Saga Even Jedi Cry. Drama AU Author note added 121411

If it's your plan to have a whole mob running after Anakin to kill him, you're succeeding admirably The boy is really ****

So will Qui-Gon stay in this state of realization or will Anakin make him believe it's all Obi-Wan's fault again??

 

Earlybird-Obi-Wan: strangle Anakin? ohmigosh, I can?t believe our earlybird wrote that ? our writer of sweet, charming stories even with a bratty Anakin.

Master_Jenai: valairy_scot, it's official. you can't write about anakin any more. i just killed him. OKAY, THAT?S IT ? STORY?S OVER! Vacate the premise quickly.

Littleobiwankenobi: hopeful with the help from Mace and Yoda will help Obi to find back again. I hat Anakin more and more. So hopful he will fall quick and never will be found. Not really, it?ll take a while, but of course, and sorry.

Gkilkenny: Lets all band together and kidnap the little brat. I volunteer to drop him into the lava on Mustafar. Unlike earlybird, I have no trouble believing you wrote that. I must caution you, premature assassination will prematurely kill the story.

Charie: I'm not a fan of Anakin here but I love how you write him. I?d be pretty worried about you if you were a fan of Anakin?s here.

TheMacUnleashed: yeah, enjoy what few fleeting moments you have. It?s a big long setup for the payoff.

JediMasterAmanda: How can he even like Anakin after the things he's said about Obi and to Obi. Well, because he believes what Anakin believes, and one must allowances for the Chosen One?s mouth.

JediKnight-Obi-Wan: I know what it's like to be thought the worst of by a person who has known you long enough to know better. Then add that hurt to all the others Obi-Wan is carrying and you have one miserable little Jedi. I volunteer to comfort Obi-Wan! Sorry, but if any reader other than the author is entitled to that, it?s been long promised to our absent friend Jedidas3 (who misses us all).

I also volunteer to slap the @#$# out Qui-Gon in hopes his common sense comes back and last, but not least, I volunteer to kick-boot that little sith-spawn clear out of orbit. Oh oh ? you and GKilkenny are about to destroy my story!

If one of those almighty Jedi, i.e. Mace or Yoda, doesn't see that Demon-ani is orchastrating this whole thing, then they're just as blinded by the darkness as they were in the movies. Duh guys, every time Obi shows up or Qui starts thinking of Obi, that brat shows up. Somethin' awfully fishy about that. I also think he had something to do with the breaking of the bond.

?er, well, maybe I made it too obvious, since you?re picking up stuff they won?t. Then again, Ani?ll be more careful in future ? no witnesses.

P_Stotts: You'd think that Yoda and Mace would connect Qui-Gon's eradict behavior with Anakin's presence or lack thereof. It's happened more than once now. Oh well, time will tell. I just hope Qui-Gon (or Mace and Yoda) doesn't overlook these clues until the day Anakin turns on the Jedi. Weeelllll ? it doesn?t quite go that far, and few other things will distract them. Yoda is starting to notice a pattern, but from their perspective, Qui?s besotted with another ?pathetic life form? (NOT that they think Anakin is one, but Qui has an established pattern of self-absorption in new things ? I?ve been trying to set that up as background here and there).

Come on, Obi. Heal and then fight for your master! I think that would work great in a story, but that?s not really this story. Please remember Obi-Wan is brain/mentally damaged ? he will not be behaving as we expect him to behave for quite some time, if ever. I haven?t wanted to overemphasize that part, but it?s very real for understanding his behavior for a number of chapters. This is NOT the Obi-Wan we know ? the part of his mind that controls his emotions is shot all to heck and he will react emotionally to things we think he should be stoic about.

I like the idea of cracking open a character, toying with them in one way or other, and having them react ?out of character? yet perfectly in character for what changes I?ve inflicted on them.

Darth_Nellie: But I seriously hope

 

Ack! How did devil-boy learn to Force-push? Qui still wasn't allowed to train him on the way to Naboo, was he? Further evidence that he's a Sith-puppet, perhaps?

I hope Yoda (or anybody!) sees through Anakin soon, I wan't to start seeing some of those 'repercussions' you mentioned.

