EUCNN: Always on.

Discussion in 'EU Community' started by farraday, Jun 2, 2001.

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  1. Protege-of-Thrawn Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Mar 14, 2001
    star 6
    try interviewing yourself Zaarin...instant comedy...what would be funnier the stupid questions or the lame answers?
  2. AdmiralZaarin Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 2001
    star 5
    I dunno....probably the lame answers
  3. Rogue1-and-a-half Manager Emeritus who is writing his masterpiece

    Member Since:
    Nov 2, 2000
    star 7
    Good evening, this is the Friday evening news with your host Rogue1-and-a-half. This past week, tensions ran high as the EUC divided into factions and set itself for Civil War. Media giant and EUCNN founder farraday had this to say when our reporters caught up with him:

    farraday: Crap! How did you find me?

    Experts say that all the elements are coming into play to make this one of the stupidest Civil Wars in history. Both sides apparently have many grievances, but I'm really confused about everything and if I'm confused, you doinks would really be lost.

    There have been a few minor engagements between the two sides but so far casualties have been light due to the fact that both sides consist of idiots with no idea how to work their own weapons.

    So far, the only casualities have been five Imperial soldiers who died while off duty in a tavern. Officials are investigating the cause of death while giving it a tentative ruling of accidental death involving no drinking limit, a dart board, a live weasel and some kind of crossbow. Investigators are attempting to discover if the deaths are also linked to the sacrificed pig found on the back table and the three feet of cow intestine found behind the bar.

    We now take you to War Correspondant KansasNavy, live on the battlefield.

    KansasNavy: Thanks, Half. I'm huddled in a puddle of mud here in the freezing rain as bullets whip over my head and bombs explode in the distance. There's really only one question worth asking: Half, are you still mad at me for blackmailing you about that remark you made about Missy?

    Half: Why how can you ask such a thing?

    KN: Well, it's just that someone siphoned most of the gas out of the newsvan and they are about to start a napalm bombing raid and . . .

    RH: Say no more. I'll send someone to get you right away . . .

    (cuts connection)

    NOT!!! AHAHHHHAAHAHAHA!

    In other news, Admiral Zaarin had this to say about the war effort.

    AZ: I . . .

    But, really, who the heck cares what he had to say. For EUCNN, this is Rogue1-and-a-half, signing off.

    Until tomorrow find someone else to insult you, because I'm done for tonight, morons.
  4. XCountryJedi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 15, 2001
    star 3
    Double the post, double the fun...
  5. XCountryJedi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 15, 2001
    star 3
  6. CmdrMitthrawnuruodo Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 1, 2000
    star 6
  7. AdmiralZaarin Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 2001
    star 5
    heheheehehehehehehehe!
    "I..."
  8. Fire_Ice_Death Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Feb 15, 2001
    star 7
    Hehehe.....where is KN anyways. The little bugger he was cool. This guy's an @$$ reporting. :p
  9. Dev Sibwarra Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 4, 1999
    star 4
    How did you find out about CD, Half?

    I'll post a story about barnsthefatjedi's Washroom Cult as soon as I've completed the initiation. And if you see any bodies fall from the roof of the Senate building, please, try to break my fall.
  10. KansasNavy Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 10, 2001
    star 4
    ROTFLOL Half!!!

    Anyways, I had my modem fried in a lightning storm, and 2 weeks later, we had to buy another one. I'll think of some interviews as soon as they catch up. Good job Half!
  11. barnsthefatjedi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 17, 2001
    star 5
    My washroom cult! LOL I remember that.
  12. farraday Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 27, 2000
    star 7
    fdy:Hello with me now is farraday,mysterious figure who started the EUCNN, hello farraday.
    fdy:Hello me.
    fdy:Tell us, What gave us the idea for the EUCNN?
    fdy: We'll we'd been watching the Senate and we we're bored and on a suger high so we started typing insane things that quickly become more popular then the actual senate.
    fdy: We did?
    fdy: We did indeed. Finally we decided to make our own thread.
    fdy: Surely we jest!
    fdy: Yes, and often. But not right now.
    fdy: So we're being serious?
    fdy: Scary isn't it?
    fdy: It gives me a chill.
    fdy: Us too.
    fdy: Now we've been accused of being sane, is there any truth to that?
    fdy: None whatsoever.
    fdy: So we're insane?
    fdy: Correct.
    fdy: How many people actually live in our head?
    fdy: Well there's farraday...
    fdy: Hello!
    fdy: ...farraday...
    fdy: Hiya!
    fdy: ...farraday...
    fdy: Hola!
    fdy: ...farraday...
    fdy: Hey.
    fdy: ...farraday...
    fdy: How ya doin?
    fdy: ...farraday...
    fdy: You already counted us.
    fdy: Oh sorry.
    fdy: No problem
    fdy: and of course Jimmy Hofa
    JH: Note to self, farraday knows to much.
    fdy: Ahh rather disturbing.
    fdy: Only if you think about it and we don't.
    fdy: What would happen if we did think about it?
    fdy: We'd probably disappear in an amusing cloud with the word "POOF" on it.
    fdy: Ahhhh makes sense.
    fdy: Any other questions?
    fdy: Not really... when do the orderlies come to feed us?
    fdy: I don't know, but sadly they never take off the straight jacket.
    fdy: Ah well... I wonder....
    <amusing cloud with word 'Poof' on it>
    <fade>
  13. Lord Bane Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    May 26, 1999
    star 5
    Continuing the trend, actually by accident.


