Fic: Fear - read it and tell me what you think!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Keyla_Kenobi, Dec 25, 2000.

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  1. Keyla_Kenobi Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    May 24, 2000
    star 1
    Title: Fear
    Author: Keyla Kenobi - keyla_kenobi@naboomail.com
    Rating: G
    Archive: Sure, mail me!
    Disclaimer: The boys belong to Geroge Lucas, they are not mine. I just like to play and from time to time torture them. :)
    Note: This is not slash, so if you don't like like, don't read any further. Its not beta-read and english is not my natural language so please be nice :)
    Summary: This is a REALLY short story that I wrote listening to Sleepy Hollow's soundtrack. It would be a moment of one of the boys missions, Obi is in alone and in troubles. I'm trying to use this story as a base to write another one, a little bit longer.

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    He woke slowly. He couldn't remembered why he was lying flat on the floor. Opening his wide ice-blue eyes he found himself sorrounded by the most overwhelming darkness. It was so strong that it was like having his eyes close. He tried to move but his dizzy mind was not going to obey, all that he could register was a searing pain on his right side and dreadful feeling of being watched. He knew that fear was something that he had to control, panicking was not going to help remember nor move, but now, sorrounded by this tremendous darkness, all alone, control was something out of his reach. He felt the fear crept through his spine like a dangerous and huge spider, causing his skin to bristle, his heart to beat as fast as ever, adrenaline replacing the blood in his veins. The feeling was intesifing as seconds went by, he could taste it in his mouth, numbing every muscle. It was so strong that if he had been able to move he could have touched it, manoeuvre it to his will. No. He couldn't manoeuvre it, this feeling's control was far away from him. It was starting to invade his mind, to confuse his thoughts, to paralyse his body. Acting out of fear he tried to incorporate but his right side screamed at him, collapsing his weary body again on the cold floor. A noise. It was small, almost imperceptible but it was there and he heard it. Again that feeling of being watched. Someone was in the same place as him and was watching. Uncertainty make it self know. Was that an enemy or a friend? Again the noise and then silence. Pure and frightening silence. It was so deep that was starting to deafen him. //Master...help...//, he managed to send throught their bond, but even there this silence had settled. His fear was incredibly strong now, comanding every movement, every thought. He knew that it was childish, but he wanted so desperately to run to his Master embrance, where he felt always safe. If only he could move... Another noise. He could identify this was one. It was like clothes moving around. Someone (something?) was walking or moving nearby. And with that, he lost the very little control that he had over himself and let his mind and body subside to the overwhelming fear. He failed. He shouldn't let those emotions take control, but he was so alone...A cold sweat covered him faster than a lightening. His whole body started shivering, his teeth clattering against each other, his breathing quickening. An unexpected sob escaped from his throath and felt uncontrollables tears burning his eyes. The noise again. Now it seemed to be closer. Unconsiously he reached out for his lightsaber but it was gone. Unarmed, he felt even more vulnerable than ever. He wanted to scream, to shout, to yell but he couldn't find his voice. He could ony let out a soft moan that died quickly, overpowered by the inmense silence. Whatever had been moving during the last few minutes, was now beside him. He could feel it presence right there, and he wished he hadn't. The Dark Side was strong in this being, very strong. If he hadn't heard that the Siths were extincted, he would have sweared that this thing was one of them. He needed to find his focus, if not, in the state that he was now there was no doubt that thing would be able to control him with its dark powers. He had to resist it, he failed in controling his fear but he was not failing again. Taking a deep shuder breath, he focused himself on keeping his shi
  2. Lady_Dark Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Dec 25, 2000
    star 1
    Dark and creepy. I liked this. Your style of writing is good and so are your descriptions relaying Obi's fear to us.
  3. Healer_Leona Squirrely Community Mod

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    A very descriptive snapshot Keyla, very well-done! Nothing like a little Obi-torture and Qui-mush to start the day.

    I hope THE END? is a question not a statment, I'd like to read more.

    One helpful hint to those of us reading though is if you put spaces between the parargraphs, it makes is easier on these old eyes.
  4. Neon Star Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 30, 2000
    star 5
    Great writing! The way you described Obi-wan's fear was great. I hope that there is more.
  5. LaraNotsil Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Dec 18, 2000
    star 4
  6. Keyla_Kenobi Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    May 24, 2000
    star 1
  7. Bastet Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Dec 30, 1999
    star 4
    Ooh, that was very good! I really want to read more on this story, it sounds so interesting! So please don't let that be the end, you're an awesome writer Keyla Kenobi!!!!
  8. Keyla_Kenobi Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    May 24, 2000
    star 1
  9. Darkshadow Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Dec 27, 2000
    Man , I love when the Sith guys kick some Jedi's ass. It would be better if sometimes the dark lords could win. Damn good!
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