JCC Ender Sigh rags on 'Murica

So I am revising a few documents for my internship. Alas, now I know why you kids bang on us for grammar. Please tell me these documents were composed during an alcohol bender.

 

So it transpires that you savages don't often or ever have electric kettles.

How the **** do you even live?

yeurgh - can you believe this savagery?

 

I don't really understand the point of such an appliance when it's simple and easy to heat up water over a stove or in a microwave, which are things most Americans (EVEN THE "POOR" ONES) have.

 

You absolute barbarian.

"I'll just put on the kettle", something you say to friends when making tea. Except for you guys it means waiting for a week for the bloody thing to slowly boil.

Microwaving though? The worst country on earth, in absolute terms.

 

Have you ever actually boiled water over a stove or do you make your colonial servants do it? I realize that waiting less than 10 minutes is hard for caffeine addicts, but come on.

 

Microwaving water to it's boiling point is barbaric.

 

Yes, I have. Oh sorry, I see what happened. I assumed a level of cultural sophistication where obvious hyperbole would be recognised for what it was and interpreted correctly. I forgot I was dealing with a culture that values literalism to extremes and as such I see why you thought I thought it took an actual week in real time. I shan't assume anything modern of you guys again, especially after hearing of your proletarian savagery with water.

 

Wood fire or gtfo.

 

The ICC have tried people for lesser crimes.

 

They probably microwave their bread for toast too.

Absolute monsters.

 

Steak made with a toaster

 

Oh that is too modern, can't you people just hold matches under meat until cooked?

 

Utter. Savages.

 

I like how it was presented as perfectly reasonable to microwave water for tea.

But let's examine this:

They execute their citizens.
They can't provide basic healthcare.
They are more unequal economically.
They can't legislate against guns.
They can't fathom how the adverb is intended to work, and leave them out.
They don't own electric kettles.

To top it all off, their power outlets are only pumping out 120v. I expect when I'm there it'll take a week to charge a phone. I shall need some sort of phrasebook to get by I expect.

 

Look, the steak has a GI Joe shadow

 

I've never heard of anyone microwaving water. I didn't even know that was a thing.

 

Apparently it is.

You may yet have enough honour to redeem yourself, CT-Two Tone.

Tell me - is this perfect, or should the tea bag be left in it as you drink?

 

There are many untold evils in this world.

 

I've never been a tea drinker, but I've never seen anyone leave the bag in.

 

OK, you are redeemed. Correct answer.

 

If they use a microwave to make tea, how on earth do they make cucumber sandwiches? With a pair of garden shears and a bricklayer's trowel?

 

It's not sandwich as we recognise it; they don't give dough any heat beyond sun exposure.

 

You're hitting the nail on the head of why I feel so out of place in . Yes I was born there, but its never really felt like home.

I fill my own tea bags with my own blend. I've thought about growing the herbs, drying them and then making tea...but there is such a thing as going too far. I haven't used a kettle, electric or otherwise in a very long time. Instead, I use one of these. Any time, day or night, hot water is instantly at hand for tea.