Beyond - Legends (Fic)No Greater Plan1/?

Erm I was told it would be ok to post my fic in here.*sweatdrops*

This is my first Star Wars fic so if possible I would like to get some positive, helpful constructive criticism, not destructive throw me to the wall and wrench my heart out criticism^^;;

Be honest by all means I prefer that. And I would be greatful too.

Also I am from Australia so the grammer and spelling will differ from other countres, However I do use mostly US spelling and grammer as I write for other fandoms mainly US sites.

Ok Here goes.....


Disclaimer: I do not make any money from this, nor do I own any of the official Star Wars Characters or any other character from the movies books etc. I do own the inserted Characters Zeeana, Teal, Nathaniel, Darien, Yale and Bathaden and any other randomly inserted Imperial soldier or character not belonging to the mainstream registered bits, that I so choose to shove in here ^_~

Pairings: Darien and Zeeana? eventually

Rating: At this stage the rating is PG13.

Author: Armitage

Author?s note: This fic has been the bane of my existence for quite a few years now^^:; There has been so many different unfinished versions, (glances to the 15 different note books on her desk and sweat drops). I will admit I am not the greatest writer in the fandoms that I write in; I could be the worst for all I know, but this is the first time I have ventured into this realm of SW fics? ^^;; I started writing for just my own pleasure and fun. I write because I love to write and I decided to share it with others because I want constructive criticism. Just a main point though, I started writing this when I was a lot younger and this fic does not really follow the books or the movies etc, but it was written for a friend of mine and it?s just how it turned out. I still am writing some chapters that are not finished. So this posting of the fic will now ensure I finish the bloody thing ^^;; hehehe

Please be gentle with me and note that Mara may be out of character, as I haven?t really gotten to know her. I added her after Luke and she got married in the comics. Originally, I had Luke and Zee paired off.

Summary ~*~

The distant planet of Callen III is about to become part of the New Republic.

A treaty has been agreed upon by Coruscant?s Head of State Senator Leia Organa-Solo and when members of Callan III?s Senate go missing their youngest member, Zeeana Amaris, a young woman from the town of Maxilon Artica, is chosen by her Senate to represent the planet as their Senate elect to meet with Coruscant?s Head of State.

When Imperials arrive the night before the meeting Zeeana realizes that her brother is part of the faction that knows of the Senates troubles. As the adventure unfolds Zeeana discovers something about her past that will change her life forever.

No Greater Plan.1/?


Chapter one


The yellow orange glare of the sun setting over Maxilon Artica seemed to dance upon the rooftops of the simple homesteads below.

This small farming community was famous throughout the galaxy for its abundance of first grade fruit and vegetable harvests and once a year buyers and traders would come from all over the galaxy just to buy these crops to take back to their own planets to trade and sell.

Harvest time was a welcomed socialising event in Maxilon Artica's small farming community, as the main town of Aleri Minor was more than 250 miles away and company very rarely came. As night settled in, most of the crop farmers were already home in their beds, but for one homestead standing alone 15 miles out of Maxilon Artica, one young woman was only just heading home from the fields.

As she neared her homestead, the roar of ship engines made her gaze skyward. She shuddered as a cold feeling swept over her.

She checked her time cell and sighed. Every week for the past year they had been coming to Callen III. Imperials! She hated them. They had taken away almost all of those she'd loved most in her life. Sighing again the young woman continued on towards the homestead. Her thoughts wer

 

Your work definitely looks like that of one with a vision and with the intent on being at the very least a near-professional author with her work. I won't hide from you the fact that I haven't got through all of what you've written, though, and I'm going to offer some advice that'll also explain why :

1) You've posted far too much story at the same time for these boards. Most people coming here expect to read posts that don't take too much time to read. More than two thousand words' posts are likely not to be read - all the more since you're a newcomer on this board, and you exceed that by far (your post makes 6,337 !). So the first bit of advice is, cut your chapters as best you can, so as to post passages that can be digested by your average reader. Don't hesitate to retailor your material to make it fit a rough thousand-words to two-thousand-words format, and don't hesitate to write cliffhangers if need be. It's frustrating not to be read.

2) Don't post a summary at the beginning of the story But don't hesitate to send a PM to Melyanna, who keeps up a New Story Index - here's the format for the PM :

Title :
Author :
Timeframe :
Characters :
Genre :
Keywords :
Summary :
Notes :

Providing the adress of your story eases Mel's work even further

3) These boards are moving really fast Most people have 25 topics per page. Substract the sticky ones, and count the room. Once on page 2, your story loses a lot of potential readers. Once on page 3, it's almost over. So don't hesitate to reply to your own fic while you're trying to get readers (simply posting "Up !" is enough) ; so long as you don't abuse this, everything will be OK.

4) Head to the Fan Fiction Writer Resource Board, you'll find lot of advice there.

5) You may have noticed that other titles include at least names of characters or abbreviations, the time frame, the era symbol, date of updates and such information. Edit the title of your thread in your first post as the story goes on, and be sure you inform your potential readers of what they may find. A good title generally isn't enough ; with info, you should find it easier to hook readers.

6) And this should be rule #1 : READ OTHER PEOPLE'S FICS AND REPLY TO THEM, SOONER OR LATER, THEY'LL RETURN YOU THE FAVOR


You look like you've done your best to write an excellent story, so I've saved it and I'm going to read this through and formulate criticism on it later. If you ever need for advice, though, it might interest you that I'm intent on going professionnal - granted, I should be going professionnal in my native language, French, but a lot of the basics are the same - so if you want very precise criticism, I can offer it (you might not like it every time be warned )

I'm adding you to my Watched Users List since what you've already posted looks good at first glance, and I'll be replying in fuller detail tomorrow


- Arnaud

 

fascinated with the theme myself,farms in star wars playing with the undercurrents of new Jedi and the
final zing with Emporer's heir

i think the amount of writing was fine and don't much agree with that first critique

not misdone,done well,no bad review
what a poof that lordban

any more posts and this will be one of my watched favorite stories

 

Finally a decent critique ^__^

Thankyou so much for the wonderful informative reply and your kind words about my fic.

I shall be more mindful about the length of posts and work on them.

Funny enough The chapters were originally very short and I though I'd better make them longer... should've left it LOL

So I shall work on a happy medium ^_~


Thankyou again

Luv Armi ^___^

 

I thankyou for your words of kindness they are appreciated.

I have to admit Iwas worried about this story as I have quite a few of my own characters in it.

I hope that you enjoy part 2 just as much.

thankyou again

luv Armi ^__^