Beyond - Legends Flying--Jag Fel vignette, post DN

Title: Flying
Author: SakuraTsukikage
Timeframe: post Dark Nest
Characters: Jagged Fel
Genre: angst
Keywords: flying, Jaina, Jag
Summary: Flying just isn't the same for Jag anymore.


This was basically just me practicing writing Jag's character . I finally did it--I wrote J/J, even though it was mostly just angstiness on Jag's part. Bring on the angst!

Flying

For Jagged Fel, flying was a bittersweet thing now.

He hated it that this was so. Flying had always been one of the purest joys of his life, and it infuriated him that her memory had poisoned this for him too. But no matter how stubbornly he strove to do so, he could not seem to conquer this weakness in his heart, exorcise the ghosts of memory, the phantom pains of loss.

Perhaps because somewhere deep inside his heart, he still loved her, and did not want to remove those memories, for they were all he had left of her now.

Jag was afraid that was the case. He was normally not nearly so foolish?and he had certainly made a fool of himself over her, much to what he feared would be his everlasting shame and regret. But it was not often that his heart had been so engaged either, not every woman one he had invited to come meet his family on Csilla.

Jaina Solo had been too deeply embedded within his heart for him to extract her so easily. Her touch and influence, the memories of their time together, had sunk into the walls of that most vital organ, settled and spread without his noticing so that now even cold anger and bitter pain could not remove them entirely.

For now her memory haunted his every step to his clawcraft. In space, where he was alone with himself, he could be free of her?it had not always been so, but he had struggled through the days after his rescue from Tenupe with the same determination he did everything, and the pain that ripped through his heart whenever he reached out to touch the stick was thankfully a thing of the past.

If only he could put the love he had pursued with the same stubbornness behind him so easily. Even now, as soon as she landed she was back, in the tight ache in his chest after the still-habitual scan of the hangar as he looked for someone who wasn?t there revealed only Chiss busy about their assigned tasks, not a tiny human woman with silky long mahogany hair and fiery dark eyes already starting toward him.

None of the Chiss ever touched their commanding officer; that would be inappropriate, not to mention terribly impolite.

Jag missed it so much sometimes it literally put his teeth on edge, as he gritted them together and swallowed hard until the longing ebbed and was manageable again. Little things, like a squeeze of his hand or a pat on the shoulder, and big things like warm arms thrown around his middle and squeezing tightly or the touch of her lips to his, igniting fire wherever they went. The feeling of her hands ruffling back through his hair.

He could have dealt with that alone, Jag thought, but his memories had more weapons to train on him. Those little details were mere turbolaser batteries.

The smell was like a full load of concussion missiles.

Jag wasn?t sure how the smell of engine grease and coolant and the other thousand ubiquitous odors that were part of the fabric of every hangar across the galaxy had become linked to thoughts of Jaina Solo in the synapses of his brain and hormones, but somehow it had, and now it felt like a punch to the gut whenever the scent reached his nose.

He always expected to smell the no-nonsense citrusy scent of Jaina?s shampoo?he?d never quite been able to definitively place as it one fruit or another?just under it, and when he didn?t his heart would always clench with disappointment and drop into his highly polished boots, no matter how many times Jag told himself that that was an unforgivably stupid reaction.

No matter what, no matter how hard he fought, no matter how much anger he dredged up from the dark places in his soul to fling at her memory, no matter how his stomach turned over when he thought

 

very, very sad. good job!!!!



the piggy of punishment

 

Beautiful work! Lovely, as I've come to expect when I see your name!

 

Flying was bittersweet to him now

::more tears::

This was wonderful. Jag's torment shone through. You brought his emotions to life.

Just excellent.

 

To Corellian_Cutie: I know; I'm sorry but that's the way I wanted it to be--sad. Thanks!

To VaderLVR64: Thank you so much. I'm very honored and flattered to hear that.

To Kissa: I know . . . *sniff* ! But thank you very much. That's exactly what I wanted to do.

 

amazing job on this one. I can see how this would happen.

 

I really liked this look into Jag. It ties in his two loves, flying and Jaina. We never really think about it, but those two are probably related for him now. He bonded with Jaina over a love of flying, and now, it'd be hard for him to separate the two.


Flying was bittersweet to him now.

I think Jaina should be shot for doing this to him. Really. What did Jag deserve to have hi heart cut out twice, first from her and now from flying?

Great look into Jag!

 

Poor Jag. I can't believe some of things he went through during DN.

 

How true...Anyone who has ever been in a substantive relationship that ends for whatever reason, always has those little things (and in this case big things) that always remind them of the past. It might be a place, or a certain restaurant, or even something as (as you put it) ubiquitous as an odor. Good thing there isn't a radio in his Clawcraft or he would be lamenting over the lyrics of some obscure song...

I enjoyed this piece quite a bit for the reality that you let seep into it. The Chiss trained pilot needs someone else with which to make memories...before flying takes on that free escape again.

