Fic: Kiza (sequeal to Fear) - please read and tell me what you think!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Keyla_Kenobi, Feb 23, 2001.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Kaylla Norn Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Mar 2, 2000
    star 3
    um how soon is soon? please let it be really really really soon!
  2. Jedi-Faith Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Dec 21, 2000
    star 2
    AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOO... you can't stop the story there!!!!!! :D

    Wow! this story just keeps getting better and better... I wonder how Qui's gonna get back in time to save poor Obi...
    Oh, and Keyla, pls check ur email :)

    Post soon!!!! Can't leave us hanging like that! :)
  3. Knight_Maria Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jan 4, 2001
    star 3
    More PLEEEEAAAAAASSSSSEEEEE?!?!?!?!? :D
  4. Keyla_Kenobi Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    May 24, 2000
    star 1
    Part 6

    The tall Jedi Master ran full speed through the Temple's corridors,
    completely ignoring the surprised and curious looks thrown his way by
    startled Knights and Masters.

    Qui-Gon knew it was imperative that he reach Skyla's quarters. And quickly.
    That was all his mind could register. Obi-Wan's life was in grave danger,
    and nothing - neither inquiring looks nor friendly greetings - mattered.

    Quickly rounding a corner, Qui-Gon ran headlong into very solid and muscular
    form.

    "Qui?" Mace Windu exclaimed in surprise, giving his fallen friend a hand up,
    "What are you doing here? You're supposed to be on Fendar!"

    "Obi-Wan...," Qui-Gon choked out, coughing as he accepted the Council
    member's arm as support, "Danger...Master Yoda....please....quick!"

    "Danger? What danger? Qui, what are you talking about?"

    "Get Master Yoda. Kiza is back!". Leaving his stunned friend standing in
    mute surprise, Qui-Gon set off at a dead run toward Skyla?s quarters.

    *****

    Qui-Gon raced through the familiar Temple corridors. Corridors which now
    seemed to stretch out infinitely in front of him. It took him only minutes
    to reach Skyla's quarters, but for Qui-Gon, those few precious minutes
    represented too much time. Time that his Padawan could not afford.

    Why hadn't he been aware of the strange coincidences? The sudden delays
    during the meetings, his inability to contact the Temple, and the strangely
    silent bond. Everything had been so obvious! The Master cursed himself
    inwardly. How could he have been so distracted, so blind?

    Once in front of Skyla?s door, Qui-Gon took a moment to take a deep breath in
    order to control his rising anger. Calling on the Force, the Jedi Master
    concentrated, pushed, and tore the door from its hinges. Hurrying inside, he
    stopped abruptly as he looked at the changes in the rooms. The walls, once
    beige and smooth, were now completely covered in rough, dark-gray stone,
    giving the Creche Master's quarters a cave-like appearance. Qui-Gon slowly
    approached one of the walls and placed a hand on the rough surface. He
    jerked his hand away quickly as freezing cold began climbing from his hand
    and up his arm. Backing up, he looked around and noticed a strange yellow
    glow emanating from one of the bed chambers.

    Quickly igniting his lightsaber, Qui-Gon headed in the direction of the glow.

    Once inside the threshold, the Master stopped in surprise. Not only had the
    walls been transformed into the same gray stone, but the roof had been
    completely torn away, large ragged chunks missing from all four walls. A
    large flat stone had been placed in the middle of the room, acting as some
    type of altar. Qui-Gon caught his breath as he recognized the small, pale
    form laying on the stone slab.

    Obi-Wan lay unconscious, dressed only in his leggings and with his chest
    exposed. The Master could see a multitude of bruises and cuts on his
    apprentice?s pale skin; blue, black and dark-red streaks criss-crossed the
    young boy?s hands, arms and torso. Obi-Wan?s skin was ashen white in color,
    and his chest rose and fell in unusually quick, shallow breaths. Qui-Gon?s
    eyes narrowed in fury, angry in the knowledge that someone would treat his
    Padawan in this manner. He strode quickly to Obi-Wan?s side.

