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  1. In Memory of LAJ_FETT: Please share your remembrances and condolences HERE

Beyond - Legends "Everybody Was Bun-Fu Fighting" (NJO AU; hoojibs, SkySolos, Psylocke, humor/etc.)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Onderon1, Jan 7, 2016.

  1. Onderon1

    Onderon1 Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 18, 2008
    Author's note: Daenabenjen42 very kindly found a Wayback Machine link to the intact version of this, one of my older 'fics on the boards before the Great Truncation. Many thanks to her. :)

    This is from a fairly old AU of mine, long before the Disney buyout; it'd take quite a while AFA explaining how (British-body, not Asian-ninja) Psylocke ended up in the SW 'verse ... :p

    The title is inspired in part, of course, by Carl Douglas' classic 1970s' song - my thanks to him [​IMG] - and by this classic Marvel SW cover:

    http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/File:Mswc105cover.jpg

    And, of course, by the greatest hoojib of them all: [​IMG]


    http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Plif

    DISCLAIMER: LFL's are LFL's. Marvel's are Marvel's. OCs are their own. This is a work of fiction. No money is being made off of this. Please don't sue.


    CHRONOLOGY: Middle- to late Dark Tide II: Ruin ...


    ----------------------------------------------------------------
    25.9 ABY: Tafanda Bay herdship, Ithor orbit:
    ----------------------------------------------------------------
    "ARE YOU ALL COMPLETELY MAD!?"


    ~I believe, Chief, that the galaxy already went QUITE mad months ago. But then, THAT should have been obvious by the ... horror ... these Yuuzhan Vong inflicted on Elegos A'Kla,~ Plif, the hoojib Senator from Arbra, snapped at Borsk Fey'lya as the Bothan paced the main briefing room.


    The one-week reprieve Corran Horn had managed to buy for the joint New Republic/Imperial Remnant task force had become an impromptu sort of mourning period, after the shocking brutality Shedao Shai had demonstrated in sending the Caamasi Senator Elegos A'Kla's bones back, decorated in gold and precious gems following Shai's execution of the self-appointed ambassador.


    He wanted only to demonstrate our ideals, and to try to understand the Yuuzhan Vong - try to reach an accord. But I fear the galaxy the Yuuzhan Vong wish to create will have no room for souls such as yours, old friend, Plif mourned.


    He looked at where another of his old friends, Luke Skywalker - Master of the Jedi Order - was comforting his still-stunned sister, Leia Organa-Solo, while her husband, Han Solo, looked out the viewport at the green world below them.


    And, beyond the New Republic/Imperial Remnant flotilla, the asteroid-like Yuuzhan Vong fleet waited, as time slipped away quickly.


    ~Luke. I know Corran Horn wished to be the one to fight Shedao Shai. But I can sense his edginess - his repressed need for revenge. The last thing the Order needs, with Fey'lya literally looking over our shoulders, is for an innocent accident on the part of a Jedi Master to become a political ploy,~ Plif sent.


    Luke smiled wanly at him and asked mentally, ~What do you suggest?~


    ~You remember the Tofs,~ Plif replied, the seed of a plan forming in his mind.


    ~We hoojibs aren't without our abilities ... and our own traditions. Both of peace ... and war ...~


    -----------------------------------------------------------------
    Hoojib quarters, T-minus 6 days to duel:
    -----------------------------------------------------------------


    Even if the idea of a group of intelligent, telepathic, energy-draining rabbits with antennae wasn't intriguing enough to Betsy Braddock - who considered herself already somewhat inured to craziness, having been a member of the mutant X-Men and now a Jedi Knight of the New Jedi Order - she would've wanted to see this.


    I'm just very fortunate that I befriended Plif early on after arriving here, the purple-haired British woman thought, bowing to the young hoojib who greeted her at the entrance to the delegation's quarters.


    ~I'm Sniffler, M'Lady - Senator Plif told me about your noble title, and I'm honored to greet you. Your courage at Dantooine and Garqi is well-known, and it's always fascinating to meet another telepath,~ Sniffler thought, leading Betsy to the audience chamber.


    ~Likewise, Sniffler. I'm the one who should be honored, though - and as for Dantooine ... I was just lucky, to be honest,~ Betsy admitted ...