    I: Hey
    Me: What?
    I:Let's talk a little. We do so little of it.
    Me: That's because you're off killing my with-
    I: That's enough out of you.
    Me: bastard...
    I: What was that? Oh right, nothing. Spineless toad.
    Me: Spineless? I turned the EU Senate into a mockery of itself!
    I: Oh, that's all my doing! It was I, not you, who came up with the Constitution farce.
    Me: Dammit all!
    I: Do you want a popsicle?
    Me:...
    I:...
    Me: You scare me sometimes, you know that?
    Myself: Shut up, both of you. They're at the T-Rex paddock...
    I: I feel lightheaded-
    Me: -and highly confused. What is Muldoon doing in our frontal lobe?
    Myself: Renting. Lot's of free space up here.
    Me: He's right, you know.
    I: Oh be quiet, you sycophant! I'm ending this coversation. Go back to your Jedi Council...
    Me: Fine.
    I: Fine then.
    Me: Okay then.
    Myself. We are being hunted.
    I: I...? Wha?
    Myself: Run.
    I: But I don't want to-
    Myself: Run!!
    **sound of running permeates my right side, followed by a quick stumble and long fall**
    I: I fell down the staircase of my mind!
    Me: Oh, this could go on forever...
    Myself: Clever girl...
    Me: That's it, aussie, you're getting yours!
    **fight ensues; two personalities enter, one leaves**
    I: A little help here...
  14. CmdrMitthrawnuruodo Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 1, 2000
    star 6
    Lol@LB....nice touch with Jurassic Park
  15. KansasNavy Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 10, 2001
    star 4
    Hello. I'm KansasNavy. Today we have a special report on the state of the EUC Forum.

    TheGatherer: Hello. I have a problem. I don't know the firstthing about changing my oil. Do I put in the oil and then close the hood, or do I close the hood then put in the oil. I don't know. That's where-
    KN: Excuse me, you're not our guest tonight!
    TGa: Uhhh...jumps out window
    KN: Tonight's guest will actually be XCountryJedi.
    XCJ: Hello Mr. Navy. I'm here to talk about the growing number of sick, deranged, and disgruntled EUCers. TheGatherer is a perfect example of what I'm talking about. Too many of them have been turned into zombies by the entertainment such as this.
    KN: whispers loudly into microphone...Uh, yes, that's correct...
    XCJ: Anyway, the amount of violence and wasted minds are-
    KN: Hmmm...a pack of viscious dogs should be attacking you now.
    XCJ: Shrugs I don't know what to tell you.
    KN: Perhaps I have something to scald you with. Carry on. puts pot of water on oven burner
    XCJ: Minds of helpless citizens of the EUC arte being bent and warped-
    KN: AH-HA!!! pitches water out of pot at XCJ
    XCJ: Still cold.
    KN: I suppose I'll get you a towel.
    XCJ: Like I was saying. You networks have an obligation-
    KN: Obligation!? Whoa! Slow down their big fella. You're not speak'n my language.
    XCJ: You know; responsibility, liability-
    KN: Ummm...surrre.
    XCJ: Ugh...you didn't understand a word I said, did you?
    KN: ...want some ice tea?
    XCJ: Listen to you. People are getting dumber as you speechify-oh no! Look what you're doi'n to I. I leav'n.
    runs out of studion
    KN: Honestly, are you guys going to respond to those simple-minded accusation at YOU! PM me with your responses. Who knows. Maybe you're response will be read by the EUCNN.
    XCJ: in distance Someone's gone'd stolen my wheels!!!
    KN: Hehehe...this KansasNavy saying goodbye.

    fade
  16. CmdrMitthrawnuruodo Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 1, 2000
    star 6
  17. barnsthefatjedi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 17, 2001
    star 5
  18. Lord Bane Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    May 26, 1999
    star 5
    Homer and Mr. Burns.

