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Saga Fall of the Sith (AU RoTS, A/P, Mace Windu, and more..)--**COMPLETE** **New Story Link Posted**

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Souderwan, Jun 3, 2005.

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  1. LukeSkywalker_2001

    LukeSkywalker_2001 Jedi Knight star 5

    Mar 18, 2002
    I have read all of chapter 15 now, and this is my response to it:

    Your opening of having Mace as a predator, and describing him as prowling are words describing Satan, and in a way that can be characerstic of people who do bad things....this is especially clear for something like sex offenders, which of course makes sense, as those things would be bowing to Satan,, or falling prey to Satan himself

    As for this "The Guide" person, also reminds me of both Satan and Palpy. Could be either.

    As for your scene of Yoda transferring everything he knew into Ankain through the Force, that reminds me of the book The Giver, in which the Giver transfers all of the community's memory into the Receiver, so that one person would have all of the memories of the bad things before the "perfect" community was created. I don't know if you've read that book or not.

    I found that scene a little weird, but you really wrote the scene wonderfully, and I think it will fit very nicely into your story.

    As I was might have been the beginning of the next section of the chapter, or maybe I was just thinking about the chapter....I don't know...but I was wondeirng if it were possible that Palpatine did the same thing with Mace before Palpy died...maybe THAT was the thing Palpy reacted to during the fight in the beginning of your the Yoda/Anakin thing. Which, if that was the case, it is evident that the storm that Mace saw was caused by this transfer between Yoda and Anakin....if this is true, was there a storm back during the Mace/Palpy fight...I can't seem to remember. I could go back and look, but I think I"ll just keep reading....I can never seem to find a particular spot in a story when I want to go back and check something.

    If Yoda could do this, maybe Palpatine could too

    I'm happy that Padmé didn't die, but I'm not sure if I feel comfortable with the whole healing thing. Anakin seemed to be the one to do the healing himself, through his effort alone....not sure how that scene was intended. To properly comment on it, I would need to know the intent. I can see two possible I would be okay with, and one that would really bother me.

    Same thing with the permission thing....not sure how that was intended...have a couple of ideas, but I'll have to learn more before I can comment.
  2. LukeSkywalker_2001

    LukeSkywalker_2001 Jedi Knight star 5

    Mar 18, 2002
    I *think* I have read all of chapter 16 now.

    That being the case, here are my comments about this chapter:
    first of all, excellent writing

    It seems to be somewhat problematic when one person sees the person they love as their entire reason for being. I know it sounds romantic and all, but it's not really good. If Padmé truly WAS his whole reason for living, then anything that happened to her would devestate him. If a person is living for something more...than they can get through tough stuff, even the death of a spouse. In this fic, Ankain seems to understand this, at least to some extent...and therefore, Padmé can't be his entire reason for continuing to live. It's very possible that it is in the movies, and that is one reason he is so worried about what happens to her, and wants to prevent her from dying.

    Mace certainly is good at giving Anakin temptations....just like Palpy....and Satan. Sometimes temptations can also be in the form of half truths, which in turn is a form of lying. The drink that Mace kept offering to Anakin was obviously important. I could tell this in reading it....I wanted him to resist it, because I knew if he didn't, the result wouldn't be good. It evidently is either a drink with a drug in it to cause someone to be in less control, and so, would be easier turned. It might also allow one Sith to transfer into another's mind....I'm thinking that maybe Palpy offered Mace a drink...maybe in the precaution that if Palpy should die, he would be able to enter Mace. I can't be sure though, but I'm thinking that Palpatine offered Mace a drink early in the story, before the fight, and Mace didn't think anything of it, and was like, okay I'll drink this drink, whatever....though I may be thinking of a different story. I'd have to go back and check for sure.

    Before I got to the bottom of your first part of this chapter, my reaction was, "This soundslike Palpatine," and in a way, it was Palpatine. But it appears as if Mace has no idea that Jedi also have the power to transfer knowledge into another Jedi, and that Anakin has all of Yoda's knowledge. This could be to Ankain's best interest. Hopefully Mace never finds out. The Sith don't deserve to know.

