EUCNN: There not yet quite.

Ha! You just try cutting through this hair, and you're asking for it

 

EUCNN/SI presents:

Duel 2 ? Sanosuke vs. Kell_Tainer_II

Announcer: Here we are again, in the Wes Janson Fan Club, getting ready to view the next in an absurdly long series of Blastsword duels preformed by these misfits, these malcontents, these men among kings, these?.um, I can?t think of anything else?.um, I?m at a loss of words for once??wha?.....Oh, the match, of course! Today?s duel is between Sanosuke and Kell.

Sanosuke is the resident Anime freak, with a penchant for socks. Kell is a wily Canadian with a penchant for using dragons on her enemies. Both are weapons experts, and are dueling tonight to decide once and for all who the true weapons master of the WJFC is.

Let?s check the stats:

Sanosuke, as mentioned, is a rabid Anime fan, or ?otaku,? and thus has hours and hours of useless geek knowledge to draw from. He?s one of the quietest WJFCers, so we aren?t entirely sure what he?s capable of.

Kell is the WJFC?s Minister of Drunk Canadians and the leader of the Dragon Horde. She has at her disposal dragons who bring a whole new meaning to the word ?flaming? in the JC. Though young, she is considered very dangerous. Here?s what a fellow WJFCer had to say.

?Let's see, cunning, an expert in explosives and other weaponry, well-trained in fighting arts, and she?s got a horde of dragons at her beck and call.

Yep, we're pretty much screwed if she gets mad ?

With that, we?ll head down to the floor and watch this match begin.

* * *

In the newly renovated arena, the crowds have begun to arrive. As they always do, they are all taking bets, but this time they are focusing on collateral property damage. No one is expecting anything less than 10 billion credits worth of damage to the surrounding area.

As the two combatants take their places on the fighting platform, the crowd cheers them on. Cameras flash, and more than one spectator can be heard saying, ?I want a picture of them before their faces are destroyed!? The two take their positions opposite from each other and take their weapons, weaving them through the air and leaving two blue trails of light behind.

?Ready...Draw!?

Sanosuke gets off to a quick start, waving his blastsword around furiously, almost faster than the eye can see. The effect is incredible, creating a moving picture of what appears to be a giant robot. Everyone in the audience is thoroughly impressed at his skill with the blastsword, but no one is quite sure what he is drawing. Seeing the confusion on many faces, Sanosuke turns and says, ?It?s the Deathscythe Hell Custom from Gundam Wing, a wonderfully wonderful anime. The Deathsythe is piloted by Duo Maxwell, the self proclaimed God of Death. He was an important part of Project Meteor, and he...? On and on he drones, causing many in the crowd to moan and goan. ?...and then there?s the Tallgeese, piloted by Zechs Marquise, a really badass...?

For hours this continues. ?...and then Wing Zero?s all like EEEEERRRRROOOOOOWWWWWW!!!-------KEEERRSSH!!?

Then Kell, who has been sitting patiently by says, ?Um, are we gonna duel or not?? But Sanosuke doesn?t here her, so she decides to start planting explosives all around the fighting platform. When she?s done, she pulls out a detonator and says, ?Mission accomplished.?

Sanosuke turns, and says, ?Oh, you?ve seen Gundam Wing too?!?

*click*

*boom*

*fizzle*

?Blasted wiring!?

As smoke billows from the explosives, both combatants? views are obscured, and they both take this opportunity to pull out their socks. When the smoke clears, neither Kell nor Sanosuke are there. In Kell?s place, there is a gigantic dragon, wearing an oversized dogtag that says ?Elrenia? on it. The dragon bellows, shooting flame high into the air. In Sanosuke?s place is a tall man with spiky blonde hair, wearing a red coat, and brandishing a pistol. It is none other than Vash the Stampede, the Humanoid Typhoon, and notorious sock.

The two look at each other, nod, the fun starts. As Elrenia shoots flames at Vash?s position, Vash d

 

Oh, come on, Tails so would have won that!


As an otaku, I must say that that was incredible! Deathscythe, Wing Zero, Tallgeese, it was all great!!!

 

W.
T.
[edited for content].

 

Head office has just been informed that members of EUC have been quarantined from the rest of the JC boards due to a disease sweeping the board dubbed Subtle Advancement Redundancy Syndrome, or SARS.

We now cross live to a clearly dubious and outdated pre-recorded tape package:

DA: Welcome to a special emergency broadcast program hastily put together by the administration in December 2001, which in theory serves the need to satisfy public outcry over any possible crisis here on the JC. It is simply titled: CENSORED: Just The Facts

With me tonight to discuss the issue of CENSORED are some of the more commonly known EUC regulars. On my immedate right we have lexu.

lexu: I'd just like everyone to know from the start that my name is in red for a good reason.

DA: Ah...yeah. Next we have GrandAdmiralJello

GAJ: Just to reiterate what lexu said with a slight paraphrase, I'd like everyone to know that my is not red for a good reason.

DA: And next to Jello we have Jansons_Funny_Twin, fresh off the transport from a 5 year stretch on Kessel.

JFT: I was innocent and the entire ruling was overturned when they found out that I wasn't really the father of those Gammorean triplets! But I'd like to say that I never stopping thinking about lexu the whole time I was incarcerated and......

DA: Now down to business. I'll start with you Jello, what are your thoughts on the public outcry surrounding CENSORED.