    "You are too late, Qui-Gon," a deep, raspy voice echoed menacingly in the
    cave-like room, stopping the Master in mid-stride.

    "Kiza!? Qui-Gon angrily hissed through clenched teeth, his blue eyes
    blazing. Tightening his grip on his lightsaber, the Master quickly looked
    around and began extending his senses, searching for the source of the voice.
    As he watched, a dark figure with yellow glowing eyes steadily materialized
    from one of the room?s dark corners. It then slowly began approaching the
    unconscious Padawan. The Master held his ground, staring back at the wicked
    glowing gaze, not wanting to make any sudden move least he endanger Obi-Wan
    further.

    Kiza stopped at the side of the stone altar, his gaze falling on the small,
    vulnerable form. Wi
  5. Keyla_Kenobi Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    May 24, 2000
    star 1
  6. LadyVorgunby Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Sep 2, 2000
    star 3
    jeez Keyla...you and the cliffhangers!

    wonderful story, please keep it coming!
  7. Kaylla Norn Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Mar 2, 2000
    star 3
    <sigh> since you already know you're evil and are completely unrepentent, I'm sure my complaints and and reminders of that won't make any difference you will continue to leave us at such dreadful clif hangers... oh, well.... :~D

    PLEASE POST!!!!!
  8. Keyla_Kenobi Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    May 24, 2000
    star 1
  9. JediCandy Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2000
    star 3
    :D cliffhanger, cliffhanger :D

    OOOOOH, need more....much, much, much more!

    ;)
  10. Jedi-Faith Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Dec 21, 2000
    star 2
    Noooo, not another cliffhanger!!!! I think this one's worse than the last one actually :D

    Post soon!!!!!
  11. Keyla_Kenobi Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    May 24, 2000
    star 1
  12. Keyla_Kenobi Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    May 24, 2000
    star 1
  13. Knight_Maria Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jan 4, 2001
    star 3
    PLEASE post more!!! Obi-Wan CAN'T BE DEAD!!!!
  14. Knight_Maria Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jan 4, 2001
    star 3
  15. Jonathon Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Dec 15, 2000
    Great story Keyla_Kenobi.
  16. Keyla_Kenobi Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    May 24, 2000
    star 1
    here's part 7!!!

    ******

    Part 7

    "Obi-Wan!"

    Qui-Gon tenderly cupped his Padawan?s cold face in his hands, pressing his
    palms to the pale cheeks, trying to warm them. The Master quickly looked
    around and, finding a blanket laying forgotten against a wall, placed it over
    the still form of his apprentice and tucked it carefully around him. Time
    was fast slipping away, every critical second took Obi-Wan further and
    further away from his desperate Master. And try as he might, Qui-Gon was
    still unable to reach through their bond, unable to reach the young man's
    consciousness, unable to sense even the slightest flicker of Obi-Wan?s light.
    He desperately wanted to bring him back.

    Placing his forehead on his Padawan?s, Qui-Gon searched within himself to
    find that part that was Obi-Wan - Obi-Wan?s essence, Obi-Wan?s warmth. But
    all he could feel was utter cold, darkness and unfathomable despair, all
    encased behind a wall of darkness. A wall erected by Kiza?s dark powers. It
    thoroughly surrounded his apprentice?s essence, preventing him from reaching
    Obi-Wan, and preventing Obi-Wan from reaching out.

    Qui-Gon struggled against the dark barrier, pressing again and again from
    every angle that he could think of . But, every time he managed to find a
    weakness in the wall and pushed against it, a whirlpool of cold, crackling
    energy would swirl around and through the chink that Qui-Gon had created,
    closing and reinforcing the barrier once again.