 

A force push? Is that all it was? And here I thought the sith-spawn had done something in Obi's mind and made him pass out. See I can think of Obi torture too!

 

I've become a procrastinating reviewer again. I'm so sorry I don't have time to properly catch up now, but I really liked the last chapter and want to make sure I review before you post again.

First, I really like Mace in this story. I've always thought he's not such a bad guy.

The memories of the padawan party with Obi-Wan and friends before his return to Naboo was great! His embarrassment about being run off by droidekas and shorting out his saber (even though neither was really his fault) was cute. And of course Garen would tease about the quality time Obi-Wan could've spent with the handmaidens.

Nice theme about rumors and the truth mixed in them.

The scene between Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan was really painful. Don't tell anyone, but I felt bad for Qui-Gon as well as Obi-Wan. Yeah, he definitely messed things up himself, but it seems like he's only now realizing it and that he can't just fix it or brush it aside. And poor Obi-Wan...having Qui-Gon act like he doesn't understand what's wrong is a real slap in the face!

Mace, take care of our baby!

Thanks for sharing the story!

 

I've finally caught up!

Beautiful job, Valairy_Scot! The AU you're weaving is both engaging and heartbreaking at the same time. It's really interesting to see your take on how Obi-Wan would handle being stripped of the Force like this.

Poor Obi needs to tap into the strength of character that he's been building all these years. The Force didn't make him strong all by itself. It made him stronger because he was already a sturdy conduit of it's energies. He just needs to realize this, along with needing a good .

I'm loving Mace here. He's such a good Jedi under that tough exterior.

I'm looking forward to the next installment and please add me to the PM list!!

~Celeste

 

Ok I guess I agree I suppose I can put up with Bratkins for the time being.

I certainly don't want the story to end too quickly. I know Obi is suffering now
But one day I'm sure he will be the one with all the answers and put
Bratkins and Qui in their place.

Ah back to the top.

 

Bastet: Ack! How did devil-boy learn to Force-push? Qui still wasn't allowed to train him on the way to Naboo, was he? Further evidence that he's a Sith-puppet, perhaps?You just keep thinking that.

JediKnight-Obi-Wan: A force push? Is that all it was? And here I thought the sith-spawn had done something in Obi's mind and made him pass out. See I can think of Obi torture too! Maybe he just wants to see what he can get away with?

nada_smith: The scene between Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan was really painful. Don't tell anyone, but I felt bad for Qui-Gon as well as Obi-Wan. It was meant to come across that way.

CelseteAntola: It's really interesting to see your take on how Obi-Wan would handle being stripped of the Force like this. Poor Obi needs to tap into the strength of character that he's been building all these years. The Force didn't make him strong all by itself. It made him stronger because he was already a sturdy conduit of it's energies. He just needs to realize this, along with needing a good .

This goes well beyond being stripped of the Force - I think he'd put on a brave, accepting front if that were all. Strength of character alone won't help him - especially as things, er, develop.

Gkilkenny: But one day I'm sure he will be the one with all the answers and put Bratkins and Qui in their place. It'll be an interesting journey to the answers, but that journey is a bit of story away.

Note to all: I'm off for a week's vacation, then after several weeks back, off for another two. Updates may be spotty; I don't know yet. I've been tantalized with a hint of an idea to deepen the already intended plot to come but it's too raw yet to know if such developments affect the next few chapters or not. I doubt it as I don't want to inadvertently give away some points but I'm also wondering if I might need to set the stage a bit for what's to come.




Chapter 11. What is Past is Past



?Just rest now.? Mace patted Obi-Wan on the leg. An amused smile played over Obi-Wan?s lips as the Jedi left his room.

He could easily shock three quarters of the Temple if he chose, but he knew no one in the Temple would believe him should Obi-Wan be brazen enough to tell anyone Mace Windu could hover like a concerned Crèche Master. Ignoring his protestations, Mace had wrapped an arm around him and practically hauled him back to his room.

The stern Jedi master rarely known to crack a smile had proven far more human than any padawan would ever believe, and probably most knights.

