Excerpts From the Diary of Shmi Skywalker--Don't Look Back

Author: Shmi Skywalker
Editor/Poster: princess-sari

Disclaimer: The Star Wars universe and everything in it belongs to George Lucas and Lucasfilm, Ltd. No money is being made from this story and no infringement is intended.

Editor?s Note: Well, I started this fic a little bit ago but didn?t post it. I?ve got the itch to post a new story, though, and this is the only one really ready to share, so...here it is.
Shmi is another one of my favorite characters, and I wanted to do a Diary for her dealing with her feelings during TPM.
I?d like to mention that there is a story by Moonscribe called ?I Will Be Brave?that was posted here and which gives a great view of Shmi?s feelings on the night before the big race. I purposely let some time pass after reading it before I tried to write this because I didn?t want to steal any ideas from her. If there are any similarities, I apologize; they are unintended.
This will be relatively short, only four posts unless I get inspired to write more. Oh, and the title will be up as soon as I decide which of two endings I want to use...

Anyhoo, Shmi?s Diary was logged into a highly encrypted datapad, probably to protect it from Watto?s prying eyes. A careful examination would only reveal some recipes and housekeeping notes which would bore anyone to tears very quickly. The good stuff was hidden in a series of secret files.
Enjoy!!

Don't Look Back--Excerpts From the Diary of Shmi Skywalker


*****
Anakin gave me quite a scare today. He lost control of his podracer and crashed and...

He came so close to dying that I almost cannot bear it. And he is so cheerful about it. He is proud because he managed to save most of the pod. All I can think of is that he is whole and in one piece. I could care less about the pod, particularly since it belongs to Watto.

I am still trembling from this afternoon. I was shaking so hard while I cooked Ani a celebration dinner (although he was the only one celebrating) that I managed to spill a whole jar of choru spice and there will not be money to replace it for quite some time. Watto would have my head if he knew that I had wasted such an expensive spice like that. I do not know why he thinks such things are his business when I buy them with my own money.

He does, though. And there is not one thing I can say. Sometimes the helplessness of knowing that someone owns me, but more especially Ani, makes me feel blind with rage. Ani is so special and he deserves so much better.

Just last week, a wealthy family whose ship had broken down came through Mos Espa. Their son was about Ani?s age, but he was so greedy and arrogant and rude. And yet he has everything while my sweet, generous, kind Ani has so little.

He does not seem to dwell on what he is lacking either. And I try not to think about it myself. I try very hard not to let on to him how desperate I feel about our situation sometimes, but to still help him cultivate a desire for more. He could do so much if he was just given the chance.

I cannot help but wonder what purpose his extraordinary birth was if he is to spend his life here on Tatooine as a slave.
*****

 

Yay! You started another one! Yes! Oh this has so made my day.

Oh my, this is going to be interesting. We never did get much from Shmi except a few brief times in the novelization. I can't wait to see what you have in store for us!

 

Oh, this is wonderful! You really don't find a whole lot of stories from Shmi's point of view out there (I wrote one a while back, but it was post-TPM and actually kind of boring...) This looks great! You've really captured the anxiousness and love she has for her son.

 

All right, sari's writing again!

I can definitely relate to Shmi's fears of Ani's pod racing, althought my fears center around skateboarding with no helmet.

Great start, sari!

 

Yay!!!

Im so happy to see you decided to post this, Sari. I have never seen a fic through the eyes of Shmi and I am very anxious to see what you have thought of!

 

Looks nice.

 

This fic looks cool. Great start!

 

Wow! I would never have thought you to be the Shmi-type (dunno what I mean, don't ask). But truly, it's very characteristic of her personality from the movie. I think I like it. (I'm a bit more apprehensive about Shmi because I was obsessed with the HMs but I've never cared about Shmi. Make me.) I think this could turn out rather well (of course it will, I'm just giving you a hard time). Let's see where it goes.

 

again, YEAH!!

 

It is great to see a story from Shmi's point of view rather than the other main characters.

 

Good start, I am curious to see more.

 

Great to see a new fic sari. I'm really looking forward to reading more. You've captured Shmi really well, the emotion really comes through.

More, as always.

 

Wahoo! Alright, another sari journal story! You have shmi down flat, i could practically hear pernilla august speaking the lines, it just sounds like something they would say in the movie. great job! looking forward to more!- excal

 

Rokangus--Thanks! I sure hope it lives up to your expectations. (No pressure, right? ) It was a challenge to write and it wasn't as much fun as the hms Diaries because Shmi's pov, to me, is one of the saddest in the story.

