Before Enemies Among Us - Obi/Qui, pre-TPM - Thank-you So Much To My Readers - Completed 2/3

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Master_Noi, Nov 18, 2004.

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  1. Master_Noi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 8, 2004
    star 4
    Title: Enemies Among Us
    Winner 2004 Winter Readers' Choice Angst
    Author: Master_Noi
    Timeframe: pre-TPM
    Characters: Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon
    Disclaimer: The usual disclaimers apply.

    Summary: Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan are pulled from a much-needed break to be sent on a routine mission, but someone has other plans for the two Jedi.
    ***************************************
    Chapter 1

    It was said that the city-planet of Coruscant never slept. The most populous planet and capital of the Republic was a whirl of perpetual motion, even robbed of peaceful night by glaring lights from vehicles, buildings, and sites that made the nightlife of Coruscant infamous.

    Lost in the bustle of early afternoon, a man quickly weaved his way through the sea of pedestrians blocking his way along the busy street. A few pedestrians might have objected to the rough shoves that pushed them from his path, but he cared little. He found the barrage oppressive - scraping by, tugging at his coat, threatening to pull him under. He shoved yet another misfortunate soul from his path in his fight against the unrelenting current. He looked through the crowd, trying to see over beings several heads taller, and scowled as he finally caught sight of the object of his displeasure. The tall, slender man nodded and gave him a discreet wave. He stepped up next to the taller man, glad for his freedom, and smoothed the fabric of his coat and pants in an attempt to gain composure. He took a deep, calming breath and nearly choked on the harsh city air.

    ?Why did you ask me to come here?,? he asked still gasping, ?Do you have any idea how busy I am right now and how hard it is for me to get away??

    He tipped his wrist to glance at the time and sighed.

    ?I found them boss,? was the clipped reply.

    The man shot a skeptical glare and asked, ?Where??

    ?Look right through the window over there,? said the taller man as he motioned towards a small diner. ?I followed them here and thought it would be a less obvious place for you to observe for yourself.?

    He looked through the windows of the diner until he identified the pair in question. He frowned slightly.

    ?He?s older than we had discussed. That could present problems,? he said as he gave his subordinate a critical scowl.

    ?I have thought of that. We knew this would be dangerous at any rate. Just watch them a few minutes. I think you?ll find them to be suitable for your purposes.?

    The man stood in silence, separate from the flurry around him, and watched the pair for a few moments. It appeared they had finished their meals and the younger man was chatting amicably with his older companion. The older regarded the younger with a neutral expression as he chatted until something the younger man said caused the older man to break the expression that had remained plastered on his face, and laugh loudly. After a few more moments, the pair got up from their seats. The older man shook his head, giving a slight tug to a long braid that fell from behind the younger man?s ear. As they left the diner and began to pull up the hoods on their brown cloaks, the younger one paused a moment and surveyed the crowd as if looking for someone, causing the two observers to tense and drop their gazes. He creased his brow in frustration as he finished lifting his hood and fell into step behind his taller companion.

    ?We?ll have to keep an eye on the kid. I think he knows I?ve been trailing them.?

    ?He hasn?t seen you, has he? That could ruin everything ??

    ?No, no, no. What I mean is he has seemed uneasy ? like he senses something when I watch them,? said the taller man. ?In fact, all the pairs I?ve observed over the last week have been like that. Staying hidden hasn?t been easy.?

    ?They?re Jedi. I assume that?s to be expected.?

    ?I?ve done some checking on their background. Seems the master is unconventional, a sort of maverick. That might work to our advantage.?

    ?And the apprentice??

    ?He seems to be pretty well-liked.?

    He stood in silence, digesting everything. In the
  2. Jedikma Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 4
    Woohoo!!!!! You started posting!!!!!

    =D=

    Great start!!! Can't wait to find out who the two are watching Qui and Obi and what they are up to.

    Love your descriptions, too. :D

    EDIT: hehe I got first post! :)

  3. Layren Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 28, 2003
    star 5
    Ooooh a very intriguing beginning i'm always a fan of Qui-Gon/Obi-Wan and I love how you're portraying Qui-Gon, excellent job, I'm eagerly awaiting the next post!
  4. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Loved it. That Obi-Wan was so full of anxiety and Qui caught it speaks well of their relationship. I liked the way you introduced the two - through a window. Nice image.

