Before Endgame - Quote challenge (Qui/Obi/Xan - very AU) vignette

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by dianethx, Sep 2, 2005.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
Moderators: Briannakin, mavjade
  1. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Title: Endgame
    author: dianethx
    Genre: drama, definitely AU
    Characters: Qui-Gon Jinn, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Xanatos
    Timeframe: JA - the end of book 8
    Summary: It is said that revenge is sweet. Xanatos is about to find out.
    Notes: This was for the Quote challenge; however, it was also inspired by something obi_ew and I had discussed a long, long time ago - namely that Xanatos would never kill himself just to punish Qui-Gon Jinn - a nosedive into an acid pool - don't think so. Thanks to Layren for asking the right questions and to the goddess of all things Xanatos, obi_ew, for help with the ending.

    Quote: 54. None are so hopelessly enslaved as those who falsely believe they are free. -- Goethe

    *******************

    "Pathetic, absolutely pathetic."

    The sulfurous wind caught the contempt, sweeping it upward into the burnt-yellow air, scattering the words like caustic dust before a gathering storm.

    The speaker merely stood there, fine synthsilk cape rustling as he shifted his weight in impatience, watching his enemies approach. Hard sapphire eyes, icy blue yet breathtakingly beautiful, the color of a clear Telosian sky, vivid, startling and glacial, narrowed as he took in the surroundings.

    Perfect, the place was perfect.

    Before him lay sharp slabs of barren rock, black sludgy murk of acid pools, and the curling heat of wounded earth - a burbling desecration of land and sky and poisoned water. Zhu'zosk trees lay bleach-boned along the trail. Everywhere was the scattered stench of dead carcasses, suffocated by the blasphemy of uncaring commerce. The smell was almost overwhelming. And, far off in the distance, the smoky noise of mining destruction was a rumble of broken shards and pain.

    Nothing moved, nothing was alive except for Xanatos duCrion and, down below on the rocky slopes, the Jedi fools trying so desperately to capture him.

    "Come on, Master. You can do better than that." Chuckling deep in his throat, he watched with growing excitement as his old nemesis, Qui-Gon Jinn, and that pathetic Padawan whelp of his scampered over mounds of debris, past polluted geysers and fuming pools of acid, edging toward their deaths.

    Oh, he was going to enjoy this.

    It had seemed an eternity ago but he had loved Jinn once - as almost-father, as mentor, as friend. And when it had all gone sour, when that Jedi rshhak had murdered his true father, Crion duCrion, over a few paltry problems with the Telosian Treasury, Xanatos realized that Jinn had been lying to him for years. There had been no love, no acceptance, no bond between them, only an endless need to control Xan's every thought, to play puppet-master with his mind and spirit and heart.

    In that moment, the son's love he had offered to Jinn turned to black hatred and an ever-growing lust for revenge.

    But the universe moved in inexplicable and subtle ways. Once free of the stifling rules and petty concerns of the Jedi, he had learned to take what was rightfully his. The trite compassion and selfless acts that had contaminated the mind-drones of the Order no longer were of any concern to Xanatos duCrion. So instead of losing everything, he had gained wealth beyond dreaming and the freedom to do what he wanted when he wanted.

    And it cost him very little. A few paltry lives here, a bit of contaminated water there - these were nothing to him, less than nothing. Instead, the destructive path of loss and death had only brought him more money and more control and, above all, power. Power over the lives of the Telosian people. He could almost drink in the blood-hot nectar of it all.

    A bleak scrabble of rock sliding down the hillside brought him back to the matter at hand.

    A few meters below him, that naive pup with the sea-green eyes was looking straight at him. Xanatos smiled down at the boy, a sunny welcoming grin that apparently only confused the little Jedi fool. He watched as the kid halted and stared at him, blinking quickly, a deep f
  2. Layren Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 28, 2003
    star 5
    Wow... just wow.

