Favorite Simpsons Quotes

Go!

1. "I'm glad we're stranded. It'll be just like Swiss Family Robinson, only with a lot more cursing. We're gonna live like kings... damn hell ass kings!"

 

There are far too many, but I'll start off with these:

Homer sings to himself (tune of the Flintstones): Simpson! Homer Simpson! He's the greatest guy in history. From the! Town of Springfield! He's about to hit a chestnut tree!

McBain: My eyes! The goggles do nothing!

Jeff

 

...and the doctor said I wouldn't have anymore nose bleeds, if I just kept my finger out of there.

 

"If the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, its that girls should stick to girl's sports, such as hot oil wrestling foxy boxy and such and such... "

Another classic!

 

Reverend Lovejoy: Marge, get a divorce.

Marge Simpson: Bur Reverend, isn't divorce a sin?

Reverend Lovejoy: (Holding up a Bible) Have you ever read this thing? Everything's a sin. Technically we're not allowed to go to the bathroom.

 

Wayland Smithers: It's been my experience that women and seamen don't mix, sir.

 

Priam, King of Troy (Ned Flanders): Now anytime someone gets wood, they'll think of Trojans!

 

Principal Skinner: You saved me! Now, chew through my ball sack.

hamster: Errrr!?!

 

Kodos: Well, if you wanted to make Sarek the Preparer cry, mission accomplished.

 

Homer: "Me lose brain? Uh-oh. Ha ha ha. Why I laugh?"

 

Reverend Lovejoy: Now, as these are childrens' toys, they will burn quickly.

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Bart, as Ned's kids are playing a religious video game: Oh, you winged him, now he's just a Lutheran.


Dwayne

 

Ralph: I bent my wookie.

Moe: I'm gonna go back in time and ge me some caveman hookers.

To Comic Book Guy: Oh, a fat sarcastic Star Trek fan. You must be a real devil with the ladies.

 

Here's 2:
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Apu: I have come to make amends, sir. At first, I blamed you for squealing, but then I realized, it was I who wronged you. So I have come to work off my debt. I am at your service.
Homer: You're...selling what, now?
Apu: I am selling only the concept of karmic realignment.
Homer: You can't sell that! Karma can only be portioned out by the cosmos. (slams the door)
Apu: He's got me there.

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Marge: Homer, it's very easy to criticize...
Homer: and fun, too!

 

Moe: I wasn't gonna kill ya, just cut ya a little...

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Moe: I'm gonna cut off your tongue and use it to paint my boat.

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Moe: I'm gonna stuff you with sausages and shove wild dogs up your butt.

Dwayne

 

Milhouse, on falling in love: "It was just like Romeo and Juliet, only it ended in tragedy."

Lisa: Mom, romance is dead. It was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, then sold off piece by piece.

Maude Flanders: "I've been going to Bible classes. They're teaching me to be more judgmental."

Grandpa: "I'm an old man, no one listens to me."
Lisa: "I'm a young girl, no one listens to me."
Homer: "I'm a white male aged 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are."
He then goes to the cabinet and takes out a can of food titled, "Nuts and Gum: Together At Last"

Jeff

 

Homer's toast: "To alcohol, the cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems."

 

Homer: Women will like what I tell them to like.

 

Homer: I've always been an obese man trapped inside a fat man's body.

Homer: DOH!

 

Homer: HELP ME JEBUS!

 

"God bless those pagans."

 

"Elmo knows where you live."

 

Anything out of Raplh's mouth

"Good job, Nibbles! Now chew through my ball sack." Principle Skinner

"Shut up, Becky!" Marge

And there are really too many to count after those...TOO MANY.

 

This was just on, and it made me laugh aloud:

Homer: Look, the thing about my family is there's five of us. Marge, Bart, Girl Bart, the one who doesn't talk, and the fat guy. How I loathe him!

Jeff

 

Another zinger:

Grampa Simpson (after consumating his marriage): Wanna give Honest Abe another turn in the oval office?

Heheh

Jeff

 

Sea Captain: "Yarg, I'm not attractive."

Not nearly as funny without the voice, but still a hoot.