Cinde--Yup, I think Shmi deserves more stories than she gets. I bet your story wasn't boring--if you post the link I'll go check it out.

J-J--Well, I'm glad that came across to someone who's actually a mom since I'm just trying to imagine how she'd feel and elaborate on the stuff she said in TPM.

QueenSabe--Well, I'm happy you're happy.

swf1000--Thanks!

Bug-squat--Thank you!

Melne--LOL. I'm not sure what you mean either, but that made me laugh. Is that a challenge? (Uh, oh...pressure...) I think I know what you mean about not connecting with her right away. As usual I've added a little of my own (strange) interpretation to try to make her more real. Let me know if it works...

Miana--Thanks!

Broken-Sabre--Yep, I like to work with the less prominent characters like the handmaidens and now Shmi.

CoP--Thanks!

Jairen--Thanks! I'm glad you think I captured her. As I said before, this was something of a challenge to write.

excal--Thank you! I worked hard at making the Diary sound like Pernilla August and I'm glad it seems to have worked.



And now for the second postie:

*****
I had a very strange feeling today and so did Ani. He told me when I tucked him in that he felt like his skin was on fire. I said I would go for the salve I usually put on his sunburns and he said, ?No, not like that. Just like...like something is going to happen.?

I felt the same way today. Perhaps it is because Watto caught me with my money pouch and of course there was more money there than I could have unless I had been saving for months. He cannot prove that I have been selling small items on the side, but he suspects. He threatened once again to sell Ani to Jabba?without me, of course.

He thinks he has given me great latitude in allowing me to clean memory devices for what little money that brings in and I know if he finds out about the other items I have been buying and selling and the profit this is bringing in, he would either make me stop, demand part of the profits, or follow through on his threat to sell Anakin. Which is why he must not find out.

When he made the threat today, I had to fight down a desire to throttle him with my bare hands once again. I am reaching a point of no return. I am not sure how many more threats I can put up with. People always remark at how patient I am, and I cannot tell them that inside I am raging. It is something I have fought all my life, especially since I first became a slave. I suffered so many beatings in those first months because of my temper and my mouth that it is a wonder I survived them all.

I did not really mellow until I had Ani and suddenly my temper could get him in trouble, too. Now I still rage, but I hold it inside. In some ways, I think that is worse even if it does mean fewer beatings.

In any case, I know that I am reaching my breaking point after years of forcing myself to stay in control. I fear for Ani, though. If I were to lose control, what would happen to him? I fear he would be fortunate to be sold to Jabba in that instance.

If only something would finally happen for our good, for Ani?s good.
*****

 

Wow! That was great. I'd never thought of Shmi's feelings in that way before. You've shown her anger at the injustice of being a slave and her fierce determination to protect Ani. You can see where Ani's own well of anger will come from when he grows up to become Vader. Great work princess-sari. Looking forward to more.

 

Wow, sari!

Shmi always comes across as so serene. Not exactly accepting of her situation, but refusing to concede anything to it. That makes her anger seem even more powerful - the control she has over it (shades of her son later, maybe?). Or maybe just frightening.

 

Yay! Another sari story!

*bounces around the room for awhile*

I love Shmi's character and this is one of the best portrayals I've ever seen. Excellently done, as always.

More?

 

Now there's an image!

Shmi throttling Watto.

I like how you make the tie with Anakin's anger to his mother. Though I'll say this, Shmi has great self control. Someone said it earlier, Shmi always looked so serene, but it's not difficult to imagine that she was holding it all in.

 

Ooo....interesting take on Shmi's character. So having Anakin mellowed her...I think becoming a parent does that. Maybe Anakin was more of a blessing to her than it might seem. Cool! Oh, and here's the link to my story, Desert Rat.

 

This fic is awesome!! I hope you'll write more soon!! (not to put the pressure on or anything!! )

 

Good post.

 

Very Good. It is nice to hear a story from Shmi's POV. Great discription also. Um...stupid question time . How long does these diary writings take place before Qui-Gon comes a'rollin' in? Just wanted to know!
Like I said, great so far, and keep on writing well!

 

Yeah! Sari's at it again!!!

 

Wow, great posts Sari! You have characterized Shmi well, and written her thoughts beautifully. You must post more soon!

 

YYEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!! Another Sari diary!!! And from Shmi's point of view!!! Wow!! This is going to be awesome! Shmi, in my opinion, is one of the most interesting characters in the movie; I've always wondered what was going on inside her head. I've always wanted to write a few fanfics about her; and as a matter of fact, my first fanfic was about her. I am so glad that you're writing her diary. I can't wait for the next post!!!