    When you told me you were doing this, I was so excited and thrilled. When I saw it pop up -- I immediately went to read it :D

    I am breathless! I was on the edge of my seat the entire fight.

    Truly wonderful wonderful action sequence...


    And Qui-Gon miraculously is alive, though I wonder how much longer he would be now that his precious Obi-Wan is dead....


    Maybe you should turn this into a longer story Diane ;)



    Marvelous marvelous work m'dear!!!

    =D==D=
  3. River_Stone Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 7, 2005
    star 1
    Oh. My. Goodness.:eek:

    What was that?! That was amazing! The language! The way it mirrored the evil of Xanatos and his intentions, and how you perfectly envisioned this final, brutal scene of revenge.

    But it was futile. Obi-Wan grunted in agony as he stared down at the smoking ruin of his chest, his voice almost gone in that single shriek, eyes streaming bloody tears. He gurgled once, clutching at Jinn's tunic, his mouth trying to form the words but, with his last breath, he exhaled, "Forgive me" and died.

    That was just awe-inspiring. I wish I could find some other way to explain to you the strength of this story.

    Seriously, oh my goodness... :eek:



  4. LuvEwan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2002
    star 4
    :_|

    One day I might forgive you. Not today. :_|

    The language was visceral and stunning, diane. It made everything so real, I was totally entranced by it. It's so unique and graceful. The dialogue was gutting and very realistic.

    I very much enjoyed your characterization of Xanatos, because there's no denying he's dark, but there's a reason for it, a rawness in his heart that festered to evil because of his father's death and his thirst for wealth and power. The way he taunts and torments Qui-Gon is disgusting, but fitting for the character.

    Your depiction of Qui-Gon and his heartbreak made my contacts start slipping out of my eyes, because my vision was blurring. You painted such a desperate, sad scene. And poor Obi-Wan, thinking he was safe and heading for his Master, only to be run through. When he whispered 'forgive me' I about lost it. It's clear that he didn't have peace in his last moments, but pain and guilt.

    Gorgeous and beautiful.
  5. obi_ew Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 14, 2002
    star 5
    =D= Bravo! You captured evil Xan perfectly and Jinn's devastation was hard to read. I feel bad for poor little Obi of course, but it was Xan who killed him. ;) For a split second there I thought Xan was going to jump and take Obi with him. Love this ending much better! Great job and so glad you finally found time to write this. It was well worth the wait. [face_dancing]
  6. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    Whoa! I'm stunned at how powerful this one was! I'm not surprised, having read your work before. But each time you manage to punch me in the gut and this one was a whopper! I mean that in the best possible way! Simply amazing! =D= =D= =D=
  7. JadeSolo Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Sep 20, 2002
    star 6
    Haaaaaa...wow...

    Your prose, as always, is beautiful - especially the descriptions of rage. You made Xan such a sexy bad guy. :* Can't help but feel bad for everyone in this vig - Xan for his mania and loss of his father, Obi-Wan for just being loyal to Qui-Gon (he did nothing wrong, poor baby :( ), and Qui-Gon for suffering a circle of violence. :_|

    I hear, for the right price, they will have sex with anyone, even you.

    Haha! You said the s-word! [face_laugh] :p
  8. maychorian Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 7, 2005
    star 4
    Ouch.

    I couldn't read this all at once. I had to take it in bits and pieces. Incredibly, exquisitely painful. There was such a crushing sense of inevitability about the whole piece.

    Poor Qui-Gon! Poor Obi-Wan! :_|

    Poor me! I need mush, stat!
  9. forever_jedi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 5, 2002
    star 5
    That was an awesome piece of fiction! :D

    Poor Xan, enslaved by his addiction for revenge - even at the end as he's walking away, he's plotting more! " None are so hopelessly enslaved as those who falsely believe they are free." Goethe's quote is so applicable to him - wasting his life away, a slave to his desire for revenge on Qui-Gon!