    After reading the next part, it was obvious that the same thing that Yoda had done with Ankain, in transferring knowledge, Palpatine had done with Mace....again, but he doesn't know that Yoda transfered all the knowledge he had into Anakin

    I thought the temptations that Mace used for Anakin were strikingly similar to when Satan tempts Jesus in the desert. First with some sort of food substance (in this case a drink), and then also with the promise of giving power....which Jesus already had all the power, as He was part of the Trinity, fully God and fully man

    For Anakin, it was power and knowledge....Mace or the Sith were offering Anakin all the knowledge the Sith had had for 1,000 years. However, Anakin had all of Yoda's knowledge, which is almost as much as 1,000 900 years, plus Yoda's experience....of course Mace didn't know this...but I hope Anakin continues to resist the temptations being flung at him

    it bothers me that the Sith have the power to take over another person's mind....and Yoda didn't really take over Anakin's mind...Anakin just has all his knowledge and experience, which is a good thing....the Jedi don't need to do things like the Sith

    While the Yoda/Anakin and Mace/Palpatine things are similar, there is certainly a difference.

    Again, well done!

    Edit: Was thinking....what the Sith have going on is down right possession or becoming indwelt in someone else

    what Yoda did was simply a transfer of knowledge and experience
  3. LukeSkywalker_2001

    LukeSkywalker_2001 Jedi Knight star 5

    Mar 18, 2002
    I have now read all of chapter 17.

    Wonderful fight scenes as before...don't know how to put my reactions into words. Was beautiful.

    The traffic control bit was interesting at the beginning of this chapter. I always wondered how that worked on Coruscant, as there were no painted lines or anything to distinguish lanes.

    your scene about Anakin's vision/"disembody" stuff was's kind of occultish

    I'm wondering if it is possible for Anakin to resist the Sith if they were to try to enter Ankain's head...

    perhaps the light side truly can defeat the dark in your story...and as long as someone is firmly planeted in the light, the darkness cannot harm Anakin didn't have that drink thingy

    Maybe Mace is trying to make Anakin believe a lie...get him afraid...get him on the Dark Side so that the transfer would be possible, but maybe it is impossible as long as Anakin stays in the light. Of course Mace wouldn't tell Anakin this....or maybe Mace doesn't even know that

    I think Ankain could resist...after all, he's not like just everyone else...he has a special purpose...he is the Chosen One
  4. Souderwan

    Souderwan Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Jun 3, 2005
    :eek: 20 minutes??!! [face_hypnotized] You must have meant 2 hours or something! Either way--thanks for reading!! I'm absolutely flattered beyond belief that you took the time to sit down and read this thing from start to finish! Thanks so much for your kind words. Hopefully, you'll feel inclined to check out my current fic. ;)

    LS2001-I'll respond in a separate post for you, shortly. :)
  5. Souderwan

    Souderwan Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Jun 3, 2005
    LukeSkywalker_2001: Great discussion questions and answers. I'll do my best to respond. (Once again, you get my full attention ;) )

    I'm sure that Mace would have been angry in that situation...Palpatine was fighting everything that he had hoped for. Battling a Sith Lord who has taken over the Republic is serious business. Yes, he may very well have been angry...but "angry-looking" doesn't necessarily mean that someone is extremely angry either. Often when people concentrate on something really hard, they appear to be angry.

    Agreed that Mace was angry. I'm not just talking about the look in his eyes during the fight, though. I'm talking about the look in his eyes at the very end, just before he goes to strike down Palpatine. That's the look that solidified for me that this story was not that far-fetched. you realize by this point, I created a mechanism vital to the plot, by which Mace is helped along to the dark side. ;)

    It's always dangerous when one person has a lot of power, no matter how "great" that person may appear to be.

    A central theme in the story... :)

    People seek out support, guidance...whatever, and will go for anything that seems to satisfy them. Sometimes it can be found in the wrong places...such as Anakin found from Palpatine

    Very important observation. One of the key changes in this story is that Anakin recieves support and guidance from other influences. The Jedi were doing the best they could, they just didn't know how to deal with him--he was a complete unknown. You're absolutely right that Anakin felt misunderstood and he resented them for that.

    Chapter 15 comments:

    I'm really curious how you feel about the message "Accept" now, given where you are in the story.

    I'm really excited that something I wrote brought back such a vivid memory for you! And that sounds like a pretty cool experience.

    As for what at least one of your other readers has said about a possible soul swapping thing with Mace and Palpatine, I was thinking the same thing when I was reading...and thinking about it more, it makes sense...because I remember you had Palpatine realize something about Mace and maybe smile or something...had some kind of reaction.

    Your memory serves you well. :) To help you out, here's how it went:
    Hope that helps! :)

    End times stuff can be very confusing, and the way some people see it is that Satan will actually dwell in the Anti-Christ's body during at least some of the time he rules. I don't know if that's right or not, but that is an interpretation that is out there.

