Beyond Enforcer Sqaud- OCs in a post NJO story

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Dante_Glass, May 29, 2004.

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  1. Dante_Glass Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 2, 2004
    star 4
    Ok there are a lot of characters here to get sorted out in a short period of time and for that I?m sorry but this is my first post in what I hope to be a long and exciting Fan Fic.

    Time Frame: this takes place about a month after TUF

    Note: I have a theory that characters are best developed though action, and if you look at all the star wars films someone is in danger all the time. That?s the approach I take so there is a lot of action here because there are a lot of characters to develop in a very short time. I hope you like it, more updates soon...I hope.

    Enforcer Squad

    The sound of the electronic door sliding open caught Aldoors attention. The Rodian looked up to see four men and a Trandoshan come striding down the long hallway. The man in the middle had sort of graying hair and a penetrating glare that bothered Aldoor. The Trandoshan was to his immediate left, and he was flanked on the opposite side by a slender looking fellow clad in brown leather, a lightsaber hung from his belt. Aldoor swallowed hard when he spotted it. Behind them he could make out a pair of muscular figures, the shorter of the two sporting fiery red hair.

    ?Welcome to Lamar Cornels Pleasure Tower? He said dryly ?It is required that all weapons be left at the desk.? They had almost reached him and Aldoor swallowed again. ?If you?d like me to take your coat I?

    He was cut off as the man with the penetrating eyes and graying hair pulled a blaster carbine from inside his trench coat and fired a single round though Aldoor?s head. The Rodian gazed blindly at his attacker for a second before slumping to the desk motionless.

    ?I think I?ll keep my coat thank you? Rean Glass said as he brought his blaster carbine down to his side. ?Holden, Khazad, and Manic take the left hall way till you reach the turbolift. Use it to get to the hanger and cut off any escape for Lamar.? He point his blaster down the hallway to his left side, ?Malion? he continued speaking as he motioned towards the Jedi.

    ?Yes?? He replied

    ?Your with me, were going after Lamar.? With that Malion hopped the coat check desk and headed to the back of the room. Igniting his orange lightsaber he sliced though the lock on the door with a quick and easy swing.

    ?After you? he said waving Rean forwards.



    Khazad lead his team down one of the long rounded hallways on the bottom floor of Lamar Cornels headquarters. The long windows showed the orangey red gas clouds of Bespin, casting a warm glow on the heavily armed men. As the group slowly came around the gradual bend in the hall they came face to face with a patrol of Rodian thugs, shocked, they went for there weapons, but Khazad, Holden and Manic had already opened fire scorching holes in the aliens green flesh.

    Stepping over the dead bodies towards the turbolift that was there destination Khazad barked out a set or orders to Holden and Manic who took up positions at either side of the turbolift. Khazad punched the keycard with one of his claws and the door slid open, Holden and Manic flowed into the small cylinder room, called it clear and waved Khazad in. Manic selected hanger floor and the Turbolife came to life, with the sense of incredible speed came a calm relaxing music, an instrumental by a band Holden recognized as Wookie Winter.

    ?Weapons check? Khazad said gruffly in broken basic ?Lock blaster pack, turn of safeties, make sure you-?

    ?Shut up? Holden cut him off ?I love this song? Manic snickered behind Khazad?s back as he flicked his rifles safety off turning it over and checking the scope lined up. Khazad glared at Holden who returned his glare with a smile and a hum of the songs chorus. Khazad muttered something in Tandoshian only encouraging Holden to broaden his grim.

    The three men felt the elevator come to a slow stop and the doors slid open to reveal the enormous hanger. There were starfighters and cloud cars parked along the walls and three huge freighters parked in designated areas on the hanger bay floor. One of the freighters was of corellian design, one Khazad didn?t recognize
  2. hunter_ofthe_myst_ra Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 23, 2003
    star 5
  3. Dante_Glass Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 2, 2004
    star 4
    oo my first reader! Thanks theres more to come.
  4. _JM_ Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 26, 2001
    star 4
    Nice opening paragraphs, a little bit of ruthless efficiency.

    Liked the pace of the story.

    Some of it was a little confusing at first glance because you were switching between groups of people without having a seperator (a line with ================ or something) to divide things.
  5. Dante_Glass Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 2, 2004
    star 4
    Yeah I probley should have some sort of divider.

    Glad you liked it though
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