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  1. In Memory of LAJ_FETT: Please share your remembrances and condolences HERE

Saga Fall of the Empire - OT Humor - sort of AU

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Boomergirl, May 21, 2005.

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  1. Boomergirl

    Boomergirl Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    May 18, 2005

    Notes: A film maker documents the events of the Galactic Civil War and the heroes of the OT attend the screening only to find that the movie version isn't quite accurate...



    Fall of the Empire

    Prologue

    ?Ladies and Gentles, I?m reporting from Coruscant outside the Calrissian Theater where tonight the galactic premiere of Fall of the Empire, a trilogy of movies directed by the mysterious, yet highly talented director and producer Super K will be shown. Expected on the red carpet tonight are the true stars behind the movies: Jedi Knight Luke Skywalker, Galactic Senate Councilor Princess Leia Organa-Solo, her husband retired General Han Solo, Chewbacca the Wookiee and galactic entrepreneur Baron Lando Calrission. Also joining us are a number of members of the legendary Rogue Squadron. The limospeeders are expected along any moment??




    ?Han! How is it possible that you left the apartment looking neat and well-groomed and now you?ve gotten all scruffy again?? Leia Organa Solo scolded her husband as she smoothed down his hair. The enclosed limospeeder that took them to the Calrissian Theater was slowing to a halt and they could see the paparazzi lining the streets outside. Leia groaned. ?Tell me again why we?re here??

    ?Because your boss?Mon Mothma?thought this whole nightmare would be great publicity for the New Republic?? Han Solo answered rolling his eyes. ?Now, who did you say they got to play me??

    Leia shook her head. ?Some unknown guy. Harrison Something-or-other? I don?t remember. I think he comes from someplace called Illinois.?

    ?Is that on Dantooine?? Han asked.

    ?Beats me,? Leia said. The limospeeder driver opened the door and Leia emerged. She was dressed in a lovely gown of maroon velvet trimmed in gold, and her long brown hair was piled up high on her head in an intricate chignon. Automatically, she smiled and waved toward the holoreporters and the cameras.

    Han followed, dressed in the uncomfortable navy blue suit that his wife had forced on him earlier that evening. The lines of the suit had been impeccable and crisp when he got into the limospeeder half an hour ago, but somehow managed to get a little rumpled during the journey as always. Stupid clothes. Han scowled a little, wishing he could be back in his normal garb. The glaring of the flashbulbs on the holocameras got on his nerves but he had promised Leia he would be nice, and so he managed a sardonic smile for the cameras.

    Both of them continued the smile and wave until they got past the reporters and the cameras and into the theater.

    The Calrissian Theater, like everything that Lando Calrissian owned was ornate and a touch overdone, with red, shimmersilk curtains, gold chandeliers dripping with sparkling corusca gems and red, velvet carpets. The ceiling of the main lobby soared twenty meters overhead giving the lobby an almost cavernous appearance.

    As soon as Han and Leia entered, their friends greeted them.

    ?Han! Leia!? Luke called out as he approached them. Like Han he was dressed in formal garb, although his were dark brown Jedi robes. He carried his lightsaber at his belt. The trio hugged before they were interrupted by a roar from Chewbacca.

    ?Chewie!? Han greeted. ?Great to?oowk! Okay! That?s enough, you big furball!? Han hugged Chewbacca back and the greetings went all around the group.

    ?Ah! Looks like you?re all here!? Kay Velea, a pretty violet skinned Twi?lek approached them. She was the director?s assistant and she had handled much of the organizational details for the night?s premiere. Tonight, she was wearing a stunning silver lame dress that left almost nothing to the imagination, and Leia had to resist the urge to smack her gaping husband as Kay approached. ?Wonderful! Now that you?re here, we can get started.?

    ?Everyone else is here?? Leia asked.

    ?Yes. President Mothma, General Rieekan, Admiral Ackbar, Baron Calrissian, and the Rogues are all here, so please, come this way,? Kay said.

    As they followed Kay toward the main theater room, Han turned to Luke and m
     
  2. Boomergirl

    Boomergirl Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    May 18, 2005
    Part One


    The lights went out completely and the shimmersilk curtains moved aside revealing the holoprojection platform, and the movie began.

    Some cryptic opening credits passed by, music came on, and then an enormous Star Destroyer roared overhead firing lasers at a fleeing Tantive IV. The scene cut to the interior of the Tantive where alarms were blaring.

    ?Did you hear that? Sounds like they?re closing down the main reactor. We?ll be deactivated for sure! This is madness!?


