For All That Is Unspoken..(JA)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by HannahBates, Jul 19, 2001.

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  1. HannahBates Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 20, 2001
    star 1
    This is the first story that I have ever posted, and it's only my second attempt at writing fan fiction of any kind. I hope you enjoy. And please, don't hesitate to tell me ways I could make it better.

    For All That Is Unspoken

    Summary: The night before the Battle of Naboo, Qui-Gon looks back on his time with Obi-Wan.

    Spoilers: The JA books 1-8

    Rating: PG

    Disclaimer: I'm not George Lucas. He created these characters and he owns them. Lucky him.

    Notes: This story started out as a possible explanation for Qui-Gon's behavior in TPM. Then the whole nightmare plot bunny bit. Rather than writing two ficts, I combined them into one story with two parts.

    And now, without further ado:

    FOR ALL THAT IS UNSPOKEN

    PROLOGUE

    He couldn't breathe. He tried, and it hurt. Force, it hurt. But he had so much more to say, all the things that he promised himself that he would tell him someday, like when he was knighted, or maybe when he had a padawan of his own and would understand. But now it was clear that he wouldn't have that chance. Looking up at Obi-Wan, he knew that if he didn't explain everything to him this instant, it would all go unsaid, and the young man would jump to his own conclusions. Given Obi-Wan's perpetual self-doubt and insecurity, he had a pretty clear picture of what those conclusions would be. He had to set the story straight. He tried once again to inhale the air necessary to speak the words his apprentice needed to hear, and once again, his lungs failed him, giving him bolts of staggering pain instead of the breath he needed. Refusing to give up, he reached for the bond he shared with Obi-Wan, but his concentration faltered and the Force would not respond to his call. He could feel its presence all around him, but he couldn't access it. Couldn't use it to accomplish the task his vocal cords were no longer capable of. Just before everything faded, he looked once more into Obi-Wan's eyes and realized with horrible certainty that his padawan would never know the truth. The pain of not being able to reach him, of having to leave so much unsaid between them, far surpassed the fire in his chest. He'd never know the truth. He'd never know. Never know. Never know. Never...


    Qui-Gon awoke with a start. He had to tell him now! He had to tell him everything, before it was too late. He'd start with the night Yoda spoke to him, the night of Obi-Wan's twenty-fifth birthday celebration. Then he'd tell him the truth about their subsequent stay at the temple, the truth about the boy, and what really happened in front of the Council. He would leave nothing out. Nothing.

    The Jedi Master was half-way out of bed when his conscious mind finally caught up with him. He was on the Queen's transport, on route back to Naboo. His padawan, Obi-Wan Kenobi, was safe and sleeping in the next room. A quick check through their bond told Qui-Gon that the boy had not been awakened by his master's distress.

    "Of course he didn't wake up, you old fool," Qui-Gon thought to himself. "He's been shielding ever since your little performance this afternoon."

    Qui-Gon slowly lay back down. Now was not the time to bare his soul to Obi-Wan. Right now, the boy was too hurt and upset to hear all that Qui-Gon had to say. He would think that his master was making it all up in an attempt to justify his actions in front of the Council. That is, if he listened at all; Obi-Wan hadn't really spoken to him ever since their argument earlier that evening. There would be a more appropriate time for explanation later, after all the dust settled.

    Then a little voice in Qui-Gon's mind whispered "Yes, tell him later. But what if later never came?"

    That was when his thoughts returned to his recent nightmare. It had seemed vividly real, and Qui-Gon could still feel the phantom pain in his chest. Tears came to his eyes when he recalled his distress at leaving so much unfinished business with Obi-Wan. Qui-Gon rarely had nightmares. In fact, he couldn't remember the last time he had had one. Nightmares were his padawan's spec
  2. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    Wow!! You've certainly got my attention!!! I have to admit after reading so much fanfic I find the characters of TPM lacking so much depth that I've come to know.

    Please continue Hannah!!!

    Post often, post soon!!!
  3. Cheryl_Kenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 6, 2001
    star 4
  4. Kaylla_Norn_II Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 4, 2001
    star 2
    I definitly hope you keep posting!
  5. ThatJediGirl Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 11, 2001
    star 4
    Up! Nice start! Write more, :)
  6. Obi-wan's Padawan Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 11, 2000
    star 1
    That was really good!! I hope you keep posting!
  7. ApprenticeM Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 10, 2001
    star 4
    Wow! You've got my attention! More please!!
  8. HannahBates Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 20, 2001
    star 1
    [face_blush] :D
    Thanks for all the encouragement everyone. I'm thrilled that I caught your interest.

    I only have internet access at work this summer, so I'm afraid I won't be able to post again until Monday. To tide you over until then, here's the next installment. I'll also try to post a teaser before I leave work today.

