main
side
curve
  1. In Memory of LAJ_FETT: Please share your remembrances and condolences HERE

Before - Legends FIC: The Lima Fix (JA, Obi, Qui) *Completed 3/24/03*

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Obi the Kid, Mar 18, 2003.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Obi the Kid

    Obi the Kid Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Apr 13, 2000
    Here's my newest humor story. Because this one is longer than my usual stories, I'll be posting it in parts. I'll try to post once a day until the story is complete.

    TITLE: The Lima Fix
    AUTHOR: Obi the Kid (hlnkid@aol.com)
    RATING: PG
    SUMMARY: Humor. Pre-TPM. Obi-Wan is 13. Non-Slash. Obi-Wan visits the Senate, the healers, the holo-theater and meets his hero.
    ARCHIVE: Please ask me first.
    FEEDBACK: Always appreciated.
    MY WEBSITE: http://www.angelfire.com/movies/obithekid/
    DISCLAIMER: The characters and venue of Star Wars are copyrighted to Lucas Films Limited. The characters not recognizable from this venue are copyrighted to Tracy C. Knight. The story is the intellectual property of Tracy C. Knight and is copyrighted to her. She makes no profit from the writing or distribution of this story.

    =============
    The Lima Fix
    =============

    Obi: Master, where are we going today? I thought we had a new mission coming up soon.

    Qui: I know you are eager to get away from the temple, but there is much to learn while you are here. Not all learning comes from missions. Today, we are going to the senate. I want you to meet Senator Palpatine. He?s agreed to meet with us and allow you to ask him anything you want. It?ll be good exposure for you to see how the political side of Coruscant works.

    Obi: But what if Mr. Ovaltine gets irritated with me? I do tend to exasperate people sometimes.

    Qui: Palpatine. Not Ovaltine. Don?t let this turn into another Valorum-Valium situation. If you get out of hand, I?ll smack you on the back of your head like I usually do.

    Obi: Aww, Master. You?d do that for me?

    Qui: Get cleaned up. You have to be clean to meet with a senator.

    Obi: Why? Shouldn?t he get to know the real me?

    Qui: Go. Now. Please.

    ~~~~~~~~

    (The pair made their way to the senate offices. They were directed to the suite at the end of the hall. The secretary escorted them inside and told them to make themselves comfortable until the senator returned. Obi-Wan was almost dizzy with the size of the office.)

    Obi: Damn!

    Qui: What?

    Obi: Sorry. Master, HOW does one get an office this big? This is bigger than our apartment. This is bigger than three of our apartments. You need to kiss some council butt, Master. I want a place like this! Look at the size of that holo theatre! And a view of ALL of Coruscant. Not just a back alley. This is NICE! Whew.

    Qui: Jedi do not crave materialistic items, Padawan. Nor do they crave views of the entire city. Wow, that is a view, isn?t it?

    Obi: So put the word ?senator? in front of your name and this is what you get. This Jedi stuff might not be all it?s cracked up to be. I might try my hand at politics.

    Qui: You certainly have the mouth for it.

    Obi: You are to kind.

    (The door opened and Senator Palpatine walked in.)

    Palpatine: Good morning, gentlemen.

    (Obi-Wan turned around and immediately bit his lip.)

    Obi: //Master. What the hell is that?//

    Qui: //That is the senator.//

    Obi: //Are you sure? Looks more like Don King.//

    Qui: //Respect, Obi-Wan. You will have respect for the senator.//

    Obi: //You should offer to take him to your salon. Or at the least let him borrow your curlers. That hair is killing me. Can?t he tame it or something?//

    Qui: //Quiet!// Thank you, Senator for allowing me to bring my apprentice in to see how things work here. Obi-Wan, please meet Senator Palpatine. Senator, this is my apprentice, Obi-Wan Kenobi. //Shake his hand. NOW!//

    Obi: Pleased to meet you, Mr. Oval?Palpatine.

    Palpatine: Good to meet you, young Kenobi. Please have a seat on the couch over here. Do you have any questions for me? Any curiosities about the senate or politics?

    Obi: //Yes, are you all this frightening or is it just you?//

    (A gentle force WHACK from Qui-Gon forced Obi-Wan out of his thoughts.)

    Obi: How long have you been a senator?

    Palpatine: For over twenty years now. I was elected when I was thirty years old.
     
