Before - Legends feedback gratfully received!!!!

Hi All
My friend Rob wrote this, any feedback is welcomed, yell at me on irlpaigemahoney2@aol.com, and let me know what you think





STAR WARS
DARTH BANE
DARK APPRENTICE


PROLOGUE:
In the following ten years after Lord Kaan, Dark lord of the sith, had died using the thought bomb on the planet Ruusan, Darth Bane had almost effectively wiped out the remnants of the old sith order. Githany had betrayed him, Kaan has scorned him, and his plans now focused upon keeping in lock what Darth Revan, Jedi turncoat of two thousand years past had thought of and enacted, only to fail upon his redemtion to the light. Bane would have it the way Revan had done it. Months of reading those countless scrolls and tomes on Korriban had tought him a great may things, one of them being that the true path to glory and power through the sith is through two. One master and one apprentice.

Following the great destruction on Ruusan Bane had started to head towards his ship. He must have been no further than several kilometers away when he saw the young human girl weeping over a fuzzy thing with wings. They were a native species called bouncers. He saw two of the Jedi he'd sensed dead on the ground, their heads distorted at odd angles. It took him only an instant to decypher what had happened. She'd killed them! With the Force! He remembered looking at her with amusement. Even now, when this must have happened an hour or more at the most, he could feel her sadness. And there was rage. Fury. This little human girl, no more than nine or ten, wanted revenge. He remebered she had stood up, and walked towards him, and he had asked, " Do you know who I am?" She had nodded, replying that he was sith.He asked her what her name had been, and she'd replied Rain, then had quickly corrected herslef and said Zannah When asked if she feared him, he sensed, right before her answer, a surge of indignance. She had replied no.
I've killed many people, women...even children" he said sternly, feeling out her emotions, and to his surprise he felt only cold acceptance from her. She had looked away and replied;

" I'm a killer too." It was at this pivotol moment he had asked himself if this was the one. Had the Force led him here to find his apprentice? Was Revans creed truly to be followed?

" Do you know the ways of the Force?" he asked her, " Do you know the true nature of the dark side of the Force?" Then, in a sentence that would alter the destiny of the very galaxy itself, the human girl called Zannah looked in his eyes and replied;
"No. But you can teach me. I'm young. I will learn.

 

If this is not your own work then you should not post it here.
Your friend needs to post it himself.