EUCNN: We're the Network you wish you were!

Scientists give up: EVERYTHING is related to cancer

You forgot the 'still no cure' bit

 

You forgot the 'still no cure' bit

There is a cure. They're just holding out on us.

And ! @ teh newsbar.

 

The cure for cancer: not being born.

 

>If you are reading this, you have no life <

 

Newsbar update!

|EUCNN| Animosity between cats and dogs and cats and mice all overblown propaganda to keep humans unawares |EUCNN| Headline uses stupid play on words |EUCNN| Mention of submarine ensues in use of amusingly disgusting quote from Austin Powers |EUCNN| Cliché overused |EUCNN| Woman can?t survive without her ?beauty kit? |EUCNN| Breaking news: EUCNN really takes the piss out of CNN |EUCNN| Expelled Kool Mint declared ?too kool for school? |EUCNN| Reporters finally realise that most sportspeople are too buggered after a game to say anything newsworthy |EUCNN| Water store to go into liquidation |EUCNN| JC?er buys Internet fridge ? ?Now I can post threads about posting during my midnight snacks!? |EUCNN| EUCNN Newsbar proudly presents the headlines that will never happen in the next year |EUCNN| Africa declared ? completely poverty-free? |EUCNN| US agrees to destroy all of its weapons of mass destruction |EUCNN| Australia tops medal count at Olympics |EUCNN| Moore?s new film pro-Bush |EUCNN| World peace edict signed by 156 countries, historic moment |EUCNN| World?s rich give all money to charity |EUCNN| New version of Windows bug-free |EUCNN| Fascinating fact of the week: Perhaps Bill Gates? most embarrassing moment (among examples including the infamous pie incident) came when he was demonstrating the supposedly ?easier to use? Windows 98 at Comdex in the late nineties. The system promptly crashed. The reason? Plugging in a scanner. He then quipped ?I guess we still have some bugs to work out? |EUCNN|

I_F

 

BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!1one!1One

 

!!!

 

I remember seeing that scanner-induced crash. I think the video's floating around the internet still...

 

Priceless...

 

Gates then secretly switched to Linux.

 

Great stuff, I_F.

 

*colour bars*

*national anthem plays*

[image=http://www.kcatv.org/bars800.gif]

 

Urgh...


Apologies for the lack of a new Newsbar lately. I have had absolutely no spare time to write one... sorry all...

|EUCNN| Stereotype false |EUCNN| Scientists discover direct link between marriage and divorce |EUCNN| ?Hokey Pokey? tops kids charts |EUCNN| Kid regrets eating cooking chocolate |EUCNN| President unveils ?more efficient? plan for poor to pay their taxes directly to the rich |EUCNN| Virus infects computer, Gates blamed |EUCNN| Elvis dead? no, really |EUCNN| ?The Bachelor? releases ?best of? DVD: 45 minutes of credits |EUCNN| EUCNN replays Newsbar items |EUCNN| Water store to go into liquidation |EUCNN| Psychic expo cancelled due to unforseen circumstances |EUCNN| Pigs convention tipped to be a big bore |EUCNN| Magician?s meeting goes up in a puff of smoke |EUCNN| Did you know they?ve replaced the word ?gullibility? in the dictionary? They have ? its replacement is ?gullibilism? |EUCNN| New on the market from Acme Corporation: sound-proof microphones, dehydrated water, and heated refrigerators |EUCNN| If at first you don?t succeed, then sky-diving is not for you |EUCNN| Why is it that a man who takes money out of another man?s wallet is a pickpocket, yet a woman who takes money out of a man?s wallet is a wife? |EUCNN| Fascinating Fact of the week: a banana isn?t actually a fruit. It?s a herb |EUCNN|

I_F

 

Elvis dead? no, really

I don't believe you. Haven't you ever seen the X-Files?

 

Did you know they?ve replaced the word ?gullibility? in the dictionary? They have ? its replacement is ?gullibilism?

Really?!?! *Goes and changes dictionary at home* There. Now I wont confuse anyone anymore with the word 'gullibility'.

 

Fascinating Fact of the week: a banana isn?t actually a fruit. It?s a herb

Well!

 

Why is it that a man who takes money out of another man?s wallet is a pickpocket, yet a woman who takes money out of a man?s wallet is a wife?

LOL!!

 

Question: What's the difference between CNN and EUCNNN?

Answer: One's funny for telling funny news bits, the other's for telling news bits in a funny way.

Good job.

 

Does this place actually post news about the EUC at all?

 

Jaina313: We used to, but it's slowly died off...

I_F

 

Once and a while.

You want EUC related news?

WJFC Update

Celebrations of Wes Janson day were very fun. Some members were distraught as to missing the festivities, and the holiday has been extended to the entire month of April. Chaos ensued.

 

Also, Lank likes to watch. THE END

 

In Legal news today, Jedi Master Luke Skywalker accused the spirit of long-dead Sith Lord Exar Kun for the crimes of Kyp Durron during the young Jedi's trial for crimes against sentience. According to Skywalker, "Possession is 9/10 of the crime."

 

I wil not dispute the point made by the leader of the WJFC

 

Just for you peoples, I got my act together and put together a new Newsbar. I'm not sure how good it is, but anyway, at least I put in the effort!

|EUCNN| EUCNN Newsbar proudly presents some things that NO normal person can do |EUCNN| No normal person can eat raw carrots quietly |EUCNN| No normal person can give directions without using their hands |EUCNN| No normal person can walk past a mirror without glancing in it |EUCNN| No normal person can watch another person yawn three times without yawning themselves |EUCNN| No normal person can pass a piano without pressing at least one key |EUCNN| Life rewards average guy who liked the black lollies |EUCNN| Deranged Easter bunny on Easter banner really scares people |EUCNN| World?s oldest man dead at 135. Cause of death unknown |EUCNN| Rap and hip-hop provide industry access for musically challenged |EUCNN| Disaster kills 200 in Afghanistan |EUCNN| BREAKING NEWS: Kitten rescued by heroic fireman - more at 10:00, 10:05, 10:07, 10:08 |EUCNN| Meat found in pie ? investigations continuing |EUCNN| World leader ignores protest |EUCNN| ?Philip Wise? misnomer annoys JC?er |EUCNN| Movie star finally admits she?s getting old |EUCNN| Band finally figures out ?Mmmm? is not a proper song lyric |EUCNN| Bush declares Iraq ?completely war-free, and we?ve got it right this time?, major missile strike follows |EUCNN| Fascinating fact of the week: elevators rank as the safest form of transport, with only one fatality for every 160 million kilometres travelled. By comparison, stairs are five times as dangerous and cars are moving death-traps |EUCNN|