  2. Ginger_Jedi

    Ginger_Jedi Jedi Knight star 6

    Registered:
    Jun 4, 2001
    OTK that was so funny! :D Great to have a nice new humour fic from you :D

    Obi: //Out damn image. Out!//

    I just loved that line hee hee! ;)

    More soon please!
     
  3. KrystalBlaze

    KrystalBlaze Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Aug 3, 2002
    Palpatine: It was good to see you both. And a pleasure to meet your apprentice. I shall follow your career with great interest, young Kenobi.

    Obi: //Why does that thought scare the crap outta me?//


    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] That was priceless!
     
  4. Padawan_Jess_Kenobi

    Padawan_Jess_Kenobi Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 20, 2002
    [face_laugh] Yeah! An new Obi humor fic!! :D
    Obi: Damn!

    Qui: What?

    Obi: Sorry. Master, HOW does one get an office this big? This is bigger than our apartment. This is bigger than three of our apartments. You need to kiss some council butt, Master. I want a place like this! Look at the size of that holo theatre! And a view of ALL of Coruscant. Not just a back alley. This is NICE! Whew.

    Qui: Jedi do not crave materialistic items, Padawan. Nor do they crave views of the entire city. Wow, that is a view, isn?t it?

    Obi: So put the word ?senator? in front of your name and this is what you get. This Jedi stuff might not be all it?s cracked up to be. I might try my hand at politics.

    Qui: You certainly have the mouth for it.


    [face_laugh] Too funny!! There were way to many hilarious parts for me to quote! [faace_grin] Great job. I'm expecting more humor soon, please! :D
     
  5. Obi the Kid

    Obi the Kid Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Apr 13, 2000
    Ginger, Krystal and Jess! THANKS! You guys crack me up. MUCH more of this story to come. Obi is only beginning his adventures here. HA! Thanks for reading!


    Obi
     
  6. mad4dos

    mad4dos Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Feb 3, 2003
    keep it up
    very funny perticaly the line ...
    "Don?t let this turn into another Valorum-Valium situation"
     
  7. Jedi_Suzuran

    Jedi_Suzuran Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    May 22, 2002
    Qui: //That is the senator.//

    Obi: //Are you sure? Looks more like Don King.//

    Qui: //Respect, Obi-Wan. You will have respect for the senator.//

    Obi: //You should offer to take him to your salon. Or at the least let him borrow your curlers. That hair is killing me. Can?t he tame it or something?//


    OMG!!! [face_laugh] ROTFL! Palpy being compared to Don King?? I think I've been traumatized for life. [face_laugh]
     
  8. Obi the Kid

    Obi the Kid Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Apr 13, 2000
    Hehe! Thanks Mad4dos and Suzaran! Who'd ever thought that Don King would make it into a SW fic! :D


    Obi
     
  9. KenobisGirl

    KenobisGirl Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 10, 2001
    LOL! That was great, OTK! [face_laugh] You and your stories... Always making me laugh out loud in front of my family. They all think I'm crazy now. Hehe...

    There's more, right? [face_hopeful] :p

    EDIT: Ahem... I just read an earlier post... Ignore that last question... [face_blush]
     
  10. Obi the Kid

    Obi the Kid Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Apr 13, 2000
    Thanks Kenobisgirl! Yeah, this one I am posting in parts, unlike how I usually post all at once. And LOTS more to come! :D I'll update it tomorrow morning sometime from work. Thanks for reading!
     
  11. Obi the Kid

    Obi the Kid Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Apr 13, 2000
    Here's the next part...
    ************************


    Qui: Obi-Wan, you?re lucky that none of your thoughts were anything more than that. You cannot talk about a senator that way. It?s very unprofessional and not appropriate behavior for a Jedi?or for anyone. Do you understand? I don?t ever want to hear anything like that from you again.

    Obi: Yes, Master. I?m sorry. But that is one scary man. Is he married?

    Qui: No, I don?t believe so.

    Obi: I should warn the women of Coruscant then.

    Qui: Enough, okay?

    Obi: Speaking of women?here comes Master Bren.

    Bren: Hi guys. What?s up?

    Obi: Ovaltine?s hair for one.

    Bren: What?

    Qui: Obi-Wan and I just spent half an hour with Senator Palpatine. An educational experience for my apprentice. Or it was supposed to be.

    Obi: More like a freak show.

    Bren: Qui, how could you do that to the poor kid? You should know better than to let such young and innocent eyes look on something like?that. Palpy is a scary human being. If he is indeed human.

    Obi: Yeah, Master. Your young and innocent padawan.

