Saga Finding Ani (Ani and Obi deal with Qui's death and being stuck with each other) Obi POV

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by ShaydremMoon, Jun 17, 2004.

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  1. ShaydremMoon Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 19, 2002
    star 2
    This is a short one, it'll be complete in four posts.

    Basically how Anakin and Obi-wan go from the mere acquintances we see in TPM to a close Master/Padawan relationship.

    Obi POV





    Finding Ani

    Now what?

    I had no idea. I had been left, flat on my back, my whole world turned upside-down, the rug pulled out from beneath my feet. The thing that I had thought I could always count on, the anchor to which I could always cling, had been torn away, leaving me lost and drowning in a storm of confusion and pain. It was suddenly occurring to me just how big this galaxy was. I felt exposed. For most of my life I had lived in my master?s shadow. It had always been the two of us against the galaxy, two of us could take on anything... but what could one do?

    I had always stood behind him, his apprentice whom he protected and taught. I had felt safe there, with him in front of me, my protection from the judgment and criticism of the galaxy. But now he was gone, and I was left alone? with a boy.

    What was I supposed to do with a boy? I was barely a knight myself, a lost, confused, grieving knight who couldn?t find up fro down any more, let alone raise a boy. And an extremely unique boy at that. Of all the things he could have left me, why a boy? What were you even supposed to do with a boy? Well teach him, obviously, but how? Where did one start? There was just so much was just so much one had to know to be a Jedi, and Anakin so far behind already, so where was I supposed to start? Let alone the fact that I could hardly even talk to the boy, let alone build a relationship with him.

    I groaned, running my hands through my hair. I was failing. That had always been my greatest fear; failure. With Gui-gon?s help I had defeated it again and again, rising past my fears? with his help. And now he was gone, and already I was falling back into the old pattern. It was like spitting on he grave, and I had never felt so horribly sickened with myself.
    I stared up at the fading stars, wondering if Qui-gon was watching me now, wondering how ashamed of me he was and if he had disowned me yet. The first beginnings of sunrise touched the horizon, a pink-gold light lending its beauty to the cold gray towers of Coruscant.

    Behind me, shuffling footsteps and a yawn alerted me to Anakin?s presence.

    ?Good morning Anakin.? I said, disgusted with the cool formality in my own voice. Qui-gon had never greeted me that way. He would smile and tease me lightly at the odd angles which my hair made, laughing fondly, his eyes twinkling down at me with the pride and love of a father for his son.

    I had loved that, and I was certain that it would be his wish for me to show that same love to the boy whom he had trusted me with. The problem was, that I wasn?t sure how. It was as if Qui-gons death had sucked away my ability to show any feeling at all. I didn?t feel alive anymore, I felt hollow.

    ?Good morning Master Obi-wan.? And I couldn?t help but notice the slight and well hidden disappointment in his voice.

    It echoed in the hollowness.





    So, what do you think?
    Next part should be up tomorrow

  2. LuvEwan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2002
    star 4
    For most of my life I had lived in my master?s shadow. It had always been the two of us against the galaxy, two of us could take on anything... but what could one do?

    Great line. Very telling of how Obi-Wan must have felt following his Master's death. You've addressed some of the key points in Obi-Wan's character here, including his intense fear of failure and the overwhelming intimidation he must confront in order to train the Chosen One.

    The description of 'pink-gold' was lovely too. :) Good job.
  3. Bekah_K Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 3, 2002
    star 4
    You captured Obi-Wan's self doubt very well. He knows what he should do (as remembered by Qui-Gon's example), but doesn't know how to do it. Every new parent feels lost in the beginning. Soon he and Anakin will find a rhythm and each new turn will be a new learning experience for both.

    Good job! More please!


    ~Bek
  4. red rose knight Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 3, 2001
    star 4
    A very interesting start. Qui-Gon's death and inheriting a boy, and all of the concerns and emptiness that came with it was truly sad. His fears, especially of failure, only added to this. :( I love the wistful, worrying voice it was written in.

    Looking forward to the next post.
  5. Kynstar Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 2, 2004
    star 5
    Great!! Loving it so far! Love the little memory bit about how Qui used to greet Obi in the morns! :D Can't wait for the next installment!
  6. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    I look forward to your update on this one. You did a great job of portraying Obi-Wan pain and confusion. Wonderful!

    What was I supposed to do with a boy? I was barely a knight myself, a lost, confused, grieving knight who couldn?t find up fro down any more, let alone raise a boy. And an extremely unique boy at that. Of all the things he could have left me, why a boy? What were you even supposed to do with a boy? Well teach him, obviously, but how? Where did one start? There was just so much was just so much one had to know to be a Jedi, and Anakin so far behind already, so where was I supposed to start? Let alone the fact that I could hardly even talk to the boy, let alone build a relationship with him.

