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Saga "ER Wars" - (Humour, Obi-Wan, Anakin, Shmi)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by solojones, Jul 19, 2003.

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  1. solojones Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Sep 27, 2000
    star 9
    I got to thinking the other day about how Ewan McGregor played a robber on ER, AND how Jake Lloyd played the son of a hooker on ER. I thought "now that's interesting... Obi-Wan and Anakin in an ER"... this all lead to this little humour story which I hope you enjoy.

    **please note that it is NOT necessary to have seen ER to get this story. It's almost all Star Wars**


    We open in Chicago, Cook County General Hospital, the Emergency Room entrance. An ambulance wheels in and the paramedics jump out, opening the doors and unloading the patient. The patient is a man of 25, with shaggy brown hair. He speaks in a Scottish accent.

    PATIENT: I don?t want to die in a hospital!

    PARAMEDIC: Relax, will you, you?re not going to die! You were only shot in the leg.

    PATIENT: The leg? How can that be? That cop had a clear shot at my chest!

    PARAMEDIC: He used to be a stormtrooper.

    PATIENT: Oh. Well that makes sense.

    Dr. Greene and Nurse Carol Hathaway approach the patient and begin to wheel him inside.

    CAROL: This is the one, Mark. The guy who held up the drugstore.

    GREENE: What do we got?

    Before the paramedic can speak, the patient cuts her off with a scream.

    PATIENT: I?ve been shot in the bloody leg, mate! What does it look like?!

    GREENE: Ok, sir, I?d like you to calm down. What?s your name?

    PATIENT: Obi-bleeding-Wan Kenobi!

    CAROL: You told me your name was Duncan!

    OBI-WAN: Like I?m going to give you my real name when I?m trying to rob a drugstore!

    CAROL: Point.

    GREENE: Why tell the truth now?

    OBI-WAN: Are you mad? Have you ever seen a hospital bill? I?m chalking this one up to my insurance company, mate.

    GREENE: Good idea.

    Carol and Mark wheel Obi-Wan into curtain 3 and stop the gurney. They start to get out the proper instruments to tend to Obi-Wan?s gunshot wound, but notice that it?s been healed.

    GREENE: How?d that happen?

    OBI-WAN: (trying to think of a good excuse) Um, well, must have just bounced off. Fancy that.

    Greene and Carol exchange a suspicious look.

    GREENE: Well, you appear to be ok, but you?ll have to stay here while we run some tests.

    Carol draws some of Obi-Wan?s blood.

    OBI-WAN: (muttering) Force that hurts! Why couldn?t they use one of those little testing jobs like Qui-Gon had?

    CAROL: What?

    OBI-WAN: I said? You?re sure you?re not jesting me like my mom did?

    Obi-Wan cringes at the stupidity of his comment. Carol gives him a strange look, but just shakes her head.

    CAROL: Um? no really, we just need to run these tests I promise. There, now I?ll take this down to the lab.

    As she and Dr. Greene leave, another nurse comes in with a young boy. She motions him to the open gurney next to Obi-Wan and then leaves. The boy looks curiously at Obi-Wan, who tries to ignore him and becomes transfixed by the shiny metallic gurney railings.

    BOY: Hi! I?m Anakin Skywalker! Are you an angel?

    OBI-WAN: What the bleeding heck did you just say?

    ANAKIN: (smiling widely) I asked if you were an angel.

    OBI-WAN: No I?m not a bloody angel. And if I were you, I?d think twice before I said something like that to a perfect stranger. That?s a horrible line.

    ANAKIN: (unfased) But are you sure you?re not an angel, because I thought people in the hospital were supposed to be hurt, and you aren?t hurt, so you must have done something to make yourself better.

    OBI-WAN: (nervously) What, heal myself? That?s ludicrous.

    ANAKIN: You did heal yourself! I know it! That?s so cool! You?re an angel! Yippee!

    Obi-Wan leaps from his bed and covers Anakin?s mouth with his hand.

    OBI-WAN: (whispering) Sith, don?t ever say ?yippee? again. You could get the snot beat out of you for something like that! Understand?

    Anakin nods slowly. Obi-Wan releases him and stands back.

    ANAKIN: So if you?re not an angel? what are you?

    OBI-WAN: I?m a, uh, a robber.

    ANAKIN: A robber? (disappointed) Oh, I thought maybe you were a Jedi.

    OBI-WAN: (laughing nervously
  2. PatttyB0123 RSA Latin America

    Member Since:
    Apr 2, 2003
    star 6
    I am robber [face_laugh]
    I am going to died [face_laugh]
    Are you an angel

    Qui-Gon is going to kill me [face_laugh]

    Tell that story "I carried him" [face_laugh]

    Oops! I need a glass of water.

    Great post I [face_laugh]
  3. Exar_Xan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 29, 2001
    star 6
    [face_laugh] This is 1 of the best humour stories i have ver read. Being a big fan of ER too i can so see this happening.

    Never knew about McGregor and jake being in episode of ER. Could you please give the name of the episodes so that i can try to find them to watch?
  4. DarthSmurf Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 10, 2003
    star 5
    "I was only 15, for Force sake! It was a stupid, stupid mistake. (groaning) Qui-Gon is gonna kill me." [face_laugh] Great story, a combination of two of my favourite things: Star Wars, and ER! :p
  5. Dagobah_Y Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 24, 2002
    star 1
    OBI-WAN: I was only 15, for Force sake! It was a stupid, stupid mistake. (groaning) Qui-Gon is gonna kill me.

    SHMI: Oh my goodness, that?s wonderful!

    LOL. I spilled my drink when I read that. Shmi's reply was spot on! Easily the best line for me. :D
  6. solojones Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Sep 27, 2000
    star 9
    :D I'm so glad you guys liked it. I seem to have gotten into a Star Wars humour writing groove lately ;)

    The episode that Ewan was in was "The Long Way Around" from season 3. It's when Carol is in a store when it gets robbed (by Ewan's character Dunkan). Jake was in several episodes in season 1. His character's name was Jimmy Sweet... I can't remember exactly the episode titles.

    -sj loves kevin spacey
  7. Exar_Xan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 29, 2001
    star 6
    Thank you much for that info Solojones. I hope i can somehow try to get those episodes.
  8. solojones Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Sep 27, 2000
    star 9
    TNT shows ER every morning, two episodes at 9 and 10 (eastern I believe). I think right now they are in season 2.
    And this is kind of a shameless plug, but if you want to keep up to date with *new* ER episodes AND/OR you want to have some fun, visit my site: The ER Trivia Site

    -sj loves kevin spacey
  9. Exar_Xan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 29, 2001
    star 6
    Thanks for the info SJ. The only problem of that now is that i life in the Netherlands and cant recieve TNT i believe.

    As for shameless plugs: I will check it out for sure now.

    My Shameless plug: Can you read my fanfic too? The links are in my sig. Thank you.
  10. Ninja_Jedi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 23, 2002
    star 4
    Pure genius. Marry me sj.
  11. solojones Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Sep 27, 2000
    star 9
    That's the third proposal this month! Get in line! ;)

    -sj loves kevin spacey
  12. Ninja_Jedi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 23, 2002
    star 4
    I will kill the oposition.
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