EUCNN: Now With More Mod Tolerated Spam!

Discussion in 'EU Community' started by KansasNavy, Aug 5, 2002.

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  1. Baron_Fel Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 28, 2001
    star 4
    Hilarious. I can really relate to the first one as I live in the inner-city and most of the folks talk in this strange language. Sometimes I just shake my head.
  2. Jansons_Funny_Twin Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 31, 2002
    star 6
  3. CmdrMitthrawnuruodo Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 1, 2000
    star 6
  4. lexu Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 28, 2002
    star 6
    Hehhehehheehhheh...

    I love this thread. :D
  5. Fire_Ice_Death Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Feb 15, 2001
    star 7
  6. GrandAdmiralJello Moderator Communitatis Litterarumque

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Nov 28, 2000
    star 10
    Oldies eh...?

    Here's a good old one. I really did enjoy EUCNN's stories on me.

    If people want to see the oldies of me that I have, holler out and I'll post more.

    If not, then I won't post any more.

    This is illectual property of Rogue1-an-a-half, and I will remove it if he objects in any way about my posting it.


    RH: Good evening, this is Rogue1-and-a-half, bringing you another episode of Celebrity Jeopardy, the only game show for celebrities that has no celebrities.

    CM: Still great though.

    RH: Ah, yes, our first contestant, CmmdrMithrawnourodo (for the love of God, don't look at how I spelled that, please).

    CM: I'm wonderfully honored to be on this, the epitome of modern media.

    RH: Glad to hear it. Next, I see that Barns the fat Jedi is here for some reason.

    BF: Worship me, heathen.

    RH: For some damn reason.

    BF: Damnation is in my hands, fool.

    RH: And our last contestant, thank God . . .

    BF: You are welcome.

    RH: Shut up! Just shut the hell up! Our next contestant is GrandAdmiralJello.

    GJ: This quite pathetic attempt at humour is now worth watching, simply for my presence.

    BF: And they say I have an ego . . .

    GJ: You do have an ego.

    BF: Yes, but since I'm God, it's justified.

    GJ: You do realize that I am the most perfect human ever.

    BF: You do realize that I could crush your heart with a single thought.

    RH: I'd pay to see that.

    GJ: What?

    RH: Go ahead!

    Audience: CRUSH HIS HEART! CRUSH HIS HEART!

    CM: Audience participation: another reason to love this excellent show. I burn incense in honor of Rogue1-and-a-half.

    BF: Fool! Only I am to be honored here! I call down lightening on your heretical head!

    *crickets chirp*

    Audience: Where's the lightening?

    BF: Uh, um, I'll take Familiar Objects for 100.

    RH: What? Oh, yeah, forgot this was a game show for a second there. I'll hold up an object and you must name it.

    BING!

    RH: Yes, Barns?

    BF: The object's name is henceforth Mary.

    RH: Um, that isn't quite . . .

    GJ: Idiot! Are you completely senile? It's obvious that a much better name for that object is Sylvia.

    BF: Mary!

    GJ: Sylvia!

    CM: Let's call it Half in honor of the greatest host ever!

    RH: Oh, how ludicr . . . say, that's not a bad idea.

    BF: That's it, you're damned to hell for eternity and so are you and you.

    GJ: I'm the perfect human. I've done away with the need for God. You don't apply to my life anymore.

    BF: *gasp* Sacrilege!

    RH: Before this gets completely out of hand . . .

    KN: Too late.

    RH: Shut up, Kansas. I'm just going to declare Cmmdr the winner because he had the best name for the object.

    CM: I worship you!

    RH: How nice.

    CM: I laud you!

    RH: How wonderful.

    CM: I kiss your feet!

    RH: The hell you do!

    fade to black
    />
  7. KansasNavy Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 10, 2001
    star 4
    Hello, my name is...uh...er...oh! KansasNavy. Here are tonight's headlines.

    In a very tragic turn of events, Leon Trotsky was found dead today in Mexico. The Russian revolutionary was assassinated with an ice pick, though details are sketchy.

    The longest recorded distance of projectile vomit is 27 feet.

    A bombings in Colombia today killed 14 people and injured over 60. Though no one claimed responsibility at first, many organizations have since claimed it as their work. First Hamas, followed by al-Qaeda, the IRA, Green Peace, the EUDF, Mossad, the KGB, and the SS.