    Can't wait for more.

  7. ShaydremMoon Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 19, 2002
    star 2
    Thanks!
    I promise the next part will be longer.



    He was looking at me.

    I could feel it, his eyes, that piercing blue gaze. There were times when I would look into his eyes and feel a chill down my spine. I avoided meeting them whenever I could, and I knew he noticed.

    He should have been attempting to meditate, as I was. But to chastise him seemed rather hypocritical, as my own mind was about as calm and meditative as a herd of stampeding banthas plunging over a cliff.
    With a sigh I looked up, forcing myself to meet his eyes. He immediately looked ashamed and embarrassed, casting his eyes down to the floor, much to my guilty relief.

    ?I?m sorry Master.? He seemed so chastised, as if he had been caught choking someone to death rather than sitting with his eyes open. Guilt tugged at me, knowing it was my fault. He tried so hard to prove himself, to make me proud of him. As if by being the perfect padawan he could earn my love.

    It shouldn?t have been that way, he shouldn?t have to earn love, it should be given unconditionally, as it had been given to me. I was cheating him. He needed me, he didn?t have anyone else.
    Didn?t have anyone else...

    Neither did I.
  8. Kynstar Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 2, 2004
    star 5
    Poor Obi! He has us fans!!! ;) Great lil post! Poor kid doesn't know what's up or what Obi is going thru.
  9. ShaydremMoon Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 19, 2002
    star 2
    The last post goes up tomorrow!

    You know, thats a good point, Obi should count himself very lucky to have such devoted and understanding fans as us! -_^





    But, I?m an idiot. A blind, self-absorbed, idiot, and it didn?t really hit me until that night.
    We?d had a silent, strained, and very uncomfortable dinner... again, as ounce again Anakin choked down the horrible gunk I had somehow managed to make out of what was supposed to be pasta, the easy kind you just dump in hot water. I truly amaze myself sometimes. Anakin had gone to bed. To escape, I expect.

    I, as it usually was then, couldn?t sleep, and had ounce again taken to sitting on my bed, staring out of what I still considered to be Qui-gons window at the serenely glimmering stars. There were times I could swear they were mocking me. Gleaming impartially down on my broken-hearted self, no different than how they had been when Qui-gon was alive. When he had slept peacefully in this bed, while I did the same in the bed now occupied by Anakin. It didn?t seem right to me that the galaxy he had spent his life protecting didn?t acknowledge his passing.

    I felt alone, completely alone with my grieving and pain. I have found that people who are grieving can be the most self-centered people in the galaxy. So it was with me. So wrapped up in myself and my own pain was I, that I failed to notice it completely up until this point. But it was impossible to ignore completely, and so eventually worked itself into my consciousness. I went very still, confused as to where it was coming from, this strange something in my mind.

    And then I remembered Anakin, and that he was my padawan, and the strong bond we were supposed to share, the mental link established between us.

    This was yet another proof of my failure as a master. A strong mental bond such as that shared by a Master and padawan was almost impossible not to notice, particularly when first made because of the strangeness of it at first. And yet, two weeks after its creation, I had only now really noticed it, and been surprised to notice it. Realizing with new and painful clarity (again) what a failure of a master I was, I was compelled to at least check on him, make sure he was alright.

  10. Kynstar Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 2, 2004
    star 5
    Poor man... so caught up in his grief he's forgetting things that he should not have had to worry about in the first place. But he has responsibilities now and he's slow to catching on.

    Makes you wonder how George Lucas had the character of Obi actually go thru the grieving time. I always wonder if he even thought of that at all? Oh well, that's what we fans are for once more! To fill in the lines in between times! :D :D

    Great post!! Can't wait for the next one!
  11. red rose knight Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 3, 2001
    star 4
    Poor Obi-Wan, so caught up in his grief. :( He's ignoring and pushing away his reponsibilities and just going through the motions of life. Seeing so many of his mistakes, or seeing things as failures where they are not and beating himself down further.

    I also feel sorry for Anakin. He is in a new place, far from his mother and has just had his world turned upside down. On top of that, he doesn't really know Obi-Wan, so he doesn't know that he is acting out of grief and not because he is callous.

    This is a very interesting look at those early days. Looking forward to the rest of it. :)
  12. ShaydremMoon Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 19, 2002
    star 2
    Thanks!

    This is the last post, its also my favorite, and it was kinda tough to write, so I hope it turned out alright!




