EUCNN - Still Always On!

Discussion in 'EU Community' started by Evil Incarnate, Apr 5, 2011.

Moderators: Bardan_Jusik, Sinrebirth
  1. zark Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 23, 2009
    star 4
    I want to say while that article was certainly disturbing, I LOVED IT. Totally jealous that I didn't write it first! Amazingly imbecilic piece of political review. I almost cried. (laughing of course) [face_laugh]
  2. Evil Incarnate Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 18, 2003
    star 6
    Thank you, my job here is done. :p On to the next one!

    Evil.
  3. CPL_Macja Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 29, 2008
    star 5
    There goes the concept of fair and balance news coverage.
  4. Evil Incarnate Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 18, 2003
    star 6
    Well you said you were too busy... [face_whistling]

    Evil.
  5. hear+soul Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 5, 2004
    star 6
    I also said I'd do it and didn't.

    so hmph! [face_not_talking]

    It's alright, though, because our different styles are very different.

    I'll submit a draft tonight.
  6. Evil Incarnate Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 18, 2003
    star 6
    EUCNN! Bringing you breaking news when you least need it.

    [image=http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110402011857/starwars/images/thumb/8/8a/Wicket-SWI31.jpg/318px-Wicket-SWI31.jpg]

    EU, City (EUCNN) ? One of the galaxy's largest spaceports, WJFC Intergalactic, is being shut down temporarily while the EUS investigates allegations of an underground ewok labor ring being run through the EU City location.

    This comes less than a week after evidence was found that a x-wing pilot and highly decorated combat veteran had allowed ewoks to direct space shuttles for him. That news shocked many in the industry and prompted a full blown investigation. It was while looking into that case that investigators stumbled upon the supposed ewok labor ring, EUS investigator Bardan_Jusik said.

    ?The space shuttle event was not an isolated incident,? he said. ?Through our investigation we have actually uncovered multiple spaceport employees who brought ewoks to work and had them doing their jobs.?

    According to a press release on the findings of the investigation, these employees included not only other space flight controllers, but also baggage handlers, spaceport security, ticket counter attendants and members of the ground crew.

    Pilot zarkinfrood, of the Battle of Concord Dawn fame, has come forward and admitted he knew of the practice. ?I once was supposed to help dewback_rancher do maintenance on his X-wing, but arrived to find him yelling at some ewoks as they fixed it.? he said. ?I thought it was a one time thing and kind of laughed at it. I had no idea it was happening routinely.?

    According to the investigation?s findings, it doesn?t end there: in the report, an unnamed source who wished to remain anonymous for fear of losing her flight status, is quoted as saying pilots were even participating in the scam.

    ?I saw an ewok land a star cruiser, I swear to god.? said the source. ?The other pilot said it was alright because the ewok had years of hologame simulation experience.?

    While the findings of this initial investigation are shocking, the senate said that this may only be the tip of the iceberg.

    ?This thing seems like it could?ve been operating on a much larger scale that we are still unaware of. I am talking Emperor Palpatine, slave planet Byss big. On that scale.?

    ?It?s supposed to be bring an ewok to work, not bring them to work for you,? said one concerned fan club member and frequent flier.

    ?This is terrible,? said another. ?Most ewoks can?t even pass his algebra class, and these ewoks are landin? freakin? starcruisers. You got to be kidding me.?

    We have one of the ewoks on record with this to say, "Star Cruiser Crash Crash!"

    The investigation is ongoing, as the EUS looks into whether or not ewoks have historically played a role in the massive delays that are common at WJFC. Some investigators believe that the confusion over scheduling of flights and misappropriation of runways for arriving ships may have something to do with ewok?s ineptitude at time management. Also, another possible factor, says one investigator, is that many of the ewoks that were working at the famous starport were so small, they couldn't even reach the see the holoscreens.
  7. CPL_Macja Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 29, 2008
    star 5
    [face_laugh]

    I just about pee'd myself when I got to this line.
  8. dewback_rancher Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 23, 2009
    star 4
    *reads news report*

    Waitaminute- the GA actually let me have an X-wing, even AFTER the numerous times Wicket, zark and I vandalized Daala's apartment? And no one bothered to TELL me?!? :confused:
  9. adaml83 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 8, 2004
    star 4
    *Walks into private hanger*

    Hey, where's my X-wing?
  10. hear+soul Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 5, 2004
    star 6
    It begins...


    Deception.
  11. Bardan_Jusik Mand'alor - Manager of the EUC, SWC and Spinoffs

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Dec 14, 2009
    star 10
    Move along, move along...nothing to see here, come on, lets go move along, move along...
  12. zark Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 23, 2009
    star 4
    You might try asking Dewback. But then, as we see from the article, he may not be honest enough to tell you...
  13. Adalia-Durron Former RSA/EUC Empress.

    Member Since:
    Jun 3, 2003
    star 10
    Why was the Chancellor not alerted to this disgusting practice!?!? Zarkin!!! you've got some 'splaining' to do!!! :eek: And as dewback is MIA at this point, you are the nearest thing to him, so you'd best do some investigation and find adams ship.....and FAST!!! [face_devil]

  14. dewback_rancher Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 23, 2009
    star 4
    MIA? I'm right here! *waves arms to get everyone's attention*

    I'm telling you, deysa settin' mesa up! This is TOTALLY the Sith faction's overblown retaliation for me using Sinre for target practice for my new orbital cream pie cannon! [face_worried]
  15. dewback_rancher Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 23, 2009
    star 4
    Seriously, you want evidence this 'news story' is a clever smear campaign? See this incident from the EUC Awards thread:
    I found out too late that Sinre was cloning and replacing people who'd wronged him, and tried to warn him, but alas, he ignored me until it was to late. And who is running then EUCNN but Sinre's allies, the Sith?