Jello: Well I had a mixed response to CENSORED when I first heard the news. I now suspect that what might simply be a case of over reaction from the administration might lead to renewed interest in EUC and the need for another dedicated mod. So in many ways, I believe that CENSORED will benefit both the forum and myself.

lexu: Need I remind you that I was clearly voted the Supreme Chancellor of the EU Senate just recently and if all goes to plan, following an appointment to the AC, it's a sure bet that I will be the next EUC mod. CENSORED or not.

JFT: lexu, I love you.

lexu: Oh shut up.

DA: Right, interesting thoughts there. JFT, can you see a clear outcome for CENSORED, given the attention it's receiving board-wide.

JFT: No, I can't.

DA: Riiiiight......

lexu: I'd just like to point out that I am, in fact, a VIP.....

DA: So we've noticed. And on a similar track, do you have any suggestions on how CENSORED will effect the reputation of EUC in other, more highly trafficked forums?

lexu: As it happens, yes I do. We need to reaffirm to the other boards that EUC is still the same old family friendly, bunnies-and-flowers forum it was before the whole CENSORED debacle. As the Supreme Chancellor of the EU Senate, my first act will be to create a grand Army of the forum, to counter the increasing threat of CENSORED

Jello: As lexu's main opponent I would like to make clear that, while I oppose the creation of a grand Army of the forum, I would be more than willing to run them through war games and theory in the RP forum in an effort to distance myself from being the main instigator behind the CENSORED crisis.

DA: So it turns out in the end that Jello is actually working with lexu to create the CENSORED crisis, hoping to have another mod appointed to deal with the problem. The voice in my ear plug says you've both been spending too much time in the film forums.

J

 

I always love being portrayed as the creepy-stalker type.

 

The convicted maintanence-dodging creepy stalker type

It's the role you were born to play JFT

 

Awww, he took the time to do his research, I'm touched.

 

Mods can be funny? My entire world just fell apart

 

Lol!

 

W.
T.
CENSORED.

 

niiiiiice


That was great

 

That was great, DA!

 

That was inappropriate and highly offensive. See you in 48.

//Bans DA

//Locks thread

 

I think the colors are going to her head.

 

//Bans Fire

 

Crap, now I won't be able to post.

 

Thanks, lexu!

 

Hey!

 

lexu's on a powertrip [face_shocked]

 

Didn't I lock this thread?

//Permabans Jello

 

EUCNN/SI presents:

Duel 3 ? Devi vs. TIEPilot051999

Announcer: Welcome back to yet another absurdly insane, absurdly strange, absurdly absurd blastsword duel. We?re here once again in the Wes Janson Fan Club, preparing to watch the third duel of the series. Today?s combatants are two e-love birds Devi and TIE. They are currently in the e-process of e-planning their e-wedding, but both have had an e-argument. It appears as though several aspects of their e-future together have driven a small e-wedge between them. Here?s what Devi had to say aabout the reason for their e-fight at the e-pre-fight press briefing earlier.

?Well, we were trying to pick out e-china patterns, and he totally disregarded what I wanted.?

In response, TIE put his e-face in his e-hands and said, ?I don?t even know what an e-china pattern is!?

It was at that point that Devi stood up and tried to e-bite off his e-ear.

Let?s e-go down to the e-fight.

* * *

As the two e-lovers step onto the e-fighting platform, TIE looks around nervously, while Devi strides confidently to her place. She activates her e-blastsword, leaving a dark purple trail in its wake. TIE looks at his e-blastsword, activates it, and waves it around, the tip leaving a pink trail. His frown e-deepens. He looks up, and gives an e-smile and an e-wave to Devi, who bares her e-teeth and e-growls at him.

?Ready?..e-Draw!?

TIE starts off easily enough, drawing a big e-heart with ?TIE + Devi? e-written inside. Seeing no e-reaction, he draws a bunch of e-flowers. Still no e-reaction. He continues e-drawing various e-pictures of e-love. An e-dove, an e-ring, an e-Barry White. Still no e-reaction.

When he e-collapses from e-exhaustion, Devi finally starts e-drawing her own e-pictures. She starts off by e-drawing a precise e-picture of TIE. Then she draws an e-guillotine and cuts off TIE?s e-head. She continues e-drawing e-pictures of TIE suffering many e-fates. An e-knife in the e-eye, an e-electric chair, an e-hanging, e-etc. TIE is starting to get e-worried.

He e-throws down his e-blastsword and s-shouts, ?e-Honey, can we please not e-fight? I don?t want to e-hurt you.? In e-response, Devi e-throws away her e-blastsword and pulls out an e-wiffle bat, and e-charges TIE. e-Seeing this, TIE e-pulls out his e-BFG and says, ?I didn?t want it to e-come to this!? He then e-points his e-BFG at the nearest e-wall and e-opens fire, creating an e-flaming hole which he promptly e-runs through. Devi is e-right behind him, e-swinging her e-wiffle bat, e-hitting him e-repeatedly upside his e-head.

?Ow, Ow, Ow, Ow, Ow??

On and on they e-run, leaving an e-trail of e-destruction in their e-wake.

?Ow, Ow, Ow, Ow, Ow?e-Honey, what do you e-want from me??

?I e-want you to e-agree with my e-choice of e-china patterns!?

?Ow, Ow, Ow, Ow, Ow?? TIE e-stops. ?Okay, okay, we can use your e-china patterns!?

Devi e-stops too, and gives TIE an e-kiss on the e-cheek. ?That?s all I e-wanted to e-hear.?

TIE?s e-jaw e-drops as Devi e-skips happily away, and e-says, ?I don?t even e-know what an e-china pattern is,? before e-collapsing on the e-ground.



e-Winner: Devi