Saga Even Jedi Cry. Drama AU Author note added 121411

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Valairy Scot, Apr 21, 2009.

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  1. obimom Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 31, 2010
    star 4
    I just loved this chapter, Val. I loved Dooku's thoughts about what could have happened if he hadn't listened to the force - that introspective was brilliant in light of what we know happened in the movies.

    Loved Anakin's thoughts also...and it looks like possibly Mace and Yoda could be finally starting to put two and two together...it will be interesting to find out if they have the right equation.

    =D= [face_dancing] =D=
  2. Gkilkenny Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2004
    star 4
    It does appear that the fog is lifting where Yoda and Mace are concerned and they might be onto the source of Qui-Gon's problems.

    Dooku has a job ahead of him, for Obi-Wan seems to me to be holding the Force at bay because he doesn't believe in him self and he believes his master is right. Well I say 'poppycock' too. Clear your head Obi-Wan and stop feeling guilty for something that you didn't do.
    Qui-Gon isn't infallable, he can, and does make mistakes... BIG ones.

    Lets have some action where Obi-Wan can kick some butt and show Jinny that he isn't of the dark side. That will rock Qui-Gon's boat and put a few holes in it too. I wonder can he swim? Or will Obi-Wan have to save him once again.

    Great update and [:D] =D= congrats for your noms.=D=
  3. charie Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 6, 2007
    star 2
    Loved this chapter. They are getting somewhere now. Thanks for keeping me pm'd.
    I'm always reading but not always posting comments. Life is busy. More soon?[face_love]
  4. Valiowk Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 23, 2000
    star 6
    Dooku, Mace and Yoda are finally getting somewhere with their musings! :D

    Here we see how important it is sometimes to trust that the person one thought one knew is really that same person, and that there are reasons for changes in their behaviour which one should try one's best to understand...

    I'm glad that Dooku is learning a lot out of this experience. It's really a pleasure to see how Dooku could have turned out so well in an AU (though, of course, we then always feel a little sad that this isn't canon ;) ).

    Glad to have two updates in such a short time! :)
  5. serendipityaey Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 24, 2004
    star 4
    Very interesting chapter! A lot to think about :)
  6. Valairy Scot Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 5
    Earlybird-obi-wan: Ah, but will Yoda, Mace & Dooku get somewhere in time?

    Obimom: Putting together a believable alternative-to-movie Dooku was an interesting challenge in characterization.

    Gkilkenny: Lets have some action where Obi-Wan can kick some butt and show Jinny that he isn't of the dark side. [face_thinking] I thought we already had Obi kicking some butt just a chapter or two ago??

    Dooku has a job ahead of him, for Obi-Wan seems to me to be holding the Force at bay because he doesn't believe in him self and he believes his master is right. Hmmm, you think so? Or could it be something - darker? :eek: Or maybe he's being punished by the Force for presuming his wish to keep Qui alive superceded the Force's wish to let him return home to the Force?

    Charie: I hope your ?busy life? is a good busy; feel free to lurk.

    Valiowk: I'm glad that Dooku is learning a lot out of this experience. It's really a pleasure to see how Dooku could have turned out so well in an AU As I said to Obimom, it's interesting to keep a character in character while doing something out of established character.

    Serendipityaey: A ?cerebral? chapter, then?[face_thinking]

    This is a little bit shorter than my usual chapters and it's setting a somewhat more disturbing and mortifying scene for our poor Obi-Wan. (Heads-up, next chapter will have ambiguous yet in retrospect-obvious imagery which is not meant to titillate but illuminate.)



    Chapter 65. The Tranquility of Twilight .


    Mysteries were intriguing on some level, even if following the convoluted and half hidden trails was a bit frustrating to a man of little patience and less imagination. Yet there was satisfaction in tying together all the scattered strands, of creating an orderly progression, a solution, out of chaotic clues. Yes, such was worthwhile. Until then?

    Jedi Master Dooku paused just inside the doorway of a lavish bedroom, his lips pursed at the sight before him.