    Qui: Don?t make me lose my breakfast. You are many things. Innocent is not one of them.

    Bren: Anyway?the reason I was looking for you guys. Look what I found. Just published. Another of those books about the Jedi. You remember the series modeled after you two, right? Then they launched into a holo called The Phantom Menace. Well, there is a sequel to that called Attack of the Clones. Here is it.

    Obi: But?but?Master Qui-Gon dies in that first book.

    Bren: Don?t EVER say that, kid. Qui-Gon is NOT dead. NO NO NO NO NO!

    Qui: I?m right here. Hello?

    Bren: Shut up, Qui. I?m trying to get my point across. Qui-Gon is just on a very long vacation.

    Obi: So, he comes back to from this?vacation in this new book?

    Bren: Um?no. You are the star of this book, kid. And remember that little pathetic life form that your master picked up in the first one? The blonde kid?

    Obi: Oh, yes?The CHOSEN One. Oooooooo.

    Bren: Sarcasm is such an ugly thing, Obi-Wan.

    Obi: Okay?so what about him?

    Bren: He?s about twenty now and he?s your apprentice.

    Obi: WHAT?

    Bren: Yup.

    Obi: Sith Boy is MY apprentice? Oh no. Master, get your butt off vacation. Who gave me permission to be a master? I have a hard enough time being an apprentice. Take him back.

    Qui: This is NOT REAL!! It?s just fiction. I can?t afford to die while you are still an apprentice. No one else can tolerate you for longer than a day. You?ll never be a knight if I die before my time.

    Bren: Well, you should read this book. I haven?t gotten through it all yet. But the holo will be out next week, so you might want to prepare yourself.

    Obi: I can?t handle all this stress. It?s too much. First Senator Ovaltine and now Sith Boy. I don?t know how much of this I am ready for. Can I borrow that book, Master Bren?

    Bren: Sure, kid. Your master owes me a lunch date anyway. He can make some lunch for us while you read.

    Qui: How did I get involved in this?

    Bren: You owe me a date.

    Qui: I do?

    Bren: Yes, remember last time we had a dinner date and you had to drag the kid along because you didn?t have anyone to keep an eye on him? That was not the romantic date I was hoping for. So, you owe me.

    Qui: Well lunch in my quarters with my apprentice babbling to himself on the couch is not going to be very romantic either.

    Bren: I know, but it keeps me from having to cook or eat that nasty cafeteria food. And we can do the romantic thing later.

    Obi: Not while I am in the apartment. Obi?s rule: No adult mush while Obi is present.

    Bren: You?re so cute when you?re freaked out. Come on boys, let?s get out of the hall.

    Obi: Can we go out for lunch instead? I?m not a big fan of my masters cooking. I want to see Dex.

    Qui: No.

    Obi: That?s it? Just no?

    Qui: Yes. Problem?

    Obi: No. I love you, Master.

    Qui: Don?t start.

    Obi: Start what? Is
     
  12. Ginger_Jedi

    Ginger_Jedi Jedi Knight star 6

    Registered:
    Jun 4, 2001
    Great update OTK! :D

    Stop it. I am trying to eat. I don?t need carrots flying out of my nose

    Loved that line! [face_laugh]
     
  13. KenobisGirl

    KenobisGirl Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 10, 2001
    LOL! That was good! [face_laugh]

    More soon, please! [face_laugh] :p :D
     
  14. Padawan_Jess_Kenobi

    Padawan_Jess_Kenobi Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 20, 2002
    How do you manage this, OTK? To have such an amazingly hilarious post every time?? [face_laugh] I love it!
    Obi: So, he comes back to from this?vacation in this new book?

    Bren: Um?no. You are the star of this book, kid. And remember that little pathetic life form that your master picked up in the first one? The blonde kid?

    Obi: Oh, yes?The CHOSEN One. Oooooooo.

    Bren: Sarcasm is such an ugly thing, Obi-Wan.

    Obi: Okay?so what about him?

    Bren: He?s about twenty now and he?s your apprentice.

    Obi: WHAT?

    Bren: Yup.

    Obi: Sith Boy is MY apprentice? Oh no. Master, get your butt off vacation. Who gave me permission to be a master? I have a hard enough time being an apprentice. Take him back.

    Qui: This is NOT REAL!! It?s just fiction. I can?t afford to die while you are still an apprentice. No one else can tolerate you for longer than a day. You?ll never be a knight if I die before my time.


