Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Souderwan, Jun 3, 2005.
Awesome conclusion Souderwan. I'm looking forward to your future stories.
Congratulations Souderwan! This has been an epic work, and your emerging talent has swept many of us along with you in this journey. It's been a pleasure to see your technical abilities grow throughout this story, and I have to confess that my (judicious) beta-ing has had very little to do with that.
I've found a great deal of pleasure in your writing. Thank You.
I particularly liked the image of Mace revelling in warm shower of blood. Vivid, visceral imagery that left me disturbed and thrilled.
I thought that ending the post with the waiting darkness was a nice counterpoint to the light of the last chapter, and re-inforced your themes of balance; yin and yang.
great conclusion, anakin finaly found his place, will there be a sequel?
Fantastic job Sounderwan!!!
I am so happy Fall of the Sith is finally finished , but I'm upset that I won't have something on this forum that will continue to make me look forward to each addition as much as this has. The ending was great with Anakin and Padme, and Mace, still strong in the dark side. I look forward to a sequel and your new story. I hope that they will draw me in as well as this story did. Once again, outstanding job. I can't wait for the awards because I know you're going to do great and good luck in your future fan fics.
That was awesome. Mace still has some darkness in him it seems, and palpatine is waiting for a chance to return
OK, that was truly scary!!!!!, now I'm truly sure I'm not happy with Mace!!!, but it was a great ending anyway , are you going to create a sequel??, that would be nice, or are you going to write another amazing story of redemption with another setting??, that would be cool!!, let us know please, 'cause I really like the way you write!!!!, be well and take care
That story was just marvelous! You said you have deleted scenes right? Let's see 'em!
Great Job...imitation is the greatest form of flattery and stover should be flattered
but you gave it a life of your own and feel only you could bring and i must say you did the best job i have ever seen.
thank you for this story, thank you for letting us read and live in your AU, as Lucas lets us live in his.
AS for the attacks in london my heart goes to those who are hurting as my heart is now even more broken...i am a one genration removed Scot, living in the usa, and my heart breaks with with hate in the world, but is mended with those like yourself. From a Navy brat to a Navy man i salute you.
*plays John William's End Credit's theme.*
Awesome, awesome ending! Anakin and Padme embracing eachother, the beautiful sunset. Just pure magic.
The epilogue was also very chilling. The way you symbolized Anakin and Obi-wan...and Mace chopping off their heads! I wonder if Mace truly was turned? Only time can tell!
Brilliant story Souderwan! I look forward to more stories by you!
I love to read and I've read countless books and fanfiction stories. I am not an eloquent speaker, so I am just going to come right out and say it.
This is one of the best stories, book or fanfiction, that I have ever read. I'm serious. It's got to be Top Five.
You took an already great book in the Stover ROTS Novel, and made it even better. The characters were deep and interesting, all of them. Anakin and Mace were my favorites, but you wrote them all brilliantly. The action, the emotion, and the overall feel of the story were perfect.
This fic is deserving of every award it was nominated for. I know it sounds like I'm gushing, but you deserve it. You've gained quite a following, and whatever you decide to write next, be it a sequel or something different, we'll be reading.
*gives a standing ovation*
I second everything Darth_Vastor posted above. You should feel very proud of yourself for writing such an entertaining, thought provoking, and imaginative story that has evoked so many fans. It reminds me of how George Lucas started captavating the world. Anyway, congratulations on your beautiful story and future kudos on your imminent awards!
What a chilling epilogue. But I thought that wampa battle was sweet!
What more can I say, other than you've done a masterful job! This was an exciting, terrifying, loving thrill-ride with unexpected twists and turns that keeps the readers at the edge of their seats! This should be a movie!
I bow to you, Souderwan!
P.S. Are there plans for a sequal by any chance?
I just discovered this story today.
You deserve a standing ovation!!!
I can't really add to all the superlatives already expressed. So I'll just say- Ditto.
You, like Mr. Jackson, are a bad mother- shut your mouth, you talkin' bout Souderwan.
I can't wait for your next piece of work. Keep it up.
The perfect ending to the perfect story. If I had any complimentary adjectives that I haven't yet used, I would use them now, but I think I've used them all up. All I can say is that I've loved every minute I read this story, every part was absolutely breathtaking, amazing, and brilliant. I can't wait to see the deleted scenes, I'm sure they'll be excellent. And when you start to post another story, I'll be sure to read and enjoy every word of it, just as I have with this one.