    His Qui-Gon had looked like that when young. Perhaps he, himself, had looked so once upon a time. And now, young Kenobi. A decidedly strange thing to be thinking on a day like this ? or perhaps, not. Perhaps the innocent vulnerability of a child was the Force?s compensation for the difficulties and stresses of the day, even as night itself nourished the body after the exertions of the day.

    Or perhaps he was a foolish old man, overlooking the bruises, the bandaged arm and the beads of sweat to see only the achingly sweet image before him.

    It came to him, then, that patience ? or the lack of it ? lay at the root of his own weaknesses. It sowed the seed of arrogance; coupled with an admirable trait of forthrightness and desire to make things right, then and there, he could have unwittingly set forth on a path no Jedi should travel. At what point would he have decided the end justified the means? At what point would he have twisted the Force to his ends rather than letting the Force be his guide?

    The Force never tired of teaching a lesson and so many lately were centered on this young man.

    He really hated to disturb him, but a Jedi?s duty always came before self. Obi-Wan would understand why his battered body was given insufficient time to recover. He was young and resilient, not as young as he perhaps now looked swallowed in the vast bed, one cheek pressed to a pillow and the opposite hand flung to the side.

    But all things must eventually come to an end and so now must young Obi-Wan?s rest. He rested a hand on a shoulder and gently shook the young man to groggy awareness.

    ?It is nearly time, I?m afraid. Inspector Clawson believes we may be of assistance to his investigation, and I?m a bit certain he?s not at all comfortable with possible evidence out of his control.?

    He pursed his lips. The inspector was a very determined man. Stubborn; one who would not be budged. ?The presence and insight of two Jedi?? not to mention the carefully casual ?slip? th
  7. earlybird-obi-wan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 21, 2006
    star 6
    Love this Dooku and a nice insightful post showing the good in Obi-Wan
  8. obimom Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 31, 2010
    star 4
    It was the ?magic hour? of twilight that never failed to calm him, an indulgence in the sublime beauty of the universe encapsulated in just a few moments on nearly every world: indigo velvet sky, twinkling lights, neither day nor night, but both and yet itself. It was but a few brief moments, a moment between ? when day was not yet night, when light lingered though the sun had set and the night had yet to spread its blanket ? a time to pause and reflect on a day concluded and a night?s peaceful relaxation soon to come.


    That was beautiful...so poetic. I like that time of day also although I rarely get to enjoy it anymore.

    Yay! [face_dancing] I'm so glad you kept the Obi-Wan / Dooku conversation..it flowed really well in this chapter. It fit perfectly.

    It's too bad his attempt at rest was marred by his own accusations against himself...he's blaming himself for what happened to those people? How like him, but Obi - get over it. It wasn't your fault. ;)

    Lovely chapter, Val, and now for the angst...[face_whistling]
  9. Valiowk Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 23, 2000
    star 6
    The section following this line quite broke my heart - at any other time, this would merely be teasing words, but given Obi-Wan's present condition, it's instead something that leads to a serious conversation.

    Poor Obi-Wan - he needs some rest at this point, but bad dreams are inevitable... :( Hope he gets some time to recover soon!
  10. Gkilkenny Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2004
    star 4


    Very interesting that Dooku senses he might have gone down the wrong path had he not come to Obi-Wan's rescue.
    So does Obi-Wan get the credit for saving Dooku?

    Wonderful post.=D=
  11. serendipityaey Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 24, 2004
    star 4
    I SO just want to give Obi-Wan a cuddle! He deserves it [face_love] He needs a nice girl to insist he stays in bed. Like the discussion of trust in the Force and Dooku's thoughts on his own fallibility.
  12. Raxacoricofallapatorius Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 20, 2010
    star 1
    I apologize for my lack of...what would I call this? Being around?
    I came back to your amazing updates!
    I love Obi-Wan's deep compassion for even the 'pathetic life forms.' It shows his regard for even the smaller creatures in the massive universe.
    Enjoyed the Obi-Wan-Dooku interaction also, as your revelations.
    (By the way, could I get the PMs for updates? I don't think I've ever received one)

    One could say you have me wrapped around your finger with this epic. [face_blush]

    Congratulations on the Award! It was well deserved!
  13. Valairy Scot Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 5
    Earlybird-obi-wan: Yup, lots of good in Obi-Wan to see. But the unseen??