    I'm telling you, this is a Sith retaliation scheme, slandering me not only because I nailed Sinre with a banana creme pie from orbit- at least partially because he didn't believe that I could actually build an orbital creme pie cannon despite his fancy Sith senses- but also because I'm a member of the Jedi in both the EUC and the SWC forums, even if I was only acting, in this particular instance, as a duly-insane member of the Wes Janson Fan Club. Still, my association with the Jedi, whether I was officially acting on it at that point in time or not, makes me, from their point of view, an imminent target of opportunity for their diabolical schemes twice over, and thus the first person for them to smear in this manner. And, lo and behold, who is the first story they make about? :rolleyes:

    Shame on anyone who actually believes this rubbish. I mean, Wicket is my right-hand man. I don't treat the Ewoks poorly, I've never yelled at them. In fact, he comes up with most of our devious plots- need I remind anyone it was his idea to raid Natasi Daala's underwear drawer on our last raid on her apartment and hang her unmentionables all over her fifty-meter statue out in front of the apartment building? Come on, people, honestly. [face_shame_on_you]
  16. Bardan_Jusik Mand'alor - Manager of the EUC, SWC and Spinoffs

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Dec 14, 2009
    star 10
    After further investigation into this matter I have found that no legal wrongdoing has occured. Unfortunatly there is no law governing the use of Ewoks as pilots, flight controllers or any other flight related personel. As Director of Security, I have many times called for the end of the "gray market" shipping of these beings, and have been rebuffed on all fronts. While many of you may find the acts of the WJFC to be abhorent, it is a simple fact that no laws were actually broken. I am therefore ending the Security investigation of these matters. Thank you.
  17. adaml83 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 8, 2004
    star 4
    Heh given that I still have my E-wing, and others not in my private hanger I can still do lots of damage.
  18. Evil Incarnate Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 18, 2003
    star 6
    EUCNN! Sports Edition

    In a surprising and unexpected career move, Castin Donn officially announced today that he is retiring from the Starfighter Draft. This comes immediately after losing a match against a forfeited slot. His original opponent had been pulled to assist in another match acting as a Trump.

    It is unclear how he managed to lose the match, but judges determined that there was no other possible outcome after seeing what he had to offer.

    Although distraught, Donn has indicated that he will finish off the current season with his current team Failing With Style run by LordOblivion.

    ?Since I have returned to the job I love, my attention will be shifting away from piloting and back to slicing,? Donn told reporters during a break from the simulator earlier today. He added, ?I?m sure my fans and squad-mates will get over it. I?ve given up on them before.?

    So what does this say about Castin Donn, the Fighter Pilot, as opposed to Castin Donn, the slicer?

    ?I pretty much suck,? Donn continued. ?I?m a worthless pilot. And honestly, if you look at my security skills, I?m not a much better slicer either.?

    GrandAdmiralJello, a fan of Donn from the Galactic Empire, said, ?I hate to admit it, but "TEH CASTIN!!" is a giant turd. I?m not sure why I adore him so much. I assume it?s because his matted hair makes him look human. Well, actually it makes him look like an Ewok. A tall ugly one. Who flies an X-Wing.?

    Ewoks have been known to evoke adoration in the past. But no Ewok, as far as research has shown, has ever left piloting for a job like slicing. Granted, ewoks live in forests and don?t have much skill in slicing, but regardless of this, they like the sound of star fighters and explosions. So should Donn even be mentioned in the same breath as an Ewok?

    ?Absolutely not,? says adaml83, M.D. of Ewok Psychology in the Wes Janson Fan Club .

    He explains, ?To constantly compare Donn to various types of ewoks is cruelly unfair to the entire race. Yes, his hair is epic. But he loses every of dogfight. You couldn?t name one ewok that has ever lost a dogfight in the starfighter draft.?

    Before we could ask Castin Donn for his reaction to the criticism, the EUCNN staff found out that he had already scheduled a press conference to formally announce his un-retirement from the Starfigher Draft, expected to take place later today. He also scheduled a press conference for early next week to announce his intention to retire again.

    In a press conference earlier in the day, former EUC Chancellor Sinrebirth said that Donn was a ?hero? who had to quit the SFD in order to be a world class slicer.

    ?Makes sense to me,? said Sinrebirth.

    Evil.
  19. CPL_Macja Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 29, 2008
    star 5
    It is about time!
  20. The_Forgotten_Jedi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 12, 2010
    star 4
    [face_laugh]

    Having just finished rereading Iron Fist, this made my day.
  21. adaml83 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 8, 2004
    star 4
    Nah, an Ewok with a set of prosthectics is a better slicer than Teh Castin.
  22. hear+soul Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 5, 2004
    star 6
    Ewoks are just running amok around here.
  23. Evil Incarnate Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 18, 2003
    star 6
    It's better than gungans. :p

    Evil.
  24. adaml83 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 8, 2004
    star 4
    Actually Ewoks use the Gungans as transport and use a anti-speaking harness on them.
  25. Evil Incarnate Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 18, 2003
    star 6
    Ewoks riding gungans? [face_thinking] This has bad fan-fiction written all over it...

    Evil.
Moderators: Bardan_Jusik, Sinrebirth