Before FIC: Understanding (JA) *Epilogue posted 4/10/03*

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Obi the Kid, Apr 4, 2003.

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  1. Obi the Kid Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 13, 2000
    star 4
    Jess and Krystal, thanks so very much, yet again. This week has definately been going uphill for me. YAY! THanks in part to you guys!

    Nice little dance you got there, Renton! :D

    Epilogue coming up tomorrow, and then I get to play catch up with everyone elses stories! :D

    Obi
  2. Renton Kenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 24, 2000
    star 4
  3. Arwen-Jade_Kenobi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 9, 2002
    star 5
    *gets all caught up*

    Phew!! All done!

    Beautiful job Obi, a real eyeopener.

    Bravo!
  4. Kelly Kenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 23, 2000
    star 4
    Beautiful job Obi! I have learned a great deal from this story about how depression affects all those who are involved.

    I hope your friends recover is 100% complete and doesn't recur.

    As for the story, I loved your portrayal of each of every character. They didn't always know what to do, but they would seek out help from the force and when appropriate each other when things got to much for them. Now that is how I want to see a Jedi act.
  5. Obi the Kid Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 13, 2000
    star 4
    Thank you Arwen and Kelly. I am sure this is not the last time for this experience, but with each time, I learn more about how to deal with it. My friend is doing well today. Makes me a very happy person.

    Thanks SO much for all of your replies. As soon as I find my disk, I am going to post the Epilogue.


    Obi
  6. Obi the Kid Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 13, 2000
    star 4
    EPILOGUE
    **************

    TITLE: Uncertain (Epilogue to Understanding)
    AUTHOR: Obi the Kid (hlnkid@aol.com)
    RATING: PG
    SUMMARY: Pre-TPM. Non-Slash. Obi-Wan POV. This is an epilogue of sorts to my fic, ?Understanding,? in which Obi-Wan is trying to deal with a friends battle with depression.

    ==========
    Uncertain
    ==========

    I am angry. Frustrated. Worried. Uncertain.

    This is how I feel during these times when silence reigns over my friendship with Taj. He suffers from depression, and from time to time the illness hits so hard that it seems to not only break him down, but it also seems to pull us apart.

    During periods like this, I seem not to exist for him. No matter what good experiences we?ve had in the past, none of that seems to matter. Perhaps he doesn?t even think about me.

    I know this is difficult for him. And I try to understand, but it?s not easy to hold back all the emotions that I feel when he gets like this. It?s not something he brings onto himself. Nor does he wish for this. But does he remember that I have feelings too? Does he know how painful it is on this end when he ignores any attempt I make at contact? How hard could it be for him to take a few seconds to tell me that he just needs time and won?t be around to talk for a while. Or does he not care enough about my feelings for that. I?ve been there for him countless times. Offering a kind ear to listen to his complaints. His anger. Haven?t I done enough to deserve a simple note from him that tells me he?s okay and he just needs time alone?

    Sometimes I wonder why I am so dedicated to this friendship. It?s not easy. And it wears on me. There are times when Taj will go almost a month with very little contact with me. I question my role in his life. He tells me that he needs me. That I am important to him. But at time like this, I really wonder about that. I feel disposable. Like I don?t matter to him.

    Yet, I stick with him. I am always there when the depression lifts and he?s able to return to life as it used to be. And as things go back to normal, I try and forget the uncertainties and frustrations of the past weeks. But I can?t completely forget them. The pain that I felt when I was pushed away will always be there in the back of my mind. It will always linger. Does he have any idea how much it hurts me? I?ve never told him. And I don?t intend to. It will only add undue pressure onto what is already a trying time for him.

    Maybe it?s my own selfishness that I feel. Maybe I need to understand his illness better.

    Is it wrong of me to wish that Taj look past himself and see my feelings in all this? That maybe I worry and I care about him and what he goes through?

    The frustration grows with each passing day. I try to reach out to the Force. Try to push away the anger I feel. But it hangs over me. Hangs over our friendship. And I think it always will.

    I care about Taj. He is one of the closest friends I have. But sometimes I wonder if this friendship is worth it. Is it worth the stress and upset emotions that I feel when the depression hits?

    I?ve spoken with Master Qui-Gon about this. He?s really the only one available, because of Taj?s wish to keep his illness hidden from other friends and Jedi. My master can say all those pretty words as he comforts me. Saying that in time everything will be okay, and I do appreciate his effort. But it doesn?t stop my frustrations. My anger. My uncertainty.

    For whatever reason, the Force has brought Taj and myself together. Perhaps it?s because we need each other. I know I need him. But does he really need me? If I really mattered as much to him as he says I do?why don?t I feel that? Why does he leave me to wonder and worry about the future of our friendship?