    The carnage of the battle - her first real trial by fire as a Jedi - had rivaled or exceeded anything she'd seen as an X-Man. The only comparable amount of death Betsy had witnessed, even through others' eyes, had been during the Morlock Massacre, and that had been mostly one-sided; the professional assassins of the Marauders had found little challenge among the often weak and/or deformed mutant outcasts beneath New York City.


    That wasn't WAR, Betsy thought, shivering at the memory of dying reptoids and Yuuzhan Vong, and before that, the desperate race with Luke, Leia, Han, Chewbacca, Jacen, and Padme' to rescue Mara and Anakin ...


    On the other hand, if anyone had thought that Padme' Amidala-Skywalker had lost her combat skills while in stasis for almost 45 years, they'd been disabused of that notion by the precision of her blaster shots.


    She'd managed to drop a couple of Vong from meters away.


    Yet another reason Padme' and I get along so well - we're both noblewomen with remarkably lethal talents, Betsy thought, removing her outer cloak before bowing to Plif and his staff in the audience chamber.


    ~Elizabeth, welcome. I'm grateful you could join us. I understand you're a talented martial artist, and we're working on sparring practice. We have a plan to prevent the Yuuzhan Vong from committing some kind of dishonorable treachery in case our champion should lose against Shedao Shai,~ Plif said, radiating welcome and approval.
    ~I'll be glad to help, Plif. You've a tradition of martial arts?~ Betsy asked - she'd heard stories from Luke about hoojib combat prowess, but seeing was believing.


    Plif seemed to blush, then looked over his shoulder, as a large - seemingly elderly - hoojib, with what looked like a beard, walked slowly from one of the bedrooms.
    ~This is Master Flopear - one of our greatest bun-fu practitioners. He has come with this class of hoojib commandoes, a mix of veterans from the Nagai-Tof War and younger hoojibs seeking to earn recognition,~ Plif said, and Betsy bowed to the ancient hoojib.


    ~Greetings, Knight Braddock. You are one of the few non-hoojibs who will witness this opening ritual for our sparring session. Floofle, Mopsal, Cotontal - begin the chant,~ Flopear called in a telepathic bass.


    Betsy stood, watching as three hoojibs started to sway back and forth ...
    and she was shocked, amused, and almost elated to find they were humming a telepathic tune she recognized.


    ~Oh, oh, oh oh ... oh, oh, oh oh ...~


    And the rest of the hoojibs started stretching ...


    then bouncing, or jabbing at each other with their paws, and blocking, in martial arts maneuvers.


    Everybody was bun-fu fighting
    hoojibs as fast as lightning
    In fact it was a little bit frightening
    but they fought with expert timing


    Betsy laughed, happily, and assumed a defensive stance - and started to spin, kick, and block, as hoojibs leapt at her and at each other.


    It was a dance, and she was privileged to assist with it.


    There were funky hoojib fighters from funky Arbra town
    They were chopping Vong up and they were chopping Vong down
    It's an ancient Arbran art, and everybody knew their part
    From a feint into a slip, and kicking from the hip


    Then the telepathic jolts started - not so strongly affecting Betsy, but she could sense the hoojibs' additional ability to undermine foes with telepathic attacks as well as rapid impacts.


    Add in their energy-draining, and even blaster-wielding foes would have serious problems.


    Everybody was bun-fu fighting
    hoojibs as fast as lightning
    In fact it was a little bit frightening
    but they fought with expert timing


    For her part, Betsy gave herself over to the "fight" - and smiled, as she sensed her hosts' cheerful approval.


    There was funky Senator Plif, and trainee Sniffler, young
    They said, 'Here comes the big Vong' - HUH! - let's get it on'
    We took a bow and made a stand, started swaying with the hand
    The sudden motion made me slip, now we're into a brand new trip
    Everybody was bun-fu fighting

    hoojibs as fast as lightning
    In fact it was a little bit frightening
    but they fought with expert timing


    -----------------------------------------------------------------
    Legacy of Torment, Yuuzhan Vong fleet: T-minus 3 days to duel:
    -----------------------------------------------------------------


    "They send - animals?"


    Deign Lian ducked as Shedao Shai - his hated superior - slapped the back of his head - again - and snarled, "These hoojibs are far deadlier than you comprehend, fool."


    "This unworthy one begs your mercy, Great One," Lian whined, bowing - how he HATED this!