    PART I: THE NIGHTMARES

    Twelve years earlier

    It began as a tingle in the back of his mind. "Where is that coming from?" the annoyed Jedi Master mumbled. He had been sleeping soundly until the disturbance had awakened him, and now he couldn't pinpoint the blasted thing's source. Qui-Gon quickly surveyed the surrounding area with the Force, searching for the cause of his unease. He was alone in his bedroom, and there were no foreign presences in the immediate vicinity. The Jedi Temple was quiet at this time of night. And yet the tingling remained. In fact, it was intensifying. Qui-Gon could now identify some of its emotional facets: horror, and a terrible feeling of guilt. It's source was still a mystery; if anything, it felt as if it originated within Qui-Gon's own mind. It came from a section that had been silent for years...

    "Obi-Wan!" Qui-Gon exclaimed. "Some master you are Jinn, you can't even recognize your own padawan's Force signature," he muttered. In truth, the lapse wasn't all that surprising. The training bond had been weak even before the whole Melida/Daan catastrophe, and it was only now beginning to reform. This was one of the first times Qui-Gon had felt anything from it. Continuing to berate himself for not thinking of this earlier, Qui-Gon brushed his recently reinstated Padawan's mind. He sensed nothing; the sleeping boy was not broadcasting anything. Still, through the fledgling training bond, Qui-Gon could sense a tremendous amount of distress. Getting out of bed, Qui-Gon grabbed his robe and headed towards his padawan's room.

    The young boy was tangled in his sheets and was tossing and turning quite violently. He was obviously in the grip of a serious nightmare, but he still was not broadcasting anything openly. The bond was the only crack in his shields. Qui-Gon could not help being impressed as he sat beside his padawan. Such powerful shielding during unconsciousness should be far beyond the skills of a child straight out of the initiate dormitories.

    "Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan, wake up. Obi-Wan." Qui-Gon softly said, slightly shaking his tormented apprentice. "Obi-Wan."

    "No please...No I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. All my fault," the sleeping boy mumbled, still in the grip of his nightmare.

    "Obi-Wan." Qui-Gon called louder. "Wake up now." The master reached for the bond and was immediately hit with an intense wave of shame and despair. Pushing that aside, he shouted along the bond "Obi-Wan, it's a dream. Wake up now."

    The boy awoke with a cry. Still terrified, he looked questioningly at Qui-Gon.

    "Mas...Master?" he softly stuttered.

    "I'm here, Padawan." Qui-Gon comforted, "You had a nightmare, but everything is all right now."

    The terror transformed into embarrassment, and Qui-Gon thought he felt a trace of fear through the bond. That puzzled him. "I'm sorry Master. I should learn to shield better. I apologize for disturbing you," Obi-Wan said contritely.

    Qui-Gon's heart shuddered at the boy's apology. Had he really been so cold that the boy felt that he couldn't trouble his master with a nightmare? Was Obi-Wan that convinced that he couldn't look to his master for comfort?" For the hundredth time in the past few weeks, Qui-Gon realized what a failure he had been as Obi-Wan's master. It was time to set a few things straight.

    "Padawan," Qui-Gon began as he took the boy's hand, "you have nothing to apologize for. I want to know when you are distressed; that is one of the primary reasons for the training bond. I want to be there to help you. That is part of my role as your master. It is I who owe you an apology for not making this clear to you earlier. Please don't ever think that you can't tell me when you are hurting." Obi-Wan's ey
  9. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    A wonderful post Hannah!!

    You've captured Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon's emotions perfectly!!! I love how the master berates himself for acting coldly toward the boy and being blind to his many gifts.

    REst assured, whenever you post we'll be happy to read!!. :) :)
  10. HannahBates Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 20, 2001
    star 1
    Thank you Healer Leona. I love your stories and praise from you means a lot to me.

    Yes, Qui-Gon's on good behavior at this point. But never fear, he will return to being his usual pig-headed self soon and angst will follow. Teaser scene coming later this afternoon.

    Hannah
  11. Obi the Kid Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 13, 2000
    star 4
    WOW! just found this! I LIKE IT!!!!!!!
  12. mouse2 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 29, 1999
    star 4
    This is wonderful HannahBates! I am so glad that I found this early! :)

    I agree with Leona that you have really captured Qui-GOn and Obi-Wan's relationship! I certianly hope that you have more for us soon! :D :D :D
  13. ApprenticeM Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 10, 2001
    star 4
    Love how you show the realtionship between our two boys HannahBates! Can we have more please?
  14. HannahBates Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 20, 2001
    star 1
    As I promised, here is the teaser scene. I won't be able to post over the weekend, but I promise a long post on Monday.

    I can't begin to say how much I appreciate all of the encouragement. Thank you a million times over. I'm happy you're enjoying the story.

    One more note: as this post will reveal, this story jumps around a lot in terms of time frames. Please tell me if it is confusing or if you have any suggestions about how I could make it clearer.

    And now, on with the story!


    Twelve years later

    On the Nabooian transport, Qui-Gon smiled sadly. He and Obi-Wan had gotten off with a rocky start, to say the least. But now, after over ten years of being one of the most closely bonded master-padawan pairs in the order, it was nearly impossible for Qui-Gon to conceive of a time when he wouldn't recognize the feel of Obi-Wan's presence over their training bond. The smile faded as the Jedi Master recalled how close he had come to never having Obi-Wan in his life.