    Obimom: I love ?civil twilight? too ? what a boring name for a magical time of night.

    Valiowk: Umm?we?ll see what Obi gets.

    Gkilkenny: It was fun to play with Dooku recognizing his weaknesses. There is NO doubt in my mind that anyone focused too strongly on just principles, or just people, or just ANYTHING can become fanatical to the point of losing sight of their original motivations.

    Serendipityaey: He needs a nice girl to insist he stays in bed. [face_laugh]
    Interesting comment considering what?s coming up this chapter.

    Cade_Cryocharger: I love Obi-Wan's deep compassion for even the 'pathetic life forms.' It shows his regard for even the smaller creatures in the massive universe. Sure, he?s no ?Qui-Gon Jinn,? but he does care, even if it takes him a while to get there.

    I leave you with a parting gift - I'm off to Canada to hike for 1 and 1/2 weeks. It may be a while until the next update - I'm at a :confused: [face_thinking] stage - how and where do I want to go. So any and all speculation is more than welcome - you might be responsible for starting a great train of thought.

    Minor warning: there's some "adult-mush" memories and stuff in this chapter not blatant but it or may not be bordering on sensibilities. Deb (Obimom) and I went back and forth on it deciding if it advanced the story or was gratutious - obviously, the decision was to go full steam ahead, hands on, all that.



    Chapter 66. Let the Innocent Be Damned


    ?Wake up; we?re here.? Either the words or the gentle shake of his shoulder roused Obi-Wan. He ran his hands through his hair and tried to restrain a yawn as he followed Dooku out of the constabulary speeder towards the entry, designed not for comfort, but efficiency.

    Not his favorite places, medical centers.

    Jedi were not invincible, all Jedi knew, but med centers too often were receptacles for broken bodies and the occasional damaged mind; edifices of healing yet symbolic and painful reminders of the frailty of the human body.

    Dooku stiffened as they passed through the doorway but said nothing as he glanced at Obi-Wan, who gazed back questioningly. His own master ? former master he corrected himself - was no more fond of such places than himself, but hid it better. He had not thought to see Grand-master Dooku narrow his eyes and purse his lips so openly. He felt nothing out of the ordinary ? until he stepped through the doors as well.

    He felt off-kilter nearly instantly. A slight frown marred his forehead. Why? It didn?t take a Jedi more than just a few missions off Coruscant, away from the Temple to learn one simple truth: Certain things were always the same, no matter the world.

    Eating establishments buzzed, clicked or chirped with the varied chatter of its patrons as aromas, whether savory or not, beckoned one to sit, to eat, to drink.

    Halls of Learning, government offices, factories and farms; each had its associated rituals of behavior and sounds, loud and raucous to quiet and serene.

    Med Centers, unless overrun by catastrophe and then only for a short while, all felt of antiseptic or despair, pain and hope ? cleansing agents or emotions. No matter how different, all were alike: waiting rooms in neutral patterns, nervous families sitting blankly or wringing hands or tentacles, eyes slow to rise at the approach of a healer or quick to descend when the healer passed by.

    And yet, something was different; that something elusive, Obi-Wan thought, something hovering out of sight and mind yet gnawing at him.

    When he had last felt like this had been just before his world had fallen apart ? and for one glorious, hopeful, uncertain moment he dared to hope what it that might mean ? followed by a dreadful realization that it was something far different.

    It was not a bad feeling, born of the Force, but an absence of feeling. The muted pain and anxious wait
  14. Raxacoricofallapatorius Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 20, 2010
    star 1
    [face_plain]
    I am speechless.