He had insisted the healers run tests to check Obi-Wan?s equilibrium, tests finally completed. The young Jedi had thought it was silly, himself; obviously he had merely stumbled, nearly falling flat on his nose like the clumsy oaf he had once been known as. Even a Jedi, even one usually as graceful as he, made missteps from time to time. It hadn?t made a bit of difference what he thought.

?Now, you just rest Obi-Wan ? no getting out of that bed.?

?Yes, Master Windu.? He might have meekly agreed, but it was honestly funny and even rather touching how Mace had helped him settle comfortably in bed, saw to it that he had something light to read, and tucked him in.

Had Mace known of his occasional bouts of dizziness or nausea, Obi-Wan had no doubt he?d have been strapped in place or had all his clothing hidden so he could not escape his room.

This, though, hadn?t been one of those times. He had tripped, plain and simple. His vision hadn?t been blurred, by headache or tears; his bruised hip had supported his weight.

No doubt his equilibrium was merely disturbed from facing the man who had made a promise to see him to knighthood only to set him aside to fulfill a later promise, to another boy, that he would be raised to knighthood as well.

Promises were as nothing set against the Will of the Force.

He had thought the bitter anger and cont

 

Nearly asked, however, so she had not, yet the message had been delivered with some connivance by the grand master of the Order himself. Obi-Wan?s grin broadened.

?I don?t think even she would actually dare make such a request of you, Master Yoda; your stew is notorious.?

?Likes my stew Bant does. It?s humans such as you that have no taste for it.? Yoda?s eyes sparkled with his merriment, echoing Obi-Wan?s own.

The gentle banter felt good. Yoda?s stew was very real and very awful. Jokes abounded about it, though few felt free to disparage it in Yoda?s presence. Obi-Wan was one of the few to dare. It had earned him a ?brave, this young one is? and a pat on the head when he was still about the same height as Yoda.

He might not have the Force but he has his friends.



??and the best part was Padmé?s hug when she found out what I?d done.? The boy quickly sobered and looked at Qui-Gon. ?But you almost died, Master Qui-Gon, because that one just wasn?t good enough to be there when you needed him.?

?Shh, Ani, I?m fine. He did his best, I?m sure?mistakes happen. He won?t lose his focus like that again.?

?What if he does? I don?t want anything to happen to you, Master Qui-Gon.?

?Nothing will happen to me, Ani, I promise. Forget about Obi-Wan - you?re my padawan now and I know I can count on you to protect my back.?


Yes I do believe someone's back needs protecting. Don't worry I'll keep the little sithling away from Obi.


Another great post and have a good holiday.

 

Lovely, superb writing with Yoda and his musings and comfort to Obi-Wan.

And have a nice trip

 

He supposed in time he could learn to let go of his dream to be a Jedi knight; that dream was no longer his to hold onto.
what?!!!!! noooooooooooo!!! obi must be a knight! don't give up, obi!
?But you almost died, Master Qui-Gon, because that one just wasn?t good enough to be there when you needed him.?
ooooooohhhhh, i don't have any words suitable for that little sithly brat!!! but i think these faces do a darn good job of conveying my feelings.
He had only saved Qui-Gon?s life at nearly the cost to his own. It seemed no one acknowledged that simple and elemental truth, especially not the one whose life had been saved.
yes, only. come on, qui-gon! come to the light(aka away from anakin "sith" skywalker).

another superb post, valairy_scot!(and please, please, please remove little stinker from the scene. soon. before i do.) can't wait for the next update!!!

 

The Force had truly left him.
No, don't you dare believe that! Or I will have to come over and make you see the truth
Yoda was perfectly in character, but I wonder if he'll ever figure out what really happened. Sometimes I must be reminded that only we readers now everything that happened

 

Fantastic update! Have a great vacation. I will look forward to more when you have the time.

