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Fan Film Script

Discussion in 'Fan Films, Fan Audio & SciFi 3D' started by Ad_Argolisen, May 18, 2002.

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  1. Ad_Argolisen

    Ad_Argolisen Jedi Youngling

    Mar 29, 2002
    Hello out there. I would like to express my deepest apoliges to anyone who say my response to andalite's topic of sw music. In other new I am writing a script for the fan flim Beginning of Darkness. Andalite is also in the flim. If any of you could offer any suggestions for the script or names for the flim they would be very appreceated. Thanks.
  2. Macho

    Macho Jedi Padawan star 4

    Sep 21, 2001
    have you shown us your script or not?
  3. Jedi_Jewel

    Jedi_Jewel Jedi Youngling star 1

    Feb 26, 2002
    go to my thread and people have posted names :)
  4. Ad_Argolisen

    Ad_Argolisen Jedi Youngling

    Mar 29, 2002
    Where is your thread?
  5. Ad_Argolisen

    Ad_Argolisen Jedi Youngling

    Mar 29, 2002
    This is the part that I need help with.

    G7: Gold 10 you have 3 fighters coming up on your
    tail. Turn to point 7-2. I?ll cover for you.
    G10: Copy that Gold 7.

    (Gold 7 destroys 2 Howlrunners and the third flies

    G7: Got ?em.
    Hope: Some of those bombers and their interceptor
    escorts have broken thru our screens. Recommend that
    you pull back a little and give us some cover.
    Blue Leader: Copy that. Black squad press forward.
    Blue squad, follow me. We?re going back to support the
    Hope. Blacks, be careful without us.
    BBL: Roger that. Good hunting.

    (Black 2 destroys Terror 4)

    G6: I?ve got two fighters on me. I can?t shake ?em!
    G8: Pull back to Holding Sector MG-3.
    G6: I?ve lost my engines and shields; I don?t think I
    can make it.
    G8: Use your maneuvering thrusters. Turn to mark point
    G6: They?ve locked on! Ahhhhhh-

    (G6 is destroyed)

    G8: NOOOOO!
    GL: Keep going.
    G10: Hope and Homeworld, there is a hole opening up in
    the enemy formation. Prepare to breach the enemy
    Hope: Copy that.

    (Just as this is said, Darth Torvis destroys a Republic
    fighter and takes off for the surface of the

    (The Republic get closer to the Sith fleet and destroy
    most everything and what is left jumps to hyperspace
    at a random direction)

    GL: Nice shootin? boys. Report in Gold Squadron.
    G2: Gold 2 check.
    G4: Gold 4 reporting, Gold 3 was just blasted by a
    strange ship that was headed for the surface.
    G5: Gold 5 here.
    G7: Gold 7 reporting.
    G8: No one can shoot ol?8 down.
    G10: Gold 9 was a great pilot. This is Gold 10. Out?
    GL: Lets go home. Rendezvous with the Thunderbolt at
    Coordinates H-52.95.
    G8: Copy that. All ships prepare to jump to sector

    (The remaining Republic ships jump to hyperspace)

    (Camera shows Sui-Son stand from a rock meditating and
    looks toward the sky)

    Sui-Son: I sense a disturbance in the force?something
    I have not felt since? quickly?we must flee to the

    ---They run up the hill and they reach the top and are
    unfortunately cut off from going over the other side
    by Torvis?s ship landing---

    Sui-Son: Hurry! Take Cover!

    ---Sui-Son and Smocklay take cover behind rocks on
    opposing sides---

    (The ships door hatch opens up with landing thrusters

    ---Fade from left to rite---

    (Gilgath is reporting to Needa that the Republic fleet
    has left but they were to late to catch Warp-Nod)

    Gilgath: The Republic fleet has left Toprawa.
    Needa: Excellent. They have underestimated the power
    of the dark-side. Prepare Palpatine?s shuttle. He will
    be leaving for Coruscant in 24 hours.
    Gilgath: Yes sir.

  6. Various

    Various Jedi Youngling star 2

    May 15, 2002
    Rewrite everything that sounds like it was taken directly from the original movies.

    That whole, "they've locked onto me, Ahhh!" "Noooo!" part was...well, cheesy.

    Every wonder why Mr. Burns from The Simpson's says "Excellent" all the time? They're making fun of cliched bad guys.

    The action that was described sounded good. You might want to read up on fighter pilot terminology to get some ideas.
  7. SZier

    SZier Jedi Youngling star 2

    May 14, 2002
    <<That whole, "they've locked onto me, Ahhh!" "Noooo!" part was...well, cheesy. >>

    Agreed, this is something that could be better shown in the action.

    A loud beep, the pilot looks down to see a lock warning flash. He spins around to look over his should just as a missile is loosened from his attacker. Then he has that look of absolute dread that just makes you want to hurl. The other pilot screams out his name (not as cheesy as noo, and more personal to show friendship) as the missile impacts the ship and the explosion drowns out his cry.