    Is this selfish of me? Partially, yes. Taj is dealing with something that hurts his very soul. Crushes him enough so that all he wants to do during the day is sleep. It is selfish of me to think that he should be worrying about me when he?s g
  7. Renton Kenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 24, 2000
    star 4
    Bravo! Very well done Obi The Kid! Well done indeed! :D

    And I'm first again! MWAAHAHAH!
  8. Shaindl Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2002
    star 4
    Hi,

    A difficult subject you're dealing with here. I think Obi-Wan's reactions are normal and healthy. Depression (having lived with a father who has it) is difficult to handle.

    Well-handled and sensitive. Great work.

    Shaindl
  9. Obi the Kid Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 13, 2000
    star 4
    Renton, thanks again! And you have officially lost it! :D What? No more dancing?

    Shaindl, Thanks very much. This friendship has given me a great deal of respect for those who have to live with this battle of depression. And for those who have to watch them suffer with it. Thanks for reading and for the comments.

    Obi
  10. Renton Kenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 24, 2000
    star 4
    Well you asked for it....

    *Continues Jig*

    (This is what happens when you procrastinate in college you offically loose it!)
  11. TheSwedishJedi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 15, 2001
    star 4
    Poor Obi. (Both of you) Don't give up on your friend. He needs you even when it doesn't seem like it. And leaving would only make Taj feel worst, thinking that he isn't good enough for the friendship.

    Ok, enough with the depressing stuff. Great fic, Obi. Very well done. Is there going to be a sequel to this? [hopeful face] :D

    ~Swede :p
  12. Obi the Kid Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 13, 2000
    star 4
    Thanks Swede! The he is actually a she. :D The main diff between real life and this story is that the he's are she's. Hehe.

    But much thanks to you for reading and commenting. As for a sequel? Since this story was such a personal one for me...I doubt there will be a sequel, BUT never say never. There might come a time again when I might feel the need to write something like this.

    My next story will get me back on track according to my regular stories. This one kinda happened spontaneously. I believe the next story is an angst one. Not sure when it will post, as I wanna play catch up on all the stories I've been missing on the boards while I've been obsessed with this one. But definately more stories, angst and humor to come!

    Thanks!

    Obi
  13. Renton Kenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 24, 2000
    star 4
    Excellent, must consume agnst fics...*MWAHAHAH*
  14. Padawan_Jess_Kenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 20, 2002
    star 4
    Bravo! Excellent! Marvelous! Encore! Encore! Okay I'll stop now. ;) No, but that was really very very good! I loved how you ended it, all those feeling of incertainty, and slight confusion. *sigh* I wish I could write like that! :) It was just so beautiful! Amazing, great job!
  15. Obi the Kid Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 13, 2000
    star 4
    Aww, Thanks Jess! You guys have made me feel so much better this week! Thanks for sticking with this story.

    Renton...I think you need a little more sugar in your diet! :D

    Thanks to all of you guys!

    Obi
  16. Arwen-Jade_Kenobi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 9, 2002
    star 5
    *standing O*

    Bravo Obi, great conclusion to a great, thought prevoking fic!
  17. Renton Kenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 24, 2000
    star 4
    Obi, I don't know what you're talking about. *chases imaginary tail*
  18. Obi the Kid Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 13, 2000
    star 4
    Thank you Arwen!!!!

    That's it Renton, no more sugar for you. Give me the soda and the candy bar. :D
  19. Renton Kenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 24, 2000
    star 4
    *Crawls into corner and hisses and threatens to bite anyone who wants to take her skittles away from her*

    Maybe you are right...I should cut back on the soda...

    But you will have to pry my candy from my cold dead hands!

    :D Renton Kenobi.
  20. TheSwedishJedi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 15, 2001
    star 4
    LOL you two. :D

    Here kitty, kitty, want a nice bowl of milk? Give aunty Obi the candy bar. (lol)
  21. Obi the Kid Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 13, 2000
    star 4
    I dont think Renton is gonna give it up. I might have to threaten you with no more angst stories if you don't behave! hehe!

    :D:D

    Obi (can you tell I am bored at work?)
  22. sheleigh Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 31, 2002
    star 4
    Obi, I read this and I had to reply.

    I've also been in this situation with my friend, who suffers from severe depression.

    You handled this delicate subject artfully, and well. Fantastic! I hope that everything works out with you and your friend.


    -sheleigh

    *looks at Renton*

    err... that's... frightening...
  23. Ginger_Jedi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 4, 2001
    star 6
    OTK that was amazing :) You wrote it in a way that made it so easy to relate to. I've been in a situation like this really recently and reading that kinda made me feel better about how I've been feeling and dealing with it :) Thanks for sharing!
  24. Obi the Kid Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 13, 2000
    star 4
    Sheliegh and Ginger, thanks very much! I'm glad this story is able to touch others. I think it's a good outlet for supressed feeling, definately.

    Thank you for reading and for your kind comments.

    Obi
  25. Renton Kenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 24, 2000
    star 4
    *Hands over skittles* Fine...see what I do for stories!!! :( I'm behaving now, can I have some angst please? :D
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