    "And that is me, upon the occasion of liberating a trillion dollars..."

  19. XCountryJedi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 15, 2001
    star 3
    Finally...I've been leaving my bike outside unlocked and no one would take it. I even put my new helmet out with it. It was quite a steal.

    *XCJ waves down AJ and gets a ride with him in his cool speeder.* Let's go, GAJ wants me to go dispose of someone for him this afternoon.
    [mumbles]EUCNN looneys...[/mumbles] :p
  20. Anonymous_Jedi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 4, 2001
    star 4
    *punches the throttle and zooms out into the night*

    LOL!!
    They got u good XCJ :)
  21. AdmiralZaarin Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 2001
    star 5
    *follows them on speeder bike*
    "Hey! Would TGPH help you dispose of them?"
  22. GrandAdmiralJello Moderator Communitatis Litterarumque

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Nov 28, 2000
    star 10
    You've managed to get me to laugh out loud a couple times... But I'll never give up my dignity by Rolling on the floor! Not a change.

    Not that you could anyway...


    It seems people are always leaving the interviews... tsk tsk. Perhaps you should strap them to a interrogation chair?


    No... forget I said anything of the sort. Don't strap anyone to anything.
  23. AdmiralZaarin Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 2001
    star 5
    And make sure you get rid of the windows. Too many people jump out of the 100000000 story high ones.
  24. KansasNavy Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 10, 2001
    star 4
    Hello. I'm KansasNavy. Tonight I'm here with Kuat Drive Yard's CEO, AdmiralZaarin. He will discuss consumer products in the EUC.

    KN: Hello.
    AZ: Good Evening.
    KN: So what products do you have to show us tonight?
    AZ: A variety of things. First is the KDY repulsor hydro-skis. These are a fine quality item, yessir.
    KN: Can I try them on?
    AZ: Sure, but later.
    KN: So what else is next.
    AZ: This is the KDY Bag-o-transparisteel. Kids love it.
    KN: Yes. I can see the fun in them. Can I see it?
    AZ: No. For ages 2-12.
    KN: Man. What else you've got.
    AZ: This is the KDY Laser Cannon Yard Tool. You can vaporize pesky rabbits eat'n your topatoes. Or that tree blocking the sun.
    KN: That seems like a great value.
    AZ: Of course, there are certain warnings for it. Do not use while intoxicated. Do not use at soccer games. Do not use against law enforcement. Do not use against family. Do not use against military personnel. Do not use in traffic. Do not use for evil.
    KN: Those seem like minor drawbacks.
    AZ: Also, do not use for other purpose.
    KN: Now I'm curious.
    AZ: Don't worry about it. So, want to go try out the skis? Ruck_and_Maul has a repulsor ski-boat.
    KN: Sure.

    later at the ocean

    KN: All right. I'm ready-YAAHH!
    RaM: Another face-plant. Why'd you invite that guy?
    AZ: You invited him onto your boat. You didn't have to say yes.
    RaM: Maybe you should try to...stand!
    KN: Oh! Is that how it works!? I thought the idea was to be dragged through the water...with my mouth OPEN! I mean wh-YAAAAAHHHHH!!!
    RaM: What's wrong!?
    AZ: I think he's been bitten by a shark! Kansas, what happened!?
    KN: Sorry, false alarm. I got some seeweed gunk wrapped around my leg.
    RaM: Ready to go again?
    KN: Ready!
    AZ: He's getting up! Look at him! Man, he's going like a pro. I've never seen a newbie jump a wave like tha-OOOH!
    RaM: Oh. My. God.
    AZ: Man, that will ruin his weekend.

    fade
  25. GrandAdmiralJello Moderator Communitatis Litterarumque

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Nov 28, 2000
    star 10
    *Chuckle*


    Well... it was okay...but...


    Well at least Zaarin finally got that interview he wanted. I wonder what happened to Kansas?
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