Before Eye Shoppers - - Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan mission - - one-post

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by ardavenport, Mar 1, 2009.

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  1. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    Title: Eye Shoppers
    Author: ardavenport
    Timeframe: pre-Episode I, pre-TPM
    Genre: drama
    Characters: Qui-Gon Jinn, Obi-Wan Kenobi, OCs
    Keywords Qui-Gon Jinn, Obi-Wan Kenobi, women, age
    Summary: Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan escape from a world with the help of some of its elders.
    Notes: Typo is my middle name, with missing words and errors that spell checkers don?t catch being my speciality ? if you see any, just post a reply or send a PM with the what and where and I will kill them with no mercy.
    Disclaimer: All characters belong to George and Lucasfilm; I?m just playing in their sandbox



    The transport slowed.

    Qui-Gon Jinn jumped.

    For a few seconds, he flew. Arms spread wide, clothes flapping, Obi-Wan's hands firmly grasping his shoulders, his knees clamped to his Master's sides. From below, gravity pulled on him to a drop of hundreds of levels into a gray duracrete oblivion. But the wind and the Force carried him aloft.

    "Uunnghh!" Qui-Gon grunted as his body impacted with the side of the building, his fingers clamping onto a ledge. Strength beyond bone and flesh flowed through his hands and legs, absorbing the impact, reinforcing his grip. The tips of his boots pressed hard into crevices between the durastone blocks of the massive wall.

    Clinging to his back, Obi-Wan slipped.

    One of Qui-Gon's arms flew back to his smaller, fifteen year-old apprentice. They hung together from Qui-Gon's arm, his feet digging in deeper to their purchase.

    Obi-Wan swung himself forward, his hand reaching out, grabbing the ledge. Qui-Gon held onto the ledge with both hands again while the boy clambered over him, booted feet pressing into sides, back, shoulders, up to safety. Then he turned around, crouched low reaching to help.

    The Force flowed through them both as Qui-Gon scrambled up and they quickly moved, backs to the wall, to the nearest opening. They left the sunlit open space and the pointed towers of the city below and jumped down into a shadowed corridor. They moved cautiously in the narrow, confined space of still air, solid gray walls and floors illuminated only by squares of sunlight from above.

    They stopped at the sound of a siren. An official vehicle, zooming by outside and then receding in the distance, very likely pursing the transport they had just jumped from. It would take them time to find their trail, but Qui-Gon knew that they would search every tower in the city, if necessary, to find and imprison them.

    They could not stay on the planet for long.

    Qui-Gon glanced down at Obi-Wan, who stood at attention, still listening to the vanishing sound. He put his hand on Obi-Wan's face, over the bruises on his cheek and temple. Startled, Obi-Wan winced. He had not lost consciousness from the blow and his eyes were clear, but he was still too inexperienced to prevent the injury from being a distraction to his focus.

    "It will take the some time for them to find us," Qui-Gon said.

    "But how will we find the Ambassadors? We don't even know where they're being held."

    "The Force will guide us, my young Padawan," the Jedi Knight instructed. Obi-Wan Kenobi looked unsatisfied with this plan, but Qui-Gon only smiled. "If we are mindful of the opportunities it presents us. Just as we were when the Minister tried to capture us," he added.

    Obi-Wan silently nodded and Qui-Gon patted his shoulder. They moved on.

    Qui-Gon took the first turn leading inward, away from the outside. This corridor led them to another right-angle turn. Then another. And another. But no matter how far they went into the labyrinth of high gray walls some natural light always softened the shadows. But it changed subtly, from harsh grays and clear sky to reflected color. They both heard water trickling.

    A final turn led to an open archway. A lush green garden filled the space beyond it with tall stick-like trees with thin yellow green leaves, bushes of huge heavy leaves, flowering plants. Pink and red bunches of fruit weighed down branches within easy reach. The sky was open ov
  2. Valairy Scot Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 5
    You've done it again - crafted a unique and intriguing setting then plopped our two favorite Jedi down in the middle.


    "Oh! You poor thing! What has he been doing to you?" she demanded, her admiration swiftly shifting to ire. Obi-Wan leaned back away from the hand that she extended to his bruised face.

    "What?" he said, looking from her to his Master.

    "His injury was an accident," Qui-Gon said, not wanting to explain the scuffle initiated by the planetary security when they tried to take the Jedi representatives prisoner. The scowl on her jowly face deepened in obvious disbelief.

    "It was," Obi-Wan defended. "He helped me!"

    "Oh, younglings always say that," she scoffed. Obi-Wan scowled back at the word 'younglings'.

    "He is young, and too inexperienced to know how fast one should go on a speeder bike," Qui-Gon placated, his own focus and the Force blurring her initial assumption.

    "You should be more careful," she scolded, holding up a warning finger to Obi-Wan, who frowned disapproval of being patronized but said nothing.


    [face_laugh]
  3. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    Beautiful work! =D= As always. Loved these characters, so interesting and different.

    =D=
  4. Kynstar Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 2, 2004
    star 5
    LOL! Qui being groped by lil ole ladies [face_laugh] Oh my! Though I feel for the one who won't live past the day :(

    Great work! Great laugh to keep me going for the day :D Thanks! Good to see the two escape, hopefully they'll be able to come back to help the hostages! :D
  5. earlybird-obi-wan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 21, 2006
    star 6
    another lovely story I enjoyed thoroughly after a busy day at work beginning very early.
  6. p_stotts Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 21, 2001
    star 4
    What a wonderfully unique story. You captured the despair of the abandoned elderly perfectly. Jedi can do many things, but they can't stop people from aging and passing into the Force. I loved your descriptions of the old, lecherous ladies. They can get away stuff that would be socially unacceptable from someone younger. Great job!
  7. Seremela Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 12, 2008
    star 3
    Oi, so sad this, Anne. The emptiness of that place where they had put the old women.... But you wrote it with your usual wonderful humor, heh, and at least they had something nice to ... eh ... grope for [face_devil]

    Qui-Gon melted me with how he reacted to them and it was nice to see Obi-Wan growing into accepting them. And the start of the story was stunning, great action!

    Qui-Gon Jinn jumped.

    For a few seconds, he flew. Arms spread wide, clothes flapping, Obi-Wan's hands firmly grasping his shoulders, his knees clamped to his Master's sides.


    =D= =D= =D= for all of it


  8. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    Valairy_Scot: Thanks! I like having a full background for stories......but it's not nearly as interesting as it is once I put Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan in it. :)

    VaderLVR64: Thank-you! The 'Golden Girls' characters made it more fun to write.

    Kynstar: I think the Jedi or the Republic will get the hostages back, especially armed with the right blackmail material. Thanks for reading!

    earlybird-obi-wan: Thanks! :)

    p_stotts: Thank-you! The Jedi can't rescue the old ladies in distress from their age, but it's also harder for Qui-Gon to fend off a little old lady who wants a quick pinch.

    Seremela: Obi-Wan may be a bit formal, but he had to learn how to make friends and loosen up to be a good negotiator. I like to think that he learned a lot of that from Qui-Gon. And action is a good way to start a story to get it moving. Thank for the reply!

  9. ratna Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2007
    star 4
    Interesting how your stories say so much about what we keep and what we let go ....
  10. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    ....still catching up ...... ratna: Aaaaaaaah, but so much about Jedi is about what we keep and what we let go. Thanks for reading!

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