaires. The room was filled with the scent of Velanir flowers and there was the sound of soft music in the background. At the far end of the room was a huge transparisteel window with a breathtaking view of mountains and of rivers coursing through a beautifully green valley below. In the distance the sun was just setting behind a mountain ridge. Luke saw himself turn to a beautiful red headed woman at his side. It was Mara Jade. He moved closer and took her hands in his. “Happy second honeymoon, Mara.”

    She leaned closer and kissed him tenderly on the lips and even in his dream state he could feel desire rise up within him. Mercifully he woke up before the scene could get more amorous.

    "Stang," he whispered to himself. This was the first time he saw his future wife…and as he suspected it was Mara Jade. He didn’t understand why this was happening to him. He never had lustful dreams about Mara…at least not since he started dating Callista and definitely not this detailed.

    An overwhelming sensation of guilt washed over him. He felt like he was cheating on Callista. He was a one-woman man. He never cheated on any woman he had ever dated and he didn’t intend to start now. He was in love with Callista. His future was with Callista…wasn’t it? He now wondered if the Force was trying to tell him something?

    “What’s wrong Luke?”

    He jumped at the voice, then silently cursed this Force void situation. Because he couldn't sense her, Callista often startled him. He looked over and saw her sitting up in bed and scrutinizing him with questioning eyes.

    “Nothing Callista. It was just a dream.”

    She frowned. “You’re still having the visions and dreams? Was it about your son?”

    Luke hesitated, not wanting to answer. He rubbed the back of his neck where his muscles were beginning to knot. “No, not exactly.”

    She closed her eyes briefly and gave a soft sigh. “I have a feeling I probably don’t want to know what you dreamt about.”

    He shook his head. This wasn’t fair to Callista. If he wanted a future with this woman he shouldn’t be lying to her and keeping secrets. He looked into her soft gray eyes. “I have never cheated on you Callista. I would like nothing more than to marry you and start a family. I don’t know why I’ve been having a vision of a son and dreamed of…” He stopped not wanting to say the words.

    “You dreamed you were married to another woman, didn’t you?”

    Luke felt his chest tighten and an irrational feeling of guilt wash over him. “Yes,” he choked out.

    Callista bit down on her trembling lower lip and she looked away, but not before Luke could see unshed tears in her eyes. “Is she somebody I know?”

    Luke buried his head in his hands. “Yes, but she isn’t somebody I have ever had a romantic or sexual relationship with. It isn’t an old girlfriend. She is just a friend.” He took a shuddering breath. “I…I honestly don’t know why I dream of her or having a son,” he whispered, his voice miserable. He reached out to her, caressing her cheek lovingly. “I love you Callista…I’m sorry.” He hesitated for a moment. “Do you want to know who she is?”

    Callista shook her head. “No, I think it’s better that I don’t.”

    He looked at her sadly. “I don’t want this to come between us.”

    She gave him a weak smile. “Come between us? The Force you mean? Because I think that is exactly what’s coming between us.” She reached out and grasped his hands in hers. “Luke…I was a Jedi long enough to know you don’t disregard what the Force is telling you.” She paused and looked down at their fingers intertwined. “I spent thirty years alone, my conscious trapped within the computer banks of a battle station. You can’t imagine the soul crushing boredom I faced for decades. The only thing that kept me halfway sane was the knowledge that I was preventing this station from brutalizing the galaxy. I had a mission and I focused on that mission for three decades. I have to tell you…after the first decade I daily asked the Force to bring an asteroid crashing into the station so I could be released back to the Force…so I could be reunited with Geith Eris, the love of my life.” Her voice cracked and a tear rolled down her cheek. “I’m sorry.”

    “Don’t be sorry,” Luke said tenderly as he wiped the tear away. “I know how much you loved him.”

    She nodded sadly, her head down and pensive. “I couldn’t understand why the Force had forsaken me. Why was I left out in deep space alone? I thought there had to be a reason…and then you showed up.” She gave his hands a squeeze as she smiled sadly at him. “I thought you must be the reason. The Force had brought us together. It must be fate. You were trying to rebuild the Jedi Order after the purge left you without a long-term master to train you. I could help you with training. I was a Jedi. The great masters taught me. I thought I now understood my purpose for being in this time. Together we could rebuild the Jedi Order.” She gave a bitter laugh. “But it didn’t work out that way.”

    “Even without the Force I could learn much from you.”

    She lifted his hand to her lips and kissed him gently. “I’ve tried to teach what I learned, but it is like a blind man teaching a person to paint. I can’t feel what the student is doing right or wrong within the Force…and that makes me feel worthless.”

    “You’re not worthless,” Luke whispered. “I love you.”

    She sighed. “Luke, like me, you have been lonely for years. You want meaning in your life, you want love…and you want a family. I don’t think I’m the person who can give you these things. I can’t let go of the hope that I will once again regain my Jedi powers. They were part of me so long and it breaks my heart to lose them. I obsess constantly over touching the Force once again…when I should be obsessing over you. You are a wonderful, handsome man and next to you the Force should be meaningless. I have been given a second chance at life and love and I should be grateful for what I have…but I’m not and it’s not fair to you.”

    His stomach suddenly dropped and took on a sour feeling. “Callista, don’t talk like that. You’re having trouble adjusting, and that’s understandable. You had the life of a Jedi and for three decades you dreamt of returning to that life or returning to the Force, but now you discover you can’t. I know that must be overwhelming, but don’t give up on us.”

    She nodded. “I…I am willing to try to work through this problem, but…Luke you have to face the fact that my purpose for being here might be done. It may be the will of the Force for you to find someone who can provide you with the family you obviously desire.” She leaned in and gave him a hug. “Listen to the Force. It will guide you.”

    Luke fought to keep his voice steady. “I will.” Luke brought his head down and kissed her softly. “I will look for guidance from the Force.” He kissed her once more before reluctantly releasing his embrace. “Good night, Callista.”

    “Good night.” She laid her head back down on the pillow and closed her eyes.

    Luke watched her for a moment wondering where exactly the Force would guide him. He looked away and gazed out the transparisteel window of his bedchamber and to the stars burning in the night sky. Why did he think the Force was trying to guide him somewhere he never expected to end up at…why did he think it was trying to guide him into Mara Jade's arms?
    Last edited by Jedi_Lover, Jun 16, 2013
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  20. Hazel Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 9, 2010
    star 4
    That was a nice conversation and i imagine it couldn't have been easy for Callista to say what she did.
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  21. Nyota's Heart Combos & Paragraphs Host

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    Loved the talk =D= Very, very nice @};-
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  22. EmeraldJediFire Jedi Grand Master

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    Feb 23, 2012
    star 4
    The conversation felt very genuine. I like how you're handling it

    Sent from my LG-C800 using Tapatalk 2
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  23. Kat-Arva Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 7, 2013
    Fate isn't fair. Maybe... even cruel. I feel really sorry for Callista :( And for Luke...
    It's like the Force encourages him to betray someone he deeply cares for. But now he knows how Mara feels for... how long time?
    The next part will be about her?
    And when for the Force's sake they going to meet? 'Cause that kicks start to be more sensible...

    P.S. Thanks for the new chapter. =)
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  24. Kat-Arva Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 7, 2013
    .
    Last edited by Kat-Arva, Jun 16, 2013
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  25. newdawn12 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 9, 2013
    star 4
    I really enjoyed ch 6
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