    Within the darkness, Qui-Gon repeatedly called out to his apprentice, trying
    to yell past the howling, whirling maelstrom that surrounded him, and keeping
    any response from being heard. Apparently, the shield?s purpose was to keep
    the boy unconscious, as well as preventing him from putting up any kind of
    resistance. What Qui-Gon couldn?t understand is why the barrier had remained
    after Kiza?s death. What was feeding it, and why was he unable to penetrate
    the barrier? One thing he was sure of, he couldn't give up, would never give
    up. This was Obi-Wan, this was his son.

    Instinctively, Qui-Gon knew that Obi-Wan had been without breathing for far
    too long. If he didn?t succeed in getting his apprentice?s body to respond
    soon, Obi-Wan would truly be lost to him. Qui-Gon fought against the despair
    clawing at him. /Stop it, Jinn! You don?t have the time to think this way.
    *Obi-Wan* doesn?t have the time!/

    Reaching out and using all of his remaining power reserves, Qui-Gon attempted
    again and again to breach any part of the shield that held his Padawan
    prisoner -- without result. As seconds quickly ticked by, the Master
    momentarily discontinued his assault, trying to find the strength to continue
    further. He was past the point of fatigue, past the point of pain, and dark
    doubts again begin to eat away at him. He wasn?t strong enough, good enough
    to save his apprentice.

    Qui-Gon wearily dropped his head onto one of the Obi-Wan?s small, soft
    shoulders. He had failed Obi-Wan, failed his Padawan. Kiza had been right,
    he was a failure as a Master. He had allowed himself to become distracted,
    to allow the past to control him. And now, Obi-Wan was paying the price.

    Touching the coldness of his Padawan?s cheek with his own, Qui-Gon bowed his
    head in momentary surrender, tears of sorrow flowing from beneath his closed
    lids, running, unhindered, down his cheeks.

    He had lost Obi-Wan. Lost the most important person in his life, forever.
    Agony tore through the Master as he realized he was never going to hear
    Obi-Wan laugh again, never going to watch him grow, never see him become a
    Knight. Obi-Wan was just beginning to live and enjoy life at sixteen, but
    now that life had been cut short, losing that most precious gift. And he,
    Qui-Gon, was the one who was responsible for that loss.

    //Forgive me, my Obi-Wan.// he thought, sorrow clutching at his chest,
    //Forgive your foolish, old Master. Please forgive me.//

    His voice hitched in hot pain as he felt the bond, his precious link with his
    son, begin to break an
  17. Jane Jinn Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 5
    Oh, wow, that was great! It was really heart-stopping suspense, wondering if Qui-Gon was going to be able to get through to Obi-Wan, and then seeing that it took both Qui-Gon and Yoda to be able to break through the barrier. And it was so sad that Obi-Wan woke up and thought he wasn't wanted or loved. I hope Qui-Gon gets back from Fendar soon!
  18. Keyla_Kenobi Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    May 24, 2000
    star 1
  19. Obi the Kid Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Apr 13, 2000
    star 4
  20. Jedi-Faith Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Dec 21, 2000
    star 2
    Awww... *sniffs* that's so sad!!! I hope Qui-Gon returns soon... Great post!
  21. Arctic_Wolf Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Aug 19, 2000
    star 1
    Good post. Keyla can you do me a BIG favor and please finish this story before Tuesday, I really don't want to leave for air force basic training for 6 wks. wondering what happens to my fav. Jedi! ;)
  22. Keyla_Kenobi Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    May 24, 2000
    star 1
    Yea don't worry! I'm sure that for Tuesday is going to be ready!
    Aire force?? really?
  23. LadyVorgunby Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Sep 2, 2000
    star 3
    oh, poor Obi thinks he's really been abandoned this time...Mace must realize what's going on, he can't be that dense...

    can't wait for another post!
  24. Kaylla Norn Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Mar 2, 2000
    star 3
    aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh post soon you must! This suspence take I can not! PLeeeeeeeeeeease Post soon!
  25. Keyla_Kenobi Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    May 24, 2000
    star 1
    Mmmm... I'll think about it... :D
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.