Nicely done!!

Trep

 

To skywalkerlover00: Thanks! I know, I wanted it to seem realistic.

To Healer_Leona: Thank you. I'm very glad you thought so.

To Inara: Thanks so much! I was nervous about writing just Jag, since I don't have much practice at that. That's exactly what I thought, because that's just how memory works. I know; it's awful. The worst part is that she doesn't even seem to realize what she's done. Thanks again!

To ZaraValinor: I know . He sure went through a lot.

To Trepidation: I'm glad you thought it was true to life! That's how memory works, you know, and when your heart's involved you can't just turn it off, no matter how much you want to. Yeah, no songs here--I doubt Jag would sink so low . He has his dignity to preserve . . . . Yeah, he definitely needs someone else. And thanks!

 

Very nicely done! As always, you've got the characterization down perfectly (I'm sure you get tired of hearing me say that ), and I loved the way you tied the beginning and end together.

 

Your vignettes are so good. As always, I love the details you include--and the smell thing is great.

So is this:
Jag missed it so much sometimes it literally put his teeth on edge, as he gritted them together and swallowed hard until the longing ebbed and was manageable again. Little things, like a squeeze of his hand or a pat on the shoulder, and big things like warm arms thrown around his middle and squeezing tightly or the touch of her lips to his, igniting fire wherever they went. The feeling of her hands ruffling back through his hair.

He could have dealt with that alone, Jag thought, but his memories had more weapons to train on him. Those little details were mere turbolaser batteries.

The smell was like a full load of concussion missiles.
I love this. It's this wonderfully physical, concrete description that also has huge emotional connotations--this, at least for me, cuts right to the core of that romantic longing/missing thing. The descriptions here are just so good. (And I am so inarticulate...forgive me :\) Yaaay this.

 

To jedi_of_ennth: Thanks! And I'll never get tired of hearing you say that . . . . I'm glad you liked the tying the beginning and ending together; I wasn't sure how it sounded.

To stickster: Thank you very much. I love details as well, which is why I include them , and I'm thrilled you think so. And thanks! That's exactly what I was trying to get across. I don't mind your inarticulateness, don't worry!

 

That was quite beautiful. Just like Jag's flying...it was quite bittersweet!

Lovely!

-J

 

Very sad but beautifully done. Poor Jag left with his memories and no closure. I loved the introspection. Great job!

 

To LtCol_Solo: Thank you so much. That was exactly how I wanted it to be--bittersweet.

To WynssaStarflare: Thanks so much. That's really what I think as well, and that's what makes it so hard, that there really isn't any closure. He's left wondering. Thanks again!

 

Oooh, this is really good. Lots of introspection without hindering the pacing, the descriptions are excellent, and the characterization is dead on. It makes perfect sense that flying would be bittersweet to Jag now, and that would be a terrible thing for him. I particularly love the way you describe the scents and the effect they have on Jag. It's very, very realistic, and scents are often neglected in fiction writing.

no matter how much anger he dredged up from the dark places in his soul to fling at her memory

That's my favorite line. That just resonates - I can so easily see him doing exactly that. Beautifully written all the way around.

 

I'm with Inara on this one--Jaina should be shot for what she's done to Jag.

He is a good man. Everything about his character just screams integrity. And he honestly fell in love with Jaina, who has ruined him emotionally with her... her immaturity, I guess.

Beautiful vignette, though. I could almost feel how Jag felt--not just heartbroken, but also angry that the one thing he thought he had left has been ruined, too. Ugh. Awful. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

 

To Gabri_Jade: Thanks a lot! I'm glad you liked the pace; I was afraid it would be a little slow . . . . I really appreciate your kind words, especially on characterization, as that's what it's all about for me. I'm really glad you think it makes sense. I agree that scents are often neglected, and so that's one of the reasons I wrote this, actually . And thanks again.

To TheCrazyRodian: I'm so honored and flattered that you reviewed this, after reading your Jacen and Jaina story . I know, Jag totally didn't deserve what Jaina did to him. I totally agree with you there, and I even like Jaina. It's really harsh, I know but I feel that's pretty realistic. That's why I had to write the viggie with Jag and Shawnkyr . I wanted him to have a little happiness.

 

Ooh wow, very nice! Poor Jag! I love how he remembers her smell...and how he now hates flying...and...UGH! Want to smite Jaina.

Excellent work dear!

 

Absolutely excellent... perfect mix of angst and frustration with a cause. Makes me want to smack Jaina! But Jag was so on-target that I'm extremely impressed- very few authors can keep a character as tough to crack as Jag in character, but you managed to do it like it was a walk in the park with the easy flow of the fic. Bravo!

 

To padawan lunetta: Thanks! Poor Jag, indeed . . . . Yes, I think smiting Jaina is the appropriate response .

To Peachy: Thank you! That's exactly what I was going for. Jag is tough to crack, but I'm trying to get practice at him. Thanks so, so much!