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Family Matters

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Jemmiah, Feb 18, 2001.

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  1. Jemmiah

    Jemmiah Jedi Master star 5

    Mar 5, 2000
    For those who are thinking this thread looks a tad familiar, you are not hallucinating. This was a collection of snapshots that went to make one story. It was originally posted on the Jedi Snapshots thread but I felt that in hindsight meritted a thread of its own. I'm reposting it here so that those who are reading The Lion Sleeps Tonight can read this story, as it has a certain relevance to some of the goings on in that thread.

    The link to The Lion Sleeps Tonight is:

    I would like to thank all the people who contributed to Family Matters. Cheers guys!

    TITLE: Family Matters
    Posted by JEMMIAH


    Part One: Obi-Wan?s viewpoint.

    I think this has to rate as possibly the worst day of my life.

    I say day; it?s actually very late at night now. Somewhere along the line I must have lost track of the time.

    I?ve been sitting for the last Sith knows how many hours trying to make sense of this whole thing. My conclusions?

    There are no conclusions.

    My brain is just completely numb. One minute everything is going fine and the next?

    I?ve seen people in Bacta before. Myself, I?ve been in the stuff on far too many occasions. Everyone keeps saying comforting things like: It?ll be fine. That?s the best place for her right now, but of course they are wrong. The best place for you is back at your apartment with Evla and myself and Qui-Gon. Just like we were last night.

    I don?t understand how things can change so suddenly. You were fine yesterday. So was our child.

    The idea of being a father took some mental adjustment, I can tell you. Shocked would have been the understatement of the millennium! But I did get used to the idea, quicker than I thought. I even began to imagine I might enjoy it?

    My master has tried to console me by telling me that it just wasn?t meant to be. Maybe he?s right, but I still feel sickened. Hollow. That?s a better word.

    Like I?ve lost a part of myself.

    They?re all worried about you, too. An-Paj comes in from time to time to check up on how you?re doing and he smiles and makes optimistic rumblings but it?s difficult not to be worried. After all, if Rela hadn?t found you slumped on the floor of the restaurant fresher when she did, you probably wouldn?t even be here for me to complain to. Leona says that you were within ten minutes of being beyond help. Note to self: must hug Rela to within an inch of her life. She?s outside with my master. I think she?s been crying.

    I?d love to cry too but it?s a luxury I can?t afford right now.

    They are going to keep you in the tank for another five hours; at least that?s what Leona told us. For the time being the only thing I can do is place my hand against the glass and watch you. An-Paj is trying to figure out what caused you to lose our child but I think he?s as much at a loss as the rest of us.

    You weren?t too happy about this whole parenthood idea, yet I understood that some of it was just an act. Like last night when you complained about the probability of looking like a Hutt that had swallowed a beach ball. My master nearly choked on his glass of water! And then when you laughingly suggested you wouldn?t be able to see your feet to paint your toenails, I looked at you to see how miserable you were.

    I almost think you were happy.

    Evla is extremely upset, of course. She?s not been well of late and my master is worried how this is going to affect her. It?s selfish of me, I know, but I?m more worried how this might affect us. Everyone keeps saying how tough you are and how you?ve come through worse but they only see what?s on the surface. For a non-Jedi you shield very well. You?re not in the least bit tough.

    Kryztan Harkley has gone missing, or so his master thinks. He?ll turn up no doubt. I don?t care if he does or not and I know you certainly won?t, but all the same I understand how concerned Master Berlingside is. Just one more upset person in the temple today.

    Qui-Gon is waiting outside. He wanted to give me some time alone with you, wh
  2. Djuva

    Djuva Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jul 25, 2000
    Beautiful. Very nice insight into Obi's thoughts.
  3. imzadi

    imzadi Jedi Master star 4

    Sep 19, 2000
    I liked the line "Note to self: must hug Rela to within an inch of her life." Although it's funny, it's really quite sad as well.

    I also like the wedding ceremony in a bacta tank idea. LOL!

    I look forward to reading the next bit.
  4. Jemmiah

    Jemmiah Jedi Master star 5

    Mar 5, 2000
    Posted by MOUSE2


    Part 2: Rela's viewpoint

    Its my fault. Rela told herself as she sat on the floor hugging her knees.

    Not Jemmiah. Not Obi-Wan. The tears started again.

