Favorite Simpsons Quotes

Hehehe... This gem was just on:

Marge: (gasp) "You can't use the word 'sex' on the internet!"
Marge's Sister: "Watch me."

 

HOMER: you role around in your own filth!

homer: where do i sign up?

 

Cheif Wiggum: "Bake 'em away, toys!"

 

"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'."
-Homer Simpson


"Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days. This Bible cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody's a sinner! Except this guy."
-Homer Simpson

 

"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls: Contrary to what you've just seen, war is neither glamorous nor fun. There are no winners, only losers. There are no good wars, with the following exceptions: The American Revolution, World War II, and the Star Wars Trilogy. If you'd like to learn more about war, there's lots of books in your local library, many of them with cool, gory pictures." -- Bart

"I'm having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to Church!" --Homer

"I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here." --Homer

"English - Who needs that? I'm never going to England!" --Homer

 

Homer: "Flanders, I need $100,000."
Flanders: "Well I don't have that kind of money, Homer, but you will be in my prayers."
Homer: "Go suck a Bible!"

 

Mr. Burns: "Merry Fishmas!"

 

"He didn't give you gay, did he?"- Homer

 

Marge: He prefers the company of men.

Homer: Who doesn't?!?

 

Lisa: I'm studying for the math fair. If I win, I'll get a brand new protractor.
Homer: Too bad we don't live on a farm.

Homer: God is teasing me! Just like he teased Moses in the desert!
Marge: *Tested,* Homer. God *tested* Moses.

Principal Skinner: Children, I couldn't help monitoring you conversation. There's no mystery about Willy. Why, he simply disappeared. Now, let's have no more curiosity about this bizarre cover-up.

Marge: So Mr King, what tale of horror and the macabre are you working on now?
Steven King: Actually, I'm taking a break from horror for the time being.
Marge: Oh, that's too bad.
Steven King: At the moment I'm working on a biography of Benjamin Franklin. He was a fascinating man who discovered electricity, and used it to torture children and green mountain men. And that key he tied to a kite - it opened the gates to Hell!
Marge: Well, when you go back to horror will you let me know?
Steven King: Will do

Homer: Kids, kids. I'm not going to die. That only happens to bad people.
Bart: What about Abraham Lincoln?
Homer: Uh, he sold poison milk to school children.

 

Homer: "Don't touch me! Your hands feel like salad tongs!"

 

Homer(reading instructions in French): Le grill?? What the hell is le grill??!!

Marge: You'll kill us all!!
Homer: Or die trying!!

 

Kids: "Are we insane yet? Are we insane yet? Are we insane yet? Are we insane yet? Are we insane yet? Are we insane yet?"

Homer: "I told you, yes!"

 

So... I couldn't help but notice your house smelled like feces. And not just monkey feces.

 

(Homer and flanders in car together)
Ned Flanders: Oh didley! I think we hit something!
Homer:I hope it's Flanders!

 

Bart: Milhouse, what happened?! You were supposed to be watching the factory!
Milhouse: I was watchin'. First it started to fall over, then it fell over.

Lionel Hutz: Mrs. Simpson, your sexual harassment suit is exactly what I need to help rebuild my shattered practice. Care to join me in a belt of scotch?
Marge: But it's only 9:30 in the morning!
Lionel Hutz: Yeah, but I haven't slept in days.

Bart: Leonard Nimoy? What are you doing here?
Leonard Nimoy: Wherever there is mystery and the unexplained, cosmic forces shall draw me near.
Bart: [flippantly] Uh-huh.
Hot Dog Vendor: Hey Spock, what do you want on your hot dog?
Leonard Nimoy: Surprise me.

Homer: Kids, kids. I'm not going to die. That only happens to bad people.
Bart: What about Abraham Lincoln?
Homer: Uh, he sold poison milk to school children.

Apu: Silly customer, you cannot hurt a Twinkie!


Mark Hamill: Homer, use the for...
Homer: The Force?
Mark Hamill: The forks. Use the forks.

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Mr Burns, while leading morning calisthenics at the Nuclear Power Plant:

"Out with the Jive, In with the Love"

 

Homer: (singing) Or the way the Bee Gee's played
Marge: Movies John Travolta made
Homer: Guessing how much Elvis weighed
Homer/Marge: Those were the days
Marge: And you knew where you weeeeeeeeere theeen!
Homer: Watching shows like Gentle Ben
Homer/Marge: Mister, we could use a man like Sherriff Lobo again
Homer: Disco Duck and Fleetwood Mack
Marge: Coming out of my eight-track
Homer/Marge: Michael Jackson still was black
Homer/Marge: Those were the daaaaays!

 

I actually have one!


Ralph Wiggem: Ow! My boogers are spicy!


M

 

Homer: "Florida!? But that's America's Wang!"

 

McBanner (I think thats him): I'll get you yet, beer-barron...

(voice in the distance): no you won't...

McBanner: Yes I will.

Voice:.... oh...

 

...

That's McBain, played by Rainier WolfCastle.

 

Ned Flanders: "Son of a diddley!"

 

2 of my favs:

The episode that Homer is rescued by marges gay friend and his electric santa.

homer "you saved us, thats a miracle"!

Gay Friend "Oh thats not a miracle, Ultra Suade, now that a miracle".

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Homer is driving his car through the park and hits a bronze deer statue.

Homer "Doh"!
Marge "A deer"!
Lisa "A female deer"!

 

(Marge) "Homer, Have you been drinking?"

(Homer) "NO!! Well, ten beers"