Saga Episode II - Humorous Edition

THE FOLLOWING SCRIPT IS RATED CERTIFICATE 12A FOR MILD FANTASY HORROR, FREQUENT MILD SWEARING, AND SOME CASES OF STRONG LANGUAGE. I RECOMMEND THAT IT IS READ ONLY AFTER READING THE HUMOROUS VERSION OF EPISODE I, WHICH IS BY A DIFFERENT AUTHOR (PURP)
Silvertouch, writer

This is mostly me, with a few scenes by the humour board.



STAR SPOOF Episode II - Attack of the Clones
Humorous Edition, Edited and Written by: Silvertouch

ATTACK OF THE CLONES

A long time ago in a galaxy far far away...

The Republic is split in two. Actually, there is
just another political party to follow. They are
in fact the good guys, or will be by Episode IV,
but they have droids right now, so we don't like
them.
They are lead by the 'mysterious' COUNT
DOOKULA. Anyways, PATME AMIDALA is
just a Senator now, and is deciding to go to
Coruscant to cast a vote against the Republic
defending itself when getting nuked out by the
droids.
So, here we go. Ever noticed how the opening
scrawl always ends with the word galaxy?...


(Two Nuhboo Starfighters and a Nuhboo Cruiser fly across the skies of Coruscant and land on an empty platform.)


INT. THE SENATOR'S CRUISER

Extra #1: We have landed m'lady

Back of The 'Senatuhs' Head: Very good. Here,(hands her some money) get some acting lessons.


THE LANDING PLATFORM

Captain Typ-o: I guess you were right. We encountered no problems at all. Except that guy who knifed me in the eye.

Familiar Pilot: (Muffled insults)

(The 'senatuh' and lots of other people, because she is the [edited] 'senatuh' emerge from the ship, oblivious to the 'tick-tock' sounds
coming out of the landing ramp. Suddenly everything explodes and the 'senatuh' is hurtled forward by an amazing force of being ripped to shreds)

Audience: Wow! We've only been here for, what, half an hour watching adverts, and already one of the main characters has been killed off!

George Lucas: Haha!

Rick McCallum: (snigger)

Familiar Pilot: (Rushes to the 'senatuh' which now looks nothing like Natalie Portman. Takes off helmet. She IS Natalie Portman) Thank God i'm an agent and warped into this pilots body in the last second! (winks at George Lucas) Are you alright?

Jab Jab Rinks: Mesa okey-day

Patme: Quiet You

Blam Kettle: Bugger!

Corde: I'm fine m'lady. I've failed you...

Patme: Yes, but you're going to die so i'll let you off. Have my ship fixed. And cleaned. (walks off)

Captain Typ-o: M'lady, you're still in danger, we must escape.

Patme: (already half-way across the landing pad) Y'think !?!


INT. SUPREME CAMEOS HEMI-SPHERE OF DOOM

Plapatina: I must let this Republic, which has hung around for a thousand years, be split in two. My negotiations, must fail.

Samuel Long Winded: If they do, there are not enough Jedi to protect the Republic from so much cheap Neimodian made crap. We're keepers of the peace, not soiled puppies.

Yoga: What say you?

Samuel Long Winded: We are not soiled puppies. It's true Yoga, i don't care who thinks our abilities are unlimited. The balance of the force is tipped greatly towards an evil sith lord, who is the only one who knows of our weakness, and...

Plapatina: Quiet You!

*whack*

Plapatina: You just used all of your good plot devices.

Samuel Long Winded: edited

Yoga: I, am a puppet

Plapatina: Master Yoga, do you really think it will come to war?

Yoga: Hand go into puppet. Arm follow hand... yeeeessss. Hard to see. The dark side clouds everything.

Plapatina: You see. That line used to make him sound wise. Now it just sounds boring. You're boring. I want to talk to Patme.

Yoga: I am Yoga. Yoga knows all and sees all.

(Hologram of Greedo's fatter, older brother pops up on his desk)

Feedo: Senator Amidala and the movement to stop the army being constructed is here.

Plapatina: Cool. Send 'em in. On yer bike Windy.

Samuel Long Winded: I sho' cut yer down right now!

(Enter Patme Amidala with Bucket Nirvana, Jab Jab Rinks, and some other unimportant people)

Samuel Long Winded:

 

What do you think?