Beyond - Legends Fears : A series of vignettes

Hi everyone!

This is my first fanfic, but please be honest. The basic idea is that this is a quick vignette from one character's point of view about their fears.

I'm not going to post who I wrote it as, mainly because it should (i hope) be obvious from the writing. I have a few of these already written, so you guys respond w/ who you think it is, and I'll post who I wrote it as at the beginning of the next post.

here goes...
******

Fears
I fear my past.

Some wrinkled old Jedi Master once said 'fear is of the dark side'

...well, my past was of the dark side, so it seems a fitting thing to fear.

There are some people--a lot of people--who would scoff at fearing the past.
for them the past is the past, something fit only for memory books and histories...
...they think I fear memories--shadows--passing phantoms no more real than nightmares.

they do not know MY past.

...so they do not know the lessons my past taught me...

some nightmares are real.
some shadows bring death.
some memories can kill...

I do not fear phantoms, or shadows, or the darkness that might lurk around the corner...I have been the phantom, I have hid in shadows, and I have touched darkness beyond understanding.

I do not fear my memories...I fear my past

I fear the past that almost let me kill the man I would grow to love...
I fear the past that made me worship a twisted madman...
I fear the past that taught me to kill--and to enjoy it.

I fear the past that makes me see every face as a threat, every shadow as a hiding place, and every building as a sniper's perch.

..but most of all

deep down where only the deepest night terrors can reach...

...I fear my past creeping into my present...

I fear that the past that claimed my childhood...
...may someday claim my child...

I fear my past.

 

wow... quara, that was amazing. i'm being honest here. are you going to continue this one? or at least expand on who this viggie was about? my guess would be mara jade. it fits her well. but i really don't know.

may the force be with you,
Sey

 

Great start! Yes, I definitely think that was Mara Jade. More soon?

 

Wow! Thanks Amithyst_blade and JediMasterKobe!

Yeah, I wrote that one as being Mara Jade... I'm really writing each of these as one-shot viggies, but i may expand on some of my favorites...

Here's another one, but be forewarned, its a little sad...

I hope you like it!

****************

I fear silence.

...not just any silence mind you
no...I fear a very specific silence.

I fear the silence that inevitably comes after the laughter has stopped.

There's sometimes so little to laugh about

So I laugh too long at jokes that aren't really funny
...or tell the same jokes over and over again

Or, when all else fails, I make up reasons to laugh
Yub, yub commander.

...and the others, they just smile and go along with it

because there's so little to laugh about

because laughing is better than crying

because in that silence that follows laughter, you have time to think about why you shouldn't be laughing at all

And thats the time I hate
...thats the time I fear...

because, when you stop laughing, theres nothing to do but wait

and watch...
and see...

... everyone looks so much older when they're not laughing

...everyone looks so much more mortal when they're not laughing

I didn't understand why at first
until I realized...

...there's an aura to laughter...an invincibility--an armor that comes with it that seems as strong as an x-wing's shielding.

so I make sure my friends, my comrades have as much armor as they can stand--that they laugh as hard as their stomach muscles will allow--that they're wiping from their eyes tears of amusement rather than sorrow.

somehow making them laugh has become my job

...I like my job...

but

every joke ends
and every belly laugh fades into a chuckle

and every chuckle fades into silence...


...and then you can think about who isn't there to laugh at today's comedy....

...and you can remember EXACTLY what their laugh sounded like.

For me, the silence after laughter isn't all that silent.

Its filled with deep rumbling belly laughs, sharp, high-pitched stacatto giggles, raspy chortles and countless others, each individual, each precious...

..each faded by time and memory

For me, the silence is filled with echoes...

So I try to drown them out

but I never succeed...


I fear silence.

 

Wes Janson! Yub yub commander!

 

Those were two really excellent vignettes, quara--they read very well out loud, like poetry. I enjoyed your portrayal of Mara as someone beyond the flat and unemotional character she usually is. One of my favorite lines reads: I have touched darkness beyond understanding. It just seems so fitting to Mara's personality and past experiences.

I loved your interpretation of Wes. He's always been one of my favorite characters, mostly because we don't know much about him and so he retains an aura of mystery. I fear the silence that inevitably comes after the laughter has stopped. Very original ideas, and a truly insightful piece of work.

I can't wait to see who's next! Keep up the good work.

 

I'm back!! Sorry for the delay...grad school got a little all-consuming for a bit.

Wes Janson is one of my favorite EU characters, and the X-wing books are probably my favorite series (well, the X-wing books and Zahn, of course)

I have a question...I have one viggie for a character that dies during the saga...do y'all think i should still post it here, or start a new thread in the 'Saga' forum? Its really only one viggie...

Anyway, here's the next installment. I really need to start a happier thread at some point...

This one should be really easy, but it was fun to write...BTW...extra brownie points to ppl who know who Malan is...

**********

I fear memory.

I do not fear its failure, I fear its success.

I do not fear its shortcommings, I fear its perfection.

I do not fear what I will forget..I fear what I will remember

...which is everything...

My friends

I vaguely wonder how I will be remebered by them...

Sometimes I see a glimmer of sympathy in their eyes.
But they do not know

they do not understand...
they CANNOT understand
noone can....



No, thats wrong.

Malan understood.
He had the same quirk of memory
the same ability
the same lost homeworld...

even largely the same job...

He called it 'his blessed curse'

But Malan is dead.
He won't remember anything anymore.
But I will remember...
I will remember those horrifying moments when noone knew anything

I will remember his funeral
I will remember the look on Ackbar's face--the sadness, the gratitude

...the faint look of nausea at being thankful for one person's death...even a death in lieu of another's

I will remember Ackbar's death.

I will forever remember the feel of the light breezes in the palace in Aldera.
How the light looked just so when it reflected off the marble
How blue the sky was just after the rain

I will always remember Anakin's laugh and Chewie's roar.

I will remember when Jaina was not touched by darkenss, and Jacen trusted himself and the force.

I fear the day I will only remember Tycho...

I will never forget the stench of the bodies at Ghorrim.
or the sweetness of an Alderanian apple
or the sound of an AT-AT marching across snow

Every joy, every heartache, every touch
taste
smell
sight
sound

I remember them all.

Some would call it a blessing.

In my mind, my dead homeworld lives, Chewie and Anakin play on forever, and Tycho is truly immortal.

My mind is the perfect holomovie...

except...

Noone makes holos of the dark times.
Noone remembers the moment before victory, when hope was all but lost.

Noone stores billions of faces and names and occupations and voices and hobbies and lifedays and anniversaries...and a million other snapshots of people who died decades ago.

Noone except me.

Everyone remembers that there WAS darkness.
Not everyone remembers what the darkness took, or what the darkness was

but I do

And there has been an awful lot of darkness.
with even more to come.

But then again...

there has been an awful lot of hope, and light, and truth, and beauty, and joy
with even more to come

And I will witness all and remember all

the good alongside the bad.
the hope and the hopelessness
the sorrow and the joy

others can relive the moments they choose...
pick the pictures for their albums

I don't have that choice.

My album captures it all.
What they remember
what they forget.

The victories they toast
and the defeats they ignore

I do not envy their memory
I am frightened by it...
Frightened by how much darkness they dismiss, how easily tragety is overlooked, and death forgotten.


I am the blindfolded justice of history, measuring the good versus the bad
but I'm afraid to peek

I'm afraid to see which way the balance tips.

I have faith in hope.

but I fear memory may show false my faith

I fear memory.

 

::buzz:: Alex, What does Winter fear for $2000!

Great vignettes. Really good. But I must finish with...

"Fear is my ally..."