    I just wanted them to be happy. Truly happy. Something that I?ll never have. Of all the times Qui-Gon had to listen to me, why this? Why did this have to happen to them? Of all the people in the galaxy why them? Why couldn?t it have been my mother? She wouldn?t have cared. She told me so. Stop it! This isn?t about you! It?s about Jemmiah and Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan. Oh, force Obi-Wan! How I wish I could be there for you like you were for me, but I can?t go in there. I know you understand why, but that shouldn?t matter. I should be able to overcome my fears to comfort my friends. I never told either of you how much you mean to me. I don?t have that many friends and I consider you both my best friends. Now I?ll never get the chance to tell you how I really feel.

    Rela covered her head with her arms to muffle the sound of her crying.

    I?ve always known about the force, but never truly believed in it until now. That?s the only way I can describe it. Something told me to go look for you Jemmy. It wasn?t a feeling, and it wasn?t a passing thought. I remember it distinctly and will remember it for the rest of my life. It said //Find Jemmiah!//. Nothing in this galaxy could have prevented me from ignoring it. Then I found you. You were slumped on the ?fresher floor, and...Oh force! What could I do? Nothing! The only thing that came to mind was to get Leona. Thank the force she was with us. What was I good for? Again nothing! Then I started crying and haven?t been able to stop since. Please Jemmiah you have to make it through. For yourself. For Obi-Wan. For Qui-Gon. For Evla. Maybe even for me.

    Rela felt a calming hand on her shoulder. She looked up through tear filled eyes into Qui-Gon?s weary ice blue ones.

    ?You should be with Obi-Wan and Jemmiah right now.? she told him as she wiped some of the tears away.

    ?He?ll let me know when they need me.? he told her as he stretched his arms out toward her.

    Hungry for some sort of contact, Rela climbed into his lap as Qui-Gon quickly enveloped her in his arms.

    ?I?m sorry. I never meant for something like this to happen. I never thought...? she whispered through her seemingly never ending tears. Qui-Gon shushed her comfortingly.

    ?I just wanted them to be happy.?
  5. Healer_Leona

    Healer_Leona Squirrely Community Mod star 9 Staff Member Manager

    Jul 7, 2000
    Oh my. Rereading this is so painful, yet I can't seem to stop.

    Incredibly amazing writing!
  6. mouse2

    mouse2 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Oct 29, 1999
    I know what you mean Leona. I cry everytime I read it!

    Glad to see it being posted posted by itself though!
  7. Jemmiah

    Jemmiah Jedi Master star 5

    Mar 5, 2000
    Posted by HEALER LEONA:


    Part 3: Leona's POV

    Eighteen hours. Eighteen hours since returning to the temple. Eighteen hours since the worlds of so many were turned upside down and inside out. Eighteen hours driven on pure adrenaline, lost completely in the Force, acting on instinct, void of emotion.

    My years of training and experience serve me well and I do all I can, though not nearly all that I wish.

    At least I've had the advantage of keeping my hands busy, (how I wish it weren't so) of keeping my mind firmly focused on the technical aspect of the patient (how I wish it weren't her).

    I suppose I could consider myself lucky, I'm not one the those in the surgical family room, waiting endlessly for word on Jemmiah's condition.

    At least I can bring them a measure of good news.

    I shouldn't feel such hesitation; this is a happy ending...well in time anyway.

    As I push through the swinging doors all heads turn my way and I see mirrored in those faces the same sorrowful, pained look. Pleading eyes, puffed and red from tears gaze at me anxiously.

    I'm so overwhelmed by the sudden, violent wave of emotion that surges through the Force that I almost falter.

    I feel the anguish, the pain and the guilt they're all struggling with and I wish I had some words to relieve the unnecessary self-accusatory thoughts they're dealing with.

    There is no blame to be laid here. Some things 'just happen' and yet I know the hollow ring of 'it's the will of the Force' all too well.

    I can offer little real comfort to those so overwrought that they take on the blame of this tragedy as if in punishment for not being able to prevent it. Only time can heal those self-inflicted wounds but I'll give what support I can, if only with my presence.

    I steady myself and offer the group a reassuring smile. It's part of my job to be the strong one.

    "She's stable and out of danger." I pause, allowing the words and meaning to sink in through the haze of emotional turmoil they're engulfed in.