    I am a servant of the Warmaster, yet I must bow and scrape to this zhaelor-obsessed coward. I swear, were I not honor-bound to serve ... Lian thought, disgusted as he watched Shai pace before the living-light image of a hoojib generated by one of the newer villips.


    "These hoojibs fought a larger, better-armed species, the 'Tofs,' alongside the accursed Jeedai and their reluctant Nagai allies. The hoojib leader, Plif, was a friend of Elegos, and is said to have the ear of this Jeedai leader, Skywalker. They practice a kind of martial art that we would do well to pay attention to - and they possess telepathy, and can drain energy sources," Shai observed.


    Lian dared to look up at that - telepathy?


    Shai spared him an approving (condescending, Lian thought - look. "You understand the threat they pose. The yammosks are having a difficult time sensing these hoojibs - they shield, much like that purple-haired Jeedai she-demon Brah'daak who slew so many of our warriors at Dantooine just with her mind," the commander warned.


    "These hoojibs could ... threaten our yammosks?" Lian asked, trying to keep his contempt out of his voice; the very idea seemed blasphemous, that something that should have been a prey species - a snack for amphistaffs - could threaten war coordinators!


    But then, these Jeedai have surprised us ... Lian admitted reluctantly.


    "If we are not careful," Shai agreed, turning back to the hoojib image.


    "Thus, why I have accepted Plif's challenge to single combat. If I win, I regain my grandfather Mongei's bones; if not, I will have at least fought honorably."


    And stupidly, Lian thought, his contingency plan ready - if need be, even a sacred, life-rich world like Ithor could be rendered sterile.


    But not before Shedao Shai dies horribly and dishonorably.


    Lian was too warmed by the thought to pay attention to the eyes blinking at him and his superior from a ventilation shaft ...


    as the hoojib who'd snuck aboard from a rushed evacuation of Ithor psi-commed back to her superiors, ~Latest update, ready ...~


    -----------------------------------------------------------------
    Duel date: Ithor:
    -----------------------------------------------------------------


    The Ithorians had managed to evacuate as many of their people as they could - which, given Ithor's sacred nature in their belief system, had been quite a few.


    Luke could respect that, and drank in the Force-backdrop of the jungle world; it was a lot like his memories of Arbra, although the far-distant forest world was more deciduous than the jungles of Ithor.


    "Deciduous." I'm getting scientific in my old age, he thought, focusing - Shedao Shai and a Yuuzhan Vong who must've been his aide had arrived, and Plif was standing on his hind legs, sniffing the air.


    Shai removed the scarlet robe he was wearing, revealing a golden loincloth and boots, along with the mask he wore, and pointed his amphistaff at Plif - the weapon hissed, and Luke couldn't help but worry.


    "I am Shedao Domain Shai - this is my aide, Deign Domain Lian. He is my witness," Shai growled in pretty good Basic.


    ~I am Plif, son of Plardel, and this is my friend, Master Luke Skywalker of the Jedi Order. He is my witness. And behind me in the case are the bones of your ancestor, Mongei Domain Shai,~ Plif sent, and Shai nodded.


    "You, at least, are honorable, Plif Domain Plardel. Elegos spoke highly of you - and I am glad of the chance to face a warrior. Now - we begin!" Shai barked -


    and he rocked on his heels as Plif sprang.


    Luke knew hoojib fighting techniques were formidable, but this was way beyond what he'd seen them do against the Tofs.


    Plif was using the kinetic energy of his impacts against Shai to speed up his bounces and punches/leaps; the Vong warrior was barely able to deflect the strikes.


    But it wasn't one-sided. That amphistaff was snapping and hissing, an ophidian sensing a lagomorphic prey creature (sentient or not), and even if the weapon was from another galaxy, it was a relationship Luke had learned about during free time spent studying.


    And then, finally, Vong and hoojib let their guard slip -



    the amphistaff managed to graze Plif's side, and the hoojib twisted in mid-air -
    as Shai failed to keep his arm up -


    and KRAK!


    - it was over.



    Plif landed, bruised and panting, at Luke's feet.


    Shai keeled over, his neck at an odd angle, and he was dead.


    ~That ... was a little much,~ Plif admitted - Luke checked his friend's vitals, and saw the deep puncture wounds; he had to get Plif to a bacta tank and some anti-venin FAST.


