Before Fear Leads--Xanatos as a child in the temple

Title: Fear Leads
Author: SakuraTsukikage
Time Period: Before the Saga, Xanatos is 11
Characters: Xanatos, Jerec, Qui-Gon
Genre: Angst, Drama
Disclaimer: You know the Flanneled One owns all. I'm just having fun here.

Summary: Not everything was easy for Xanatos at the Temple. A childhood encounter with a bully shows early signs of what he might become.

Author's Note: So, my first time posting in Before the Saga! *rubs hands* Right then. This story will be in two parts, by the way, one from Jerec's POV, the other from Xan's.

One

Padawan Xanatos duCrion was arrogant, everyone knew that.

Most simply dismissed it. After all, he had been chosen early as the apprentice of one of the greatest Masters in the Order, rogue though Qui-Gon Jinn might be, and it was true that the boy?s talents were exceptional. A little arrogance was excusable, especially in one still so young.

But rather than that making the other?s boy?s distant pride and subtle conceit easier to bear, those mitigating factors only made Initiate Jerec hate him more. Xanatos had been chosen by Qui-Gon when the stuck-up little vreldt was nine?nine! Jerec was nearly thirteen, and he still hadn?t been chosen as a Padawan. Every day brought his birthday and the Medical Corps closer. Every day he had to watch other Padawans, his age or younger, even, walking around the Temple accompanied by their Masters. Every time he had to address the younger boy as ?Padawan? Xanatos, acknowledging Xan?s higher status, Jerec felt a sick, tense heat building in his stomach, in the back of his throat, until he had to grit his teeth and clench his hands into fists to force it back.

That tight, nauseating resentment had settled into a ball in his stomach, growing and festering until Jerec resented everything about the younger boy, from the noble blood apparent in the defined angularity of his features, his pale skin and jet black hair and deep blue eyes, the aristocratic tilt of his chin, the straight line of his noble nose, the finely curved arches of his cheekbones, to the patrician, slightly Telosian lilt of his speech, to the proud, confident way the other boy carried himself, to the way he tugged thoughtfully on his Padawan braid, twirling it between his fingers, whenever he was thinking about something.

That was what Xanatos was doing now, his long fingers twisted up in the inky black strand, slipping it back and forth, back and forth, as he walked down the hall. Jerec gritted his teeth at the sight of the younger boy and moved to block his way down the corridor before he was even aware of what he was doing.

Xanatos looked up as he did so. ?Initiate Jerec,? he said in that slightly mocking, supercilious tone he always seemed to use around him, as if he knew how much it bothered the older boy. A long, tense moment passed, and then Xanatos moved to cross his arms over his chest. ?This is a public hallway, is it not??

?The last time I checked,? Jerec replied.

Xanatos smiled. ?Than what do you mean by getting in my way? The hallway is wide, and I have as much right to walk down it as yourself. Do you mind??

Jerec crossed his arms across his chest. ?As a matter of fact, Padawan Xani,? he replied, using Xanatos?s nickname from the crèche, ?I do mind.?

Xanatos?s eyes flashed dangerously, but his tone was pleasant enough. ?My name is Xanatos,? he said. ?My friends call me Xan, but you cannot. And I?m not following your logic, Initiate Jerec.?

He really sounded far too intelligent for a boy who had only just celebrated his eleventh Life-Day. Jerec could feel the sick anger welling up in his stomach again.

?I think you need to be taught a lesson, little boy,? Jerec growled, and he reached out to grab hold of Xanatos?s short, spiky hair, twisting painfully. He pulled back with one hand and slammed his fist into Xanatos?s face.

The smaller boy gave a cry of pain, his entire body shaking from the blow like a duracrete rat caught in a hawkbat?s claws. Jerec let go and Xanatos stumbled

Wow, I simply must say bravo. I really liked the way you wrote the story and tied in Xan's insecurities as well as his "strength". (Or whatever you want to call it!) Great job, I look forward to more!

Wow -- really excellent job. You don't see many fics with Xan as a child -- very well done

Oh my! This is truely wonderful. It's a very orginal way of approaching how Xanatos was as a child. Love your Xanatos, he's the perfect mix of what makes Xan up, even when he was young. And in a way, I like Jerec as well, it's intresting to see things from the bully's side.

I loved it! Your child Xanatos was so real! I felt drawn into the story right away. Bravo on a job well done!

Nice job on this Padawan.

You had me feeling sorry for Xanatos. Jerec seems to have a bit of a problem with his temper.

It'll be interesting to see what Qui-Gon has in store for him

Great job!