    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] *falls of chair* Lol! HILARIOUS! I need more soon, PLEASE! This is too funny! [face_laugh] [face_laugh]
     
  15. Lieutenant_Page

    Lieutenant_Page Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 17, 2001
    Obi: Not while I am in the apartment. Obi?s rule: No adult mush while Obi is present.

    Hehe..I have the same rule! :p

    Qui: Perhaps he shows love differently than others.

    Obi: Perhaps he?s an idiot.

    Bren: That?s possible.


    [face_laugh] OMG! that was hillarious!

    I love this fic :D
     
  16. Jedi_Suzuran

    Jedi_Suzuran Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    May 22, 2002
    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] That's just hilarious, Obi.

    MORE!!
     
  17. Obi the Kid

    Obi the Kid Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Apr 13, 2000
    Wow, you guys have been busy while I was away from the computer! :D THANKS to everyone! Yappy Obi has a way of drawing people in, I think. hehe. More tomorrow!


    Obi
     
  18. Cascadia

    Cascadia Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Apr 15, 2002
    Great story, OTK! :D I love the way you write Obi and Qui in these stories and manage to keep it fresh every time. Wonderful posts!

    More soon!
     
  19. Obi the Kid

    Obi the Kid Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Apr 13, 2000
    Thanks, Cas! Look for a new post coming up very shortly.


    Obi
     
  20. Obi the Kid

    Obi the Kid Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Apr 13, 2000
    Here's more!!!
    ========================


    (That evening, Obi-Wan was excited about nothing in particular. He was in the bathroom, after a shower, and was decked out in only his boxers. Singing to the mirror.)

    Obi: I?m to sexy for my Obi?to sexy for my Obi?

    (He failed to hear the door chime that kept sounding. Qui-Gon had gone to dinner with Bren, trusting his apprentice to look after himself for a couple hours. So the door chime continued until finally the persistent visitors let themselves in. Nev Daloon, Obi-Wan?s shrink walked in, flanked by Chief Healer, Terran Va?lor.)

    Nev: Hello? Qui-Gon? Obi-Wan?

    Terran: What?s that horrid sound?

    Nev: It?s coming from the bathroom.

    (They wandered down the hall, coming closer to the voice. Turning the corner they found the bathroom door open and Obi-Wan dancing in front of the mirror?still singing. And still all decked out in his boxers. All three of them turned and caught each others eyes at the same time.)

    Obi: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! GET OUT! GET OUT!

    Nev: Um?

    Terran: Yes?um is a good way to describe what we just saw.

    Nev: That was?interesting, Obi-Wan. Does your master know you do this?

    Obi: Can?t you see I am half naked here? GET OUT!

    Terran: Nev, do you have your sunglasses handy?

    (Obi-Wan grabbed a towel and tried to wrap it around himself.)

    Obi: Don?t you people ever knock? Can?t a man shower in peace?

    Nev: We did knock. And when did you become a man?

    Obi: That does not concern you.

    Terran: What were you singing?

    Obi: Nothing for you to worry about.

    Nev: Doesn?t Qui-Gon ever take you out in the sun?

    Obi: So, I?m a little pale. Is that a problem?

    Nev: You could pass for a storm trooper.

    Obi: Wait?why are you here? Are you coming to take me away? Lock me up?

    Nev: No, actually Qui-Gon was due in for his physical today. He skipped out on us.

    Obi: Oh, he took me to visit the senate. He wanted to make sure my nightmares were very intense tonight.

    Nev: Ah, you met Palpatine then?

    Obi: Gave me the creeps. The senate is not a place for those who dislike horror vids.

    Terran: Nice underwear, Obi-Wan. What are those things on your shorts? Troll heads? Oh, that?s nasty.

    Obi: Don?t you think I wanted to burn them too? But they were a gift from my master. I feel obligated to wear them.

    Terran: Yes, don?t cause him anymore stress than you already do by rejecting his gifts. So, where is your master?

    Obi: I think adult mush was calling him. He went to dinner with Master Bren.

    Terran: Well, when he gets back, please tell him to call me. I will reschedule him for tomorrow.

    (As if on cue, the front door of the apartment opened and Qui-Gon and Bren walked in.)

    Qui: Obi-Wan? I?m home.

    (Terran, Nev and half naked Obi-Wan found their way into the common area.)

    Qui: They caught you doing your sexy Obi dance, didn?t they?