    Today, Jansons_Funny_Twin made another grounbreaking discovery in health & fitness. Here's what he had to say:
    JFT: The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, you are no longer within walking distance back the other way.
    Brilliant. This follows his finding earlier this week:
    JFT: Banging your head against a wall burns 150 calories an hour.
    Jansons_Funny_Twin says that his next progect is to see what would make you mentally and physically tougher by threatening starved lions, sharks, and authors.

    Moving on, the average women says she would like 12 additional minutes.

    Last, it was discovered today that TheGatherer is from Australia; abolishing rumors that he was from hell, the Bronx, or Sim City.

    And there'z your newz!
  8. lexu Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 28, 2002
    star 6
    LOL

    Hmm, I always thought he was from NZ. Awe, well, Auzzie, Kiwi, same thing.
  9. -Ace- Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 21, 2002
    star 4
  10. Jansons_Funny_Twin Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 31, 2002
    star 6
  11. flying_fishi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2002
    star 6
    Auzzie, Kiwi, same thing

    :eek:


    NO! You are muchly incorrect!
  12. lexu Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 28, 2002
    star 6
    What, you from NZ, fishi?

    *snickers*
  13. flying_fishi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2002
    star 6
    No! I'm not a Kiwi! :eek: I thought everybody knew that!

    I am Australian! :D
  14. lexu Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 28, 2002
    star 6
    I know, fishi. Was was just deliberatly trying to get you worked up. I think it's funny how the Auzzies and Kiwis hate each other but us Yanks think them all the same. (You have the same accents, that makes you exactly the same to us.) You can call me a Canuck if you want. :D
  15. flying_fishi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2002
    star 6
    CANADIAN! RAAAAAH!
    And it's AUSSIES! No Z!



    And only the American would think that Kiwis adn Aussie have the same accent *condescending sniff*
  16. chissdude10 Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jul 26, 2001
    star 5
    I always love hearing this stuff :D
  17. flying_fishi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2002
    star 6
    Opps, did I violate you stupid amenment! I dont give

    Isn't it Oops, misspelling midget of the Lit forum? ;)
  18. Jansons_Funny_Twin Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 31, 2002
    star 6
  19. CmdrMitthrawnuruodo Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 1, 2000
    star 6
    Here is an email I sent to a friend...

    Good mooooooooorning, America!

    GATling here reporting directly from Florida.

    The weather is terrible in parts of the world and wonderful in the rest. Its raining over there and a drought over hether. The Atlantic is quiet of hurricanes but the Pacific is screaming with Typhoons!

    We got F-16 Jet Fighters patroling the skies and Blackhawk Attack 'copters skimming the coastal borders. Submersed submarines keep track of your every movement out in the ocean so don't go thinking about launching an ICBM with that black market sub, Saddam!!

    The National Missile Defense System is on the move. Today's tests show promising developments for a successful system in the near future. Success-Failure ratio went up by .1% since the last testing. President Bush continues to support the program despite all the idiotic protesters parked outside of the South Lawn.

    The no-fly zone over Washington D.C. is quiet and terrorist free, all except the occasional violating private planes. Thank God for quick Air Traffic Controllers and the ever so slow interceptor Jet Fighters out of Camp David.

    Yesterday in Richmond, VA; Airline security arrested a man for refusing to let them inspect his casted leg. It later turns out the metal object detected was actually a metal plate inserted into the leg by a licensed doctor.

    Middle East talks continue in the midst of machine gun fire and suicidal marytr explosions in Tel Aviv. Secretary of State Colin Powell insists that their will be peace. Well I ask: "When? Next millenium?"

    "Where's Osama!" Osama bin Laden was rumored to have been seen in Los Angles, California. It actually turns out to be a Muslim who was in the middle of getting his beard trimmed at the local barber shop. He also happened to be wearing blue jeans and a red and white horizontal stripped shirt and turban.

    The DOW and NASDAQ plunged yet again another several hundred points. At this rate, the tabloids predictions of a Second Great Depression might actually come true! A shocker ain't it?

    "Miner Miracle!" Yesterday, rescue workers succefully saved the lives of 9 trapped miners somewhere in the western part of the country.