Wow, excellent job I've barely read any fics with Xan as a child, this is very intriguing! I love how you described everything (great writing!), and as Kelia said, you had me feeling very sorry for Xan. I'm sure Qui has some good things planned for him (will more of their happier days be shown??) Again, great job!

Poor Xanatos! I want to feel sorry for him, but he's too evil for my pity.
This is wonderful! I'm awaiting Qui-Gon's verdict just as eagerly--or anxious--as Jerec.
Can't wait to see what's in store for these two.
Great story! Post again soon!

Wow. Very nicely done. I love your depiction of Xan as a young padawan, and you can see how he's already being manipulative.... Don't know whether this was intended as a stand-alone, but I'd love to see more.

Interesting.

Hm... ever the master manupliator... even then. Will this be continued?

Poor Xan. Very lovely. I enjoy seeing a young Xan.

Yo, all.

To Xans_girl: Thanks. I'm glad you liked that, because it wasn't easy to strike the right balance. I read it over three or four times before I posted it, just to make sure Xan sounded . . . like himself. And there will be more! I promise you! I will write it tonight, after I register for classes and study for Japanese! (I am determined.)

To Layren: Thanks so much! It just sort of occured to me--you're right, there isn't enough young Xan. With me on the scene, though, that might change someday. Slowly.

To Neon Star: Oh thanks. As I said earlier, I really worked hard on Xan's characterization. I'm thrilled you enjoyed it so much, since I see your name everywhere when it comes to Xan, yes? And I wanted Jerec to be sympathetic--I wanted you to understand why he was being a bully, at least. After all, I don't think many people see themselves as the bad guy--even bad guys.

To VaderLVR64: I'm just glad you liked it.

To KELIA: Thanks, Master. I wanted you to have sympathy for the guy.

To lost_jedii: Thanks so much! I like young Xan, and I just couldn't resist. You'll see!

To DriftingThread: Just wait, you'll see.

To -Erela-: There's more, there's more, don't worry.

To Darksaber: I thought so. I'm glad you think so, too.

To Brightfeather: Have no fear; it will indeed by continued. And yes, that's exactly what I was trying to imply.

To obi_ew: From the Xan-obsessed one herself. I'm honored.


Right, just out of curiousity, did anyone pick up on the fact that Jerec is not an OC? Jerec is in fact the main antagonist in the game Dark Forces II: Jedi Knight, in which he faces Kyle Katarn. This timeframe makes him a little Old, but I figured that since he was a Jedi turned to the Dark Side by Palpatine after the Jedi Purge, he could have used dark side techniques to keep himself looking younger. It also explains why he was so interested in finding the Valley of the Jedi--maybe his time was running out.

Random rambling that really has nothing whatsoever to do with the story . . . .

Wow! this was amazing! I loved how he was all trying to be big and tough and not to cry when Jinn wasnt around and then he acted all babyish to persuade him to thnk tha he was jst minding his own business when the bully came! loved it!

come to think of it...that's what my brother does! *walks offf to speak to younger brother aobut that*

To padmay_skywalker: Wow, thanks! That's exactly the image I was going for, and I'm glad you liked it. I wanted everyone's reactions to be realistic.

So, I'm not going to posting the next part tonight. I did, however, write it. It's still in first draft, stage, though, so you'll have to wait until tomorrow for the post.

Y'know, that's exactly what my little sister does too. Crying makes you sympathetic, whether you were right or not...

Well, that and being smaller. I liked it, sakura. 'twas an interesting read...

So . . . this has been delayed for a while . . . quite a while . . . while schoolwork devours my life. But as soon as the break comes along!

Wow, I can't decide who to feel worse for. Jeric for his desperation at not being chosen or Xanatos for the rather vicious attack. Looking forward to the next post.

To Healer_Leona: Well, I was trying to make them both semi-sympathetic. I'm glad it worked for you.

Well, this took quite some time. Sorry about that, everyone, but here's the next update! Really! And it turns out that the Jerec in Jedi Knight is a Miraluka, who are born without eyes, so I guess that derails my brilliant plan of having this Jerec fit into canon. Ah, well. I tried.

Here goes. Second, and last, part of this story.

Part Two

?I didn?t start it,? Xanatos murmured desperately as Master Qui-Gon practically lifted him to settle him back on his feet. He sniffed back the false tears that had filled his eyes and spilled down his cheeks. ?I didn?t start it, Master, I promise.?

Qui-Gon?s big hand rested comfortingly on his shoulder. ?I know, Xan,? he said. ?Shhh.?

Xanatos led his eyes slide closed and wavered in relief, resting his uninjured hand against the wall to support himself.