    What about Qui-Gon? Will this finally be the proverbial last straw? Given how he reacted after Tahl's death in JA, it would be wonderful if he went dark after this, plotting retribution till he had achieved it. It would be grand if there was a sequel in which Qui-Gon and Xanatos tear up the galaxy and especially Telos, in their mutual desire for self-destruction and REVENGE! ;)

    Obi-Wan - poor kid! Death only because he was Qui-Gon's padawan and loved by him. On the bright side, now he doesn't have to grow up and suffer a lifetime of misery as Vader and Sidious destroy the Jedi! He can be happy in the Force! :)
  10. Princess_Arulmozhi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 16, 2004
    star 4
    I'm running out of adjectives to describe your work, here. The descriptions of Xanatos standing at the pools, and the way he taunts Jinn is so very well done. I could see the acid pools, the greying, decayed surorundings...even the sulferous smoke. So very vivid and 3-D, as your work always is.

    You killed Obi-Wan! :_| But even there, I had to admire the way you wrote it, ending it swiftly, instead of overdone mush. That tornado that rose up following Obi's death was so exquisitely executed.

    And revenge, he had found, revenge was the sweetest journey of them all.


    Ah, bravo! How like Xanatos, to believe that revenge was sweet. He'll pay for it with his life - and worse.

    Brilliant work, m'lady.=D=
  11. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    I realized that I forgot to breathe about halfway through. That was stunning!
  12. PadawanEstel Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 23, 2004
    star 1
    :eek: :eek: :eek:
    This is probably the most amazing thing I've read in a long time... The descriptions and emotions were both so vivid, and the characters were perfect!
    =D= @};-
  13. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Layren Thank you so much for posting. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I had a great deal of fun writing it, especially the fight scene which, for some odd reason, just seemed to flow out of my fingertips right onto the page. Not how it usually happens but I was happy that it did.

    LOL, you and your longer stories. :p

    Thanks.

    River_Stone Hi Padawan. Glad you liked it. I do love to play with language, especially when it's a lot of emotion among the characters. For some reason, this kind of vignette always brings out the thesaurus in me.

    You are quite lovely to say that you liked it so much. You are too kind!

    LE Oh, I'm sure you will forgive me eventually. I just had to kill him, you know. Xan would never have jumped into the acid pool to get revenge. That was way too final. He was much more of a back-door escape, twisted revenge kind of guy. So that's the way I wrote him.

    Thanks about the language. You know how much I like to play with words and this just seemed to scream atmosphere.

    I'm thrilled that you liked my Xanatos. He was just so evil in the books that I couldn't really see redeeming him, especially when it came to him and Jinn going at it. As for reasons, I always love to have an explanation as to why he was doing what he was. A man trying to kill another should have powerful motivations and a galaxy wide depth of emotion to go along with it.

    Glad you liked the way I killed Obi-Wan. I wanted people to think that Xan would let him go, added tension to the moment, before he got skewered. And a long drawn-out death scene, I thought would be too much in this story. Better the kid die quickly and in his Master's arms. And, of course, with Obi-Wan, he would always feel guilty about failing Qui-Gon.

    Thanks. Very happy that you liked it.:D

    OE Thanks so much for the help with the decision to not kill Jinn. I was very tempted to do so but you and Layren were right. And I liked it better this way, after all!
    As for Xan diving into the pool with Obi, that was possible but Xan had to live to enjoy Jinn's devastation at Obi's death.

    Thanks.
  14. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    VaderLVR64
    Thanks about the stunning. I'm glad that you enjoyed it even though it was a whopper. In a good way. :D Thanks so much.

    Jade Ha right back at you. I'm happy you liked my sexy Xan. But he's kind of an insane person, seeking revenge and doing it by killing a kid. He's a bad, bad boy. I'm relieved that it wasn't too over the top.

    And yes, I did say the sex word. I think that Xan would have said it, don't you? :D

    Thanks for reading.

    May I love that you thought it had a crushing sense of inevitability. I was going in that direction and I'm so happy that it came through all right.

