FIC: Failure (Obi-Wan POV, angst)

Finally getting a new story posted! YAY!

TITLE: Failure
AUTHOR: Obi the Kid (hlnkid@aol.com)
RATING: PG
SUMMARY: Post-TPM. POV. Non-Slash. Three weeks after Qui-Gon's death, Obi-Wan tries to come to terms with the promise that he made.
ARCHIVE: Please ask me first.
FEEDBACK: Always appreciated.
MY WEBSITE: http://www.angelfire.com/movies/obithekid/
DISCLAIMER: The characters and venue of Star Wars are copyrighted to Lucas Films Limited. The characters not recognizable from this venue are copyrighted to Tracy C. Knight. The story is the intellectual property of Tracy C. Knight and is copyrighted to her. She makes no profit from the writing or distribution of this story.

NOTE: This story takes place between the events in "Empty" and "Promise." These stories can be found on my website.

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Failure
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I thought I was ready, Master.

I thought that what I had learned from you in our twelve years together was enough.

I thought I had the strength to do this on my own. To become a master. To train Anakin. To fulfill my promise to you.

This is all much more difficult than I ever imagined. And now I am so unsure of what I thought I could do just weeks ago. It's been three weeks now since your passing. I've learned much in that time. I've learned much about myself. I know that I am not ready for this task that I have undertaken. But you thought that I was? Why else would you ask me to do what I see now as impossible? You were insistent that Anakin be trained, but why me, Master? Why would you have me make a promise that I am not prepared for? You know I would have promised you anything in that moment. You knew I would not deny you your dying wish. How could I?

Things are moving so fast. One moment I was your apprentice. The next moment you were gone and I had an apprentice of my own. I've been so unfocused, Master. So unfocused. I don't think I've meditated but a few hours since I returned home from Naboo. I've tried, but I am unable to stay centered on one task. When I close my eyes, every detail of the past month floods my mind. Everything runs together and any attempt at meditation becomes almost painful. I know how easy it was for you to connect with the Force. It was always more difficult for me, but you were always patient in your teachings about working with the Force rather than against it. I could use those teachings now. Your voice was always enough to calm my fears and focus my confusion. But your voice is gone. I am left to face this future alone. My tangled thoughts complicating my every step.

I need guidance in this, Master. I admit it. I am not ready for an apprentice. Especially one with such an uncertain and clouded future. Master Yoda is the only one of the council to offer support in this, yet he is against my training of your 'chosen one'. I defended my promise to you before him. I told him I would train Anakin with or without approval of the council. He responded by saying that I had your defiance in me, something I didn't need.

Did I learn that defiance from you? Or was it simply my desire to make you proud of me. I needed you to know that I could handle this responsibility. That I would not let you down. I thought I was capable. Perhaps my sense of pride won't allow me to admit my failure in this now. I've debated seeking the council's assistance with Anakin. I know how they feel about him. How they felt about you. I would imagine they are none to pleased with the apprentice of the master who was such a thorn in their side. I can't go to them for help. I have to prove to myself...to everyone...that I can be a competent master. That I can handle a strong willed boy. That I don't need the constant presence of my own master to see me through.

I can't do this alone. But I can't ask for help. This is my responsibility. My challenge. It is as you say, the will of the Force. Or is it? Is it the will of the Force, or just another of your crusades to save every stray in the galaxy? Is there

 

Amazing. Just...wow. Bravo. I loved the fics 'Empty' and 'Promise'. Write more soon

 

have to prove to myself...to everyone...that I can be a competent master.

I fear that Anakin and I will never share that same kind of bond. It will mean my failure as a master...my failure as a Jedi.


You have painted such a poignant image of where Obi-Wan will fail, and Anakin will fall, and it is just so sad So much angst and grief, yet so realistic... good job!

Did I learn that defiance from you? Or was it simply my desire to make you proud of me.
And the idea that Obi-Wan will gladly suffer the unease he feels from Anakin just to make his Master proud...

(I am now off to your site to look at some more of your work, I am definitely intrigued by your writing )

CK

EDIT: "Braidless in Coruscant"

 

Poor Obi! It's so awful that he's so insecure. It's not fair that this burden was placed on him as such a young age.

Great work, Obi-the-Kid!!

 

Ah, you guys made my day!

Astroanna and Kitty: Thanks so much! So glad you enjoyed this story. Thanks for reading and for the comments.

Calais: I always thought Obi has a pride problem. And perhaps that pride...that refusual to let himself fail...gets the best of him with Anakin. Such a powerful burden to place on a young knight. Thanks very much for the comments!!!!! Glad you had fun with "Braidless" too! hehe!

THANKS!
Obi

 

Oh OTK that was heartbreaking! Poor Obi-Wan feels so bad He has to go through so much and get so little in return.

Great angst as always from you OTK

 

Oh... wow, OTK... [face_shocked]

That was wonderful. And the last line... [face_shocked]

Bravo!

 

Ginger and Sheliegh! Thanks so much!!! I'm very happy with how this story came out, I was hoping you guys be as well.

THANKS for the comments and for reading!

Obi

 

UP!

 

Yes, very good, very realistic! Though the Failure won't come until later, but the thought process makes sense.

And an Obi story without torture... Yay, a nice find!

 

An intriguing portrait of a man riddled with insecurity and self-doubt. Very sad.

 

Thanks guys!!! Realistic. Great. I was hoping for that.



Obi

 

UP!

 

Up we go once more!

 

One word:
WOW [face_shocked]

 

Thanks Aunecah!!!!!

 

Welcome

 

Uppie.

 

And one last time!

 

Always amazing Obi The Kid, always.