I was happy to have recognized that Obi-Wan's line was paraphrased from the one in your quote, and I think that it's very true. The last chapter really wrapped things up, I'm glad that Padme is the Supreme Chancellor and that Anakin is the head of the Jedi order. With them as the leaders of the galaxy, perhaps we can expect another thousand years of peace. And it was nice to see how Mace was doing in his exile, like the galaxy, perhaps there is hope for him yet.
Words cannot begin to describe just how great this story was. From the first word, to the last, every letter, word, and sentense wove together to form a tapestry that was truly entrancing. I'm proud to have been among the first to read this magnificent tale, and I'm sure that I won't be the last. I'll be looking forward to your next wonderful piece of literary art and until then...
May the Force be with You.
WOW, WOW, WOW!
This is truly a masterpiece in epic porportions. It was thrilling and interesting, creative and extremely original! It was a lovely read; the style was smooth and very enjoyable. Congratulations on the perfect conclusion and finishing this masterpiece, Souderwan!
Chilling last post. What is the darkness waiting for, I wonder (dun dun dun). I would definatly love it if you decided to start a sequel. Your Yoda fic sounds intriguing, too. Excellent ending (applauds). Hope you decide to start the new story soon. I really enjoy your writing.
Wow! Thank's to all of you for your stirring kind words. I'm so happy that so many of you enjoyed my little tale. Since I have the time, I'll respond individually (which I love doing, btw).
AngelQueen: Shivers was what I was going for, so I'm pretty happy I got the desired response. Thank you so much for your support and encouragment. I'm so happy that I've been able to entertain you.
jpauln: **bows humbly** Thanks.
CherryLightsaber: It's sort of bittersweet now that it's over for me. I'm happy because the muse is no longer pounding on the inside of my skull incessantly (although I'm hearing rumblings for my next story) but I'm also sad because I really looked forward to writing this every day and really enjoyed reading your responses. **sigh**
Hyperion51: Thanks so much. I'll address my next story at the end, but I promise that if I write a sequel, it will indeed address the growth of the Order under the leadership of one who is balanced in the Force--there are some downsides inherent in this, too.
Arcalian: I love the way you summed up that post! Exactly what I was going for.
mithrissa: Thank you, my dedicated, though far-too-underused Beta. Your inputs were invaluable in helping to better shape this story and remove annoying distractions. I wish I had you for the entire journey. Hopefully, you'll still want to do this for my next piece. I love the way you analyze my work! It's amazing to me how well you read into my work.
sethsky: Thanks. I'll address sequel stuff at the end of this post.
Darth-Lutgerous: Thank you so much. I am flattered beyond belief that you've enjoyed my story as much as you have. I, too, hope that I can draw as many readers to my next story as I seemed to have done with this one.
Talon_Kenobi: Thank you! And yes...Mace is still struggling with the darkness.
Erin_21: Scary! I'm happy. I'm sorry you don't like Mace anymore. He's trying. I'm happy you like the wasy I write. I'll make sure to try and keep you happy with my next story!
LordTarr: Glad you liked it. The deleted scenes will follow this post.
yoda4982: I'm beyond flattered...thank you very much. It was absolutley my pleasure to let you all into my head. And I'm stunned that you would compare me to Stover favorably and even more amazed that you put my name in the same sentence with GL! Thanks again.
DarthAJ: I'm so happy you saw that symbolism!! I love that you got it! Thanks.
Darth_Vastor: Thanks so much! You have no idea how humbled I am by your comments! Top 5?? Really? Thanks!
OperaGhost21: Thank you so much! Coming from you, I am throughly honored. **slightly speechless**
AP4EVER: I'm eternally grateful for your comments. I'm glad you liked the wampa fight! I enjoyed writing it. If you know somebody who has a movie deal out there, I'm interested. (j/k)
Errine23: **blanches** Thank you.
Darth_Scroobius: LOL!! Thanks, dude!
LordZeron: Wow! Thanks. I know I've said this before, but...I'm humbled. Thank you so much for your longstanding support of this story. I'm honored that you've been with this work for so long. I am truly honored.
BTW, thanks for noticing the inclusion of my signature quote in the story. I wondered if anybody would have made the connection.
Idrelle_Miocovani: Thank you. I am happy that I have you enjoyed my journey into fanfic. I hope I can continue to entertain and surprise you.
DarthNaughtious: The darkness waits for the stars to burn out. Thank you very much for your interest and your kind words.