    Have you read the Left Behind series? Very fascinating. It's interesting some of the interpretations they chose to make. If you haven't read it, I highly recommend the books. If nothing else, it'll have you pulling out your Bible again and again.

    Anakin listened to her, made a comment that upset her...she explained more to him...he loveingly told her that he didn't want her there because he wanted her to live for another day...and gave her his reasons. Then he again lovingly asked her to please get to safety. It appears as if she was going to list
  6. Souderwan

    Souderwan Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Jun 3, 2005
    Ok..I have another few free moments so I thought I'd finish up on your comments. :) I don't know about you, but this is a lot of fun. Especially now that I can look back at the story without the bias of being in the moment writing.

    It seems to be somewhat problematic when one person sees the person they love as their entire reason for being. I know it sounds romantic and all, but it's not really good. If Padmé truly WAS his whole reason for living, then anything that happened to her would devestate him. If a person is living for something more...than they can get through tough stuff, even the death of a spouse. In this fic, Ankain seems to understand this, at least to some extent...

    ITA! The fundamental problem with Anakin in the movies is that he doesn't get that. He thinks that if she dies, he will not be able to live without her. As such, he's willing to do anything to prevent her death. The sad part is that in RoTS, Padme suffers from the same skewed world-view and gives up the ghost when Anakin turns to the dark side and she can no longer be with him. Not one of my favorite parts of the movie, so naturally..I rewrote it! :D

    The drink that Mace kept offering to Anakin was obviously important. I could tell this in reading it....I wanted him to resist it, because I knew if he didn't, the result wouldn't be good.

    Actually, what was in the drink is irrelevant. It's what the drink represents that matters. This is a common interrogation technique used on POWs. Usually, the POW is starved for several days and then brought into a room with an interviewer. On the table will be savory foods--usually something they know the prisoner would love to eat. Then, the interrogator offers the POW something to eat/drink. If the POW takes it, the interviewer wins a little battle. In moments like that, it's all about winning the small battles. Does that make sense? So, in Anakin's case, he's being tempted on two fronts--physcially (the drink is supposed to make him feel better) and spiritually (turn to the dark side and I'll offer you the world).

    After reading the next part, it was obvious that the same thing that Yoda had done with Ankain, in transferring knowledge, Palpatine had done with Mace....again, but he doesn't know that Yoda transfered all the knowledge he had into Anakin

    There is a small difference, however. In Anakin's case, Yoda's persona is not in his head. Yoda transferred his knowledge and experience--not his consciousness. In Mace's case, Palpy's consciousness is running around in his skull. say that further down in your post. [face_blush]'re right then! :)

    I thought the temptations that Mace used for Anakin were strikingly similar to when Satan tempts Jesus in the desert. First with some sort of food substance (in this case a drink), and then also with the promise of giving power....which Jesus already had all the power, as He was part of the Trinity, fully God and fully man

    When you want to tempt someone, you go for everything you can, right? Yes...there are striking similarities between Satan and Darth Salus. But that's not entirely intentional. It's just the way things are likely to be when dealing with evil incarnate.

    Was thinking....what the Sith have going on is down right possession or becoming indwelt in someone else

    Not quite possession--becuase Mace still has control over himself. But it is an indwelling. Palpy is in Mace's skull constantly talking to him and demanding to be heard.

    Wonderful fight scenes as before...don't know how to put my reactions into words. Was beautiful.

    Thanks. I'm so happy you like them. I try to stay away from clash and bang fight scenes.

    your scene about Anakin's vision/"disembody" stuff was's kind of occultish

    Again, correlation to real life is incidental in most cases. My description of Anakin's near death experience, however, is very similar to what I've read/heard about--sometimes from Christians. If it was unsettleing, that's good--it's
  7. Darth-Lutgerous

    Darth-Lutgerous Jedi Master star 4

    May 24, 2005
    This story (and author ;) ) deserves a big congratulations for doing so well at the awards. Like I have said from the beginning, I knew this was coming. The writing, the characters, the emotions, etc. were all fantastic. The awards you won were well-earned.

    Fall of the Sith - Best All Around, Best AU, Best Action, Best Non-Jedi (Padme), and Best Villian (Mace Windu)

    I think we can expect more great things from you, Sounderwan (a.k.a. Best New Author). Thanks for writing! [:D]

    EDIT: Sounder, you may want to see if a mod can move this to the archive. It certainly belongs there.
  8. Elana

    Elana Jedi Knight star 2

    Jun 2, 2005
    Whew, just finished reading the story. That's quite an emotional rollercoaster ride! Thoroughly enjoyed it all.