    Obi-Wan's haunted expression fades and he releases the breath he held in fear of the worst possible news. He breaks down, sobbing openly into his hands. Immediately he's encircled by the long, strong arms of his master whose own tears run freely down his face.

    Evla, Rela and Spider are in a three-way embrace and I hear the elder woman murmur a prayer of thanks.

    Qui-Gon glances up at me and in his eyes I see gratitude, though I honestly wish I could do more.

    After a long moment, Obi-Wan asks, "May I see her?"

    "She's still sedated." I tell him gently, "An-Paj wants her in the Bacta tank as soon as possible."

    He holds my gaze, his eyes full of silent hope and I can't help but relent.

    "Just five minutes." I say and as Qui-Gon helps him to rise the others automatically follow behind him.

    I won't tell them no. They all need to see for themselves that she's alive. It had been so close. It's the first step in healing for them and for some it may be a long road.

    As we enter, the Master Healer glares at me for only an instant, he too understands after looking at the heartache sketched across their faces.

    Obi-Wan kneels at Jemmiah's side, carefully taking her hand in his, softly whispering into her ear. The others hang back a respectful distance. Spider and Rela silently weep, their hands clasped together in support.

    Qui-Gon and Evla stand side by side, his arm draped around her shoulders. They look every bit the part of duly relieved parents.

    When An-Paj finally ushers them out I feel my own pent up emotions wavering, so long held without release.

    There's a hand on my arm and I turn to see the blue-skinned healer beside me.

    "Go home Leona." he suggests.

    I nod and slowly walk away. I will release my emotions into the Force alone, there's still so much work ahead and I will have to be strong.
  8. Calamity Jinn

    Calamity Jinn Jedi Padawan star 4

    May 23, 2000
    Aww Leona, you've reduced me to tears again.

    Wonderful insight and feelings, everyone.
  9. Jemmiah

    Jemmiah Jedi Master star 5

    Mar 5, 2000
    I confess, that one and Rela's one always reduce me to tears. Sniff!
  10. Miana Kenobi

    Miana Kenobi Admin Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Apr 5, 2000
    wait wait wait.. I'm lost. okay, so this is after LT&P, which is after ANTAR, right?

  11. Jemmiah

    Jemmiah Jedi Master star 5

    Mar 5, 2000
    The time scale is three months or so after LT&P, three months before TLST and nearly a year after ANTAR.
  12. Jemmiah

    Jemmiah Jedi Master star 5

    Mar 5, 2000
    Posted by Lara_Notsil


    Part Four
    Evla?s Point of View

    I?m so tried of sitting in this cold hard hospital chair. I want to pace the floor, but I just don?t have the strength. I?ve got a splitting headache, more than likely from all the crying than from my illness.

    Sitting here watching Jemmiah float in the bacta is almost more than I can stand. It should be me, not her. She?s so young, full of life. Why must she know so much pain?

    I?ve spent almost all of my entire life around children. Their wet kisses graced my face; their fearful tears stained my robes, and all the while I discovered how wonderful little ones are. I had hoped that Jemmiah too would learn this truth of life. I was certain that the moment they placed her baby in her arms, she would know that feeling, that love. The same love I feel for her.

    Jemmiah can be such an irritating and rebellious charge, but I grew to think of her as mine. For her every act that brought utter aggravation there were two that brought my sheer admiration. When she was sick with the measles, she was so cranking and yet I would not leave her. I just couldn?t. I had to be near, to be able to reach out and touch her. Oh, how I?d give anything to do that now!

    I see Obi-Wan with his hand placed on the glass tank. He looks so lost, so shattered! No, I won?t start crying. All the lumps they have been through together, there are just too many to count. Why this now? Why break their hearts one more time at the cusp of true joy? Why in the Force can?t they just be happy? Well, I didn?t think I had any more tears in me, but I managed to find them didn?t I?

    Qui-Gon, he?s been the rock through all of this, but I?ve known him for too long. I?m well aware of the toll this is taking on him. While his acceptance was initially reluctant, he?d given his blessing to Ben and Jemmy, and while I doubt he?ll admit it, he was getting quite accustomed to the idea of being a grandparent. I was too. Rela and Spider are trying to hold up as well, more for Jemmiah than any concern for their pride.

    I?m so tried, I just want to sleep for a couple days straight, but I won?t. I won?t until Jemmiah?s out of the bacta. It should be me; I?m the one dying. I'd give my life for Jemmiah to be out of that tank healthy and up to her old tricks. With my dying breath, I?ll wish for her and Obi-Wan at least one moment of happiness that's not tainted with pain or sorrow.