All: I want to thank all of you (lurkers included) who have participated in this little journey of mine. Almost two months ago, I d
This deleted scene would have occured right after the birth of the twins. It was intended reveal how the Jedi dealt with the death of Plo Koon (now that things had calmed down) and hint at how Anakin was going to begin to shake up the Jedi Order. I was a little put off by the scene, however. I originally liked the personification of the dark side but later found it a little too disturbing. So...I cut it. Hopefully, it can be enjoyable for you but you'll understand the choice I made.
The Coruscanti night was dark as ever. As usual, thousands of lights filled the skyline from thousands of homes and dared to compete with the majestic wonder that was the star-filled night sky. But unlike every other night on this giant metal orb, smoke billowed from one lonely building. On this night, a fire burned on the roof of the Jedi Temple. Nearly a hundred Jedi Knights, padawans and Jedi Masters gathered around a fire that burned intensely atop their home.
They were saying goodbye to a friend.
No words were spoken. No eulogy would be given. There was nothing but absolute silence as the gathered Force-users communed with the Force as if hoping that they could find the remnants of their fallen Jedi Master in the infinite currents that his soul had joined.
Anakin found his mind wandering slightly. As he looked around at the stricken faces of his Jedi family, he discovered that he was thinking about everything but the burning corpse of a man he would have liked to call a friend. Some of his thoughts were rather mundane.
It started with the crackle of the burning wood in the pyre. He wondered where his fellow Jedi had found wood on a planet with no trees. Then, when he saw a little padawan sniffle at the sight of the fire, he wondered whether or not the boy knew Master Plo Koon at all. When he saw the boy?s Master whisper in his ear and the boy nod uneasily, he wondered what non-sense the boy had been told. Most like something about not grieving for those who had joined the Force. Anakin found himself lingering on that thought for several minutes before choosing to let it go.
Now was not the time.
The Order needed evolution, he knew. He knew what Yoda learned during the heat of battle. He also knew that while the Sith were destroyed, the darkness had not been. He knew there would be other Jedi to fall to the dark?perhaps more, now that ever given the changes he wanted to make in the Order. The Jedi Order?s policies had stood for a thousand years without significant change. In all those centuries, only twenty Jedi had fallen to the darkness. In all that time, only twenty were lost. That?s not a system that begs for change. But change it must. There was only one problem.
Anakin was contemplating something a little more than simple evolution.
He was considering a cultural revolution.
Anakin closed his eyes and breathed deeply in the Force. Virtually instantaneously, the ziggurats at the top of the Jedi Temple helped focus the power of the light side of the Force into him with laser-like precision. Anakin opened himself more deeply in the Force and formed a loose connection with the Jedi standing in the circle around the funeral pyre. He felt all their eyes turn to look at him. Most were confused. They knew he was doing something but few understood his intent. Others were curious and opened themselves to the link he was forming. Still others were concerned. By others, this meant the Jedi Masters gathered on the roof. Ki-Adi-Mundi and Pablo Jill exchanged wayward glances, unsure of Anakin?s intent. Staas Allie stared wide-eyed at Anakin and fought the urge to tell him to stop.
Obi-Wan completed the connection in the Force immediately and spoke to Anakin with cautious resolve.
Anakin, Obi-Wan whispered through the Force. A few of the younger Jedi had joined in the Force-link and could hear Obi-Wan?s voice. Now is not the time or the place for this.
Actually, Obi-Wan, Anakin answered immediately,
This scene would have taken place right after the scene with Anakin, Obi-Wan and the twins (the end of that scene was to segwey into this scene). While I enjoyed the scene, I came to realize that it was throughly unecessary. It didn't advance the plot and I tell the major point of the scene (Padme's ascention to Supreme Chancellor) later on, with far fewer words. Also, I thought that if I kept the scene, Padme would have had one too many speeches. But..here it is....
Senator Amidala stared out somewhat nervously at the senators gathered in the newly repaired Grand Convocation Chamber. The required reconstruction had been used as an opportunity to reorganize the layout of the Senate. The majority of the changes were subtle and largely symbolic.
The most significant change was the addition of the gallery. Now, in addition to the thousands of senate pods that were now in a circular vice helical design, there was a large walkway above the very top ring of pods from which Republic citizens could gather and watch the Senate proceedings. It was designed to be able to hold close to ten thousand spectators.
It was jammed to capacity.
HoloNet news cameras were to be found everywhere. To accommodate all the various outlets, floating holorecorder droids were used and they flitted about the Arena from pod to pod, getting Senator reactions and the occasional interview for the home-planet of interest.
Over the past three weeks, the entire Republic had been focused on the election of a new Supreme Chancellor. The former queen did not campaign. The Senator from Naboo had kept herself out of the political fray. When she had learned that her name had been submitted as a candidate by petition, she resisted the strong urge to object. She always did her duty and this would be no different, if it came to it.