    Here's one quote I particularly liked:

    I thought your new spin on "bringing balance to the Force" was very intruiging and well done. And the ending was very satisfying. I wasn't surprised at all that Anakin was elected head of the council. Or that Padme became Supreme Chancellor. Just brings the conclusion up a generation, paralleling Luke leading the Jedi and Leia leading the Republic. On that note, I enjoyed all the parallel scenes, where you drew in line and situations from the movies.

    I'll be dropping by your new story. The premise sounds very interesting. Maybe I can catch up and actually read along as you post. Too bad I missed out on that fun here! How do you ever manage to write so fast?

    Thanks for sharing such a wonderful story with all of us.

  9. dianethx

    dianethx Jedi Master star 6

    Mar 1, 2002
    =D= I wish I had followed this all along so that I could have given it all the comments it deserved. Exceptionally well-written, riveting in the concept and execution. Superb.

    I especially liked the way you wrote Mace. I've not really liked the character in the movies (Shatterpoint was a great exception) but your assessment of his likes/dislikes and world-view were certainly picture-perfect. I also loved the way Anakin's viewpoint changed over time - once he was away from Palpatine. I think you made him more and more sympathetic and he grew in a way that was completely natural and understandable. Padme's character was also right on the money. I can't see her doing anything but fighting for what she believes in to the very last breath.
    Frankly, all the characters were wonderfully done and I loved that you maintained their characteristics so beautifully.

    Of course, your action scenes were great. But it was the emotional confrontations that I really thought were the best.

    Bravo. Well done.=D=
  10. _JM_

    _JM_ Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jun 26, 2001
    Normally I burble on for rather a long time (hence my signature) but let?s see what stuck in my brain cell after reading this in two sessions.

    Liked the blue and red flames merging into purple, made me wonder if Darth Salus choosing to keep his purple lightsaber had been unfortunate as it was a visual cue for Anakin to see.

    Enjoyed Obi-Wan saying ?Hello? when he arrived to save Anakin (like the very polite man he is) before backhanding Salus into a wall.

    Not sure about how Mace is treating the Wampas. He did seem to be enjoying killing them too much and taking a lot of joy in his fighting abilities, would be more ?Light Side? to be influencing them to think he is not good to eat (sort of the opposite of what Obi-Wan did to that cave monster in the RotS novel where he made it think the scout probe droids were delicious).

    Padmé as Supreme Chancellor? That works.

    Poor Exar Kun, first he gets the entire Jedi Order descending on him and in trying to escape he gets his spirit trapped in the temples and now he?s getting the entire Jedi Order moving in and taking advantage of the sturdy craftsmanship of his Massassi slaves.

    Liked the partial possession of Mace by Sideous?s spirit. More subtle than what the (supposed) Emperor Reborn was threatening to do to (not quite born / newly born) Anakin Solo in the Dark Empire comics (or my story where I had Sideous and Palpatine not having always been the same person?until Sideous possesses Palpatine and destroys Palpatine?s soul).

    Agree that it did seem that Yoda would have known about Anakin and Padmé. Even if Anakin was able to shield his mind Yoda did have enough contact with Padmé, and their love was so blazingly bright, that he had opportunity to notice this from her thoughts.

    Liked the Stover-esque ?This is what it feels like to be? sections. They worked very well for this story and I think they would have been easy to get wrong (I think one of the criticisms of the actual RotS novel was that Stover did one at the wrong time and broke the flow of the opening battle) so the fact you got them right is kudos to you as an author.

    Enjoyed Luke wanting his rattle but Leia wanting hers to go away!

    Liked that Padmé played a more important and very crucial role in this story rather than just looking decoratively teary eyed.

    Great story.
  11. JOINME

    JOINME Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jul 25, 2005
    Wow, Souder, I'm so glad I discovered this! [face_dancing]

    OK so I only just finished the first chapter but I had to post to let you know how wonderfully gobsmacking it was and how excited I am to start reading this. :D

    Fallen Mace?? This is gonna be good I know! [face_dancing]

    congrats on the awards by the way, I sure as hell know you deserved it!
    (I dont even have to read all of it to know lol :p )
  12. stormqueen874

    stormqueen874 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Aug 7, 2005
    *collapses in an utter heap*

    o...m...g... I DID IT!