    When I become one with the Force, perhaps then I?ll understand why.
  13. Healer_Leona

    Healer_Leona Squirrely Community Mod star 9 Staff Member Manager

    Jul 7, 2000
    Ever read one of your own posts and think "wow, I wrote that?"

    I think this post is one to be proud of. I've been very lucky indeed to be inspired by the best authors on this board. :)
  14. Jemmiah

    Jemmiah Jedi Master star 5

    Mar 5, 2000
    I agree with you, Leona!

    Posted by WAMPASMAK


    Family Matters Part 5
    Hmiol's POV

    Simeon Cates and Garos Hmiol sat alone in the Temple Refectory, in front of two trays that hadn't been touched.

    Neither spoke.

    Neither knew how they had come here, in fact. They had simply ended up there, sitting across from each other.

    ~I should be there for him...~ thought Simeon, ~He's my best friend, and I sit here (With HMIOL, of all people!) while he suffers. I want nothing more than to go comfort him. But I can't. This is his alone to work out. I just need to be there to pick up the pieces. Doesn't make it any easier...~

    Meanwhile, across the table, Garos Hmiol had similar depressing thoughts.

    ~I hate sickness. I hate everything to do with sickness. I don't care what the masters say about hatred, I hate it, I hate what it does to peoples lives...~

    ~And most of all, I hate what it did for my life.~

    And now sickness claimed another victim. His friend.

    The thought startled Garos, and he took a moment to recover himself. Had he really just thought of Jemmiah as a friend?

    Yes, he realized, all feuds and personality quirks aside, he found that somewhere deep down he had grown to trust them almost as much as his master. Was this what friendship was? Hmiol had always thought that friendship, if he ever experienced it,(Which had seemed highly unlikely for most of his life) would be something that reached up and hit him like a lightsaber. But... what if it wasn't? It made him think. Alot.

    And he began to realize what the greenish padawan across from him must be going through.

    Slowly, uncertain, Garos reached a consoling hand across and placed it atop Simeon's.

    Neither spoke.
  15. Jemmiah

    Jemmiah Jedi Master star 5

    Mar 5, 2000
    Posted by JEMMIAH:


    Family Matters Part 6
    Jemmiah?s Point of View

    Well diary,

    It?s been two days. Two whole days since I woke up.

    They?re all waiting for me to crack up, breakdown or whatever. I can see them watching me, hovering nearby, always the worried expression. Always the sympathetic look.

    I?m not an invalid. I just want to get up and get on with my life but they wont let me. An-Paj has ordered me to stay in bed for at least another couple of days whilst they run some more tests on me. Pulling me this way, prodding me that way, and ?oh, can we have some more of your blood please??

    As if they haven?t had enough of it already.

    They moved me to a room of my own because I?ve been disturbing the other patients with my nightmares. I don?t know why in the name of Sith they?ve chosen to come back now, but I?m telling you it?s damned inconvenient. Now everyone in here is treating me like I?m some kind of freak. They?re already walking around as if they?re on eggshells as it is. Personally, I?d settle for a normal conversation. One that doesn?t start with ?How are you feeling??

    And how am I feeling?

    I just don?t know, to tell the truth. Tired. Very tired. Not as tired as everyone else it would appear, who seem to have been pacing the floor whilst I was floating around oblivious to everything. I can read their expressions and emotions exactly the same way that they can?t see mine. What do they say to someone who?s lost a child? There?s only so many ways to say sorry. Nobody should be feeling guilty. But that doesn?t stop them from beating up on themselves, does it?

    I?ve tried over and over again down the years to not feel guilt for the things that have gone on around me because at the end of the day it serves no practical purpose. Changing the past is impossible, however much you would wish to alter it. But you know, I understand how they feel because I do know what guilt is. I?m just not one for showing it. When I was young, emotions were weaknesses that could be exploited against you and you soon learned to keep your head down and your feelings locked away.

    Not very healthy, on reflection.