That had been close, but it had paid off in the end.

He wouldn?t be punished for losing his temper. His Master didn?t think he?d started it.

Qui-Gon still believed in him.

Even crying like a babe in the crèche in front of Jerec had been worth it, as long as his Master didn?t think he?d done anything wrong. Didn?t . . . know about how close he?d come. Xanatos knew his anger and aggression were inappropriate in a Jedi, but he?d?he?d been defending himself! How could he have reacted any differently? Jerec had been the one in the wrong!

?Initiate Jerec,? Qui-Gon said, the roll of his voice like soft thunder. Xanatos cracked his eyes open again and watched Jerec without seeming to from beneath his lashes. ?It is against the Jedi Code to take one?s aggressions out on a fellow student. This is a serious offense. I will be certain to speak to your Initiate master regarding this incident. The master in charge of your crèche-group is?ah, Jedi Knight Tahl, I believe. I can assure you that she will not be pleased with my report of your behavior. Bullying is not a desirable or attractive fate in a young Padawan, and I would not be surprised if this offense severely damages your chances of ever reaching that status.?

Jerec winced, and Xanatos could see the desperation that filled his eyes at Qui-Gon?s words. He couldn?t find it in himself to care. Jerec was a bully, and he deserved whatever he got.

Even losing what might be his only chance to become a Padawan? came a quiet whisper from the back of his mind, but Xanatos ignored it. Jerec had hurt him. It was only fair that he be hurt in return.

?Now go,? Qui-Gon was saying. ?Report to Knight Tahl. If you do not, you may be certain I will hear of it, and I will not be pleased. Neither will she.?

Jerec sent Xanatos a burning glance full of simmering resentment before he turned on his heel and left the hallway, but Xanatos veiled his eyes with his lashes and pretended not to see. As soon as Jerec was gone, Master Qui-Gon turned back to Xanatos. ?You?re a mess, my young Padawan,? he said in a rueful, affectionate tone.

Xanatos pushed himself immediately away from the wall and opened his eyes wide. ?I-I?m sorry, Master,? he said, and this time he was completely sincere. ?I?I tried to stop him, but I wasn?t strong enough.? He swiped at the blood oozing from a split lip and tried to straighten his Padawan braid with his good hand. ?I?m?I failed you, Master. I?m sorry.?

Qui-Gon caught his hand and brought it away from the torn, tangled braid. ?None of that now, Padawan,? he said gently. ?You are still recovering from the Terellian influenza, and you are much smaller than Initiate Jerec. Do you think I blame you??

Xanatos stared miserably at the ground. He knew Qui-Gon blamed him. Why shouldn?t he? He wished his master would tell him the truth. ?I should have been strong enough,? he mumbled.

?It would have been better if you had avoided the confrontation entirely, but that is not of any import at the moment,? Qui-Gon said, brushing his fingers against the blood on Xanatos?s chin. ?Come n

Well, I've been surprised to find so much fanfic devoted to Xanatos of all people. But you've made Xanatos and Jerek just fascinating to read even though neither one of them is especially likeable or sympathetic. Very, very good.

Such insecurity. If only he'd talked to his Master about how he really felt...

Sakura, please add me to all your PM lists....

BrightFeather

Jerec watched in shock. What was going on here? What was Xanatos playing at?

And then Master Jinn turned to him with steel-blue fire in his eyes, and Jerec understood.

You don't know the power of a displeased Master!

Xanatos nodded and smiled back, inwardly giving a sigh of relief. It had worked; his master didn?t suspect how badly Xanatos had failed him.

It was up to Xanatos now to make certain that nothing like this ever happened again.

Ever, ever again.

Nicely done, Sakura!

I've been trying to find the time to read this, and now you have posted the completion, too!

What a wonderful look at a young Xanatos! By concealing the darkness he carried within, and looking it as a disappointment to Qui-Gon, he failed to face it and work through it! And, he paid the price.

Good job!

HAPPY NEW YEAR !

Star

Well there went any sympathy I felt for Xanatos!

Manipulating Qui-Gon like that!

I really liked how you captured his determination to get stronger and never let himself be victimized again.

Great Job on this!

I really enjoyed this. I liked how you had both boys being not very nice and I could see the darkness already beginning to seep into Xan, but not too fast, just hints. I liked how Xan didn't want Qui-Gon to know how he was afraid and whether he hurt or not. Too bad he felt that he couldn't trust Qui-Gon with his fears. It would have been better in the long run.

Great job.

How disappointing that Xanatos manipulates and lies so well. If ony he had used as muchb determination to be what was right. Superb post!