    *somehow finds the energy to dance in a happy little circle*

    I caught up! I maanged to read it all tonight! YAY! Anyway, sorry about that. This was such an incredible fic, SW, you have no idea! (well, considering how long this thread is, I'm sure you do... :p) You writing is wonderful, evil Mace just creeped me out, and the epilgue was just haunting. Padme was aweseome! I love fanfiction that makes her out to be the strong character I expect of her and this is no exception. Anakin was awesome too, and I already sent you a PM about how much I cracked up over the earlier Yoda scene. I don't think I'll ever stop laughing from that image.

    Anyway, before I talk your ear off with this review, I'll just give you one final, heartfelt, bravo! =D= :D

  13. LukeSkywalker_2001

    LukeSkywalker_2001 Jedi Knight star 5

    Mar 18, 2002
    I'm back! :)

    Sorry for the long delay in reading, but I was busy for a while and wanted to leave this for a time that I had hours to sit down and finish this.

    I am done reading your story now, but before I leave my comments for the remainder of the story, let me first answer each of the posts that you gave me special attention on.

    I'd have to see ROTS again to know exactly what look you are referring to. Hmmm...I guess I'll have to wait until it comes out on video/DVD...(can't wait for it to come out). I see how your idea could have worked in the storyline (it is believable) that it could would be a lot of speculation, but then again that is what an AU is all about :) However, a person can also be angry about something (and anger in and of itself is not bad), but it is what you do with that anger that is bad. There is such a thing as a just anger. But to lash out at someone and let it control you...that's when it's definitely bad.

    Again, I'm not saying your story is that far-fetched. You wrote an excellent AU about your idea, and I did like your story. And I did understand better how Mace turned once I got farther into the story. It works.

    And now that I have finished reading your story, I see how central a theme it really was...about it being dangerous for one person to have that much power. :) Glad that my opinion held through your story.

    Well now that I have finished reading your story, I have a much better idea of what you meant by the "accept" thing. I'll address it when I talk about the specific chapters. I wrote the comments as I was reading, so you'll get an idea of what I thought of it at that point in the story.

    It was an awesome experience. I do that a lot with stuff I read...I connect it with either my own experience or something else that I have read or seen or heard about. :) And really cool stories have an even better chance of doing this.

    Hmmm...I still wonder what would have happened if Anakin had still been forced to kill Mace, but without hate. Would the Sith still enter his mind, or would it be impossible?

    Actually yes I have read the Left Behind series. That's what I was referring to when I made that comment. My favorite was the last one Glorious Appearing or something like that. Yes, I found their interpretations they chose to make to be interesting as well. However, as with all end times stuff that's not the Bible, I think readers should be careful to realize that it is only an interpretation by an author, and things might not necessarily happen the way they describe in the book. Like you said, "interpretation." There are several theories about the rapture and when that will happen and everything. I really am interested in end times stuff, but I think we humans should get all wrapped up in trying to figure out exactly what will happen. Like what I mean is it's fine to look at the prophesies and try and think about what those scenes might be like, to get prepared spiritually for the end, and to find out what might happen...find out what people are saying about it, read those passages in the Bible, do research on it, and get excited for the end.

    However, some people do get completely wrapped up in it, and some are even scared and kill themselves or let it dominate their entire life, worrying about what the interpretations might be.

    It's nice to speculate, yes, but just to realize that the only thing that really matters is Christ, and if you believe in Him, than no matter what happens, nothing can separate us from His love, and that it'll be all right. The worst that can happen is that we die, and then we'd get to be with Him, so that's not so bad.

    I just thought I'd share my feelings on this subject. Hey, once I get started on that subject, I feel that I just have to share my opinions :)

    Yeah, I still owe you a PM, don't I? I'll get to it before I start reading your Yoda story. I made a promise that I would read that story, and also reply to that PM, and I intend to keep my promise. :) Expect a PM later (eith
  14. LukeSkywalker_2001

    LukeSkywalker_2001 Jedi Knight star 5

    Mar 18, 2002
    Continued reply to your comments:

    Yes, it has been a lot of fun, reading your story, commenting, and getting into a great discussion with you. ;) I can we are talking about a completed story that you have not written to in a while, and we are discussing something that you actually wrote! :) Nothing could be more fun.