    Ben asked me if there was anything he could get me. I said my diary, my butterfly hair clasp and a bottle of Corellian Brandy. Now they think I want to drink myself into oblivion! I certainly needed my diary. I?m not sure why I asked for the clasp. Master Jinn gave it to me when I was ten and It?s been a bit of a favorite ever since. Well, if Ben can have a rock why can?t I have something of mine? And anyhow, I need something familiar at the moment. Just being able to pick it up and hold it in my hand is a big comfort for some strange reason. I think I?d be lost without it.

    I didn?t want this child. Nobody wanted this child, let?s face it. I?m useless with kids. Never really knew any others when I was small, except for my brother and to be honest I can?t really remember him at all. I tried to recollect his face last night and here?s the funny thing; I couldn?t even remember what color of eyes he had. Amazing what the passage of time does. Not so much a healer of wounds but it does paper over the cracks.

    Strangely enough though, everyone sort of pulled together. Master Jinn has been extremely supportive. Ben, of course, has always been there. And Evla. It was nice, I don?t deny it. It felt like a proper family in a way. I must be getting soft in my old age! It never bothered me before. Still, it was nice while it lasted?

    Am I sad over what?s happened?

    Yes, I think maybe a little. There?s always going to be a bit of me that wonders what the kid might of turned out like. I mean it wasn?t just a part of myself but of Ben, too. That?s what hurts the most, I suppose. I?m sorry that his child never got the chance to grow up but I don?t think it was meant to happen. At the end of the day, the poor kid deserved better than to have me as a mother.

    Of course, Ben is hurting. More than me, I think. Or maybe I?m fooling myself, I don?t know. Perhaps the tears will come later on. I d
  16. Healer_Leona

    Healer_Leona Squirrely Community Mod star 9 Staff Member Manager

    Jul 7, 2000
    *heavy sigh*

    Such a trying time in Jemmy's life. I think the girl really deserves a little happiness!!
  17. Jemmiah

    Jemmiah Jedi Master star 5

    Mar 5, 2000
    Posted by HEALER LEONA:

    Family Matters Part 7

    Carefully balancing the dinner tray in one hand Leona knocked on the door to the private room where Jemmiah had been moved.

    "Come in!" came the exasperated answer.

    "I have your dinner." Leona stated the obvious, placing the tray on the bedside table.

    "How are you fee..." the healer's question was cut short as the young Corellian let out a short scream, putting her hands over her ears and shaking her head vehemently.

    "If I hear that question one most time I really will go Sith!" Jemmiah commented gruffly, hiding the data pad she had been typing in under her covers.

    "Sorry." Leona apologized, "But it kind of comes with the job." Rotating the table over the bed, the healer began setting the girl's meal in order.

    "I *can* do that myself." Jemmiah snapped.

    "Fine." Leona answered calmly, unfazed by the girl's sharp tone. One was use to the irascible temper of those she dealt with. Even the most even-tempered of individuals were given to ill-humor when confined to the infirmary, and Jemmiah certainly didn't qualify as such even under normal circumstances.

    The healer had long ago simply chose to see the irritability as a sign of recovery. Taking a seat in the lone chair she watched as the girl began to move the food around the plate, not really eating.

    "Do you want some?" Jemmiah asked annoyed at the way the healer stared at her. It was just another thing that bothered her greatly, making her feel like some sort or sideshow attraction.

    "No thank you." Leona smiled sweetly, "I've already eaten, but for your own good I suggest you at least try and get something down. It will speed your recovery."

    "I'm just not hungry." she said, pushing the tray away, reaching for her hair clasp.

    "Loss of appetite is a sign of depression." Leona noted aloud. "Would you like to talk about it?"

    "Oh, so now you're a mind healer?" Jemmiah flared, fed up at the way everyone presumed to understand her.

    "Hardly, I just thought it would be easier to talk with someone who might relate to what you were going through."

    "Really? And what makes you so qualified. Being a Jedi or a Healer?" Jemmiah inquired bitterly.
    "I don't want to talk about *it*, now or ever. Why can't anyone see I want to put it behind me, forget about *it*.

    Leona frowned pensively, making Jemmiah instantly regret her words. She knew Leona was only trying to help but she was tired of everyone's 'help'.

    Leona released a small sigh and Jemmiah thought the healer had finally given up.

    "Actually, my empathy stems from the loss of not just a child but a husband as well."

    Jemmiah's eyes widened at the unexpected revelation.

    "You were married?" the girl asked, more than a little shocked, "But you're a Jedi."