    Great job so far.
  5. obi_ew Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 14, 2002
    star 5
    Looks good already Noi. Can't wait to see what you have up your sleeve. :)
  6. Kynstar Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 2, 2004
    star 5
    Exellent start! I like how Obi is picking up on something juz not knowing what it is! :D

    Can't wait for more! Great job!
  7. BrokenNoseOfQui-Gon Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 15, 2004
    star 2
    Looks like the beginning of a great Qui-Gon/Obi-Wan story. And I'm always happy to read one of those. Look forward to more.
  8. mad4dos Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 3, 2003
    star 1
    looks good ..nice start keep up the good work :)
    mad4dos
  9. Master_Noi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 8, 2004
    star 4
    Wow, thanks for reading everyone!

    kma - yay, first post. :D We'll get to what those two are up to, but I don't know if you're going to like what they have planned.

    Layren - Thanks for reading. Glad you like how I'm portraying Qui-Gon. :)

    Diane - I had a lot of fun with writing about them being watched throught the window. Glad you liked it.

    o_e - like I told kma, might not like what I have up my sleeve. [face_worried]

    Kynstar - yeah, poor guy. Sucks to have bad feelings, but not know what's up.

    BrokenNoseOfQui-Gon - Thanks for reading

    mad4dos - Thanks!

    Okay, here are chapters 2 and 3.
    **********************************
    Chapter 2

    Qui-Gon Jinn floated on the edge of consciousness. Through layers of clouded disorientation, he heard a familiar sound, but chose to ignore it. Giving it too much thought would completely draw him from his peaceful, warm oblivion. He pulled away from it and tried to forget. And then the sound stopped. With great contentment, he allowed himself to sink back to unconsciousness. He ignored a second invasion, knowing the sound would once again go away.

    Yet ?it persisted.

    Reluctantly, he opened his eyes to the assault of light seeping in through the curtains, and shot a scornful look in the direction of his chiming comlink before pulling himself up to a sitting position. Pushing tangled hair out of his face, he squinted at the chronometer which showed the time to be 0700 ? a late morning for him. Sliding free of the covers, he cringed against the morning chill and settled his feet onto the floor.

    He stood up stretching to his full height, and hastily ripped the blanket off of the bed, wrapping it around his body to ward of the chill. The small room was dim, lit only with the small amount of intruding light from outside, but he didn?t bother to turn the lights on. He followed the sound of the still-chiming comlink to a small table in the corner of the room. The sound was wearing on him now, and he could feel a dull ache growing in his right temple. He pushed on the forming ache with his right hand as he pushed his cloak off the table and sifted through the objects resting underneath. The pestering device wasn?t on the table and not in his utility belt.

    His stooped down, picking up the discarded cloak, and the chiming shifted. He fumbled looking for the pockets and extracted the small nuisance.

    ?Jinn here,? he said, harshly.

    ?Qui-Gon?? came the questioning voice of Mace Windu.

    ?Yes,? he tried in a more diplomatic tone. It seemed to him that should be obvious; it was his comlink after all.

    ?Good. I have been trying to reach you for a half an hour now. We need to see you and Obi-Wan in our chambers at 0900.?

    Qui-Gon tightened his grip on his cloak and sunk down to the foot of his sleep couch, feeling it would be best if he was sitting.

    ?Do we have another mission?? he began defensively. ?It was my understanding that we were going to be spending some time at the temple ??

    ?I know. I know.?

    ?Mace,? Qui-Gon sighed in frustration, ?I?m concerned about Obi-Wan. He needs a break. I need a break. We can?t keep running like this.?

    ?I?m sorry, Qui-Gon. We will brief you when you get here. The mission is straightforward. You?ll be able to wrap it up and get back to your leave quickly.?

    He opened his mouth to protest that missions were seldom straightforward, especially for them, but realized Mace was no longer listening.

