EUCNN: There not yet quite.

LOL (as if anyone cares who the new chancellor will be anyway )

The EUCNN: Always On

Always on what, exactly?

 

*applause*

 

LOL

very nice lexu, very nice

 

Whoa! This place is still around?!? Excuse me, I have some titles I need to give out.

 

Ken Kenobi- And you have a nice day

 

This place makes my worthless life worth living.

 

Very nice, lexu.

It even made me laugh:

 

My lord, it still exists.

I leave the EUC for 12 months and look how much has changed, and yet how much is still the same.

Except for one thing. There are not enough articles a)mocking Jello, b)mocking purists, c)upraising Imperial Doctrine and ideals, d)mocking Jello, e)that seek to defile the Administration and pass comment in a manner bannable in most forums or f)mock Jello.

But at least the "all patrons are (going) crazy" routine remains.

Penguin Souvlaki, anyone?

 

And if I roll this d20 I can determine whether the rapid pack of wild monkees successfully assault you!!

rolls the d20

NO! A CRITICAL FUMBLE!!

Runs away as wild monkees chase everybody else.

 

EUCNN/SI Presents...

WJFC Blastsword Duel 4!
Slushy v. Lank v. Guin
Three-way battle! Ready? Go!

Welcome, spectators, to our fourth battle in the series. Due to kickbacks, scandals, gross misuse of Ewok property, and a general disregard and borderline hatred for all of you, the WJFC Blastsword Duels had been delayed for many months.

But no longer!

It?s a balmy summer night here in the newly refurbished and newly renamed Hyperspace Stadium, the perfect night for a fight. Despite the heat and humidity, the crowd is still growing, as thousands shove their way into the Stadium, waiting for the mayhem to begin.

Let?s quickly check the duelists? stats.

Slushy is a relative new face to the club, but has already established himself. He is the self-declared Minister of Insubordination, a man who listens to no one except his own self, and then, only rarely. His preferred weapon of choice is his arrogance and attitude of non-cooperation. He?s like a twisted version of the Mahatma Gandhi.

Lank is an on again, of again High Minister. At the moment, I cannot recall exactly what he is the High Minister of, but I shall not let my own rampant ignorance detract from this wing-ding. In his free time, Lank likes to dodge all attempts to be hooked up with Gunistasia, despite a rumored fondness for a good spanking. Here?s a tape of him practicing his routine earlier in the day.

*Lank bends over, touching his fingers to his toes, then shouts ?Thank you mistress, may I have another??*

Oh?my.

Um, anyway, on to Guin. Guin is?complex. Here are some of her likes; Fan Fiction, Mercedes Lackey, Face, Phanan, Face/Phanan, telling admins where they can stick it, Czarist Russia, History, domination. Dislikes; gay bashing, anyone who tells her she can?t read/write certain types of fan fiction, ?Family Friendly? BS. Her preferred weapon is the nagaika, a riding whip used in Czarist Russia. She?s the High Dominatrix of Flyboys, so let?s see what she can do!


* * *

The crowd goes wild as the three combatants take their places. Slushy is dressed in a simple martial arts fighting gi, which allows for ease of movement. Lank comes out dressed in regular street clothes. He doesn?t look like he?s gonna put up much of a fight. Guin walks out dressed in a splendor unseen in the world since Catherine the Great ruled over Russia. Hordes of scantily clad Face and Phanan clones follow in her wake, singing songs of adoration. All three combatants take up their blastswords and wave them through the air.

?Ready? Draw!?

Slushy gets off to the early start, drawing an array of images. X-Wings, motor cycles, caricatures of various former Presidents. Lank starts his own drawing. A paddle, a whip, ah?um, are we allowed to say what that is on the air, or will this be released on the Blastsword Duels: Too Hot for the Holonet DVD? Uh, I guess it?ll have to wait for the DVD. Be sure to pick it up. You must be 18 or older to order.

Guin watches the two with disdain, before she starts her own drawing. Flicking her blastsword adeptly through the air, she carefully and accurately draws the Ramanov Family tree, with a host of Catherines and Ivans hanging in the air. The crowd, neither knowing nor caring about what it is, precisely, that she has drawn, cheeps anyway, because hey, it?s shiny, and shiny things attract the simple minded. And if you?re dumb enough to care about a blastsword duel, you too are probably attracted to shiny objects.

Slushy looks over at Lank and says, ?Hey, we?re going to have to team up against her if we want to win. We need to attack at the same time, or she?ll whip both our asses. Okay??

?Okay.?

While these two plot against her, Guin takes the time to remove much of the excess robes and finery from her person. By the time she is finished handing all of the clothes and jewelry and crown to the clones, she is dressed in leather.

Lots of leather.

*snap!*

Slapping the riding whip against her leather-clad palm, Guin shouts, ?Come

 

*accepts large quantities of money from everyone stupid enough to bet against Guin*

 

Very entertaining, JFT.

 

Thank you.




It all returns to nothing...
It all comes tumbling down, tumbling down, tumbling down...
It all returns to nothing...
I just keep letting me down, letting me down, letting me down...

 

*falls over laughing*

Jifty, you are one sick and dpraved individuals on the entire JC boards, man. God bless you you sick nut!

BTW, I'm High Keeper of the Stuffed Ewok, aka Kettch.

 

Lank: I try my best, sir.

GAJ: As soon as you pay me the $100 entrance fee, I will gladly refund your money.

*discreetly hides "No Refunds" sign*

 

Okay.

*digs through register, gives JLo ****all*