    "Being a Jedi doesn't make one immune to affairs of the heart Jemmiah, you of all people should understand that. There are a number of married Jedi in the Temple, An-Paj for instance."

    "Yeah, but he's...he's An-Paj and six wives hardly constitutes a normal married relationship." Jemmiah stammered.

    "Well, maybe not to us. But it's a normal fact of life for where he comes from."

    Leona paused as she collected her thoughts; thoughts that had gone untouched for quite a long time.

    "It was a good many years ago. I met Romja at seventeen while still an apprentice healer and fell madly in love with him and he with me. After graduating my trials we were married and by the next year we had a baby girl."

    Jemmiah noted the glassy sheen of the healer's eyes as she related the story, remembering the reaction of the healer when she'd asked about the gender of her own lost child.

    "Balancing life as a wife, mother and Jedi was difficult, but with the help of a kind, loving husband it was manageable. I had applied for a position in one of the hospital's on Ixonia, where Jedi healer's had a semi-permanent presence due to the planet's long standing civil war.

    "My thinking was that there would be less traveling and we could stay together. Unfortunately
  18. Jemmiah

    Jemmiah Jedi Master star 5

    Mar 5, 2000
    What I want to know now is if Leona is ever going to metion her daughter to Qui-Gon... :)
  19. mouse2

    mouse2 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Oct 29, 1999
    Good question Jem!

    This whole story gets me everytime!

  20. Jedi Obi-Wan

    Jedi Obi-Wan Jedi Youngling star 3

    Jun 18, 2000

    I asked Healer_Leona for a good JA fic to read, and she directed me here. Leona! Why didn't you warn me? Do you know how hard it is to find a box of tissues when you can't see because your crying so hard?

    This is awesome stuff! You guys are so talented. I've never had a fic play with my emotions like this one. You mentioned a fic(s?) before this one, so would somebody pleeeease give me a link? Please? Please??!!
  21. Jemmiah

    Jemmiah Jedi Master star 5

    Mar 5, 2000
    Hi, Jedi Obi-Wan!

    The fic that slots in before Family Matters is 'Lions and Tigers and Padawans, Oh My!'

    The link is:

    TLST is the sequel and is up and running at the moment. Another relevant story that takes place after TLST and Family Matters is 'Someone to Watch Over Me' and the link is as follows:

    Thanks for your interest :)


    Posted by JEMMIAH:

    Family Matters Part 8
    Qui-Gon's POV

    Gods, I never hoped to find myself in such a state.

    For a moment I had managed to convince myself that things were slowly beginning to get back to normal. Everyone is feeling the strain, of course they are, but I harboured a false hope that with everybody?s support we would cope with recent events and start to look to the future once more. I can see now how wrong I was.

    Leona warned me. She told me repeatedly that she was worried about Jemmiah: anxious over her state of mind and her lack of communication regarding the trauma she has been through. Each time she brought the subject up I swept it aside, telling her that she would learn to cope in her own way as she had done time and time again on countless other occasions. How I wish I?d taken her advice! What does it cost to listen, after all? Why do I never listen?

    On reflection I am not sure if my disregarding her professional opinion was due to my not believing it or not knowing how to cope with it. Depression is a serious matter. How could I sweep it to one side as if it were of no significance?

    Jemmiah?s been missing for three days without a word or any sign of where she could have vanished. She?s covered her tracks really well and it?s quite obvious she doesn?t want to be found. My padawan and some of his friends have been trying to locate her. Trying to think where she might have gone or whom she might be staying with. Spider has been contacting her former school friends incase Jemmiah has approached one of them for help but so far there hasn?t been any word. Rela?s been searching too and has promised to keep in touch should she hear anything. She?s been spreading word round the cantinas that Jemmiah?s been known to frequent. Force, somebody has to know something?

    The last few weeks have not been kind to anybody but especially so for Evla. I?ve tried to reassure her that she will turn up safe and well but with every passing day that hope seems to diminish even further. How do you find someone who doesn?t want to be found? Or worse still, can?t be found?

    No, I won?t think like that.

    She?s still on Coruscant, of that much I feel certain. When she left she took only the money she had on her which couldn?t have been very much, her diary and the hair clasp I gave her when she was ten. She?s certainly not going to get very far with that inventory. That?s the worrying thing. Maybe she doesn?t expect to. Captain Demodae?s been searching as well, putting the word around the smugglers and freighter haulers that do business, legitimate or otherwise, incase she tries to hitch a ride or stowaway.