Now, as she gazed out at the sea of people who looked at her expectantly, she silently hoped she would not let them down.
?People of the Republic,? she announced. ?It is with great humility, that I assume the position of Supreme Chancellor of the Galactic Republic.?
The Senate Arena erupted in jubilant cheers.
Padme was gratified by the applause but worried about how readily the Republic was ready to turn to her for leadership. She was concerned that the message she had been trying to deliver for the past several weeks had been lost in the euphoria of the apparent demise of the previous Chancellor. The people were in a state of elation and didn?t seem to be capable of recognizing the inherent dangers she saw in placing too much power in any one person?s hands. She knew that this would be the case, but it saddened her nonetheless. She looked out at the masses and smiled broadly. It didn?t matter if they understood.
She would lead.
?We have stood on the precipice of the abyss that is dictatorship!? she said, filling the entire Arena with her presence. The crowd continued with muted celebrations, giving her just enough quiet to continue to speak. ?We looked down into that darkness and decided to find another way!? Applause began to erupt again but she continued, raising her voice above the rising din. ?We were able to stop our galaxy from being crushed beneath the feet of oppression! We were not afraid!?
The crowd screamed. Senators and civilians alike were alight with patriotic fervor. It was the effect that Padme hoped to attain but even as she watched the impact of her words stir the gathered throng into shouts of glee, she found herself saddened that it took so little. There was no skepticism. The Republic, despite all it had faced, had not grown cynical. They were ripe to be taken advantage of by another Palpatine or Windu. She sighed deeply and her slightly downcast face brought the crowd?s cheers to a low rumble of pleasure. The Senators looked at her expectantly.
?But it was not without cost,? she continued sadly. ?Even now, on thousands of worlds, relief efforts are ongoing to rebuild o
Awww c'mon. You could've put the second one in! Again I absolutly love this story! If you are posting more soon PM me!
These were fantastic scenes, though I do have to agree with your reasons for not including them. Anakin's demonstration was disturbing, if not inappropriately timed. He should probably start with the Council before moving on to other masters, then the knights, and lastly the padawans. I think we had a clear picture of Padme?s scene without ever having read it. It was a powerful speech nonetheless.
Loved the deleted scenes. And, congratulations on a tremendous finish to a wonderful story.
To be honest, I'd have liked to have seen bits about how the various Jedi react to the internal changes in the Order (the move to Yavin, the changing of the rules, etc). Of course, the funeral was interesting. (Where DID they get wood on Coruscant? Do they keep a supply in the basement for just such an emergency? Or, did they go to Palpatine's office with some axes and do a number on his desk? LOL)
For what it's worth, I'd love to see a sequel come around. What's your new fic going to be about, anyway?
Oh, just out of curiosity, a couple of personal questions. One, how do crewmembers stay in shape on a submarine? It's not like a carrier where they can job on the deck, or anything like that. (Mind you, I've seen documentaries on missile subs that show the crew being able to jog in the missile room). Second, are you an Annapolis graduate, or did you go through ROTC?
LordTarr: I'm glad you liked that scene, but I couldn't keep it. I won't be posting anything more, other than to respond to comments by readers. My other deleted scenes were so bad that I apparently deleted them. Thanks for you interest though.
jpauln: I'm glad you understand my choices. And yes...I found Anakin in that scene very disturbing.
TorontoJediMaster: I was going to write scenes showing the reactions of the Jedi...but...well...that's not what the story is about. This isn't a story about the Jedi Order, but rather a story about Anakin and Mace. Everything else is told as it directly affects the story. Every time I started to write a scene about the Jedi's response to Anakin, it seemed forced. So...those scenes would be a possible sequel.
The next fic will be called "Descent into the Dark." It is a story about Yoda at the age of about 500 years old (about 300 years before TPM). He'll be in his midlife prime. You'll get to meet his people and his planet (which are free for me to mess with 'cause they haven't been identified by Cannon). You'll also see how Yoda knows as much as he does about the dark side of the Force and why he almost seems afraid of it.
To stay in shape, we run on treadmills and ride stationary bikes. We also have weights that we work out with in the torpedo room. Some people bring their own equipment underway. In short--we improvise. I'm not an Annapolis graduate. I was enlisted for 2 years before I got selected for the Nuclear Enlisted Commissioning Program. After that, I went to NCSU to get my degree in Electrical Engineering and got commissioned on 20 MAY 2005.