    Using the name of the pilot is more personal, and not as cheesy I think. Having the name call during the action (as the missile is trailing into impact) draws our total attention away from the name being screamed. The two events then work together to create the scene, rather than one happening then the other.

    Just my opinion mind you. :)

    Scott Zier
    (Reciprocity is now up on TFN!)
  8. Ad_Argolisen

    Ad_Argolisen Jedi Youngling

    Mar 29, 2002
    That is a very good idea. Do you have a good name for it?
  9. Gilgath

    Gilgath Jedi Youngling

    May 20, 2002
    Whoa whoa whoa, slow down buddy.

    I never gave you permission to use my character name in this. Please change it.

    Yes, this is Scott. My character name is not to be broadcast across the internet unless I am behind it.

    Just so ya'll know, "Gilgath" is copyright by me.

    Not that I think any of you would go and rip it off, but you never know, eh?

    Besides, Gilgath was never a Star Wars character to begin with.

    Thank you.
  10. Jedi_Master_Sigler

    Jedi_Master_Sigler Jedi Youngling star 1

    May 6, 2002
    Now, I don't mean to be an ass, but the name Gilgath has been used in stories and things since the early middle ages, in such stories as King Arthur -- its a very Gealic name, for which I know.
    Now, unless you have been around since the 1100s, I don't think that you came up with the name.
  11. Ad_Argolisen

    Ad_Argolisen Jedi Youngling

    Mar 29, 2002
    Hey, Scott, I got permission to use your name when I started to write the script. If you want a different name don't post it. Just tell me. I do see you like every day. Thanks.
  12. Gilgath

    Gilgath Jedi Youngling

    May 20, 2002
    Sigler: are you sure about that? I've seen names very much like it, but never straight "Gilgath."

    Argolisen: I gave you permission to use it for a script that would never leave our circle of friends.
    Not on the internet.

    In any case, I've had and used this name for up to 4 years. I hope you have the maturity to recognize that and respect that it is MY character.

  13. sqerl

    sqerl Jedi Youngling star 1

    Feb 12, 2002
    actually gilgath is:

    GILGATH is a bronze dragon, hatched from the first clutch of dragon eggs. His rider is Peter Semling. First appearance: 'Dragonsdawn'.

    And google has 4 pages of gilgath:

    But hey... just mt .02 cents (.03 canadian)

  14. BarryOTP

    BarryOTP Jedi Youngling star 1

    Apr 15, 2002
    Yeah man, people aren't going to steal your name...thats kinda insulting...
  15. Ad_Argolisen

    Ad_Argolisen Jedi Youngling

    Mar 29, 2002
    Alright. Now that that has been cleared away, if you guys want to argue about weather or not "Gilgath" is an original name, you should go into a chat room or some forum. For now on, I will not put the name "Gilgath" in any posts until Gilgath will give me permission to. Thanks for the imput, though.
  16. Gilgath

    Gilgath Jedi Youngling

    May 20, 2002
    And in those 4 pages, there are 25 matches, 9 of which are about me.

    gah, i forgot about mccaffery's dragon. *shrug* mine's cooler. =P

    Moving on. Argolisen: apart from that; it's good.
    Sui-son kinda sounds like an asian food though. o_O;;

    and a few parts are, yes, cheesy.
    'we must flee to the hills' is the one that bugs me the most. try "we must not be found - quickly, this way" instead.
  17. Ad_Argolisen

    Ad_Argolisen Jedi Youngling

    Mar 29, 2002
    How about "Ke"? And also, I have changed "Gilgath" in the script to "Scott". And thank you for the ideas.
  18. Ad_Argolisen

    Ad_Argolisen Jedi Youngling

    Mar 29, 2002
    This is the next part of the script.

    ---The G?Toth comes out of hyperspace next to the
    Thunderbird. A shuttle leaves the G?Toth?s hanger bay
    and lands in the Thunderbird?s docking bay. An armed
    guard is waiting for them---

    Guard: The Jedi Master Kay Mardorn is ready to see

    ---They proceed to the conference room. Kay is waiting
    for them---

    Kay: Greetings, all. I welcome you to the Republic
    Warship Thunderbolt. You are a large group? and what
    is this? I do believe that this young lady has force
    Nighthawk: What are you are talking about?
    Kay: You mean that you didn?t know? I am disappointed
    in you. Even though it has been many years since you
    were a Jedi, you still should have been able to sense
    the force potential in her. She has great power, this
    Nighthawk: Well, I sure am surprised.
    Kay: How did you meet her?
    Nighthawk: She is the sister to my new chief pilot who I
    just recently hired on. He was at the fight against
    the Sith fleet not to long ago. She tagged along
    because she had some experience with the natives of
    this planet and is quite good with maps.
    Kay: I see. I would like to see her in Room 14 later.
    Cindy: You know, I do have a voice here. You can ask
    me some of these questions.
    Kay: She is quite a hothead, eh?
    Nighthawk: You have no idea.

    ---Fade to black---

    ---Fade in to Smocklay?s firing---

    (Torvis is Deflecting fire shots from Smocklay and after 5
    shots a shot goes back and hits Smocklay in the arm and
    falls over)

    Smocklay: Ahhh!
    Ke-Son: Are you all right?
    Smocklay: I?ll make it.