    "Galactic Rebellion?" Today at Cape Canaveral, FL; NASA has just released an audio and binary transmission that men locked in the deep bowels of the complex with headphones glued to their ears intercepted and concluded it came from the middle star of Orion's Belt. Here is an excerpt of the transmission:

    "The rebellion is nothing but a group of power-hungry and greedy terrorists who will immorally destroy the lives of billions of Imperial citizens by challenging the sovereignty of the Galactic Empire. I, Admiral Gilad Pellaeon, Supreme Commander of the Imperial Forces, will not sit by and watch as our worlds are stolen from us by the lying and deceiving operatives of this insurrection..."

    Followed by text art of a encircled gear.

    The White House currently has no comment on this recent discovery. Elsewhere in the world, several people wearing olive and white uniforms and ghostly white armor marched through the streets carrying signs "I want to serve in the Imperial Navy!" "Conscript Me Lord Vader!" "I'm an Imperial Loyalist!" "Long Live the Empire!"

    Closer to home a woman with a yellow kitchen was seen wearing a midnight blue uniform with a green, white, and yellow cube badge on her left breast and carrying a sign "Take Me Away My Blue Skinned Love!!" as she entered her work office. What can all this mean?

    Well, its 12 minutes past Midnight. This is GATling signing off and wondering where his friend Inari Icewalker is. Maybe she has something to do with that midnight blue uniform wearing woman. Hmmm.../>
  20. Jansons_Funny_Twin Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 31, 2002
    star 6
  21. KitFisto777 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 3, 2002
    star 1
    This is great stuff.

    "Take Me Away My Blue Skinned Love!!"
  22. KansasNavy Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 10, 2001
    star 4
    Pffft...those black market subs are nothing more than a Buick with a snorkel.
  23. _Zap_ Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 28, 2002
    star 3
  24. GrandAdmiralJello Moderator Communitatis Litterarumque

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Nov 28, 2000
    star 10
    Pffft...those black market subs are nothing more than a Buick with a snorkel

    Hey, what more do you need?
  25. Wildwookiee Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 14, 2001
    star 4
    And now comming from Wildwookiee, man on the street.

    "Good day all, and welcome to my show. I just got back from the NJO Kritics Klan..I mean Klub...and I had a conversation with some Zahnists...one of the sects emmerging from the EU. This is what they had to say to me.

    "Hello there...May I ask your name?"

    "Sure, my name is Eaarl. I had my name leagally clonized to pay tribute to the mighty one..."

    "And I assume that your blue skin is not just body paint."

    "That would be correct ol' pathetic one. I spent thousands of dollars to get blue dye shot under my skin, to honor the eternal Grand Admiral Thrawn"

    "Didn't he die?"

    "Well, yes, but when I get to that part, I simply go back and begin again...so it's like he never died at all"

    "And I notice that you have red hair...what is that all about?"

    "Well, that's another tribute...the sexiest woman in the entire world...Mara Jade...what a babe"

    "But aren't you a man?"

    "does it matter? Do I make you randy? Yeah Baby YEAH!"

    "You truly have no life do you?"

    "Well, I lived with a woman once...but my mom moved out"

    "Well, I just came over here to ask you what you thought about the award winning writer Timothy Zahn"

    "Well, I beleive that he is the best thing since the invention of mens panties."

    "that is sick"

    "How would you know...they're very comfortable"

    "Well, I'd like to voice my opinion here...Zahn is not the best author in the EU"

    "You're right there Wildwookiee...he's more than that...he's God!!"

    "You people need to seek professional help"

    "No we don't blasphemer...you must now sacrifice a small goat to the Zahn for pentenence scum...or face death. I shall sick my Noghri Death commandos on you"

    "Those are't Noghri...those are two stray dogs, and a drunken midget"

    "Well, in my mind, they shall always be Noghri"

    "Still, I'll tell you that Zahn, though thorough and well written, still has many mistakes"

    "Does not!!!"

    "Well, you tell me, who brought Hot Chocholate to the EU...I beleive it was Zahn"

    "I'm not listening....la la la la la. I must go sacrifice my firstborn just for listening to you...heathen!!!"

    fade out
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