    It seems so characteristic for Obi-Wan to feel like he is betraying Siri in a way. For being one man with one woman, it would definately seem like that by sharing himself with a...droid, even for the chance to prove he is innocent.

    Love the little flashback about Qui-Gon giving Obi-Wan a man-to-man talk on the limits of the Jedi rules. Obi-Wan being embarassed...soo in character I was smiling.

    Another beautiful chapter, Valairy! =D= Thanks for the PM and I hope you have an awesome time on your hike! 1 1/2 weeks sounds like enough time to kick the muse in. [face_batting]
  15. obimom Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 31, 2010
    star 4
    Beautifully accomplished. To see Obi-Wan having to go through that...not willingly nor for pleasure, but because of a sense of duty...and feeling like he betrayed Siri by doing so...poor guy...

    Hope it was all worth it...[face_worried]

    and that it convinces and satisfies everyone (thinking of family and fiance in particular) of Obi's innocence.

    Have a great trip!!



  16. earlybird-obi-wan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 21, 2006
    star 6
    A beautiful insightful post showing Obi-Wan and his vulnerability. He should be reunited with Siri to heal and be far away from those wanting to hurt him.

    And have fun during your hiking trip
  17. Valiowk Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 23, 2000
    star 6
    Like obimom, I definitely hope that this convinces Marjela's family and friends of Obi-Wan's innocence. It is definitely a terrible experience to be accused of something that is completely not one's fault, especially when one cannot convince the other party of one's innocence at that time.

    Have fun on your hiking trip! :)
  18. The1stJediPrincess Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 20, 2010
    star 2
    An amazing update. =D= Wow, oh wow, Wow and Wow again. [:D]
    The flashback with Siri was incredibly written. [face_love]

    I agree with earlybird-obi-wan. Siri needs to show up and help Obi-Wan heal. [face_praying]

    Again, an amazing job and enjoy your vacation!!!
  19. serendipityaey Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 24, 2004
    star 4
    I definitely see the trouble for Obi-Wan, having to 'use' that memory of Siri to accomplish something that needs to be done, poor guy :( My original sentiment stands, he needs a cuddle and nice girl to help him through this O:)
  20. Gkilkenny Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2004
    star 4
    To hit out is one of the pains that death by violence causes; someone to blame.
    Obi-Wan is too honest, he should hold his tongue before he gets in deeper.
    Dooku is a great mentor from what I read, and he will protect Obi-Wan.

    Obi-Wan needs love, someone to hold him and tell him that he is worth believing in.
    Perhaps he needs a mother or someone like that to remind him of his true value and to give him hope.

    Have a great holiday.[face_dancing]
  21. TheJediExile Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jul 14, 2011
    Hurray for more :) enjoy your holiday, and I look forward to the next update soon :D
  22. Valairy Scot Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 5
    Hiking was great! Just FYI, while I am still undecided on exactly HOW to accomplish what I want to accomplish in this story, note I am trying to "push" the pace by dropping a lot of extraneous detail WITHOUT sacrificing necessary detail. Feel free to comment if I'm rushing through things too fast (unlikely) or whatever.


    Cade_Cryocharger: Obi-Wan?s upset over using his memory of nearly making love with Siri to, er, fill a vial. He used a beautiful if bittersweet memory ? key word: used. As far as the flashback, I?m treading a line between ?what?s behind closed doors stays there? and yet pertinent-to-the-story illuminations of the human beings behind the Jedi persona. Was Obi-Wan ever a young man in search of, um, outlets? Shrugs, but it?s possible.

    Obimom: To see Obi-Wan having to go through that...not willingly nor for pleasure, but because of a sense of duty...and feeling like he betrayed Siri by doing so...poor guy...Yeah, talk about tainting a memory.

    Earlybird-obi-wan: Ah, but Siri?s away and unable to help.