    I think after this one, I need mush! Thanks.

    forever_jedi Thanks. I thought the quote really fit here - that Xan was so enslaved by his revenge-mania that he couldn't really see what he had and that he was indeed wasting his life thinking about it.

    As for Qui-Gon, I think it would be the last straw. I think he would be driven to near-madness with the realization that it was partially his fault that Obi-Wan died, especially since they were just coming back from the whole Melida/Daan thing and hadn't had time to reconnect as well as they should have.

    Unfortunately, I don't do sequels any more. I'm still mired in a really long story that was supposed to be a short sequel and ended up being an epic. Oh, well. Perhaps someone else could write that story. It would be awesome!

    Yes, Obi-Wan has now missed the whole Vader slaughtering Jedi thing and is one with the Force. I wonder who will be taking care of Luke?:p

    Thanks for reading.

    P_A Ohhhh, running out of adjectives. [face_blush] Thanks. Well, you know me and description - gotta have it if I can. I wanted the atmosphere of the surroundings to be part of the story. I used the landscape in the fight because I thought it would be cool but I also wanted you to think about Xan's bubbling anger along with the bubbling acid pools.

    Thanks about killing Obi and not overdoing it. It was a temptation! I wanted a slight nod to ROTS with the tornado and things being destroyed when Qui-Gon let go in his grief.

    Xan would think that revenge is sweet - the more to savor. Too bad, he couldn't understand that it was love that should be enjoyed, not revenge.

    :D

    Kitara You really need to breathe more often...LOL. Thanks. :D

    PadawanEstel Thanks. I'm really glad you enjoyed it. I do love to write strongly emotional stories and this one just begged for anger, grief and destruction. Thanks for reading. :D
  15. Master_Noi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 8, 2004
    star 4
    Your descriptions are always a feast for the mind - beautiful.

    You killed Obi-Wan! :_| What an awful death.

    I love the way you write the dynamic between Xanatos and Qui-Gon. Xan's arrogance and seld-assuredness was great. And Qui-Gon's struggle of emotions was subtle, yet very clear.

    Great job!
  16. Kynstar Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 2, 2004
    star 5
    Oh that was chilling! But soooo Xan! And he would do something like that to get revenge against Qui. Good thing this didn't really happen, eh? Man if it did I shudder to think of how Qui would have been afterward...would he have easily succumbed to the darkness and want his own revenge? One has to wonder...

    Great job! =D= Truly loved it :D
  17. Indra Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2003
    star 3
    That was absolutely indredible, Diane, as all your work. Your descriptions are awesome and always fit so very well and your characters are simply brilliant. They never act unreasonably. I got so caught up in this piece that I forgot everything else around me. I love your characterisation of Xanatos, because he still stays in character and is absolutely evil, but not without motive. He's much more real than in the JA books and it's great how you slip in little pieces of evidence that he's human too. What I admired most about this is that I absolutely couldn't guess what would happen; if Obi-Wan would die or if Qui-Gon would or maybe even Xanatos. Everything that happened took me by surprise.

    I don't know what else to say. I'm sure there are hundreds of other things I could comment on, but I'll leave it at that and just enjoy having read such a wonderful piece. Very, very well done. =D=
  18. TRADMIC FanForce CR and President S.W.A.P FF

    Chapter Rep
    Member Since:
    Jul 24, 2005
    star 5
    Your way with words makes everything so real -- too real...right into the mind of Xanatos. This was excellent!
  19. stormqueen874 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 7, 2005
    star 4
    *is completely and utterly incoherent, uttering more denials than ever thought possible and sobbing her eyes out*

    This was just too cruel! Obi-Wan, and Qui-Gon, and... and...

    *is reduced to her sobbing state once more*

    Your writing is exquisite, so vivid and beautiful! I am infinitely jealous! I hate Xanatos with a fiery passion now, and believe me that I'm cheering for Qui-Gon to kick his friggin behind.