    My padawan is beside himself with worry. He and Mace are out searching the lower levels at the moment, working on the theory that if Jemmiah has little money then she will try to find somewhere inexpensive to hide away. Obi-Wan doesn?t seem too confidant of finding anything valuable to our search but he continues doggedly so that he can keep his mind occupied and busy himself in a productive way. That?s what we are all doing. He?s blaming himself for not spotting that something was amiss earlier on.

    The first we knew of Jemmiah?s disappearance was on discovering a note written on flimsy plast. Evla had left to go on her night shift with the initiates and it wasn?t discovered until her return some four hours later. There was a note enclosed with her own addressed to my padawan which Obi-Wan guards doggedly and refuses to let either of us share. He says it is personal and won?t hand it over but he assures me that it does not give any clu
  22. Miana Kenobi

    Miana Kenobi Admin Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Apr 5, 2000
  23. Jemmiah

    Jemmiah Jedi Master star 5

    Mar 5, 2000
    Posted by JEMMIAH:

    Part 9


    Obi-Wan re-read the letter for what might have been the hundredth time, for all he knew.

    Dear Ben,

    I am so sorry, but I have to do this. I?m slowly being driven mad by everyone staring at me like I?m some sort of rare exhibit in a cage. People don?t speak to me; they just point. And even if they did speak I wouldn?t know what to say back.

    Do yourself a big favor and don?t try and find me. Just forget I was ever here. You?ll find someone better than me one day. I need to be by myself. I?m sick of everyone knowing what?s best for me and treating me like I?m some kind of neurotic mess.

    Actually, I?m beginning to wonder if they mightn?t be right.

    I?ve only ever wanted what was best for you and I?m convinced beyond doubt that I don?t fall into that category.

    I still would like you to know that I have always loved you. Even when I haven?t shown it or haven?t behaved as I should?and I know there have been many of those occasions. The fact that you have had the patience to overlook all the horrible things that I?ve done only goes to prove that I don?t deserve you in the first place. I will keep thinking of you.

    Even when I?m no longer with you.

    Be happy, be well, and be safe,

    Love always,


    He?d looked at the words so often that they had long ceased to have any real meaning. They were only shapes written in a somewhat hurried and slanting hand. Just scratches on a piece of flimsy plast. And above all else they failed to inform him of the one thing he needed to know.

    Where the hell was she?

    It was the end of day number three, and there had been no word at all regarding her whereabouts. Jemmiah had simply vanished. He couldn?t even sense her faint presence in the force.

    He didn?t want to think what that might mean.

    Obi-Wan rested his back against the wall, eyes looking up at the ceiling. It was twilight, his favorite time of the day usually. Difficult as it could sometimes be to relax on such a thriving, sleepless planet as Coruscant, Obi-Wan found meditation so much easier when the sun began to set.

    Switch off, it seemed to say.

    But he couldn?t. Not now.

    He hadn?t heard his master enter the apartment; he was so wrapped up in his thoughts.

    ?Padawan?? The voice caused him to jump despite its gentleness.

    Obi-Wan said nothing.

    Qui-Gon regarded his apprentice for a few moments and then seated himself beside the young man. He was twenty-one years of age but had already experienced so much heartache? and it hurt Qui-Gon to see the sorrow that had etched itself on his youthful features over the last few weeks.

    ?Talk to me.? He said simply.

    Kenobi shrugged, looking down at the folded flimsy plast in his hand. For the first couple of days he would not have let anybody see this letter at the cost of his own life. It was deeply personal and to share its contents with even his master had been unthinkable?

    Now he needed to talk.

    Reluctant to pass the letter over he hesitated for a moment, and Qui-Gon watched as the need to discuss battled and won over his desire to keep his thoughts private.

    ?Are you sure you want me to read this?? Jinn asked, again seeing the wavering uncertainty on his padawan?s features. Obi-Wan nodded.

    Qui-Gon read the letter in silence for a moment and waited for Obi-Wan to speak.

    ?How can she just leave like that?? He felt his anguish turn rapidly to annoyance. ?Doesn?t she know how everyone is feeling? I mean, she must have guessed what this would do to Evla but it still didn?t stop her from going.?

    A muscle in his cheek twitched. ?How can she say those things? Forget her? Find someone better??
    ?She also says she loves you.? Qui-Gon replied. ?Doesn?t that mean something??