    Anakin's love for Padmé does seem to be that immature version of love...while he seems to be mature in that he is secure in his relationship, doesn't seem to be jealous of losing her affection to another man, he hasn't reached that level where she isn't his entire reason for being...that he could even exist without her. Yeah, I can see that being true in the movies now. I hadn't realized that Anakin didn't get that...I guess it came out more in ROTS and I hadn't really anaylized that movie in the same way as the others.

    A lot of people are flattered when someone of the opposite sex tells them that they are their entire reason for existing, and that without that person they couldn't exist....but for me, if someone said that to me, I would feel very uncomfortable, and hopefully I would realize there was something seriously wrong with the relationship. It's not healthy, and it's only going to lead to trouble later on in the relationship, if it is allowed to continue. I don't want to be someone's entire reason for existing...I am only human, and if something were to happen to me, I know it would break the other person. (if the person thought of me like that)

    It's something I've come to realize the past few years (though I have never been in a relationship yet and is one reason that I feel so lucky that I hadn't been in a relationship before I realized this)...

    Okay thanks for explaining about that drink that Mace offered Anakin. I didn't know anything about the POW's interrogation methods. Yeah, your explanation made sense.

    Ah, thanks for the continued clarification about the indwelling...the Sith/Mace

    Well I've never had a near death experience, and it is true that some Christians do have an experience, like before God or angels whatever....not sure exactly as no one has specifically told me about it, and I have only heard second hand.

    What I meant about the occultish thing was something that someone described in a book, and something that was on a website when I was doing my own research on a belief system that my friend had mentioned to me...I wanted to find out what it was, what he meant. It was actually a reference to my church because there were certain things going on (like people wanting to take God out of the service :( ) and my friend said that it reminded him of something...which actually turned out to be the same subject as what I am trying to fight against now

    You're right...the fact that it was a near death experience does change this a little bit. Probably over reacted there...I guess it would depend on the interpretation. And you're right...near death exerperiences should be unsettling.

    As for your idea of what being the Chosen One means, and your idea of bringing balance to the Force, I plan to touch on that as I'm making my comments. If I forget, please remind me. I'll also make comments about the resolution. And if I forget, please do remind me. I definitely would like to say something about it.

    It has been fun for me too so far. :)
  15. LukeSkywalker_2001

    LukeSkywalker_2001 Jedi Knight star 5

    Mar 18, 2002
    Chapter 18 comments -
    Thoughts of the "accept" thing:

    Accept could possibly mean - accept that no matter what happens, if you stay focused, everything will be fine
    Accept that there is a risk, but you have to choose

    wonderful description of Anakin and Obi-Wan as fighting team

    I loved Padmé's involvement, sending out and broadcasting the fight, carefully selected quotes from Mace, and sending them to every Senator...getting them to play repeatedly until each Senator shut off the recording manually. This is something that showed her strength, her determination, and showed that she really wanted to take part in the conflict. She's wasn't about to be passive about this whole thing.

    She sent that stuff out for all to see - like the Christians sort of did at points in the Left Behind books (the Christian broadcasts about salvation, and possibly a few messages that labled Mr. evil Anti-Christ for what he was)

    Even though Padmé cannot join the lightsaber fight, she is definitely doing something! Loved it! Shows her strength of character.

    Fear makes Mace stronger? Then Anakin and Obi-Wan should strive to not be fearful at all. That might weaken him.

    The "seeing in the Force" is uncomfortable to me, but you described it well

    Madness on Corucant = Not good

    The subject of trust is brought up in this chapter. - Great discussion between Obi-Wan and Anakin. I also enjoyed C-3PO's talks. They seem to fit right into the OT (and even episode 3) humor that C-3PO is so famous for. Those scenes made me smile...and even laugh. Perfectly in line with movies.

    Anakin and Obi have a good strategy here - turn Sith's "strength" into his greatest weakness

    I enjoyed the chapter greatly. Now my comments for the next chapter will follow in the next post.
  16. LukeSkywalker_2001

    LukeSkywalker_2001 Jedi Knight star 5

    Mar 18, 2002
    Chapter 19 comments -

    This is TPM fight all over again with your own added twist to it. I enjoyed your reworkings of the scenes, and how you made them fit in with your own story, and also how you made the characters in the story also recognize the similarities and base their battle decisions on those.

    It's awesome how you have changed it and worked these scenes into your own story.

    And Padmé is having contractions [face_worried] [face_dancing] =D=

    I can't wait to find out what she does in the Senate

    Excellent description of the history of the odl Senate building and what it would have been like to be a Senator during a session in that ancient building. I really felt as if I understood what being a Senator would have felt like and been like.