    Qui-Gon discarded the blanket he had wrapped around his body and looked for his bathrobe. He pulled on the robe and walked to the door of his apprentice?s room. Gently pushing the door open, he took a couple steps into the room. Obi-Wan was almost completely covered by blankets he had pulled tightly in a cocoon around him. Qui-Gon took a few steps closer with the intent of waking the young man, but reached out with his senses and noted that he was still sleeping very soundly. Qui-Gon smiled. It was good to see him
  10. Jedikma Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 4
    Love your descriptions in chapter 2 about getting out of bed! That is going to be me in the morning when winter sets in. ;)

    So Obi and Qui were specifically ask for? Wonder why?

    Nope, the mission will not be routine.

    Great post! :)
  11. Layren Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 28, 2003
    star 5
    Oh dear that can't be good that they were specifically asked for by somebody they've never even had dealings with.


    A most excellent two chapters!


    ?Out of thousands of Jedi, they couldn?t find anyone else?? Obi-Wan said propping himself up on his elbows.

    Qui-Gon laughed and ruffled his apprentice?s hair.



    [face_laugh][face_laugh] [face_laugh]

    Kind of makes you wonder sometimes doesn't it? hehehe great job! I can't wait for more!
  12. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    I really liked the two of them getting out of bed. It was cute and I could just picture Obi-Wan being unhappy to leave his cocoon. Loved Obi's wise-crack remark about them being chosen ?Out of thousands of Jedi, they couldn?t find anyone else??

    As for the mission, I have a bad feeling about this.

    Good job.
  13. tangled_sphere Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 28, 2003
    star 4
    That was a wonderful start Noi! =D= Great descriptions and the start...I want to know what they have plotted!

    And of all the Jedi...Qui and Obi are chosen for this mission [face_thinking] Great job with this and looking forward to their mission. :D
  14. obi_ew Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 14, 2002
    star 5
    Yikes! I'm not liking this mission one bit. I have a bad feeling about it. :D
  15. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    nothing is ever as simple as promised
  16. Kynstar Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 2, 2004
    star 5
    Great job! Loved chapter 2 too :D hehehehe bed scene was sweet hehehe letting Obi sleep in another hour! ;)

    Hrmmm they asked for them by name? How odd... [face_thinking]

    Guess we'll get to find out more once they arrive!
  17. Flashbacca Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 11, 2002
    star 4
    WoW!!! Great start sis! I loved the description that you have put into this story. The morning getting up routine was great :)

    Really looking forward to the next post :)

    ~~Flash
  18. Vivid_Scripts Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 21, 2004
    star 4
    Intriguing- very intriguing. This is one of the few times i've ever ventured into Before the Saga, and I'm glad I stumbled upon this story. Your descriptions are great, and the Qui-Gon/Obi-Wan dynamic is done very well. I too wonder why Qui-Gon was asked for specifically... Update again soon?
  19. Master_Noi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 8, 2004
    star 4
    kma - First post again! Questions will be answered in time, just not this time. ;)

    Layren - Just shows you how special our guys are out of the thousands. :p

    Diane - Some mornings I imagine even Jedi don't want to get out of bed. Glad you liked Obi's wisecrack.

    tangled - you will see in time what they have plotted. [face_devil]

    o_e - well a routine mission wouldn't be any fun to write about, would it? [face_mischief]

    kitara - no it's not, I think they will both wish they had just stayed in bed before this is all done.

    kynstar - Thanks. Yeah, Qui and Obi thought it was odd too. It's a shame the council didn't. :p

    sis ? Thanks for reading. Master has really challenged me in the area of description, so I?m glad you enjoyed it. :)

    Vivid_Scripts ? Glad you wandered into BTS and found my little fic. :)

    ****************
    Thanks everyone for reading; I know I put a lot up here to read initially. Now, I hope to update every other day. Next post should be up in just a little bit.
  20. Master_Noi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 8, 2004
    star 4
    Chapter 4 - First Impressions

    From the cockpit, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan took in the planet of Denura for the first time as Obi-Wan settled the small transport down to the landing pad. The skyline of the Denuran capital, Nera, was breath-taking. Gleaming buildings rose far into the pristine blue sky; their hard edges and perfect symmetry simple, yet elegant.

