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  1. _Derisa_Ollamhin_ Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 31, 2000
    star 4
    Slan, all. This is a one post vignette, offered up in response to the April Challenge of Inspirations. The quote I chose is from the seminal work Dune by Frank Herbert.

    As always, feedback and critical commentary more than welcome.

    Enjoy! :)

    *Derisa*





    I must not fear.

    It?s only a flight response, the young girl told herself, a defense response to the stimulus of threat. Threat like the nightmare figure in murky robes she now faced, his lightsabre blazing not brighter than the icy triumph he felt. She was the last.

    He had razed the Temple, ripped apart the Praxeum, and sniffed out and slaughtered every tiny enclave that fled before his wrath. He had Purged the Galaxy, freeing the power of the Force for his and his Master?s personal use. The once-famed Jedi Order was soon to be extinct: only this one life remained.

    She knew it. She was terrified of him. Clamping down on her body?s reaction as she?d been taught wasn?t helping, and she only wanted to run, as far and as fast as she could. Away, away, just get away!

    ?I can taste it in you, my dear.? His voice was a sibilant rasp, the false endearment so much filth coming from that horrible mask.

    She could taste it herself, bile rising in her throat. Her aged Master would be so disappointed in her, helpless as she was in the face of her own terror.

    ?Good,? the Sithlord encouraged her, ?Hate him, yes. And fear me.?

    Fear is the mind-killer.

    She forcefully stilled her violent response, ordering her heart to cease its frantic thumping, her breath to come slower and more evenly, but he was speaking again.

    ?You have always been frightened of me. I was the bogeyman hidden under your bed, the ominous shadow you skirted around. The promise and threat of what you might become.? His face twisted, as if he were grimacing, but she couldn?t see below the mechanical horror of his breathing mask.

    He inhaled harshly, and glared down at her. ?I am the fear-bringer, child, you should fear me.?

    He loomed closer, and Rivah shuddered with the effort to contain herself. Her hands clutched uselessly at empty air. The Sith stalked nearer, carrying the scent of the slain with him, as though his dark robes were crusted with the blood of the fallen.

    So many gone, so many lost, the little Padawan, least of her Order realized. How can I withstand this, when so many others have fallen?

    Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.

    She was afraid. She didn?t want to die, she didn?t want to no longer be. There is no Death, there is only the Force, the Jedi Code proclaimed, but the words were empty because the stench of death was all around her, charred flesh and bodily waste and blood. So much blood, the coppery tang invaded her nostrils and she almost retched again.

    The Force was a distant pulsing against her sensitive inner mind. She sucked in a breath and tried to focus against the fear that paralyzed her. The answer came with the indrawn breath.

    After the meditations Ruide had just finished teaching the younglings of her Clan, she recalled Neidar asking about nightmares. The Master had a soft voice, and Rivah had to strain to hear the words of advice again.

    I will face my fear.

    The dread figure stepped even closer, and raised his weapon, leering down at her. She was still, a pale forlorn figure awash in a sea of blood, a perfect little sacrifice to his black hungers, and those of his dark Master.

    Rivah opened the channels inside herself as she had been taught, throwing wide all the doors and windows that let her sense the Force.

    I will permit it to pass over me and through me.

    Like a tidal wave, the Force flooded every molecule of her being, causing her tiny frame to vibrate in synch with its vibrant power. She became Life, bound together by uncountable strands of light and love: />
  2. KatarnLead Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 5, 2002
    star 3
    Wow! Great viggie, Derisa!

    You've got a perfect use of the quote from Dune (which currently is sitting about 2 ft from me), and it is perfect with what you've written!

    Good work! :D
  3. obaona Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2002
    star 4
    :eek: Wow! That was wonderful. Not only do I love Dune and those lines, you have a wonderful story there! :D I really liked the progression of her emotions and thoughts, and finally how she died in the end (disappearing). It just makes me think of Obi-Wan's death, and him saying those words in his head. I don't know. Dune and Star Wars - both great stories!

    Wonderfully written. Just a wonderful job. :D

    And I'm the reason Dune is two feet from KatarnLead. :cool:
  4. Jane Jinn Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 5
    Deep and fascinating, Derisa! I loved the gradual shift from sheer terror to the life and forgiveness that came from the Force. Wow. Excellent integration of the words from Dune, and I liked the mystery at the end when Vader thought he saw someone peering out of Rivah's eyes right before the end. My first thought was Qui-Gon ... but there are other possibilities.

    My only quibble is Vader himself, or rather, his dialogue. I just can't 'hear' him saying those things to her. In my mind, it was always the Emperor who spoke in such tones, who was always so gleeful about having people (Luke) fear him. He's the one who would be gloating and calling people 'dear'. Vader, if I recall from the films, was always more straightforward and less wordy. A simple statement or question ("You have failed me for the last time, Admiral."), a Force-choke, and on to the next victim. Of course the movies happened when Vader was older, and maybe this is showing a much younger Vader, one who's still getting used to the Dark Side and all that? I did like the descriptions of his thoughts, though, and the way he buried his questions deeply inside him at the end, so that they could not hurt him.
  5. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    This was wonderful and so in keeping with both Star Wars and Dune. I had just finished watching the Children of Dune series and could hear the words you had written in my head. They matched perfectly the characters thoughts and fears as she went from fearridden to one with the Force. Beautifully done!!!
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