Saga Flaws-a short clone wars story (updated 5/10)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by sidious618, Apr 20, 2003.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
Moderators: Briannakin, mavjade
  1. sidious618 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 20, 2003
    star 6
    Hey all. I am relatively new here. But I have been writing fan fic for a while. This story is titled Flaws. Feedback is welcome!




    Two days after the Battle of Geonosis
    Place:Courscant-Jedi Temple



    Jedi Knight Rince Vunian ran as fast as he could to the Jedi Council Hall. He had to know what happened at the Battle of Geonosis. At the time of the battle Vunian had been on a mission to Yavin 4, investigating old Sith ruins. With the recent return of the Sith the Jedi Council had made sure that all Sith artifacts, ruins and temples were examined. The Supreme Chancellor of the Republic looked over the operation personally.
    Vunian had heard only scraps of information about what had happened on Geonosis. He wanted to know if the rumors were true. And that rumor scared him as much as the Sith did.
    The automatic doors slid open for Vunian and revealed the circular Jedi Council Room. Vunian was shocked at what he felt and saw. From the Council members he could fell deep sadness. Suddenly he knew the rumors were true. Many Jedi had died on Geonosis. Too many. But it wasn`t just what he felt that told him this. It was also the fact that quite a few Council members were missing. The Jedi Knight didn`t realize he had been standing there for awhile until the doors tried to slid shut and sensed him their and then slid back open.
    "Inside you should come," said the small Jedi Master who sat in the smallest red chair. It was Jedi Master Yoda , the leader of the Council. "Many things to tell you we have." His voice was as serious as Vunian had ever heard it.
    "Is it true that their was a battle at Geonosis," asked Vunian. Mace Windu nodded his head in answer. The Jedi Knight shook his head in disbelief. "How many Jedi died?"
    "About one hundred eighty Jedi," replied Mace. His face, which usually showed no emotion, had a look of great sadness on it.
    Vunian could not believe it. That was unthinkable. Impossible. Yet it had happened. The Jedi had been almost defeated.










    I will update again soon.


  2. Cammi_Kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 30, 2003
    star 2
    Good story- post again soon :D
  3. sidious618 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 20, 2003
    star 6
    Thanks! Here is a short update:



    Place:Zeneb-Confederacy Base
    Count Dooku looked at the holographic image of Darth Sidious. Sidious` cloak covered his eyes as it always did unless he was sure Dooku and him were alone. Holographic messages could be tapped into. Even though this line was secure it would still be possible, however unlikely, that the message could be intercepted, thus Sidious had his hood on.
    "What is it Lord Tyranus?" asked the Sith Lord. Dooku/Tyranus smiled coldly. "The events on Geonosis killed many Jedi Knights, "he said with ease. "Therefore some of the Padawans have no masters. The Council is going to test some of them to see if they are ready to take the trials. Most will be in their early twenties. Skilled yet still vulnerable. I have?persuaded some of them to give me information about the fates of the other learners. They have told me where some of these exercises shall be held. I also know of others from when I was a Jedi. Therefore I have dispatched droids to monitor these sites for Jedi activities. If any Jedi come they shall be eliminated"

    Enjoy!

  4. sidious618 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 20, 2003
    star 6
    New update!



    Place:Courscant-Jedi Temple

    The Jedi Council informed Vunian about what had happened on Geonosis. His heart was filled with grief. He knew he should not mourn the dead now but he couldn`t stop his feelings. Apparently the Council understood too, as they gave him a moment to think.
    "Rince," said Mace softly. "I have a small mission for you. You do not have to leave for several days so that should give you time to meditate upon the events that happened upon Geonosis. I need you to observe several Padawans to see if they are ready to take the trials. You may assist them if they need it. Make sure to concentrate on all forms of combat. They shall need them for the upcoming battles. But that does not mean you should leave out meditation and other forms of using the Force."
    Rince Vunian`s normally handsome face looked full of grief. He nodded slowly in response to Mace. His ponytail did not even move up and down.


    I shall update again later tonight.

  5. sidious618 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 20, 2003
    star 6
    The update shall probably be tommorow.
  6. sidious618 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 20, 2003
    star 6
  7. sidious618 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 20, 2003
    star 6
    Update!