 

Fantastic update, with a haunting final line. *throttles Anakin*

 

love the story, can´t wait till the next chapter. I think Yoda will find a way to destroy the story from Anakin and Qui-Jonn will see his fault he made with obiwan.

also have a wonderful holiday,

 

Brilliant chapter. The bit of backstory (if that's the right word) that you've included has made a lot of sense to me. I can totally understand how Obiwan has been nearly destroyed by all that's happened, but have been really concerned at how easy it has been for bratkins to get such a visiby emotional response from Obiwan in front of him (given that he's only 9 or 10). So after this chapter, I'm now wondering if some mysterious force is playing with Obiwan's mind and not just Qui Gon's. Can't wait to see what explanation you have for us.

 

I just found this and like it a lot. It drew me right in, and you nearly had me in tears half the time.

Please add me to the PM list, and UPDATE SOON!

*skewers Anakin* Brat on a stick! Who wants brat on a stick?!

 

Oh, I like this! I usually read stories where Qui/Ani/Obi get along, but I'm a sucker for Obi-angst and so I'm totally enjoying this!

Ugh, Qui is being a total meanie! When Ani walks in the room, it seems like someone hits the "forget-Obi-switch" and he's all about Anakin! I sincerely hope Obi-Wan regains his use of the Force!

I've been reading your Obi-Wan and the whole Ventress ordeal series the last few days and now just found this one -- you've finally managed to pull me out of lurkdom. This is actually my first ever post on these forums!

So yeah, awesome job!

 

Fantastic update!

Poor Obi-Wan... somehow there has to be a way for him to find the Force again...

I think I shall now join the general clamour- Bratkins must die!! He is so frustrating!!!

Excellent job getting us to dislike him so much.

~Celeste

 

I need some honest appraisals and thoughts:

Without getting specific, I have received some feedback that my treatment of at least one character, Qui-Gon, is way too one-sided and unrealistic (i.e.: character-bashing). Some of that, I believe, is based on your responses (though to be fair, most of the venom as I recall is properly directed at Anakin rather than Qui-Gon ).

An example: ?I also volunteer to slap the @#$# out Qui-Gon? which indicates to at least one person that I am inciting my readers to actively hate a good character.

I don?t know if this assessment is realistic or not or if I merely am failing to deliver a well-rounded character. My intent was to show each character as real ? human ? not just flawed or just noble (i.e., not horrible-Qui and Saint-Obi). I want them well-rounded, with blind spots.

Have I failed as an author in achieving that goal (considering much of the story is yet unknown)?

Your thoughts ? here or via PM ? are more than welcome. Critique is good and helps one to grow (criticizing, though, will make me ). In fact, I'm thinking of starting a thread in Resource in how we shape our stories to our biases and perspectives, and how no one person reads the same story the same way.



Gkilkenny: Yes I do believe someone's back needs protecting. Don't worry I'll keep the little sithling away from Obi. You shall try: the author intones.

Earlybird-Obi-Wan: Thank you, I had a great week of hiking in Oregon.

Master_Jenai: and please, please, please remove little stinker from the scene. soon. before i do. His role is far from over...he's just getting started.

GeneralKenobi7: Yoda was perfectly in character, but I wonder if he'll ever figure out what really happened. Sometimes I must be reminded that only we readers now everything that happened. Exactly. Even the readers don't know everything, either, keep in mind.

Charie: It was a great hiking vacation ? didn?t once work on my stories, either.

TheMacUnleashed: *throttles Anakin* Dear me, what will you do later on?

Littleobiwankenobi: I think Yoda will find a way to destroy the story from Anakin and Qui-Jonn will see his fault he made with obiwan. Hmmm you think so?

Darth_Nellie: I can totally understand how Obiwan has been nearly destroyed by all that's happened, but have been really concerned at how easy it has been for bratkins to get such a visiby emotional response from Obiwan in front of him (given that he's only 9 or 10). So after this chapter, I'm now wondering if some mysterious force is playing with Obiwan's mind and not just Qui Gon's. Can't wait to see what explanation you have for us.

Really? You think Obi-Wan was overly emotional? I thought he was a bit self-contained...goes back and rereads what I posted.