    Obi-Wan powered down the transport, but remained in the pilot?s seat, staring at the welcoming party waiting outside the transport. Being accustomed to dignitaries with large entourages, he was surprised to see such a small, informal group. The First Minister was supposed to meet the transport.

    ?Shall we go?? Qui-Gon asked after a few moments.

    Obi-Wan jumped up from the seat, picking up his travel bag and followed Qui-Gon to the door of the transport. Qui-Gon paused before opening the door and faced his apprentice. .

    ?Remember Padawan, protocol is very important to the Denuran people.?

    ?Yes, Master. It is customary to wait to be addressed and to bow in greeting. Physical contact is strictly taboo, so no hand-shaking, etc.?

    Obi-Wan flashed his mentor an impish grin, Qui-Gon turned and shook his head. Of course his apprentice had read the mission briefing. He had come a long way from the thirteen year he had reluctantly taken under his wing. He opened the door and both exited into bright sunlight and crisp, cool air that was a stark contrast to the harsh, sometimes bleak atmosphere of Coruscant. Obi-Wan took a deep breath before following his master down the ramp and towards the approaching party.

    A tall man with silver-streaked brown hair and piercing green eyes stopped in front of the Jedi, the rest of the group slightly behind. The First Minister of Denura carried himself with an air of authority and pride. He offered a polite bow, crinkling the dark blue silks of his suit. A medallion hanging from his neck signified his office.

    ?I am pleased to welcome you on behalf of the Denuran people. I am First Minister Athan Marinou.?

    ?I am Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn and this is my padawan learner Obi-Wan Kenobi. We are honored to serve you,? said the master as he and his apprentice returned the polite bow.

    ?This is my Head of Security, Eneas Sitara,? the minister stated as he motioned to a tall, slender man standing slightly behind him. The man merely nodded slightly, barely disturbing his rigid posture and said nothing, cold, watchful eyes bearing into the Jedi. The minister made no mention of the lack of protocol and continued, motioning to a shorter man, with heavily grayed hair.

    ?My Chief Advisor, Cyril Macres.?

    The man stepped forward, delivering a lavish bow.

    ?I am honored to meet you,? he simply stated, making eye-contact with both the master and apprentice.

    The First Minister turned and extended his hand to a poised, slender woman. Her dark hair was severely pulled away from her face and coiled tightly behind her head. The deep green silk of her suit was accented by a vibrant scarf draped loosely around her shoulders. The minister placed his hand on her back and guided her as she stepped in front of the group.

    ?And finally, my wife, Phedra,? he said with warmth in his eyes.

    She smiled raising already high-set cheekbones and bowed gracefully.
    ?Greetings to you Master Jinn,? she said and then turned towards Obi-Wan. ?And to you Padawan Kenobi,? she stated, allowing her gaze to linger on the young man.

    ?Perhaps we should show our guests to their quarters now, Minster,? Advisor Macres barked impatiently.

    Minister Marinou turned and shot his advisor a questioning look at his tone.

    ?We do have a busy schedule to maintain today and I am sure the Jedi have had a long journey,? Macres continued in more neutral tones.

    ?Of course,? Minister Marinou said, giving his advisor a slight nod. He turned back to face the two Jedi. ?I am afraid I have many unexpected matters to attend to today, but would be delighted if you would join my wife and me for an evening meal. Formal events will b
  21. Kynstar Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 2, 2004
    star 5
    Oi! Obi already has a secret admirer? ;) hehehe and married too! hehehehe how quaint! ;) hehehe

    Interesting trio there indeed (and of course the missus too ;) hehe)

    Can't wait to find out the details now :D Great work!
  22. Jaxx_w Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 8, 2004
    star 1
    hhmmm, curious. why is Sitara so impolite, and why is Phedra openly staring at our young apprentice? So many questions...great first two chapters. Love the relationship between Qui and Obi in the first part. :) I'm hooked.
  23. obi_ew Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 14, 2002
    star 5
    Well I'd congratulate her on her good taste in men but I can't get over the feeling that she's going to be trouble for our ravishing Obi. [face_worried]
  24. Jedikma Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 4
    I agree with o_e, Phedra is going to be trouble. :D
  25. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Yep, Obi-Wan better stick close to his Master or there could be a major incident! Obi's in trouble with the ladies....
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