    Vunian was laying on his bed when his doorbell chimed. He slowly got up and answered the door. Master Yoda stood before him. "Greetings I give you Rince Vunian. Come here I did to ask you a question. Have a Padawan you have not but feel secure that a good job you will do with these young Padawans. But wondering I am if observe me teaching younglings you would like. Teach you ways of teaching the Padawans it will." Vunian smiled at Yoda`s request. "Sure. When?" "In two hours time". "I`ll be in your training room then," replied Vunian.
    Six students were in the training room when Vunian arrived. Each student was about five to seven years old. In the middle of the room Master Yoda was showing each student how to use the Force to lift a five foot box filled with bricks. "Size matters not," said the short Jedi Master. "Concentrate you must on the box." He then walked forward, and calling upon the Force he slowly lifted the box. Then it began to rise faster and faster to the amazement of the students. Then he slowly brought the box back down. "See? Size matters not." One of the students raised his hand. "Yes?" asked Yoda. "Master, did Jedi really die?" Vunian sighed. He had not even thought of what the younger students thought of the massacre on Geonosis. "Become one with the Force some Jedi did," Yoda replied sadly. "What about us, Master". Yoda smiled. "Safe you are." The student was satisfied and smiled back at the Jedi Master. Yoda then continued on with his lesson. He asked for volunteers to try and lift the box using the Force. None volunteered. Yoda smiled at the student`s apprehension. "Learn from our mistakes we do," Yoda stated encouragingly. Still none of the students volunteered. Yoda turned to Vunian. "Show the students that lifting the box is something not just Masters do would you like?" Vunian nodded and from where he was standing lifted the box and placed it back down. Yoda smiled at the amazement of the students. "Master Vunian show the Padawans you must that the task you ask possible it is." Vunian understood well the point that Master Yoda was trying to make. He watched the rest of the session closely, now confident that he would be able to teach the Padawans.





    I sahll update again soon!

  8. sidious618 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 20, 2003
    star 6
    I decided to have the story have 3 parts.
  9. sidious618 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 20, 2003
    star 6
    Is anybody even reading?
  10. Cammi_Kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 30, 2003
    star 2
    I'm reading!!! Good posts :) Sorry it took me so long to reply.
  11. sidious618 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 20, 2003
    star 6
    Update!


    Part Two: Testing

    5 days after the Battle of Geonosis

    Place: Namar-The Outer Rim

    Vunian looked out at the plains on the planet of Namar. This was the planet he was sent to, to watch the Padawans. The Jedi Council could not have picked a nicer planet for him. The air was warm and fresh. It had forests and plains, Mountains and rivers. He loved it.
    Next to him was Padawan Gyan, a male Twi` lek.. His skin was blue and his tails coming from his head was long and curled around his neck. On the other side of Vunian was a female human named Devvana Surin. Standing beside her was a male human named Mzell Ezzan. Ezzan worried Vunian slightly. His thoughts were clouded and he spoke little. Vunian couldn?t exactly put his finger on what bothered him about Ezzan but there was definitely something.
    Vunian turned to face the Padawans. "Ezzan and Surin take out your training lightsabers. Duel"
    Surin bowed in a show of respect. Ezzan didn`t. He jumped up and brought his lightsaber above his head. Surin jumped back and ignited her lightsber. It glowed brightly green even in the light of day. Ezzan`s saber was a dark blue and looked menacing. This disturbed Vunian slightly.
    Durin charged in and took Ezzan by surprise. Yet Ezzan got back on track and blocked her swings. Vunian let the battle continue for only a little longer. "Stop," he said loudly. "Ezzan you have disappointed me. Your attacks were savage and not graceful as a Jedi`s should be. Therefore this battle was tough to grade. But Durin you did well blocking his attacks. You shall make a fine Jedi Knight. Now Durin I would like you to take on Gyan." The Twi`lek stepped forward and bowed. Then the duel commenced.

    A disturbance in the Force awoke Vunian in the middle of the night. The Padawans sensed it too as they awoke at the same time.
    "Stay here," whispered the Jedi Knight. He walked forward and heard a soft humming coming from the brush not far away from their camp. It was a listening droid. Vunian hurried back to camp.
    "A listening droid is in the brush over there," he mouthed.
    "So destroy it!," said Ezzan a little to loudly.
    "And let them know that we know there here? No. Let them think they have the element of surprise. I will keep watch. Now go back to bed!"

    Place: Orbit of Namar-Separatist Frigate
    The Command Droid of the Separatist frigate in orbit around Namar opened up a communication channel to Count Dooku. Dooku`s holographic figure appeared.
    "Lord Dooku," spoke the electronic voice of the Command Droid. "The Jedi have been spotted."
    Dooku grinned. "Engage them"



  12. sidious618 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 20, 2003
    star 6
    Update!


    Place: Namar
    The Jedi Knight saw a movement. "Up!," he screamed. The Padawans jumped up and ignited their lightsabers. Standing before Vunian was a Droideka. It fired rapidly at the Jedi. Vunian blocked the shots and sent them flying back at the Droideka. The shield around it protected the Droid.
    "It`s shielded. We will have to keep deflecting the shots back at it until the shield goes down," Vunian roared to the Padawans. Durin ran to the left and then jumped over it . She sliced at the back of the droid. The shield absorbed the blow but it took a toll on it. She sliced again and this time it went right through the shield. She cut the head right off of it.
    "Good job Durin," said Vunian proudly.
    Suddenly a loud noise filled the air. He looked up only to see a Separatist Frigate descending down onto the planet.





    Part 3: A Shadow Descends

    Place: Namar

    6 days after the Battle of Geonosis


    The Command Droid scanned the area around the Separatist Ship. He marched down the platform and proceeded to his MTT tank. "I have located the Jedi," he spoke into his comlink. "Follow me."

    Vunian saw the MTT tanks approaching the base. "Alright. Everyone head back to your Starfighters. I`ll hold them off."
    "No," said Ezzan. And with that he ignited his lightsaber.