    He wasn?t.

    He was about as ?all right? as I was. This was to say about as all right as previously mentioned banthas stampeding to their gruesome deaths.

    I was very quiet about it, believing him to be sleeping peacefully, foolishly believing that only I could suffer so greatly as to ward off sleep. I cracked open his door, peering into the darkened room, craning my neck so as to catch a glimpse of the bed, which was situated in such a way that I couldn?t see it through the narrow crack.

    Finally, I gave up and opened the door completely; my eyes fell on the bed, and the boy sitting there.
    The muted, silvery city lights threw his young face in partial shadow, playing in his hair and making the tears on his cheeks glimmer liquid silver. My heart clenched; he had found my weakness; tears.

    I had been raised by Jedi. Jedi didn?t cry, for years I believed that. And then came the day I caught my Maser crying. To me, tears were a show of only the deepest pain, because my Master would never show them for any less. He had told me ounce that tears were to precious to waste on the trivial, and to precious never to use.

    I stood and watched him for a moment, imprinting the image into my mind, a reminder of the price of my failure. I hoped desperately that it would prevent me from ever failing again.

    And ounce again I faced the question: now what?
    I could no longer put it aside, it was time to do something, this would not get better on its own.
    It came to me suddenly. I didn?t think about it, or plan it, or even consider it. It came out of its own accord, my subconscious having made its decision without informing me, apparently.

    ?Ani??

    I had never called him that before, only people who cared for him called him that. People like his mother and the queen. People like Master Qui-gon.
    He started, turning quickly to stare at me, big blue eyes wide in his startled face.

    My mind blanked...again.

    ?Um?hello.? Oh that was good Kenobi, real smooth.

    ?Hiii?? He said (or rather asked) slowly.

    I took a hesitant step further into the room.
    ?Are you alright?? I asked. That sounded better.
    His lips tightened and his eyes glimmered a bit, obviously holding back tears. He nodded quickly, his eyes watering all the more.

    Master help me I thought, staring down at the single tear that had slipped out from under his defenses. And suddenly, it came to me. Confidence, that is. This was, after all, my fault, and I would fix it. Responsibility. I remembered that lesson, at least.
    ?No you?re not.? I said. He opened his mouth to disagree, but I cut him off. ?It?s not your fault, you know. Its mine.? He ounce again began to disagree, but I didn?t give him the chance. ?I?ve been an awful Master, and I know it. I should never have allowed my? issues to affect you. None of this is your fault, Ani, and I am deeply sorry for making you feel that way. I can only ask for a second chance and promise that I will do my best never to hurt you again.? There was silence for a moment, then, very quietly he said,

    ?Okay.? The tension vanished between us, and I smiled.

    ?It?s hard, isn?t it?? The boy nodded, not meeting my eyes.

    ?I?m just so alone.? He said, raising his eyes from his clasped hands to the shadow-painted wall.

    It hit me then, why of all the things he could have left me, Qui-gon had left me this boy. It wasn?t only because of the prophecy, or to make certain that he was trained; it was because he knew how I would feel; the lonely hollowness that would fill me. And so he had put into my hands a boy, his final gift to me rather than a burden. A boy who had lost everything as surely as I had.

    ?Me too.? I said. And he looked at me, straight into my eyes with his own shocking blue, and I didn?t flinch away. I smiled, and put my arm around his shoulders. And then we both cried, together, because this was a good cause in which to invest our tears
  13. diamond_pony2002 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 6, 2002
    star 4
    Beautiful!!! Wonderful!!! You have done a great job with this story!!!!!!! Thank you for giving us the pleasure of reading it!!!
  14. Kynstar Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 2, 2004
    star 5
    Ahhh so sweet!! Great how they realize that they have each other and not being alone any more! :D :D Specially Obi! ;) Great ending!
  15. red rose knight Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 3, 2001
    star 4
    Lovely. It was good that Obi-Wan realized that he was not the only one affected by Qui-Gon's passing. I really enjoyed reading this. :)
  16. ShaydremMoon Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 19, 2002
    star 2
    Thanks everybody!

    I wasn't sure it it'd go over to well, its a bit of a a slow mover.

    ^_^
  17. ShaydremMoon Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 19, 2002
    star 2
  18. Shmi02 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 21, 2002
    star 1
    I just saw this one-- very nice, very touching in the last post. It's even more effective when you know how this relationship is going so wrong in a few short years.
  19. ShaydremMoon Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 19, 2002
    star 2
  20. ShaydremMoon Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 19, 2002
    star 2
    upping this so it wont get locked.
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