    Valiowk: Terrible, indeed, but perhaps the genetic tests & all might actually illuminate some things down the road. Depends on if I can work it in right.

    The1stJedPrincess: Thank you, multiple award winner (and deservedly so!).

    Serendipity: Unfortunately, Jedi don?t cuddle. Normally, the Force would soothe a Jedi in need of soothing.

    Gkilkenny: Dooku is a great mentor from what I read, and he will protect Obi-Wan. He will try (said in ominous Anakin-Mustafar voice).

    Obi-Wan needs love, someone to hold him and tell him that he is worth believing in.
    That?s the Force?s role. It?s trying.

    The JediExile: This has been a tough chapter to set up?hope it satisfies.





    Chapter 67. Absent a Dead Man



    The Force itself seemed to be conspiring against him.

    He?d stolen BB right from underneath Kenobi?s nose. The young fool had turned and gone back into the burning building, not even thinking to question who had shown up, no, he had been too pathetically grateful to be relieved of one burden. He had dragged the unconscious man out, hands burned, face blistered and hair singed and with no witnesses, prepared to throttle the life out of his former right hand man.

    Shmi would be safe.

    But the sound of a fast approaching speeder had interfered, that and the reemergence of Kenobi, two kitlings in hand. He was lucky both that his illusion had held and that Kenobi was all but out on his feet, in fact collapsing as soon as he?d uttered his misidentification.

    With no time to spare, he had dragged BB to the small creek and shoved the unconscious man face down; he would let water wash away BB?s sins as he retreated to safety, knowing safety was just an illusion since the constabulary would soon take custody of the body and soon the Jedi would have access to it as well. BB could incriminate him by just by existing ? dead or alive.

    BB had to disappear.

    Knowledge of his identity would start a Jedi hunt that would lead eventually to him ? and the connections that bound so many together.

    **

    ?He?s gone!? The Inspector stomped into the room where Obi-Wan and Dooku were conversing. He fairly snarled with his rage. ?My two droids were destroyed and our suspect is not in his bed.?

    ?What?? Rarely had Obi-Wan seen a Jedi master so taken by surprise.

    ?Missing. Gone. Disappeared. Not visible. Absent.?

    ?How??

    ?How do you think? How do I know?? In his frustration, the Inspector was pacing back and forth, his arms waving wildly. ?I had the man who committed this crime; I know it in my bones. Convicted or not. What would be the point of abducting someone practically dead anyway??

    Dooku frowned as if at a dense initiate or one who spoke before thinking. ?Several reasons, Inspector, assuming the medical staff has not merely moved him, which is of course unlikely if your droids were destroyed.?

    ?He feared ? someone, that is ? feared he might be
  23. obimom Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 31, 2010
    star 4
    And I don't blame you, Val.

    Anyway, I loved this chapter! It was brilliant...and so well put together. I really don't know why you worry so much...:D

    I know you're still trying to decide some things, but this has lots of good clues and bits to think over while waiting for another chapter...;)

    Dooku is so good for Obi-Wan...and I love how he isn't immune to the "Kenobi curse" either. :p
  24. earlybird-obi-wan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 21, 2006
    star 6
    I love Dooku in this. With him and Yoda and Mace the Jedi should be able to reveal who the real Sith is. And Obi is essential being a being of light. Angel wings[face_dancing] very suiting for Obi.
  25. serendipityaey Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 24, 2004
    star 4
    Unfortunately, Jedi don?t cuddle.

    WHAT?!!! :eek: (hmmm, plot bunny...)


    Ouch. Shatter a girl's dreams. Next you'll tell me Star Wars isn't really real, it didn't really happen a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away.

    Well, ok, no more silly romantic sentiments here.

    I really enjoyed the three of them, Mace, Yoda and Dooku talking - it's evident how much they care what's going on. Back to Coruscant, and I think the story is moving along nicely. So wonder what the heck is going on :confused:

    Did his dessert turn into a tattoo? A little confused, but the scene was very lovely.
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