    Xanatos's betrayal had left Qui-Gon with impaired vision; he had seen treachery and darkness lurking in every youthful indiscretion. Qui-Gon's inability to put old demons to rest had nearly killed the boy on numerous occasions. Just three months before that first nightmare, Obi-Wan had forsaken the Jedi Order, and Qui-Gon, unable to see beyond his hurt and grief, had abandoned the boy on a war-torn planet. Less than a year before that, the same boy almost been beaten to death by a Hutt, fried by dragons, executed on an ocean mining platform, and blown up in a mining shaft. Any one of those events could have taken Obi-Wan from him forever, and he wouldn't even have known what he had missed. He would have continued to go from mission to mission, avoiding the temple as much as possible, hiding the emptiness in his heart.

    "He saved you, you foolish old man," the Jedi Master muttered. "And you were too stubborn and resentful to see how much you needed him." It was true; even after that first nightmare and the bonding that had occurred in its wake, Qui-Gon still couldn't accept Obi-Wan's place in his life. He still couldn't bring himself to trust the young boy. And that constant suspicion and doubt had nearly cost him his apprentice yet again.

    Only that time, it wasn't Xanatos or the Phindian Syndicat or the Melida/Daan Young who tried to destroy his connection to Obi-Wan. No, that time, it had been Qui-Gon himself...

    Twelve years earlier

    Qui-Gon was so angry, he couldn't see straight. He stormed out of his and Obi-Wan's quarters, leaving a sobbing boy in his wake. He could almost hear the echo of his final words to Obi-Wan ringing down the temple's halls: "A liar cannot be my padawan. You are my apprentice no longer. Pack your belongings, Obi-Wan Kenobi."

    At this time of night, there were no bodies to absorb the lingering shouts, no activity to drown out the hateful words. When the door slid shut behind him, the only sound Qui-Gon could make out was Obi-Wan's almost completely muffled cries. They did not reach his heart. The most recent betrayal had wrapped it in a shield of indifference, and the tears of the one who had wounded him were of no consequence.

    Qui-Gon Jinn was a master of stoicism, and any passerby would never have seen the fury, rage and pain that burned inside his calm shell. Looking like a sleepless knight on a midnight stroll, Qui-Gon made his way through the silent halls to his favorite meditation garden still wearing only his sleep-pants and robe.

    A part of him was still in shock over what had just happened. In the past half an hour, Qui-Gon had lost his apprentice, the young boy he was beginning to think of as his son. Just that evening, they had worked on strengthening their training bond, working towards achieving full telepathy. Now that bond was severed, its frayed edges digging ruthlessly into his mind. The emptiness caused by the silent bond would fade in time; Qui-Gon had learned that lesson the hard way.

    The Jedi Master located his favorite bench in the gardens and quietly sat down.
  15. Cheryl_Kenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 6, 2001
    star 4
    Hey wait a minute please post what will it take you to post
  16. ApprenticeM Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 10, 2001
    star 4
    Hannah, as a fellow addict, need I remind you what lengths we will go to too get a new post? So post before we send out the mob......
  17. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    As long as you're prologuing the paragraphs with Twelve years earlier or twelve years later I don't see a problem with following the time line. :)


    I love the heavy angst you've got the boy's dealing with in the 'earlier' timeline. Now what was it that would cause Qui-Gon to renounce his apprentice. What could Obi-Wan possibly have done or said!!!

    Excellent post and superb cliffhanger. You learn very quick Hannah! [face_laugh] [face_laugh]
  18. Jemmiah Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 5, 2000
    star 5
    Woooohoooo! Just found this one Hannah! Please post whenever you get the chance! :)
  19. Abbi_Cee Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 3, 2000
    star 4
    Just sat down to read this and... and... it's a cliffhanger!!! (Arrrrrggghhh!) ;) Good start here, you've got me very interested. What could Obi have done to upset Qui-Gon so much? I guess I'll have to wait till Monday to find out.
  20. Cow_Girl Chapter Rep Niagara ON, CA

    Chapter Rep
    Member Since:
    Jun 15, 2001
    star 5
    Oh No! :eek:
    What did Obi-wan do that Qui-gon called him a liar and disowned him basically. Excellent story by the way hannahbates, I hope that you keep it up and I am looking forward to the next part of the story on Monday :)
  21. Obi-wan's Padawan Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 11, 2000
    star 1
    What did Obi-Wan do??? I can't wait to find out! I now have a reason to look forward to
    Monday! :)
  22. Kaylla_Norn_II Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 4, 2001
    star 2
    I hate Mondays... I despise them... I can't believe I'm longing for Monday... this is... this is rediculous!

    ah well only two more days to go...
  23. Jee-dai Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 8, 2000
    star 3
    Wow! Really powerful writing. I'll be eagerly looking for more on Monday. :)
  24. ThatJediGirl Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 11, 2001
    star 4
    I missed all of those yummy posts! Madness! Great posts and UP :)
  25. Cheryl_Kenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 6, 2001
    star 4
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