    --- Torvis jumps over to Sui-Son and holds his lightsaber
    over his head---

    Torvis: I will enjoy watching you die, Jedi scum. I can
    feel your fear and anger.
    Ke-Son: You are mistaken, Darth Torvis. It is not I who
    will die today. It is you and your master, Warp Nod.
    Torvis: My master will be here shortly, and then you will
    be destroyed.
    Ke-Son: We will see.

    (Warp-Nod falls from hyperspace and is amazed to see
    that the republic fleet has left the Toprawa system.)

    (Almost at the same time [Scott] and Needa fall in as
    well and enter the Sithspawn?s docking bay)

    Warp-Nod (to himself): The republic?s fleet has
    vanished. This makes it all too easy.

    (Warp-Nod heads for the surface)

    ---The Republic Fleet drops in on the Sithspawn and
    the 2 groups engage each other---

    ---Aboard the Sithspawn, [Scott] and Needa get to the
    bridge. They look over Warp Nod?s shoulder and see
    that the Republic fleet is attacking---

    ---The Sithspawn manages to destroy 2 Republic ships
    but a third one opens fires and this time it breaks
    thru the shield, taking out a chunk of the Sithspawn

    ---With a disappointed look Warp-Nod sighs. Then the
    Sithspawn jumps into hyperspace---

    Warp Nod: Setting a course for the Galdimari system.
    The plans have now changed!

    ---On Galdimari, just as Torvis strikes, Ke-Son
    activates his lightsaber and blocks it. Then he rolls
    to engage the Sith Lord. Just then 3 people run up---

    Nighthawk: Are you all right?
    Smocklay: You know, I wish people would stop saying
    that. I?m fine, go help Sui-Son. He went that way a
    short time ago. (Points to the left *from the camera
    Nighthawk: Get Smocklay back to the G?Toth. (Runs in the
    direction of Ke-Son)

    ---Camera showing Sithspawn departing for the

    ---Scene changes to Sui-Son and Torvis fighting---

    Ke-Son: You cannot defeat me.
    Torvis: You underestimate the power of the Sith.

    (Then Nighthawk shows up at the scene)

    Nighthawk: Hello. Am I interrupting something?

    (Torvis looks over in a PISSED off look)

    Torvis: What are you doing here!
    Nighthawk: Surprised to see me? It has been a long time.
    Torvis: I have gained much knowledge in the force. This
    time I will Triumph!
    Rupert: Not without your Master.
    Torvis: How dare you insult me?
    Nighthawk: Regardless of what you may think, you are not
    strong in the ways of the force.
    Torvis: We shall see!!

    ---They have a brief fight but when Dal?s lightsaber
    is knocked away Wa
  19. Dalen_Fan_Jakan

    Dalen_Fan_Jakan Jedi Youngling

    May 22, 2002
    Hello Argolisen. I think that you need more scens for Cindy. And that isn't all of your script, is it? 'Cause it looks kinda short.
  20. Ad_Argolisen

    Ad_Argolisen Jedi Youngling

    Mar 29, 2002
    Hello Dalen. Odd name. But to answer your question, no, that is only the first of two parts of the script. I'll post the other part as soon as the discussion for the first part is over. Do you have any suggestions for me?
  21. Various

    Various Jedi Youngling star 2

    May 15, 2002
    I'd change the name "Warp-Nod."

    And there is an awful lot of talking going on during the fight. Not as bad as in Marvel comics where a character can give a four paragraph speech explaining their powers to try to let new readers know what's going on all while kicking someone in the face. Not too realistic.

    Besides, Darth Maul didn't have much to say, nor did that Dooku guy when he started to fight. If you make the movie you'll probably cut most of it out or move it to a non-fight scene. Breathing is really important in combat.
  22. Darth Virru

    Darth Virru Jedi Youngling star 2

    Jun 11, 2000
    Breathing is important for life too...just thought I'd let you know.

    Darth Virru
  23. Ad_Argolisen

    Ad_Argolisen Jedi Youngling

    Mar 29, 2002
    What would you change "Warp-Nod" to? As for the talking during the fighting, ya in the movies they don't do it much because they have a time limit. In books they talk more during lightsaber fights when the combatants know each other. We have the talking in to add to the length of the movie. And to give us a basis for the scene. But thats for the wake-up call. I will try to limit the amount of talking in my script.
  24. Ad_Argolisen

    Ad_Argolisen Jedi Youngling

    Mar 29, 2002
    How about changing Warp Nod to Darth Tiberius? Would that work better?
  25. DorkmanScott

    DorkmanScott Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Mar 26, 2001
    "We have the talking in to add to the length of the movie. And to give us a basis for the scene. But thats for the wake-up call. I will try to limit the amount of talking in my script."

    No, just limit it in the fights.

    Remember that people are paying to see your movie with their time. Don't add length of film and download just because you think it should be longer.

    M. Scott
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