    *lapses into a storm of swearing over a certain turned-Jedi*

    How could he do such a thing??!! ARGGGGG!!!!

    I think I'm going to stop while I'm ahead and confine the rest of my reactions to the privacy of my own home. :p Absolutely wonderful job! =D==D==D=

    Stormqueen
  20. Jedi_Tigris Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 7, 2005
    star 4
    :eek: :_|

    That was so chilling, and fitting at the same time. [face_worried] Poor Qui and Obi! And evil, devious, plotting Xan! :mad:

    Bravo! Don't know how else to say it. =D=
  21. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    Again I feel my emotions stirred up to a frothy head.

    Xanatos is nothing more than a lying, despicable snake.

    A few paltry lives here, a bit of contaminated water there - these were nothing to him, less than nothing. - some people don't deserve their lives at all.

    Brilliant fic Diane. I hated to see Obi-Wan killed and feel Qui's heartbreak. A sequel of Qui-Gon catching up to Xan would be great. [face_batting] [face_batting]
  22. Arwen-Jade_Kenobi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 9, 2002
    star 5
    Oh wow, that was quite intense and sad, but I loved it. Awesome job!
  23. JOINME Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 25, 2005
    star 4
    oh my gosh!

    Obi-Wan murdered, Qui-Gon wounded, and Xanatos escapes?

    :eek:

    [face_worried]

    :_| :_|

    This was very intense and gripping! I found myself holding my breath the whole time.. Loved your characterisation of Xan, so very creepy! and the ending.. <shiver>

    Really enjoyed it! Despite Obi-Wan dying. :_|
  24. Phoenix_Reborn Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 23, 2003
    star 4
    =D= Yay Xan! Now if only he had taken Obi-Wan with him :p


    Awesome fic Diane!
  25. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Noi I know I killed Obi-Wan. I had to - my evil muse made me! Thanks about the dynamics. I really tried to make their relationship seem deep and destructive. I'm glad it came across.

    Kynstar Thanks about the chilling. I try, I really do! It is a good thing this didn't happen because I can see Qui-Gon going insane and vengeful towards Xan after that.

    I'm just happy you enjoyed it!

    Indra Ohhh, thanks about the brilliant. I always try to make sure my characters are acting in a way that is consistant with their personas.
    I'm thrilled that you got so caught up that you forgot your surroundings. That is a wonderful compliment. :D I loved writing Xan, he was so deliciously evil but, as you said, you need motivation for his choices.
    Oh, that you couldn't guess what would happen next is music to my ears. Thanks ever so much.[face_blush]

    TRADMIC Thanks. I'm happy that you enjoyed it. I had a lot of fun writing it.:D

    Stormqueen874 I have been known to be cruel to those two in the past and I probably will be again. I'm glad that I was able to entertain you even if I did make you cry.
    Thanks about the writing. I try very hard to make it as beautiful to read, even when telling a story of death and destruction. LOL on Qui-Gon killing Xan's behind... :D
    Thanks for reading.

    Jedi_Tigris Thanks. I'm happy that you enjoyed it. Gotta love Xan. He's just such a fun, evil guy.

    Leona I'm stirring you up again. I've been doing that a lot lately.:D
    Xan is a lying snake but, from his POV, Qui-Gon is a murderer and he should have to pay. LOL.
    As for a sequel, you know what I say about that...NO! Someone else will just have to write it. But thanks for suggesting it.[face_batting]

    Arwen-Jade_Kenobi Thanks for the wow. I'm just happy that you liked it. Thanks for reading.

    JOINME I'm really happy that you were holding your breath the whole time. My work here is done. :D Actually thanks for the compliment. It's a lovely thing to say. Glad, too, that the characterizations were good. I always worry about that.

    Birdy Thanks about the awesome. Glad you could stop by. Sorry about the Obi death but there it is. [face_batting]



Moderators: Briannakin, mavjade
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.