    I also liked how you described Anakin's missing arm and pain it still caused him...occassionally

    My thoughts to Mace's fuel comment about everything using up fuel - Even Sith burn out! But love and goodness will never die.

    I really loved how Padmé addressed the Senate in your story, like she did in TPM. I think that AOTC, and especially ROTS did not show her with quite the same courage and strength that she had in TPM. We never really got to see her address the Senate again...maybe that would have been a nice AOTC scene. She seemed to degress with courage and strength of character as the PT moved forward I have a clearer understanding of what you meant when you had this "accept" concept in your story. Yes, it is important to accept that the darkness does exist. Once you accept and identify this...yes it really helps.

    Padmé's speech was excellent and well thought out.

    Yes, George Lucas has said that balancing the Force means getting rid of the Sith....however, your take on it was unique, and it adds a different possibility - outlook on the whole balancing the Force idea. Your story is also an AU, so you have the liberty of playing with this concept in whatever way you wish.

    I'll comment on Chapter 20 next time...
  17. LukeSkywalker_2001

    LukeSkywalker_2001 Jedi Knight star 5

    Mar 18, 2002
    Chapter 20 comments -

    loved the 3rd choice option! :)

    Compassion - love is stronger than any yes, I believe that there is still hope for Mace

    If Mace turns back to the light side, Sidious would probably be forced out, effectively getting rid of the Sith, like an exercism

    YES - Windu is out of office. The vote of no confidence, the move that got Palpatine into office is now working against the Sith. :)

    I loved how you had nothing stop Padmé from doing what she knew was right - not even broken water & painful contractions stopped her from delivering her speech, getting Windu out of office, and from insisting that the new move be passed

    Now it seems that your look on the force in SW may be similar to gravity and other forces. Very interesting. I like that concept. At least it seems to be like this in this chapter.

    Light drives out the dark.

    Yes, the Sith are gone!

    Comments for chapter 21 and the rest will be next time
  18. LukeSkywalker_2001

    LukeSkywalker_2001 Jedi Knight star 5

    Mar 18, 2002
    Comments for Chapter 21 and the rest of your story -

    Luke & Leia born - wonderful beautiful!! :)

    I liked how Mace resisted taking a lightsaber with him to Hoth, as he knew that he needed to really work on things, and that a lightsaber may not be for the best at this time, until he learns how to get passed what had happened to him....the effect of the Dark Side would have been long lasting. I also liked how he felt he needed to get away from everything for a while. Hoth would certainly be a good place for him.

    Luke & Leia were so cute at only a week old. Awww......I loved the humor have thrown in to your post as well.

    I liked the Council stuff and how you made Anakin the leader of the Council! :) That was so awesome, and your scene of how it happened was wonderful as well.

    I'm not sure the idea of having the Jedi leave Coruscant completely is a very good idea. For one thing, if some evil dictator were to rise to power in the future, the Jedi would be too far away to pick up on it right away....besides, the Jedi have traditionally been generally uninterested in politics anyway. While they were on Coruscant, they couldn't avoid politics COMPLETELY, as they were on the same planet, and they had a general idea of what was going on.

    With the Jedi so far away from Coruscant...something could happen, and the politicians could hide these things from the Jedi much easier...they just can't keep as good an eye on the Senate from Yavin

    I don't think there would be any immediate problem, but long after Padmé and Anakin have died, along with those who had lived through that horrific time....the Council could forget to check the Republic and the Senate...unless they made that a part of their new Jedi Order

    However, it is probably a good idea that the Jedi are leaving Coruscant at this the citizens of the Republic will have a chance to trust the Jedi...but then again they wouldn't be in direct contact with the Jedi, so it may cause even further resentment....[face_thinking]

    As for me personally, I like the story where you have left it. Sequels are usually not as good as the original story unless the author PLANNED the sequel as part of the the SW movies, LOTR, that sort of thing....or I guess they may be all right if the author truly has a passion to get an idea out. However, the only time sequels have really worked for me is if the author had already had it planned from the beginning.

    It doesn't sound as if this is true about this story. I mean, if you still want to write it, I'm not going to stop you, but I thought I'd share my opinion on it.