    Obi: Yes. But I looked GOOD, Master. You?d have been proud of me. Not as good as your sexy Qui dance?but I?m closing in.

    Nev: Your WHAT????

    Qui: Obi-Wan, shhh. I told you not to talk about that, didn?t I?

    Obi: Sorry.

    Qui: And did you blind them with your paleness?

    Obi: They brought sunglasses.

    Qui: I should have thought of that.

    Bren: To what do we owe this visit, boys?

    Terran: Qui-Gon you were due for a physical today.

    Qui: Oh?ah?um?hmm.

    Obi: He has such a way with words.

    Qui: Let?s reschedule for next year. Okay? Good.

    Terran: Let?s reschedule for tomorrow. Tomorrow morning at the eight hour.

    Qui: But?I?um?ah?

    Obi: Now, Master. What kind of example are you setting for your apprentice if you won?t obey the healers. I?ll be there for moral support.

    Terran: No, you?ll be there for a physical too. It?s good to start padawans off early. Helps them stay in good health.

    Obi: But?I?ah?um?

    Bren: Aww, a shorter and paler version of his master. He has the same way with words.

    Nev: Oh, Qui-Gon
     
  21. KrystalBlaze

    KrystalBlaze Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Aug 3, 2002
    Qui: Oh?ah?um?hmm.

    Obi: He has such a way with words.

    Qui: Let?s reschedule for next year. Okay? Good.

    Terran: Let?s reschedule for tomorrow. Tomorrow morning at the eight hour.

    Qui: But?I?um?ah?

    Obi: Now, Master. What kind of example are you setting for your apprentice if you won?t obey the healers. I?ll be there for moral support.

    Terran: No, you?ll be there for a physical too. It?s good to start padawans off early. Helps them stay in good health.

    Obi: But?I?ah?um?

    Bren: Aww, a shorter and paler version of his master. He has the same way with words.

    Nev: Oh, Qui-Gon that reminds me. Get the boy out in the sun once in a while. Please. But don?t do it during rush hour. The glare could cause an accident.


    I [face_love] this fic! More. Please? This is so freaking funny! And Bren is back! Yah!
     
  22. Padawan_Jess_Kenobi

    Padawan_Jess_Kenobi Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 20, 2002
    [face_laugh] That was way to funny! Obi: I?m to sexy for my Obi?to sexy for my Obi?

    (He failed to hear the door chime that kept sounding. Qui-Gon had gone to dinner with Bren, trusting his apprentice to look after himself for a couple hours. So the door chime continued until finally the persistent visitors let themselves in. Nev Daloon, Obi-Wan?s shrink walked in, flanked by Chief Healer, Terran Va?lor.)

    Nev: Hello? Qui-Gon? Obi-Wan?

    Terran: What?s that horrid sound?

    Nev: It?s coming from the bathroom.

    (They wandered down the hall, coming closer to the voice. Turning the corner they found the bathroom door open and Obi-Wan dancing in front of the mirror?still singing. And still all decked out in his boxers. All three of them turned and caught each others eyes at the same time.)

    Obi: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! GET OUT! GET OUT!

    Nev: Um?

    Terran: Yes?um is a good way to describe what we just saw.

    Nev: That was?interesting, Obi-Wan. Does your master know you do this?

    Obi: Can?t you see I am half naked here? GET OUT!


    *falls off chair onto floor* Woooo! Sexy Obi! [face_love] I love that, "I'm to sexy for my Obi" LOL. I NEED MORE VERY SOON! Please! This has to definatly be your funniest fic yet! [face_laugh]
     
  23. Jedi_Suzuran

    Jedi_Suzuran Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    May 22, 2002
    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] Obi in troll head underwear??? LOL!!!!!

    This just gets better. :D
     
  24. Obi the Kid

    Obi the Kid Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Apr 13, 2000
    Wow, you guys are falling off your chairs and everything. Don't you feel sorry for Qui though? I mean, he does have to put up with this boy! :D

    Thanks for the great comments!!!! A new post coming tomorrow!

    Obi
     
  25. Padawan_Jess_Kenobi

    Padawan_Jess_Kenobi Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 20, 2002
    Whoops! I forgot to put my favorite part up! (my editinng time is over) Obi: I?m to sexy for my Obi?to sexy for my Obi?

    [face_laugh] Its true though! [face_love] Oh- and to answer your question, OTK, I don't feel sorry for Qui. If Obi were half naked, singing "I'm too sexy," I honestly wouldn't mind at all. :D 8-}
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.