Icepaw_Kenobi: *skewers Anakin* Brat on a stick! Who wants brat on a stick?! I usually write young Anakin far more sympathetically than I do/will in this story. It's older Anakin I find annoying (though to my surprise, I do like him in the new Clone Wars cartoon )

KnightGwen: Ugh, Qui is being a total meanie! When Ani walks in the room, it seems like someone hits the "forget-Obi-switch" and he's all about Anakin! A little too obvious, methinks, since you all picked up on that!

This is actually my first ever post on these forums! Cool!

CelseteAntola: I think I shall now join the general clamour- Bratkins must die!! He is so frustrating!!! He is meant to be everything you readers think in this story. So far, anyway

Excellent job getting us to dislike him so much. Believe me, it's so easy - I just focus on the aspect I've always disliked about him and ignore the other, though with reason.



Anyway, between taking a step back to review how

 

Every one has favourites, but the world would be a boring place if it were the same favourite.

Life is too short to worry about being realistic or not. After all this is fan fiction.
It isn?t real.

You could never fail to entertain us with your stories.

Critique is good? So is having fun. If we analysis everything we do we might go crazy.

My other thoughts I?ve sent to you.

Now get in the groove! Although cleaning your house is probably necessary. So is working.

 

Heck, I've always wanted to slap the heck out of Qui-Gon, especially in TPM when he dumped Obi in front of the Council. So don't think you're making me hate a good character, he's always been one I've loved to hate anyways lol, him and Anakin. I've never really been a Qui-lover to speak of.

I think you're doing fine in how you're portraying them. If someone complains, well, that is the way THIS story portrays them, that is how the story is, if someone doesn't like how that portrays Qui-Gon, then they don't have to read it!

Just my humble opinion.

 

I very much like what you are doing here with Qui-Gon(and he is one of my favorite star wars characters ever ). The sections where he actually wants to see Obi-Wan are so sweet, and so... fatherly, just how i like to imagine Qui. And, seeing as his mind is being messed with whenever he-that-shall-not-be-named is around(at least, that's how i see it. Grrrrr, I hate Anakin), then anything is fair game, right? Your characterization is dead on. Great job!
And this story is phenomenal!

 

Since you asked for us to elaborate on how you're dealing with Qui-Gon, I'll try! For me, I don't see it as you bashing him per se, as I sort of pointed out in my first post, I think he is being mean but I also think there is someone/something else behind that, since it is distinctly like a lightswitch -- a quick change of personality that just CAN'T be natural! That's my take on it, anyhow. So I think Qui-Gon is kind of a victim too, even though I want to give him a quick kick for hurting Obi-Wan so badly.

I like when fanfiction shakes things up. I also like when people explore turning a usually-well-liked character, into someone that is hard to like. That's kind of what it seems is happening here, you are effectively making it hard to like Qui-Gon because he is seemingly callous -- (but again, I think there's a reason...)

Since I doubt that made a bit of sense, I'll shut up now. But in essence, I say go with it and make us angry at Qui-Gon. It's an interesting way to take it, and I usually don't read bad-Qui stories, but I want to see where you take this one, so please do continue!

 

I very much agree with the other posters. I love this story and I really like your take on Qui Gon. We all read fan fiction for different reasons (for me, it's a welcome break from the day job which is currently writing a law book aimed at businesses), but most of us like reading work that departs from canon. Your story is so very different, not only with how you are portraying Qui Gon, but in how you have created Anakin. By this I mean that he is already evil and cruel as a 9 year old boy.

As a result, your readers will sometimes react quite strongly to the characters' actions which are all beautifully in line with their characters as you write them. I made a strong comment about Obiwan a few posts back based, which wasn't meant to put him down at all. Instead, given the tantalising glimpses that you are providing over Anakin and "you ain't seen nothing yet..." comments, my thought was "OMG". Simply put, not only is Anakin not a grown man, he isn't even a teenager and he is already having such a devastating impact on those around him. More than this, he seems to be feeding off the raw emotional state that Obiwan has been in and getting stronger from it (though Obi is improving now). Yet, Yoda and Mace seem to be unaware of how bad the evil in their midst is.

So don't be surprised if your loyal readers may react in ways that you don't expect. It makes for a more interesting story as we can read each other's take on things.