    Also, I think the story already has a good ending. There is already a conclusion. I feel that if you write a sequel, it may just drag the story out.....that's why I don't like the EU. I like the ending of ROTJ just fine, and I feel like the EU just drags it out....more and more fighting, more and more Emperor to kill, more and more Rebels to fight against more and more Empire

    I liked your story very much...and my opinion about the sequel thing has no reflection on the fact that I did enjoy your story, and that you did a wonderful job. I would feel the same way if someone suddenly decided to make more SW movies. ROTJ is a good ending...just leave it there.

    Mace's murders - disturbing It seems as if he has fully reclaimed the dark side without Sidious' help. The last two wampas also reminded me of Anakin and Obi-Wan, and the wampas in general as Jedi.

    The first deleted scene was well written, but it was disturbing how Anakin used the dark side in it. I think it was wise of you to leave that scene out of the main story.

    2nd deleted scene was excellent, and helped me understand the Senate sessions and Padmé's role better. I think it would have been fine to leave this scene in. It's your story, though, and it's completely up to you.

    Now....general comments -
    it is interesting what you did with the Force and your interpretation here of what bringing balance to it means, and your "accept" conce
  19. Darth-Buddy

    Darth-Buddy Jedi Knight star 3

    Sep 18, 2005
    All I can say is Bravo!!! I loved what you did with Anakin, Yoda and Padme. This is what the Chosen One was meant to do. Best story I have read on the boards. THANK YOU!
  20. jedipati

    jedipati Jedi Master star 3

    Aug 12, 2000
    Now why didn't I see this before? Very, very good.
    On a side note, is anyone else finding themselves addicted to ROTS AUs?
  21. Kuyen

    Kuyen Jedi Youngling

    Dec 5, 2005
    This has to be one of the greatest Fan Fiction's I've ever read. Considering I idolize JW Titus, that says a lot. Well, maybe not because this is my first post, but I have both of JW Titus' story (The Sith Wars; Ep. III Fan Novel - does he have more?) and frequently, I'm rereading his work to figure out how I should write.

    This story has Titus beat *is crushed to say that*

    I haven't read many AU's but this is one of my favorite. Erm, let me rephrase that, this is my only favorite AU. You've portrayed the characters marvelously and if you captured them any better...I think you would then be Matthew Stover himself...

    *thinks* Wait a second, you aren't Matthew Stover, are you?

    The only problem I saw with the entire story was the end, but you explained this to me in the private message.

    For those who wished to see my original problem:

    I thought the end did Anakin injustice because it seemed to me, at the time, that the council only made him Grand Master because he has Yoda floatin' in his mind. To me, that seemed unfair because they weren't recognizing Anakin's skill and knowledge at all. Frankly, if I was Anakin and thinking that, I'd probably had cut the the entire council down <<"

    Bbbbuuuutttt fantastic job ^-^

    I'm definately looking forward to more of your work!
  22. Iaranon

    Iaranon Jedi Knight star 2

    Dec 30, 2005
    Souderwan this is an awesome story. I just came across it today. Have you not considered submitting it to the Archives? I only ask because I have seen stories that are, in my view, not nearly as good, so if they deserve immortality in the Archives then this one surely does...
  23. Darth_Sidious_1983

    Darth_Sidious_1983 Jedi Knight star 1

    Jun 6, 2005
    Sorry for bumping this story up, but I noticed that this story was being re-written elsewhere. Now, for overall comments:

    1) Personally, I think that "the Guide" should have had a different name. After all, at first Mace apparently thought that "the Guide" was merely his subconsciousness. Then of course somebody caught on quickly and alluded to good ole' Palps right after that chapter portion was posted. At least "the Influence" could have been interpreted in more ways than one (Dark Side, Palps, or Mace's own subconsciousness).

    2) Darth Salus came about too quickly. It would have been nice to have seen him spend more time as a powerful Dark Jedi. I guess this is related to the Guide's influence. The latter should have settled in before working his/its influence.

    3) There should have been more conflict between Darth Salus and his "Guide." Seriously, if the former owned the latter by killing him, the least he could've said would be something like this: You tried to turn that boy around, and look where that got you now; a pathetic, vanquished shadow of influence in your slayer's mind!

    P.S. to Sounderwan: I am that poster over there in that "elsewhere." ;)
  24. princess_of_naboo

    princess_of_naboo Jedi Master star 4

    Nov 9, 2000
    Amazing story you have here! I just found it today and finished reading it a few minutes ago.
  25. DarthNidLoc

    DarthNidLoc Jedi Youngling star 3

    Mar 19, 2005
    Amazing story. I just found it and well it's the best piece of fan fic I've ever read. Hoping to read more of your work.
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