    ?Hey! They used the wrong model protocol droid!? Threepio protested. ?That?s a Cybot Galactica Twenty-two hundred series, not a??

    ?Shhhh!? several people hissed.

    The action continued and then the Dark Lord of the Sith, Darth Vader entered the ship. The audience became absolutely silent when they saw him, and Han saw his wife and Luke exchange glances as Vader strangled Captain Antilles on the screen.

    ?Commander, tear this ship apart and bring me the passengers, I want them alive!?


    The actress portraying Princess Leia appeared on the screen and Han?s jaw dropped at the same time the Rogues and the Wraiths let out a whoop of laughter.

    ?Way to go with the hair, Leia!? Wes Janson crowed. ?Who was your stylist, Palpatine?s dessert chef??

    ?What?s the deal with the breakfast buns over your ears?? Han muttered. ?You never wore your hair in that crazy way!?

    Leia shrank in her chair dreading the rest of the ordeal. ?They must have used the wrong source for this part,? she said. ?Maybe you didn?t know about it but Palpatine put out a smear campaign on me around this time because he suspected Alderaan of being a Rebel base, and they had this skit on Harvestday Night Live with me in those stupid buns. I don?t know where he got the idea for it, but it stuck until after Alderaan was destroyed.?

    ?I don?t know how that actress can keep a straight face with her hair in those buns,? Luke remarked no longer trying to hide his grin. He got a sibling kick from Leia that silenced him, although he didn?t stop chuckling.

    The story progressed further and now the droids were on Tatooine.

    ?Luke, I want you to get those droids repaired and on the south ridge by midday.?

    ?But I was going to go into Toschii station to pick up some power converters!?

    ?You can waste time with your friends when your chores are done.?


    ?Hey!? Luke protested. ?I was never such a big whiner!?

    ??But I was going into Toschi station to pick up some power converters!?? the Rogues chorused laughing raucously. ?Oh?poor Lukie! Couldn?t go play with his friends!?

    Even in the dimmed light of the theater, Leia could see that Luke had turned bright red. Leia patted his hand sympathetically, and they continued to watch.

    ?Were you part of a space cruiser, or??

    ?Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi, you?re my only hope. Help me??


    ?Artoo, you never had anything near as sophisticated as that projection equipment inside your rusty innards!? Threepio protested as Artoo bounced in indignation. ?Now, look. I don?t see why you?re complaining. After all, you astromech droids all look alike, but the Cybot Galactica droid they used to portray me is simply??

    ?Shhhh!? several people hushed again.

    ?Han Solo. I?m captain of the Millennium Falcon. Chewie here tells me you?re looking for passage to the Alderaan system.?


    Leia?s jaw dropped open. ?That guy is gorgeous!? she whispered. ?What?s his name again? I want to be married to him!?

    ?Nice,? Han muttered grumpily as he crossed his arms and glared at the holo.

    ?Woohoo!? Inyri Forge and Iella Wessiri whistled. ?Hot stuff, Leia! You go, girl!?

    ?Yeah, Leia, I think you need to trade in your current model for that one!? Wes chimed in.

    ?Why would she need to trade in anything when she?s already got the goods right here?? Han exclaimed in indignation. He turned back to his wife. ?Thanks a lot!?

    Leia laughed and then gave Han a kiss. ?You?re such a ner
     
  3. TrinityDay

    TrinityDay Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Nov 6, 2000
    This is really, really fun so far. I can't wait to see what you do with the rest of the movies.
     
  4. Boomergirl

    Boomergirl Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    May 18, 2005
    Thank you, TrinityDay! I'm so glad you liked it.


    ...Any other takers?


    Up!
     
  5. Crazydan

    Crazydan Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Apr 1, 2005
    Keep the good work up. It's kind of "ironic" funny, the Star Wars characters talking about these Star Wars movies.
     
  6. MeganPhntmGrl

    MeganPhntmGrl Jedi Master star 1

    Registered:
    Apr 22, 2005
    This is great. Keep going. What did they think of Vader??
     
  7. Boomergirl

    Boomergirl Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    May 18, 2005


    CrazyDan: Thank you!

    MeganPhtmgrl: Thanks for reading. As for Vader...well, there's no humor when they see Vader... :(, most of them just remember him as a horrible monster.
     
  8. Crazydan

    Crazydan Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Apr 1, 2005
    You're welcome.

    So when the part two will be up?
     
  9. Boomergirl

    Boomergirl Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    May 18, 2005


    ...working on it... Hopefully soon :)
     
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