  13. vermin Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 27, 2003
    star 1
    ahh, thou doest good writing!
  14. PadmeSolo Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 3, 2002
    star 4
    Just wanted to pop in and say hello, *waves*

    *will get around to commenting on story when she has time to really look at it* :p

    _PSK_
  15. sidious618 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 20, 2003
    star 6
    Thanks vermin.
    And take your tme Padme.
  16. Cammi_Kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 30, 2003
    star 2
    once again good posts :D

    I told you people are reading!
  17. sidious618 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 20, 2003
    star 6
    Anybody think they know what shall happen.
  18. Cammi_Kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 30, 2003
    star 2
    I know!!!It's gonna be about flaws during the Clone Wars!!! :p
  19. PadmeSolo Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 3, 2002
    star 4
    Wonderfulness...

    I'm excited about where you're going with this!! :D

    _PSK_
  20. PadmeSolo Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 3, 2002
    star 4
  21. sidious618 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 20, 2003
    star 6
    Here is part of my story in tthe clone wars official homepage archives.
    http://www.starwarz.com/clonewarseu/fanfiction.htm
  22. sidious618 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 20, 2003
    star 6
  23. PadmeSolo Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 3, 2002
    star 4
  24. Cammi_Kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 30, 2003
    star 2
  25. sidious618 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 20, 2003
    star 6
    Thanks for the ups!

    And here is the ending. (Actually it is only the beginning)



    Vunian saw the MTT tanks approaching the base. "Alright. Everyone head back to your Starfighters. Ill hold them off."
    "No," said Ezzan. And with that he ignited his lightsaber.
    Vunian glanced up. "I didn?t think you were that insane."
    Ezzan shrugged. "Stupid Jedi. Insane? No. I have chosen the right path. The one where I can use my full talent!" Vunian shook his head. "You?re wrong. I?m sorry" With that Vunian sliced forward to knock Ezzan`s lightsaber away but Ezzan was to fast. He rolled to the side and sliced at Vunian`s thigh. Vunian twisted his saber around and easily blocked the attack. Ezzan stumbled back and Vunian took this chance to attack.
    Meanwhile Gyan charged towards one of the incoming tanks. It fired at him but he jumped atop it too quickly. He sliced through the top metal plating and stabbed the droid in the small control room. Gyan didn?t have a chance of getting in there. Gyan jumped over to the second of the three tanks. He burned through the top and stabbed the droid.
    He looked up and jumped at the third tank. But the Command Droid was in charge of that tank. He was not lacking intelligence. The droid shot up and opened fire with his heavy repeating blaster rifle. Once it fired Gyan hit the ground and began blocking the shots.
    In the mean time Vunian still dueled Ezzan. They crossed sabers again and again. Slowly Ezzan began to tire. "Don?t travel further down the dark path," hissed the Jedi Knight. "Dooku has killed many of your friends. Yet you now do his bidding. How?"
    Ezzan snorted. It was the distraction Vunian had been waiting for. He jumped up and sliced through the traitor`s lightsaber hilt. Ezzan jumped back and ran. Vunian wanted to chase him down but he knew Gyan was running into trouble. Ezzan had known this to and had used this fact to escape without hassle once he began to lose.
    Gyan rolled across the grass still blocking the droid`s shots. Then out of the corner of his eye he saw Vunian running forward. The Jedi Knight jumped up and swung his lightsaber in an arc which sliced off the Command Droid`s head. Gyan grinned. But Vunian sighed sadly. At that moment Vunian noticed something. "Where is Durin?"

    Place: Separatist Shuttle-in orbit around Namar

    Ezzan glanced at Durin. She was speaking to Count Dooku via the comlink. "Lord Dooku, the Jedi were able to escape due to the stupidity of my counterpart"
    "Stupidity!," roared Ezzan. "I faced a Jedi Knight Durin?I mean Defera.
    Defera shook her head. Although part of her felt good to use her Sith name, she was distressed over the failure of the mission
    "Fear not," replied Dooku. "You will have another chance to kill them"


    Place-In orbit around Namar


    Vunian sat in his Jedi Starfighter which had just departed from the ground of Namar. The ship was triangular with duel lasers and an astromech droid. "Gyan," he said over the comlink. "Be careful. I can now sense that both Ezzan and Defera have taken the dark path. Wait. A Separatist craft ahead. Engage frontal shields. Lets try not to engage them if we don?t have to"
    "Understood," he replied. "But are you sure? They are traitors after all. I am willing to take the chance to destroy the craft."
    "No," replied Vunian sternly. "Don?t engage. Do not let anger ruin your judgment."
    "Alright," sighed Gyan.
    Vunian was almost in the clear to get to hyperspace but the Separatist craft was gaining. He turned hard starboard and instructed Gyan to do the same. Gyan was not far behind him yet the Separatist craft could hit Gyan before they could get the Jedi Knight. Laser fire ripped through space at the two Jedi. Vunian barrel rolled and prepared to jump to hyperspace. Then he saw Gyan break off and attack. In a few seconds him and his ship were ripped apart.
    "No!," shouted Vunian. But there was nothing he could do even though it felt like there was. He couldn`t believe Gyan had died. He looked back onc
Moderators: Briannakin, mavjade
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.