    Obi-Wan blinked as he considered his master?s words.

    ?She can?t mean it if she?s walked away from us. What could she have been thinking?? He mumbled.
    ?She?s not thinking at all.? Qui-Gon put a comforting arm round Obi-Wan?s shoulder. ?She?s tired, she?s confused and she?s been through a lot in th
  24. Jemmiah

    Jemmiah Jedi Master star 5

    Mar 5, 2000
    Here is the final chapter in the story :)

    Family Matters: Part 10
    Posted by JEMMIAH:

    Jemmiah half-woke to almost total darkness.

    Her eyes refused to open properly and it was making things very difficult to see exactly where she was. The sweeping lassitude that had stricken her was still holding her body in an almost vice like grip.


    Give in, she thought. Don?t fight it. Just?sleep.

    On the verge of succumbing again to the powerful impulse to sleep, she tried a last time to make sense of her strange surroundings. She just couldn?t remember?

    I?m in some sort of apartment, she thought. Why is it so dark? And why am I on my own?

    She pulled herself upwards so that she was sitting on the couch instead of lying across it. Instantly she regretted it.

    ?Sith?my head hurts.? She moaned to herself.

    Nothing was making any sense to her. She hadn?t the faintest idea where she was but she knew she didn?t belong there. Jemmiah wanted to go home?but how could she find her way back? And what the hell was wrong with her, anyhow?

    Try to find a light source, she told herself. See what?s what.

    As her hands slapped about for the light, her thoughts turned to Ben. What she wouldn?t give to be back with him right now?.

    But I wrote him that letter, Jemmiah remembered groggily. Forget me, I said. You?ll find someone better. He?ll never speak to me again.

    The effort of locating the light source was proving too taxing and Jemmiah slumped over onto some sort of desk. The whole thing was beginning to frighten her. It was like some surreal dream?only it was becoming more of a nightmare.

    Nightmares. Yes, they?d been plaguing her again. They had been ever since she?d woken up in the infirmary when she?d-

    Damn! Where WAS she?

    Shaking, her hand struck what appeared to be a comlink, sending it skittering across the desk. Maybe, if she could get her head to stop spinning long enough to think clearly, she could place a call to the temple? Jemmiah stood for a moment, trying to recall the frequency that would put her in touch with Qui-Gon, but it just wouldn?t come to her.

    Stay calm, stay calm. This isn?t as scary as you?re making it out to be.

    Liar! Her inner voice replied. You?re terrified.

    She just wanted to sleep. Just wanted to drift off again?

    Come on girl! Think! Master Jinn?s com-frequency? Jemmiah frowned in concentration although it hurt her head to do so. All the time her head was telling her it didn?t know the answers her fingers were working on instinct, proving her wrong.

    Please gods, let this work?

    Obi-Wan tossed and tossed uncomfortably on his bed, as he had been for the past few sleepless nights. He desperately tried to allow much-needed sleep to take him, knowing that his master would be aware of his lack of relaxation. He didn?t want a repeat of last night when Qui-Gon had made him a hot herbal drink to help him sleep. Only a combination of respect for his master and a lack of hatred for his Florizan Tea plant had stopped him from pouring the foul substance into the soil filled pot.

    And then if Qui-Gon ever caught him hugging Jemmy?s re-patched stuffed cuddly Nargot toy he would just die from embarrassment?

    It was no use brooding, he realized. Face it, she?s not coming back. She told you. She doesn?t want to be with you. Well, fine. If she wanted to throw nearly two years of their lives away, so be it. Obviously it had all meant nothing to her in the first place.

    He?d known about her many little assignations with some of the other padawans before they had gone out, and not a few that had gone on whilst they had just started to see each other, but he?d forgiven her all of that because he?d wanted to be with her. Eventually his patience had paid off and she?d stopped her many dalliances. Because she had wanted to be with him. Or so he?d thought.

    Now he wasn?t sure about anything.

    He hugged the toy with its stitched-up wound even closer, and felt damned silly about it when he pictured how he would look. Jemmy would la
  25. Healer_Leona

    Healer_Leona Squirrely Community Mod star 9 Staff Member Manager

    Jul 7, 2000
    Wow! I'd forgotten way back then you brought up the retreat.

    Wonderful Jemmiah!
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