    He looked at Lian and asked, "What about his body? And Mongei's bones?"


    Lian sneered - no love lost there, Luke figured, picking up Plif.


    "Shai is no longer Yuuzhan Vong. I care nothing for a failure," the aide spat, stomping off.


    ~Well ... we won,~ Plif thought, as Luke raced back to his XJ-7.


    ~Let's hope you're right,~ Luke worried.


    -----------------------------------------------------------------


    Lian was glad to be getting back to the Legacy of Torment, but he could sense something was wrong the instant his coralskipper hatch opened.


    "Report," he barked at a subaltern - the glowspheres were flickering, and the entire ship had a strange telepathic feel to it that resonated in Lian's implants.


    "Something is causing an energy drain, and the war coordinator is ... confused, superior," the subaltern explained.


    Lian's eyes widened, and he ran for a villip -


    and then the Legacy of Torment ... writhed, for lack of a better term.


    And small, furry attackers started pouring from hatches and vents, before Deign Lian could bark orders.


    Something small and fuzzy broke his kneecap, and that was the last thing he knew.


    -----------------------------------------------------------------


    ~FASTER!~ Fluffle - Plif's second in command - barked, as the commando teams swarmed Vong duty stations, overwhelming warriors and shapers and other Vong.


    The strongest telepaths among the attack force were gathered with Betsy Braddock, who'd been allowed to join the infiltration squad ...


    and they stood before a succession pool, as a still-shocked yammosk writhed beneath their mental exertions.


    ~We can't hold it much longer,~ Flopsae, one of the sergeants, warned Betsy, as she manifested her legendary psychic knife.


    She elongated the weapon into a telepathic katana and smiled, replying, ~This won't take long.~


    And Psylocke plunged the weapon home -


    and all hell broke loose outside.
    -----------------------------------------------------------------


    "Those skip patrols are losing cohesion! FIRE AT WILL, COMMANDER!" Admiral Traest Kre'fey cheered, as the New Republic flotilla launched all fighters.


    The Vong were flying erratically - and Kre'fey smiled over at his still-shocked cousin, Borsk Fey'lya, who was watching the surprise attack be turned utterly upside down.



    "Hoojibs ..." the New Republic Chief of State whispered.


    "Yes, hoojibs. And I hope, for your sake, cousin, that you'll heed Senator Plif's advice, and increase funding and minimize your interference in the war effort. These Yuuzhan Vong are still a serious threat," Kre'fey warned.


    For the moment, though, he turned back to where Rogue Squadron and Jag Fel's Chiss pilots were leading the decimation of the Vong flotilla ...


    while the Legacy of Torment started to heave to, floundering under New Republic and Remnant turbolasers as its dovin basals and plasma spitters were deprived of power by hungry energy-draining commandoes.


    Hoojibs, indeed.


    And Kre'fey toasted his furry friends with his cup of caf, while a Lambda-class shuttle blasted out of one of the Vong cruiser's holds.


    -----------------------------------------------------------------
    Ralroost, T-plus two days after duel:
    -----------------------------------------------------------------


    Plif coughed - he was grateful to Luke for being able to induce a healing trance in non-Force-sensitives, but the smell of bacta was going to linger in his fur for weeks.


    I'll take it, the hoojib Senator thought, relieved to see Relal Tawron standing there with Flopear on his shoulder, Betsy beaming at him from behind a 2-1B as Luke, Leia, Han, the Solo children, Padme', and Chewbacca waved from the observation room.


    "Senator, we are eternally grateful for you and your people. The hoojibs have - with the help of Knight Braddock - saved Mother Jungle!" Tawron, the Ithorian high priest cheered.


    Plif blinked and asked, ~We -?~


    Betsy opened the interior access to a viewport and replied, grinning, "See for yourself."


    Plif thanked her as she picked him up, and let him see the deep black over the green disk below.


    And the sun rose over the rim of Ithor.


    Intact, still-living Ithor.



    -----------------------------------------------------------------
    NEVER the end ... [​IMG]
     
  2. DaenaBenjen42

    DaenaBenjen42 Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    May 15, 2005
    **HUGS**!!!! (Er... [:D] !!!!!) You're very welcome. :)

    And as I know what this story leads into... yay for Betsy going on an extra-dimensional ride to the GFFA!!!!!!! (Also YAY!!! Ithor's intact!)